Son doesn’t want children/partner does

Please stay out of it!

Jen I feel for you, it’s horrible when our adult children are suffering and we can’t do anything to help them. Your son and partner will have to work out what’s more important to them, one another or children.

Good for the girlfriend for having this up front and on the table before they go too far down what for her would be a blind alley.

Stay out of it - emotionally disengage - tell him it is for him and his partner to sort out. Whatever you do, do not let him see that you are in any way upset by this.

Why are so many of you so hostile?
Jen67 never said she was going to interfere or try to solve anything - she sounded to me that she was upset because her son was unhappy.

And it doesn't always mean that they should split up. There is no resentment in my friend's case, that's for sure. And my son's partner seems happy in the relationship. I feel confident it will survive.

Thankyou all for wise words.

Thankyou Notspagetti. Very kind comments and yes you have got what I said.

Yes I see no reason why Jenpatte's son should not discuss this with her and see how she feels. Personally I think her son is behaving very responsibly and needs to look after the children he has. If I were him I would stick to my guns.
The girlfriend needs to understand how he feels

ExD

Please stay out of it!

So your son comes to you to talk about feelings he is having. You say you won’t talk to him? Crazy. There’s a world of difference between interfering and getting too involved and simply being someone to talk to.

I don’t think I could be in a relationship with someone who wanted children if I didn’t. I would be afraid they would end up resenting me. My son has two daughters from a previous relationship and his present girlfriend asked him how he would feel about having more before she got too involved, which I thought was very sensible.

I had a friend who was a little older than her husband, at 42. She always told me she thought she was too old to start a family. After they'd been married a year or so he decided he wanted children more than her and they later divorced. Very sad for them both.

So, in answer to your post, it's fortunate that this has come up before they get married or commit. There could be some serious resentment otherwise.

Jen67 I do feel my heart is breaking when my children are sad. I want to sort it all out for them like I did when they were young. But I have come to realise that they are now grown ups and have to go thru the ups and downs of life just like we did. I see myself now as a sounding board for them and even though I just want to give them a big hug and tell them everything will be alright I just listen and only give advice when it is asked for. Very difficult to do sometimes!

If one want's children and the other doesn't, then this is a relationship going nowhere.

It’s not the right relationship for him then, I don’t blame him at all for not wanting anymore children. Having 2 disabled children at 27 must be a huge strain and worry.

NotSpaghetti Wed 14-Oct-20 12:36:43
Why are so many of you so hostile?
Do the posts come across as hostile? To me some are forthright, blunt even and maybe the tone used could have conveyed some sympathy, but I found all the responses valid.

How I would have loved for such an understanding fifty years ago. Back then there was no choice, and if you went against the tide then you were fair game for insults.

As for the original posters dilemma, I'm afraid that there is no compromise. My sister-in-law gave in to pressure and had just the one baby. She admitted that she didn't really take to motherhood, but that compromise, if you can call it that, really bit her on the bum. Her daughter produced nine children of her own. Oh dear, poor nanna.

My DD never wanted children. She was sure of that from a young age. None of us ever tried to persuade her otherwise. She is now starting the menopause and has no regrets at all about her decision, nor ever been tempted to change it.

The OP's son's relationship is short. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. No relationship will survive a divide like this.

The alternative is a relationship a friend who felt like my daughter had. She met and fell in love with a man who wanted children. They decided to stay together until he felt he could deny his urge for paternity no longer. They were together for nearly 20 years, separated and within a couple of years he married and had children.

Hello all, anyone in the same boat?... my father is passing away. They are in a lockdown area and I’ve consequently not been able to visit.
I feel so bad about it but I’m doing the right thing in protecting my family from C19??
I didn’t want to stand in front of him wearing a mask and not be able to hug him.
Pressure from mother is making me feel guilty. ?

Sorry, above msg is in wrong thread. I’ve reposted appropriately ?