Weddings where children are not invited

I wouldn't be fussed about children being at my wedding, had I ever had one.

I've never found other people's children half as wonderful as they do.
I would think most children would find a formal ceremony quite boring (I often do!)

Well, I guess it goes both ways, Cafeaulait, in that the bride and groom are also honoured by their guests’ presence. It’s not possible to accommodate every guest’s wishes, though.

One family member complained about how far they had to travel to come to my DD’s wedding, which was about three miles from where we have lived for 25 years. Did they really expect us to move 400 miles so they didn’t have to travel? We, too, have been invited to a wedding overseas. We hadn’t expected to be invited and I was touched by the thought. It wasn’t possible for us to go due to cost and logistics but I wouldn’t have dreamt of complaining about it. I sent a card and gift and wished the happy couple well.

At my DD’s wedding, whilst there certainly were children invited, the groom had 16 aunts and uncles and 38 cousins, many of whom have children themselves. Had they all been invited, none of our side of the family could have attended!

SueDonim, you're right, it does go both ways. I just don't find the argument of nursing infants in arms not being allowed, who cost nothing and take no space, to be convincing when children are excluded based on those two factors. I've been there and it felt a bit like, wow, I'm spending 1000+ that I don't really have to come to your wedding and your going to make it as difficult as possible or impossible for me? I guess I'll decline because my infant needs to eat. I understand number logistics and the need to limit that but then please accept when people can't come and don't get the mother of the bride to call and try to change my mind (happened to me). I know you accept both sides get to make their own choice, some don't.

Oh, babes in arms, that’s a different kettle of fish for sure. They’re unlikely to cause a kerfuffle, though, provided their tummies are full! I don’t think I’d pay £1000 to go to a wedding, unless it was someone I was very close to. If someone chooses to marry abroad, say, and they should expect some people to decline the invitation. Not everyone, in fact, I’d venture not many people can afford that kind of money.

Alegrias1

Mmm...I'm unpopular enough on GN today so I'll go the whole hog WWM2 .

My marriage is about 2 people, nobody else. I'm child free. I wasn't fond of children then. I'm not fond of them now.

I cannot imagine having a special games room for children at a wedding. Never been to such a wedding. Maybe its just me and my friends.

I am with Alegrias.

Marriage is about 2 people starting their own family. And they can do that however they like. This generation is less about big families and having children, plus they are paying for their own weddings.

I had children at my wedding, and I have kids. But I would never talk badly about or judge someone who had chosen not to.

One thing I will say is that if someone chooses a child free wedding, they do not get to complain if people with children don't show up.

Sorry, I realize my comment seemed as though I was blaming someone for judging. It was meant as a general "people", not anyone specifically.

I'm sure the people who are marrying would have considered that some may be upset enough to boycott the wedding.
Or those who can't arrange childcare.

Nevertheless, they still opted for child free.

MissAdventure, for me it was more about practical arrangements, not a boycott. Comments made by the couple in the process did mean we distanced ourselves in general though. There is now an estrangement but that's probably for the best anyway. It was more of a final straw thing.

At a church wedding a man in front of me had a small girl in his arms. Gazing around during the service she noticed a feathered hat. I can still remember trying to stifle giggles as she happily pointed and identified it. ‘Duck’ she yelled.
It was a odd wedding, the priest was drunk (well known for it we later learned) and the groom’s football fan mates arrived late at church but still got to the reception buffet first. However my abiding memory is of that clear little voice ringing out!

Elrel

At a church wedding a man in front of me had a small girl in his arms. Gazing around during the service she noticed a feathered hat. I can still remember trying to stifle giggles as she happily pointed and identified it. ‘Duck’ she yelled.
It was a odd wedding, the priest was drunk (well known for it we later learned) and the groom’s football fan mates arrived late at church but still got to the reception buffet first. However my abiding memory is of that clear little voice ringing out!

When my grandfather died, my oldest was 2. After a song at the church, she clapped and yelled YEA! It was adorable and exactly what was needed at the time.

When I got married my SIL helped me decorate the reception room we had lovely ballons and thow away camaras on all the tables it looked lovely. My DN brought his 5 children and they were left to run riot taking all the ballons and breaking all the camaras none or them were useable I was very upset but I didnt let my DS know. It still urks me to this day. So I dont think there is anything wrong with a no children rule. It is up to the happy couple.

Reading some of these posts, I can see that it’s not always a good idea to have children in church (or maybe it is Elrel), my daughters wedding was in a country house, loads of space, very informal, and it was lovely.

Do they still give ‘lucky’ tokens to the bride nowadays? The little black cat, horseshoes etc? I have a lovely photo of my cousin’s wedding, mid 1950’s, where six little guests are presenting the happy couple with similar tokens. (I was one of them). I suppose that doesn’t happen if there are no children. I received several at my own wedding as DH had several little nephews and nieces.

I still have them all somewhere in the loft, carefully packed away. Along with a large black cat, which plays ‘The Wedding March’ when wound up.

Sorry, I digress!

Up to the couple concerned.

However I did attend a wedding some years ago where the atmosphere was a little strained ... to say the least.

The bride was one of two siblings. Her sister was married with one child. A little girl with Downs Syndrome. Aged 7. A well loved child who would have behaved impeccably. She was hoping to be bridesmaid.

Half way through preparations, we were informed that no children were to be invited.

This caused a few families to pull out due to various issues. But niece of bride was utterly devastated. She's in her 20s now and will still mention it.

But hey, at least the bride wasn't upstaged o-0

The family said it was pressure from the in-laws but we never knew. It was never talked about again.

Your daughter sounds great, freedomfromthepast!

Alegrias1, no idea why you're 'unpopular today'. Certainly not with me. I agree entirely with your sentiments other than that I do like children in all shapes and sizes. Always have. Still didn't want them at my wedding, though. A very happy and successful decision in my case 57 years ago.

I can understand the ‘no children’ invited. It’s not the children that are the problem, it’s the parents who don’t do anything when their little angels kick, cry and tantrum thereby spoiling the occasion for other guests are the problem.

Thanks Kim19. 57 years, how amazing!

My one bridesmaid was a teenager. Although I had no children at the wedding I did get the customary horseshoe Calendargirl The two children who did the presenting weren't guests at the wedding. They came along, gave us the tokens and that was it. In the pictures they look delighted with the whole proceedings. Family relations are not strained. Must be a Scottish thing. ?

Must be a Scottish thing

I am sure you don't honestly believe that. There will be families in the whole of the UK who feel as you do.

The wedding I'm talking about was in Elgin.

Vast majority of guests were Scottish.

Personally I could do without children at weddings, (maybe it's an English thing?) but there are cases where it's very hard to avoid disappointment.

I think maybe it's a having children thing and knowing the problems that can arise.

No, I was being serious Zoejory. There were lots of things about weddings in Scotland that were different to the rest of the UK, at least 40 years ago. No marquees. ? The scramble? The present show? The grand march? I haven't been to a wedding for nearly a decade so maybe things are different now.

At the end of the day it has to be a decision for the couple whose wedding it is, but it’s not always a recipe for disaster. We were at a wedding at the weekend where there were children present - mostly pre-teens - and we weren’t really aware of them except for the two boys who were on our table, one seven (the youngest there) and one eleven, who were so well behaved that I said to their father afterwards what a pleasure it had been to share the table with them.

Kim19

Alegrias1, no idea why you're 'unpopular today'. Certainly not with me. I agree entirely with your sentiments other than that I do like children in all shapes and sizes. Always have. Still didn't want them at my wedding, though. A very happy and successful decision in my case 57 years ago.

I have no problem with Alegrias1 stance on this either, even though we're on opposite sides of what we would choose. I only have a problem when the couple gets angry and upset if someone can't come because of their decision.

I think high costs come into it. You have to pay for the children as well as the adults and it is often around $100 per head here so that is possibly an issue with some. I like the big family weddings, though and mostly the kids all hang out together and play at the reception. Cousins play with cousins and there are always arms for the little babies. It is a family occasion after all. They usually make a full day of it here or they used to until this foul Covid business.

I wasn't unpopular because of my stance on weddings, but thank you everybody for the comments.

Whitewavemark2

Why on Earth would you think a child would upstage you?

marriage is not just about two people is it? It is about the joining of two families, who will hopefully support and love the newly married couple. Be there in good and bad times which includes all the warts. Children are part of the package in my opinion. We are going to my nephews wedding in September and the children are all included and being specially catered for with their own food and outdoor games etc. He by the way does not have children neither does his soon to be wife.
Both my son and daughter had all the family children and none of them distracted the congregation at the ceremony. I can’t even remember the children at my wedding of which there must have been quite a few.

Children are the result of these unions and bring joy and love.

It is imo a very weird thing to want to exclude children from such an important part of family life.

This is what I think too.

Of course each bride and groom will make their own decision,
And if the extended family have many children, cost could be the factor.
If that isn't the reason, I can’t understand it, seems a miserable outlook on life.Each to their own though.

If I’m being completely honest with myself, the best weddings we have attended have been the ones we attended without our children. We could relax have a few glasses of wine, properly have conversations with friends and family we don’t often see and catch up without having to constantly have one eye on the kids.
My DH and I were untraditional in that we had our two DC and then got married when they were 6&2, we did invite all the associated children to the reception but put on the invites that the venue was only licensed for children til 8pm (which was a fib). That meant that we got the best of both worlds - we had the whole family for the ceremony, dinner and first dance and then all the kids (including our own) were picked up and the adults got to have a party (which was what DH and I wanted). No-one in our circle spat the dummy, in fact I remember cousins saying they thoroughly enjoyed having a night out sans children.