“Signalling”

I am sure no one has any need to apologise for having mentioned an expensive purchase on here.

It’s impossible for any of us to accurately gauge how our posts might be interpreted on these threads isn’t it?

After all one person’s run of the mill purchase could be completely out of reach for others.

I think a lot of it has to do with our feelings about our own lives and how contented we are with our’lot’, however humble our lot might be!

I guess though if it’s noted that one particular poster is incessantly mentioning luxury purchases then that’s different but I have never had that impression of anyone.

Maybe I’m just not observant enough though!

GGumteenth
Thank you for your post and your concern.
I will admit to being sad.
Fourteen months ago I lost my H of 61 years, it had been an awful few years as he had dementia and I lost him piece by piece.
I couldn’t grieve, I had done all that, but now it has hit me.

I am really disabled waiting for a hip replacement which has been delayed, I am helpless and have to much time to think.
In less than two weeks I will be 83, my mortality is playing on my mind.

I hope you can all excuse me for unfortunate posts, I will try to do better.

Moan over now.

Oh annsixty I doubt that any of us regulars are unaware of your current sad situation. I say current as, one day, hopefully soon, you'll have your new hip. It will gradually seem as though the sun is rising and you'll be having happy events with your family again.
I sincerely hope you're feeling better and happier with life (and GN) again. ?

Dear annsixty, I know how you’ve been through such a terribly sad few years and I’m so sorry you are feeling so down.

I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Your post was interesting and made one stop and wonder how comments can be perceived.

Please don’t apologise. You have not said anything at all to apologise for.

Sending you virtual hugs from across the miles and hoping you will soon pass through these feelings that are occupying your mind.

Dear ann ?

ann, I hope you have noticed on reading the replies on this thread, how much posters on here care for you and haven't as you said, jumped down your throat.

No wonder you are sad, given what you have gone through the last year or two and the terrible pain you are in. Be kind to yourself.?

Oh ann60 what a dreadful time you have had lately.

So sorry to hear about your husband and now you are in pain awaiting your hip operation.

You really have nothing to apologise for. Your question in your thread was a perfectly reasonable one to ask and folk have shared their thoughts on the matter.

Have you heard from the hospital regarding your operation? I believe routine surgery is being resumed now the virus cases have reduced so much.

If you know the name of your surgeon perhaps you could phone his secretary to see where you are on the list. They are usually helpful.

It’s a really good thread ann and it has generated some interesting replies.
Sending you ? and hoping you receive positive news about your hip op soon.

I go in and out of GN - mainly on the politics threads - so I didn't know. I have PM'd you Annsixty.

I agree Nortsat; it has been an interesting thread.

No need to apologise.
I can’t say I have particularly noticed any signalling. I suppose sometimes people mention a certain item because it seems relevant.
The person who may have a big garden may only be able to afford a small old jalopy of a car , or indeed , no car at all . Mentioning the car might not be relevant to the thread they are posting on.

Interesting thread annsixty and sorry that life is on hold for you as you await your hip surgery, hopefully normal service will resume and then you can get surgery sorted and look forward ( not wishing to dismiss the loss of your DH). I have not been aware of any wealth signalling but then again I sometimes miss things that others can see. I did post on the clothes thread, and hope that my comments re Seesaw and Joules etc was not boasting; as a chunkier individual myself, I find these brands suit me.

So sorry Ann. Dementia is a cruel illness - much worse for the person’s loved ones than the person themselves, I think. My mum is going through this and I feel, like you, that I am losing her bit by bit.

I can’t really recall any signalling or boasting posts, apart from maybe a while ago (can’t remember who posted) said when someone posted about what they spent on food, she replied that the amount they spent didn’t even keep her in flowers. I thought that was a bit tasteless and a bit patronising.

I liked the clothes thread. I didn’t post but it was interesting to see the diverse posts. Yes, there were some expensive brands but also the less expensive, such as Bonne Marche, J D Williams etc. I buy what suits me and also for quality. I love my Ronni Nicole dresses as they are so comfortable and easy to wear and I have had my Hobbs mac for nearly 20 years which was expensive (for me anyway). I also have my sun dresses from Bonne Marche as well - so light and easy to wear in the very hot weather - and cheap as chips!

*@annsixty, I’m so sorry to hear what an awful time you’re having.?

Re clothes-buying, it’s also surely a question of how much or little you buy. I don’t buy a lot at all, but do tend to keep things for ages and wear them to death, so very cheap usually isn’t good idea.

I used to have a colleague who once complained that she couldn’t possibly afford the new top I had on - it was M&S, probably £25 tops - but she would literally buy a dozen or more to my one - I am not exaggerating here. When she once came to work excitedly showing me a new pair of trousers she’d found dirt cheap in a sale - I asked how many pairs she had at home.

‘Probably about 70.’
But hunting for very cheap bargains was a sort of hobby and gave her a lot of pleasure - each to her own.

Interesting post. I think I'm physically incapable of buying anything for me that's not reduced in price. Even my shoes as I'm an 8 AA . But in lockdown I have being buying things that I wouldn't normally buy e.g. Emma Bridgewater large plate but from the outlet shop, endless books for Kindle but on the 0.99p list on BookBub, m&s sale items all for me. But I splash out for my AC and DGC. And for my DH though I do say it's on sale and a bargain. its horses for courses isn't it. And I do agree about garden envy. We have to work so hard for a profusion of flowers in the North East. And if my premium bonds come up I'm going to send Gillybob on her dream holiday. As long as it's not into outer space.

GagaJo

There is a fair bit of wealth signalling on here. I'm afraid when I read it I just think 'vulgar' and move on. Only the insecure or 'Hyacinth Bucket' brigade would need to boast.

Plus, how they think possessions confer cachet is beyond me.

Gagajo I disagree. There may be some wealthy people on here but I wouldn’t say there was much boasting.
But Ann you were perfectly entitled to start the thread and it has proved interesting so don’t worry !

I am sorry you've had such a hard time annsixty, life can be so tough at times, and lockdown can't have been easy when you also have physical pain and the pain of bereavement to cope with.

As usual mumofmadboys seems to put her finger on it We all share our humanity.......At the end of the day the same things matter to us all - our relationships with family and friends, our ability to love and be loved. It doesn't matter how much money we have as our main concerns are probably very similar.

Annsixty - I think you should know, my kettle is also a Dualit!
?
I hope in time you are able to enjoy yours once more. ?

Don’t apologise Anne I’ve found this thread very heartening. I stopped posting as it had become to political and angry for me.
I’m sorry you are feeling alone, I too have have had a rough lockdown, not because of the pandemic but other family problems. I will hold you in my thoughts Anne.

I like this thread annsixty because I do often feel I m the only one who doesn’t have a cleaner or go on cruises or yearly holidays or have a clue who any of these named labels are that are dropped into conversations
I had a good education I ve had some decent jobs as well as crappy ones but I still think I m way below most peoples
living standards on GN which does come across on the whole as above average, I don’t mind that, but often do feel in the minority but I think my ideas and opinions are as valid as anyone who buys ‘do dah what’s it’ dresses
I like the boat analogy granmaretto
anne dilly and anyone else having a rough time ?

Annie, you gave the forums a shot in the arm.....a new perspective, thought-provoking, and something everyone can relate to whether from their castle or cottage. Thank you.

I can’t say I’ve noticed any boasting about wealth, apart from a memorable post from someone who said she’d replaced her kitchen 5 times in 20 years because she ‘liked to be up to date’
But even then, it was the environmental aspect that disturbed me rather than possible bragging about her obvious wealth..

Hands up, I have been guilty of mentioning clothing brands I buy which I know some people would consider extravagant. But like Witzend I don’t buy many things and I wear them for years.

Feeling guilty, or rather being made to feel guilty, about how you spend your own money is a peculiarly British thing.

For anyone suffering pangs of misgiving about what they may have posted in the past, here’s a quote from John Ruskin to cheer you up:

“ It's unwise to pay too much, but it's worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money - that's all. When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you
bought was incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do. The common law of business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot - it can't be done. If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well
to add something for the risk you run, and if you do that you will have enough to pay for something better.”

Weirdly I have just seen mention of something a bit “boasty “

Well that John Ruskin quote is only applicable if you ve got money to start with so a well off persons quote .....
for anyone with low income it’s Hobson choice ?

I think it's not what you talk about it's how you talk about it that may be boastful or plain boring.

If someone intends to boast her intention is apparent from what she doesnt write, as boasting is boring to read. It's the intention of the writer that makes a boastful post, not the fact she spent a lot of money.
Each of us knows, presumably , some grans are richer than others . That is the way of the world. I don't feel offended by boasting if that is the intention however boasting bores me.
I can't actually think of any actual boastful grans but can imagine how a boastful gran would talk.

I was talking to a neighbour (before lockdown) who had been to a very dressed-up apparently expensive wedding on a tropical beach and wanted to show me the photos. Boring! But I had to make the appropriate appreciative noises. The great thing about Gransnet is you don't have to reply to boring posts or appreciate boring holiday photos.

Bluebelle you only have to read these threads to recognise that very few people, the truly deprived, have no choices in life.
Ruskin’s philosophy applies whether you’re choosing new paint for your bathroom or between a £2 pair of knickers or a £10 pair.