The Old Argy Bargy Bar.....a new lease of life!

Ah cheers yourself Puzzler (are you a cousin of The Riddler by any chance?) Have a pint of poteen on the house, you look the biz in that pirate moll’s outfit, I particularly like the pistol in your cleavage. The Admiral has been eyeing you up all night, to be honest he’s a bit of a pest and I’ll be glad if you will take him off my hands for a night.

Well, seems to be a fair crowd in here, more pirates than on the set of the Johnny Depp films.Think I will take the beard off now and go into the cellar for a bit .....nice and cool down there and I just saw Achilles beckoning to me, he’s dressed in tight pants and a frilly white blouse ( lent by Doodle) with a
Long sword in his hand.....ooh err.

Doodle I am impressed by your feathers, although you seem a bit bald in places have you been pecking at yourself with the false beak? Here, have some nuts and stop squawking.

Peardrop purchasing socks in Penzance doesn’t turn you into a General ( although the white high heels may do) and please stop singing Gilbert and Sullivan songs at the top of your voice ( even slightly nautical ones) it’s lowering the tone of the bar and may get you thrown out.
Actually the karaoke machine is ready now, so get on stage and sing something classy.....I am sailing...that will do nicely.

I’m always puzzled. It’s a bit dim in here so I’ll take the Admiral (is that he of the pointy hat?) into the light to see if he can help with putting together my latest project - a Pirate ship ooh! ah!
Instructions say it’s to be made of wood - should be some spare legs around here once the poteen settles and takes effect.
I’m not good with measurements but I’m hoping it will fit between the bar, that parrot on a perch and the toilet door into the Gents..... ?‍☠️ ?

For gawds sake don’t use The Admiral’s wooden leg, then he would be even more legless than he is already.?
A word of warning, stay away from the parrot ( it’s in a filthy mood) and also away from the gents loo...that’s just filthy.

There was a llama using the Gents when I last did a jig past the door - I don’t know what they eat but it would no doubt account for the stench.

Am setting out new cocktails on the bar...help yourselves.
All pirate themed and with very special ingredients flown in at huge expense by Polly Parrot over there....from the Caribbean.
Coconut Cutlass
Pirates Paradise
X Marks The Spot ( very strong, only have five)
And last but not least...Treasure Chest ( my personal favourite as it contains priceless ingredients) mainly from the cupboard under the sink.Enjoy!??????

Yes, the farmers llamas....a very norty lot they are....very insanitary too, but AGA insisted they were invited.
Who’s next for karaoke? I shall be doing my rendition of
A Life On The Ocean Wave and assorted sea shanties later on.
I think I shall ditch my eye patch, can’t see a damn thing.Oh,
I was wearing one on each eye.

Puzzler ....was very impressed by your jig....go and see Kev the barman over there, he has an impressive hornpipe when he’s in the mood, you can dance together.

Cheers me hearties! I’ve just quaffed a Pirate’s Paradise - down in 2.
What was in it? Tasted like Brobat. I think Polly Parrot’s been duped.
It almost certainly hasn’t come from as far as Paradise, more likely the bottom of Doodle ‘s mop bucket.
Give me another please ...

I think I’m not mistaken, haven’t I seen Kev on yoo tube doing his hornpipe rendition?
He’s surprisingly flexible for a chunky guy.

Ah sure.... you won’t be caring what’s in them when you’ve had a few more ???and you’ll be having a swinging time in your hammock later on.

Kev gets all over the place, so I wouldn’t be surprised.He’s from OZ and they’re all a bit flexible and chunky there.

Lemongrove don’t let those eye patches go to waste. Put them on that parrot in the tree by the bar. Perhaps it’ll stop squawking then. ?

Peardrop that was a wonderful job you did there, Rod Stewart would love to have your gravelly voice!
Give us another one?

Kev says he has some new never- been- seen- before moves he wants to teach me in the back yard,
so if ya ‘ll excuse me, I’ll just step outside for a while. Need to get the stench of the gents loo out of my nostrils too.

Actually... now that I think about it, the squawking has gone on for a long time, I think poor old Doodle is in distress, she’s over heating in that costume..’Captain! Quick! Get those feathers off her’ !!!
Well, he can move fast when he want to, I must say.Doodle are you alright dear? No, don’t worry, I shall cover your modesty with this bar towel, you could have warned us you were nuddy under your costume.I feel quite faint myself now.

I may step out for some air too, I’m going out now, and I may be some time.

Oh thank you lemon. You’ve saved me. I was pulling at the feathers trying to get out of the costume but I couldn’t find the zip. ???. I need a drink quickly.
This bar towels not very big. Brilliant, I’m ok now. Bar towel round my waist, lemon’s two eye patches placed strategically one on each breast . Perfect. Quite decent now......as long as no one comes up behind me ?.

It took a while but I finally got the horn blower moves right.
Hello?
Oh everyone’s gone. Place is empty - but VERY messy.

Feathers everywhere. Ouch I just stood on someone’s nuts.
I had to remove my shoes for the most intricate part of our sequence and I couldn’t find them afterwards.

Have just woken up in a strange room.....have no idea where I am so am texting this to you all in case you can remember where I went? There is a hammering sound in my head and my mouth seems to taste like the bottom of a parrot’s cage.
Oh! Have just discovered am in the Argy cellar and am lying on something soft and feathery.....*Doodle*’s costume! But where is Doodle? Last seen dressed only in a bar towel and two eyepatches.Hope she got home alright.
Will just grope my way groggily up the stairs and hope to gawd nobody has locked the door at the top.?

Made it! Phew....but what a sight the bar is, hee hee, quite a night....and now quite a morning as I see GG13 is here with the Nespresso machine bubbling away merrily and gorgeous George chained to it looking a bit depressed.Great to have you back George, get cracking with a coffee for me would you I am in need of several.

Peardrop is asleep in the corner of the bar, curled up on top of the Admiral, doesn’t she look sweet?
Puzzler is slumped on a bar stool looking as hung over as I feel, AGA and Thor are entwined on a sofa, but no sign of Doodle at all or of Kev, or Achilles come to that, or the Captain.
Will just have my coffee then I must go over the road to Soop’s kitchen with a bag of donuts to wish her a Happy Birthday.Back soon!

I’ve come in dungarees this morning and shovelled, swept and mopped the floor to give poor Doodle a rest from doing it.
She’s probably still traumatised, I heard her wander off saying she must find her Big Pants as there was a breeze coming in where the bar towel didn’t reach and she’d be getting lumbago again.