Am I being over sensitive

I think Chewbacca has nailed it. Give the wife a call tomorrow and ask if she’s still up for a walk. Give her the chance to explain or apologise. She is probably mortified.

Crikey ttgran, yes, you're being oversensitive - he was probably just joking. Don't you think you're majorly overreacting to a simple remark?

LauraNorder, why on Earth should a wife apologise for her husband? That's so weird! How's she to know that ttgran is upset?

I wonder if he misspoke as Hilary would say? Maybe he doesn’t realise what it means

Thank you all for your replies they have been helpful

NoHetty58 he was not joking he meant what he said

Probably jealous.

ttgran
I think I know him.

I expect he has a very sore ear now.

Ps his wife will be embarrassed.

i'm not sure about the wife either.
maybe he let slip what they both feel and say behind closed doors.
it is not an over-reaction to feel upset. any normally sensitive person would.
at least you know where you stand now. you can avoid them. your goodwill and loyalty and amity which you thought was mutual, shared, equal, is not after all.
you did well to decline the walk. keep on in that vein.
it's like taking bearings at sea, you re-adjust. better to change tack, than continue in the wrong direction.
all the best to you.

welbeck your reply is spot on exactly how I felt
I think sensitive was the wrong word just hurt you think you know someone but that’s life
Time to move on

I would have been hurt by this. Something similar happened to me recently when I was walking with a friend and I was so shocked at her comment - totally uncalled for - that afterwards I wished I had said "What a strange thing to say!" But, of course, words fail you at the time.
The friend lives on her own and has no family near by so I don't want to avoid her company so I have decided that she thought she was being amusing - it was in front of another person - so I will 'move on' but if it happens again I will be ready with my come back. People never cease to amaze me!

Hi Tigran. I would be upset and somewhat stunned by his comment. So much so, that I wouldn’t have been able to think of an immediate response. I do think that perhaps the wife rang you to suggest a walk so that she could apologise on her husband’s behalf. Maybe she didn’t want to apologise over the phone as he would hear her and she didn’t wish to make an issue out if it. Perhaps he’s a bit jealous and possessive - just a thought. You are owed an apology, but may not get one. Maybe it’s just his sense of humour, although you have known him for 20 years or so, and haven’t particularly noticed a lack of filter before. Is his personality changing? Lockdown can affect people in different ways. I think I’d leave things be - but at the same time I’d be tempted to ask why he came out with that uncalled for comment.

I would ignore them from now on and if they spoke I would be rather cool. Well done for turning down the invitation, you are not desperate for their company.

It’s the sort of ill judged remark I could make! I would have meant absolutely nothing by it it would have just come out ?.
If you like the wife ring her and go for a walk.

I too would have been taken aback by his remark, and definitely would not have been able to think up a smart reply (so wish I could think on my feet!). Rightly or wrongly, I know I would avoid them in the future, and definitely wouldn't be ringing them. Also, if my husband had made that remark in front of me, I would certainly have said something to him there and then, as I would have been so embarrassed that he had spoken to one of our friends in that way.

I don't suppose anything unkind was meant. I've said the wrong thing many times, still can't believe I called my new son-in-law's mother a nosy cow when she asked to look upstairs on her first visit to our house, luckily she laughed!

It's just the kind of thing I'd say too.

ttgran, you can't really know whether he 'meant it' - by his tone of voice or his expression. Some of us have perfected our deadpan humour!

Maybe you're inclined to take life (and yourself) a little too seriously?

When people say things that take you back a bit, I’ve now trained myself to ask straight away “ sorry, what was that ?” It saves me hours of overanalysing and maybe getting it wrong !

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. Life is to short to get so upset and possibly lose a friend for the sake of one tactless remark . Husbands and wives don't always feel the same about each other's friends. Just get over it and perhaps revive your sense of humour at the same time!

I probably would have said something funny, because that’s what I do when taken by surprise. Did the wife say anything to her husband? I think I would have done. It’s done now, so just leave it this time. He may have a real problem with you, and hiding it behind a joke, or it may have just been meant in a lighthearted way. Either way, there’s no problem ignoring it in the first instance, but be ready for him next time.

Maya Angelou "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."
Now you know who they are, even if it was said in jest, you know. With this knowledge how you proceed is up to you. We all say the wrong thing sometimes or people misunderstand something we have said. If there is genuine love and respect misunderstandings can be overcome but we do not forget.

I speak to a friend twice a week on FaceTime and her husband says things like’havent you got a home to go to’. I take it as a joke and a sign of affection.

Last year a close friend,who to be honest is not known for her tact,said something that really hurt me. I was so stunned I didn't say anything at the time. I mentioned it to my daughter who went on to tell my friend how upset i was. She called and was very upset to have upset me. It was a throw away comment. All fine now.
After i had blooded on it however i must admit there was a grain of truth in the comment even if what was said was hurtful and tactless.
We are living in strange times and its affected people in different ways. I dont think you are being too sensitive, I would have been taken aback if someone said that to me.
Its handy to have a comeback ready. I would meet up with the wife and see where it goes. Maybe her husband is someone who dislikes socialising but does it because its expected or to please his wife. Many introverts are actually enjoying having an excuse to opt out. It probably says more about him than anything you've said or done.
It can be surprising how little we know someone even if we've known them a long time,people often only let us see what they want us to.
I hope you find resolution soon.

I'm a bit over sensitive myself, but being objective, and not actually knowing the usual relationship you have had, I would say it was probably not meant the way it sounded, and men (especially, sorry men!) do put their foot in their mouths without bad intent sometimes. The wife wouldn't have suggested the walk if they (or she, at least) really didn't want to be bothered with you. And they could have entirely ignored you instead of speaking. I'd let this one remark pass and forget it, if you'd miss the friendship at all.

Don't penalise her for his bad manners. She probably finds his comments embarrassing, and she has kindly contacted you with an invitation.
I had the same with a friends partner who was rude and sarcastic, and she told me he does it to many of her friends and it upsets her.

I used to have to apologise for my ex H as he said thoughtless things especially to certain friends of mine. If I told him off afterwards he often didn't get what the problem was. I know now how much better off I am without him. There are some men you can't take anywhere - unless it is to apologise for a previous visit!

I'd give the wife the benefit of the doubt and suggest that walk as she may well want to apologise for him. You have nothing to lose by giving her the opportunity. What happens after that will depend how it goes but I wouldn't throw away 20 years of friendship too lightly.