Please can I have permission to either scream or cry?

I've been married three times, divorced twice & now widowed.

No1 was a controlling b*****d

No2 left me & 4 year old DD after he lost his job, moved in with an older woman

No3 was an absolute darling apart from not facing up to anything. He loved a quiet life, no amount of nagging would get him to see GP, but if he asked me to make an appointment I knew he was very worried.

I've been widowed over 7 years but much as loved DH it would have been purgatory living with him in "lockdown"

I too have a Benign Essential Tremor, had it over 20 years, not severe but in times of stress it manifests itself.

P I hope you can get MrP sorted out, remember this will pass in time. Also my late DH would never argue, frustrating at times, I still miss him though. Sending you, a or is in order

My OH is also a man of few words - even his sister tells me he’s even worse than their F was. We’ve always led separate social lives - his with animals and a sport, whereas I’m meeting friends and my 2DDs and DGS when able and allowed.
Unfortunately, I have now turned into OH’s carer. In the past fortnight, following 4 courses of chemotherapy and numerous infections he seems to have become disorientated and confused - keeps messing with his phone and changing the settings or is unable to get to grips with the tv remote, which I then have to resolve.
I am hoping things improve but not too optimistic.

Wish I was back to work and back to my husband evening and weekend relationship too much time together for me.

I am a widow but I do still have a Father who is driving me nuts ? Childish behaviour with ' I told you so' repeated at least 3 times. Aaaaagggghhhhh

Unfortunately the tv stations seem to be taking everything off that is comedy that can be misconstrued as 'offensive' in one form or another right now- even for the tiniest of 'reasons'- even poor Gavin& Stacy have come under fire even though its been immensely popular with all ages, and brilliantly written and acted by talented people! I blame the idiots who jump on every bandwagon going just cause they're usually ignored

Sorry you're having a hard and anxious time phoenix. I know what it's like to worry about DH's health. Sending you and [hugs]

I hope that objecting to racism isn't just ' jumping on a bandwagon'. Shame on you.

I would love to know why men have this barrier up when it comes to going to the Drs. I wonder if it’s a Macho thing or they are scared of what they will be told. It definitely runs through generations with male species.
I wish you well and hope he sees sense, sooner rather than later.

Mine is on a very short fuse. Yesterday he slammed the door because my daughter told him to stop putting more food on her plate. I was embarrassed. Then last week his car broke down and someone beeped the horn. Husband shouted "I hope you get the virus". This is so not like him.

Yes, I have one as well. Never one to argue just sits quietly until I had finished raving then would say 'have you finished now' which would make me even madder. Never had an apology in the 50 years I have known him and our 'conversation' these days is always in the question form with a response of a yes or no.

Now in lock down the silence is deafening but on the bright side DH has made me cups of tea and even stretched to making curry., which is always delicious by the way.

I do feel I am living with a lodger but it does mean I am left to do my own thing. It would be nice for one to have someone to share with as I do spend my days on my own. So I am really looking forward to meeting up with my pals of the U3a again, which is why I joined them in the first place and that was 5 years ago.
So I have come to the conclusion that this situation will never change and I have stop questioning him about it. Now I try to make my own world a little brighter, in the hope he will want to join me when he is ready.

I can empathise Phoenix. My MIL died of cancer as did her mother but my husband just won't do the bowel screen. His father died of complete organ failure due to uncontrolled diabetes. DH was told he was pre-diabetic at his last Well Man Clinic (historically booked by me) several years ago so won't attend now. His mother had wet and dry macular degeneration which can now be treated and his eyesight is becoming shocking but he cancelled the optician's appointment I made him. Sometimes I could scream but there is no point because he'll just clam up if I keep nagging. His ex-wife said he was a head in the sand person and I didn't believe her...!
His hearing is also going which makes discussions about things slightly more tetchy than they used to be. Now, not only does he get confused about what he "thinks" I was talking about even though I wasn't, he can't blooming hear me anyway. We have recently had arguments when we were actually agreeing but he just didn't realise it!

Oh, there's nothing worse than some bugger who won't argue
MissAdventure. You must be old enough by now to know that "Silence is the hardest argument to refute!" ]
OoRoo

phoenix, would Mr P go to the doctor if you make the appointment for him?

Some years ago when my DH was convinced he had cancer, he didn't dare make the appointment, but when I offered to do so, he was happy to let me and went, and it wasn't cancer.

Sounds to me that MR P is in a funk, right now, probably certain he has Parkinson's or the like.

I think I would ask if he wants me to make the appointment.

If he says NO very loudly, you could perhaps mention that it worries you.

They are definitely wired differently to women.
GG13 Are we playing Anagrams!?

phoenix try just telling him about your concerns once quietly and then leaving it. I've got a few, seemingly minor, complaints at the moment that I'm leaving until I feel more confident at the doc's, perhaps he'll do that. Also he might just want a quiet life with so much else going on at the moment - you have your way of coping, he has his. I speak from experience, OH was complaining about how rude and agressive Piers Morgan and BBC reporters were these days, just ranting and shouting over people's opinions. I call him Piers now .

Difficult time's for many of us at the moment, I seem to be living with 'Mr moan about everything' at the moment.

Thank you all so much for your posts, they really are appreciated.

I mentioned it to GP ages ago, he even sent a letter asking Mr P to go in for a "follow up" after a chest infection.

Did he go? No, of course not, I was told "No, I'm fine now, it's all cleared up"!

What about saying over the next couple of days Pheonix, that you don't quite feel too good.

If his advice is that you should make a telephone appointment with doctor, then make one and pass the phone to Mr P

I’m sort of with your other half Phoenix on the doctor front, I avoid at all costs! My husband always wanted an answer or a reason for any problem.

So reassuring that I am not alone having a housemate. Lockdown has been difficult but manageable until I found this week my husband has changed his will and not bothered to tell me! In addition he denies making any changes. Time to rethink going forward.

I went to my OH's (and my) GP when I thought he might have PD. GP got OH's medical history up in the screen, then just said he could not discuss it - that told me all I needed to know really. If it had been good news I think he would have said.

He needs to know that there are lots of other causes of tremor.

I suppose maybe he just does not want to know the answer.

I know how frustrating this is - I have been there. Felt so impotent, as I am sure you do at the moment.

If it is any help, my OH did have PD and with medication had 10 reasonably good years before it became a serious interference with his life. So it is not all gloom, even if that turns out to be the diagnosis. But, as others have said, tremor can be a symptom of lots of different things.

DH used to annoy me considerably by just not engaging in any sort of argument however irate or unreasonable I became. So frustrating. Now, however, he's the opposite and flares up at the slightest thing. Be careful what you wish for!

Phoenix, I know you suspected that your Mr P may have joined me on my excursion towards Argate and I assured you that it was in fact my Mr P but now I'm beginning to wonder. Gentle, lovely, adored by my female friends, likes the quiet life, dislikes confrontation and a hand tremor to boot.
My Mr P has a tremor in his right hand, most noticeable when we spoon at night, I sleep on his left so his right arm drapes across me, the constant twitching and jumping keeps me awake, I now put up with it until he falls asleep and then wriggle away.
I did bang on about it for quite some time but then gave up, he had to see the nurse for his INR check recently so I asked him to mention it to her. Apparently he forgot! She did though check his blood pressure which was very high.
This latter scared me a bit so I gave some thought to what I could do to help so cut out salt and stopped holding him responsible for my happiness and turned my attention to his, a little hug at odd times, sweeping my hand across his shoulders as I pass him, a quick peck on the cheek sometimes.
I realised these were things I expected from him but rarely gave myself.
Anyway long story short his blood pressure now normal and tremor hardly at all, could have been stress, quiet gentle types probably harbour more stress inwardly.
The other upside is we are much more husband and wife than housemates recently.
I also now feel a nice contentment in lock down together.
Your situation may be totally different to mine but thought my tale worth telling in case it helps, hope so.

Is the tremor worrying him, perhaps? Maybe that is part of the reason he is being particularly uncommunicative.

Got one here.

Won't go to the doctor even though he is in agony. Pretends not to hear me when I know he has. Is stubborn about everything. Disappears when things need sorting out. Is an expert at most things, or so he thinks. Thinks I am a total nag. The list goes on and on.

Can't wait until things get back to some sort of normality and I can socialise again with friends.