Lockdown has made me realise I have absolutely no friends.

First my mum, then my daughter, and then both at the same time.
I really do appreciate that it's not the most thrilling thing for friends to have to put up with, but that's how life is, sometimes.
I hope (if I had a friend) I'd be a better one.

When your Mum got ill, or you MissAdventure?

Life knocks 'friends' into the curb, sometimes.

It's a shock when it happens though.

I'm not retired, though, and I have a 12 year old to bring up.
You see, when there is a fork in the road, people tend to keep going on their merry way, and others have to detour.

It came as a bit of a shock to me that work colleagues, even ones you socialise with, aren't friends for life, unless you're incredibly lucky and work hard to keep 1 or 2. When I retired, I had to go out and join things, lots of things, old hobbies, new hobbies. And I did that until I found activities I enjoyed, with people I enjoyed being with. No-one is too old to make new friendships.

Miss Adventure #Me too

KerryS - welcome to Gransnet and thank you for your post today which set out very well why it can be difficult to make new friends.

Thanks also to others who have mentioned similar experiences.

I like *Willow73"'s suggestion that we say which county we live in on here if we want to get to know other Gransnetters.

If people would prefer to PM me with those details rather than put them out on here I am willing to compile them into county groups and see where we go from there.

Funnily enough, that's when my friends started to dwindle, too.

My mum sent lots and lots of cards every year; choosing them individually.

None of those people were around once her health and mobility went downhill.

OMG do we have to send Christmas cards to people to stay friends? My real friends all forget. It's those people who think they have to stay in touch for some unknown reason who will keep sending them!
I do know some lovely people I haven't seen for years (and some I don't want to see)

I haven't got any Christmas card friends.
Probably because I don't send any, but there it is.

Perhaps we should poke into what those who haven't got a partner are doing 'wrong'?

How many Christmas cards do you send each year Kandinsky?

We send about a hundred - to family and friends, some of whom we haven't actually seen for donkeys years.

How about emailing or phoning all your Christmas card friends and asking them how they are getting on during these strange times?

You might find that they are very pleased to hear from you and you can enjoy a long chat.

I am the same missadventure. I have no friends. I have family and work colleagues but no real friends.

I know what you mean Kandinsky and am in the same boat. DH and I have moved around an awful lot due to his work, lived abroad for. number of years. My only real friend during all of this time passed away several years ago and since then no friends. DH is totally unsociable, prefers his own company and so we never go out anywhere where we would mix with others, always just the two of us. After several years in small village I did get an offer of an outing with other women but unfortunately DH was incredibly rude about them while I was on the phone arranging lifts to the venue and I know his remarks were heard and I've never had another invite. Full stop!

I suppose it all depends on what you mean by "trivial". No-one is going to start sharing their life story within the first few minutes, but I find that very often the conversation will drift naturally into shared interests, especially grandchildren., and given the chance that in a fairly small town you are almost bound to bump into each other again it is quite natural for the acquaintance to eventually lead to friendship. Incidentally, I notice that two men sitting at adjoining tables hardly ever speak to each other while two women in the same situation invariably do so perhaps the men are more in need of help than women!

By the way, I am a southerner and am surprised by the unfriendly reception you have received . We are really quite a pleasant lot!

Well, it costs, I think, to set up a meetup group, ann, so I think they wanted commitment, but I had other issues going on, so couldn't plan in advance.
I really didn't mind. It let me off the hook.

KerryS, I have attended and led U3A groups for about twenty years. I made two actual friends in all that time, and one of them is deceased.

Somebody else, a man, and also a woman, made overtures to me but I did not care for their company.

Strange thing is the two friends I made have very different personalities, however their levels of scepticism and political leanings were the same. So there has to be something worthwhile in common is what i have concluded.
I am a single lady , and married couples are usually joined at the hip so they are a dead loss as far as making friends is concerned.

Alexa
I would sooner dig a hole, jump in, and bury myself than get dolled up for a 60's disco and buffet.
Perhaps they realised this by the look on my face when told it was next on the agenda.

Cast out of a group!! Would you want to be friends with such horrible people.

My daughter's next door neighbour was (and no doubt still is!) blind, but had a very active social life through the church.

One day she asked my daughter how she was, but ended up crying herself, as her guide dog had retired, and she had been months with no contact from anyone to ask how she was.

Without her dog she literally was housebound.

I don't have a single friend either, but that's my choice. My experiences with other people have caused me to realise that I'm better off on my own.

Miss Adventure, I guess this might possibly happen to me too. I am unconventional and can be unguarded only in the company of other unconventional people.

Oldwoman I heard similarly from a patient in a local authority nursing home I used to visit with my therapy dog. She told me she had attended and worked for her church for many years and was so sad nobody from the church ever came to see her.

Exactly that.

What I have realised through lockdown is that some of the people I thought were friends are really only just people who do the things I do. I have made contact with them but because the things we do together aren't happening we didn't really connect. On the other hand some people I thought of as just acquaintances have proved themselves really supportive friends. Including my much younger next door neighbour who has just gone through a real personal tragedy but has been so good. My DS says that because people are doing very little they have very little to talk about and perhaps that's true. Perhaps we need to recognise that real friendship is as special as love and it doesn't happen very often.

How sad and disappointeing Oldwoman. Shame on them.