Please can I have permission to either scream or cry?

phoenix I can certainly relate to the last sentence of your original post. I would have liked, during this horrible time, to at least have the comfort and companionship of a pleasant and reasonably communicative "housemate" instead of a bad tempered and reclusive one.

Enough of my feelings though.

It sounds to me like your husband may be frightened of going to the doctor because he's scared of what the doctor might say.

At this difficult time it sounds like your husband is both worrying you and infuriating you in equal measure. All I can suggest is you hang on to the knowledge that your husband is, as you say, "lovely", "gentle"and a (normally) all round "adorable" bloke, and just hope that he will in his own time get the advice he needs.

Hope things soon get better for you.

Thank you so much all,

Eloethan if only he would at least agree to a telephone consultation with the GP.

I'm so worried about him, but he won't even discuss it.

I know a couple of people who have essential tremor.
One has had it as long as I can remember and hers is a long- term benign condition.

Its frustrating. My husband won't discuss things, he actually doesn't talk very much at all. But I love him dearly and I can usually cope with it when I can get out and see my friends.
If its something important and he's not listening I write it down and give him it to read. He seems to take this more seriously. Perhaps you could try that.

I also try to tell myself things will get better when this crisis is over. And I spend a lot of time doing my own things.

I told DH the other day that other couples discuss and debate in a rational, reasoned and sensible manner and asked why he can't.

Obviously I was wrong, other men people don't either.

phoenix, Mr C also won’t talk about medical matters, he has a Masters in head in the sand. However, if I say quietly I think it would be good to get the GP to put my (not his) mind at rest he will allow me to make an appointment. He then listens to what the GP has to say and takes notice. The process does frustrate me, I’m his wife not his mother, but it gets the outcome I need and I suspect he wants so I go along with it. I’m sorry you’re worried, sleep well if you can.

Phoenix, my DH is a bit the same.
He was prescribed tablets that he decided didn't suit, so stopped them.
When I said that if he were to have a stroke, I wouldn't be able to take care of him, he had a rethink.
Tablets now being taken.

Best of luck and hope he listens.

I’m sorry times are hard, Phoenix. My dad had essential tremor in his hand which was a b*gger because he loved to paint and draw. It was benign, though.

Mr P sounds depressed, to me. Maybe you could speak on the phone to the doctor yourself. I know the doctor can’t talk about your Dh to you but I think sharing your worries with your GP might be a start.

As SueDonim said, perhaps if you mention your worries to your doctor he could maybe send out a letter for a routine, age-related "MOT". I believe doctors are supposed to carry out checks at certain ages. Or do you think your husband would be suspicious of that?

Phoenix, could you do as Hetty58 mentioned and write him a letter?

Ah yes, fear of GP. Can you get him to a health MOT when the doctor/health care assistant can do these things.Mr Lois would not go the GP until he had to have one of these . When he eventually could be bothered after moaning that he was 'perfectly ok ,thank you' for months he was found to have type 2 diabetes. Thankfully after going low carb he is in remission. Now of course he has health checks on a regular basis. Perhaps ask the GP for an MOT for both of you and ask him to attend so you can both be seen? ( when that is possible of course) .

Essential tremor is fairly common, my grandmother had it and son in law has it too.

I think an ultimatum is called for.
I had to resort to it a couple of times with my own H when he was being stubborn.
Once I told him I just wouldn’t speak to him or cook for him when I asked him to do something very important to me and I couldn’t do it myself, he did it the next day.
Regarding asking for help from the Dr, I tried every which way to get my surgery involved when his Alzheimer’s was becoming apparent to my family and myself.
They would not cooperate.
All I got was, it has to come from him, I did get him there after some blunt speaking but he did go along with it after the initial visit.
Good luck.

Sorry to read about the added stress of Mr P's health and refusal to do anything about it phoenix.
These are indeed strange times, during which we are all trying to get on with it despite nothing much changing for us older people.
Men - a different type of human, no offence meant.

I understand your concern phoenix. My OH had a tremor for a long time - we are talking years - before he would consult about it - but he was himself a GP and had already made his own diagnosis and was waiting for the moment when he felt treatment might be productive.

Some tremors are totally benign - but he would, as you well know, need to see GP to discuss his problem and get a definitive diagnosis. If it is Parkinsons that is your concern, one of the first symptoms is an inability to write clearly.

He is of course scared, which is why he will not discuss it. Waiting a bit is unlikely to do him harm, so it might be worth backing off on the subject for a while - I know that is hard and leaves you with the worry, but in the end he has to make his own decision. Maybe tell him you are not going to mention it again for a while, but state that this leaves you with a worry on your mind.

In my experience men are very reluctant to seek medical advice - it feels like some sort of personal failure I think.

I am sorry you are battling with all this as well as lockdown.

Hang on in there. x

I just make the appointment then tell him. He always goes as it is an ultimatum but then he is very easy going and after my health issues he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Sending ...........men, can't live with them can't live without them.

They are definitely wired differently to women.

Biting my tongue is a skill I have learned since lock-down and so glad that I have. Usually within a minute or so it becomes clear that he did not need directing to do something and was just going about it from a different direction . Our husbands are not half-witted and we are not perfect.

COULD BE A WHOLE LOT WORSE !! Count your blessings, do a Shirley Valentine and shout at the wall - it will make you feel better and won't do any harm either to you, the wall or him. He just might want to find out what you're doing ? What are you arguing about ? Maybe he feels the same way about you - think about it. I guess we expect too much of our DHs (thanks to sloppy love songs etc etc ). He's just a person and so are you. Life's tricky right now and this lockdown has shown up any fractures - too bad, get him to get a boy's own hobby.

I’ve been married and divorced twice, no:1 was a controller, no:2 turned to drink when his business collapsed, there will never be a no:3 ?. Men and women truly are very different creatures, but in my experience it just comes down to respect. If something concerns you to the degree that you wish to talk about it, then your partner should show you respect and discuss the issue. To walk away and shut you down is just so disrespectful and it’s telling you that your opinions do not matter. It’s when this happens in a relationship that feelings become eroded, you start withdrawing and living your own life and one day it’s just all gone and you know that you have to walk away. I have immense peace in my head for the first time ever, and I’m not selfish, I have too many AC and GC to care for, but all the angst and mind games I endured are gone for good.

I wish I had a husband to argue with.

But I hope you manage to sort it all out,sooner rather than later

Can empathise - I have one like that and we are just housemates. He’s also incredibly stubborn - I can no longer be bothered to try to explain why we need to future plan - He has lots of animals, We are in an isolated home and he has long term heart problems. He has been told the whole lot will be on the market before his funeral.
I find it suits just to get on with my life as well as feeding and watering my ‘child’!!

I feel for you. I have the opposite problem as my H loves an argument. I don't. He has been out of work since last August & sometimes I am at the end of my tether. As a business analyst there is no work out there at the moment. I am longing for the day when he gets a new contract. Luckily he has some volunteer work at the moment which gets him out more. He can be lovely but he can also be a real pain in the you know what!
Roll on the end of this nightmare time & having the house to myself a bit.
I bet a lot if us are feeling the same.
Hang on in there.

My husband just thinks he’s right all the time so I just get frustrated & wound up because he doesn’t want to listen to my point of view & turns everything round so it’s my fault.Cant have an argument with him,just ends in a shouting match.

Going through a similar phase with my own DH as you Phoenix. Very frustrating....

Am trying to keep,busy, positive and upbeat...
Thanks for suggestions how to cope from other GN posters which I might try myself...

Agree totally with GrannyGravy13! After 50years of marriage, I’m still learning...