Weddings where children are not invited

I too cant imagine a wedding without children present. I am the eldest grandaughter and my DH was the youngest grandson.(obviously not to the same grandparents)

We had all our cousins and their children to our wedding that was over 20 children under the age of 12, I recall in the early 80s.

We didn't have much money but we didnt care. Wouldnt have had it any other way, it was fabulous. I would not have left any of them out. . To me it's what a family wedding is all about.

Cant remember any of them "misbehaving" Few of the adults did though.

I have been bridesmaids to all my aunties and Uncles and remember their weddings with sheer joy.

Just love it when the little ones get up to dance and the boys do knee slides across the dance floor.

Of course it's entirely up to the couple to decide what kind of wedding they want but just seems a bit sad to not want children there and It's a good opportunity for older generation to see the young ones having fun

There has been a lot said about children's behaviour at weddings (and having sung lots of weddings with our choir I can confirm that they can be a nightmare) but I would understand if someone didn't want to take their children because from what I hear, some adults can behave pretty badly as the evening wears on and I wouldn't want young children to have to see that.

My daughters wedding reception was at a rowing club on the Thames with direct access to the river through many doors. As the river at Twickenham is tidal and there are no street lights on the island we made the decision not to have children on a safety reason. It was a hard choice but we felt we had no option.

It’s their big day and they must do as they please ! For me personally, I think it’s very sad, the best weddings I’ve attended have had all manner of children running around and a lovely atmosphere - some even ensure entertainment specifically for little ones, magicians, bouncy castles, children’s room

It is the couple's wedding so up to them who is invited. However, if the 'minding' is going to exhaust you both, perhaps you should explain this to your daughter and SIL. Do they REALLY need you for a complete 48 hours?

I didn't want them at either of mine, and I'm glad I didn't! My niece had them at hers, my daughter did a reading but all you can hear on the video is a kid sqawking in the background. Point proven. It doesn't sound like you disapprove of them not being invited, but more like you're not looking forward to having them.

my daughter is getting married very soon and of course has invited her 5 and 6 year old nieces. she has also invited a few cousins children that she is close to, some of our friends
think it is out of order doing this, a couple of my nieces are breast feeding so have to bring along their babies or not come.

My children's 4 weddings all had capacity issues so they had to decide who not to invite. If tchildren take places of adults this may spoil their fun. It's their wedding so I always think people should do what they want. Doesn't mean you have to look after the children the while time....there are normally options including them not staying for the while time. We hired a cottage nearby and my parents stayed at the cottage so the parents were back for breakfast. Sometimes the parents who obviously like the break from the children do extend their stay at the event more than necessary

Children at the wedding. This is the couples choice. It’s another meal and very expensive. £35000 for a wedding if all our family and friends attended.
Then some of the children prefer nuggets and chips! Oh dear what to do, for a bit of a do!

It’s totally acceptable
It’s their wedding after all….don’t mean to sound harsh but you don’t HAVE to look after the GD if it’s too much for you….do they really need to be away for 2 nights? Their daughter is their responsibility

We didn’t go to my husband’s brother’s wedding because our 18 month old daughter was not invited and we didn’t want to leave her. My DS and family went to a wedding - DiL and baby stayed in hotel while DS attended the ceremony. They all went to the reception but afterwards DiL admitted she would have had a better time if GD had been left with us. On the other hand, my family were annoyed when we attended a wedding (evening dress) without our baby.

A friends daughter was getting married and they had a no children wedding. It turned out that the hotel that they were holding the reception charged the same amount for children as it did for adults and it pushed to costs up above the amount they had allowed.

Ealdemodor - seems an irony in your post - on the one hand you're expecting adults who may be on a tight budget and not want their wedding bombed by what could be as many children as adults to 'conform' with your vision of family life, yet on the other as a grandparent you feel that to have your granddaughter stay with you for a couple of nights once in a while is too much - I am always amazed at the judgements people impose on how other people organise their weddings. and the same goes for funerals. These are personal occasions for those most connected and those invited have the option to go or not to go.

I think every couple has a right to have their wedding as they want it. Whether that means no children, no family, a small or big wedding, or any other combination. It's their day and they have the right to decide what they want.

Weddings - what a ridiculous waste of money. We’ve been happily unmarried for 52 years. Had a civil partnership arranged for the first day it was possible, chiefly to protect our pensions.
Fortunately our two children think the same. I don’t want to be the mother strapped and corseted into a ridiculous dress, in high heels I can’t walk in.
On the actual subject, children should always be allowed. I’m shocked that some people don’t want them at a wedding.

I remember the weddings I attended as a child as being amazing, far more than the ones I have attended as an adult. One in particular, I attended with my grandparents (my younger brother was born around then, probably that was why parents didn’t go, as their contemporaries among the relatives were all there). I had desperately wanted to be a bridesmaid, but was too biddable a child to have kicked up any sort of fuss about it. The lovely bride, my Aunty (mum’s cousin) made sure all the kiddies who were not bridesmaids or best boys had a tiny posy and a horseshoe to hand to the couple and all were in a picture. I don’t remember any children running riot, but then I was a child myself and wouldn’t have noticed, but we just didn’t in those days or there would have been ructions.
At our own wedding 40 years ago, there were several family children who behaved beautifully, heavily outnumbered by their parents and grandparents. But a work colleague of DH and his wife, who I had not met, turned up with their (uninvited) nephew, saying “Hope you don’t mind”, what could we say. He had to be found an extra seat, and was extremely badly behaved! I seem to remember a couple of guests were taken ill at the last minute and couldn’t attend, but after the cut-off date to give the venue the numbers so we were charged for them anyway, but they had removed their seats - then charged us extra for the unexpected kiddy!

I had no children at my wedding - I think in some ways they spoil the ceremony by being noisy etc. I never took my children to weddings that i went to after I had them, always enjoyed a day out without them in all honesty. Up to each couple who they have in attendance.

Mamgujane

Weddings - what a ridiculous waste of money. We’ve been happily unmarried for 52 years. Had a civil partnership arranged for the first day it was possible, chiefly to protect our pensions.
Fortunately our two children think the same. I don’t want to be the mother strapped and corseted into a ridiculous dress, in high heels I can’t walk in.
On the actual subject, children should always be allowed. I’m shocked that some people don’t want them at a wedding.

Sorry, but this just reads as I don't believe in weddings, they are ridiculous, but they should still be run the way I say they should

The only children at my wedding were my husbands 4 nieces and nephews and 2 of the bridesmaids, at the reception they had their own table with 1 set of parents on either side and we had an activity pack for them to keep them occupied, the nieces and nephews were staying at the hotel overnight so had a couple of rooms to go back to if they had needed to, but booking a smaller function room or a bedroom just for children or nursing mothers sounds a great idea and a good compromise

My son and his fiancée are marrying next year and she has 22 cousins all with children, the cost implications would be huge, so only children of immediate family members (ie his nieces and nephew are invited). Depends on size of family and circumstances

Our 5 yesterday old daughter was a bridesmaid. Our 2 other children were not invited as it was a no children policy . With hindsight, I should have said no to the bridesmaid request.

The needs of children are taking over the adult world.

IMO, (see above), weddings are about a solemn joining together of 2 people, whether they are religious or not. They're not about having special events for the little darlings or having sweet little cherubs throwing tantrums as they walk down the aisle tossing flower petals.

My dad missed his favourite sister's wedding in the sixties because it was a working day, he couldn't get time off. Being at a wedding is not a human right and if you can't go because your child is breast feeding, that's a shame but not the end of the world.

(Hard hat on)

A simple solution: If the prospective bride and groom have stipulated this condition, it should be respected. If the proposed attendees are offended, don't attend.

I think it should be the Bride and Grooms choice and also to be considered is the size of the chosen venue . We are going to a child free wedding soon and the venue is quite small.

When my son and his gorgeous wife were married 9 years ago all cousins and their children were invited but the behaviour of some of the smaller children was appalling. Their parents seemed to find this behaviour amusing but I felt really cross. I knew how nervous my son was at having to make a speech and how much love and emotion he’d put in to writing it and then practising it over and over. To have children disrupting that most nerve wracking and precious moment was heartbreaking.
I was sitting next to his new father-in-law and he too was nervous with shaking hands so I knew the disruption of these “brats” would affect him too. It’s rude and disrespectful of the parents to allow their small children to put a spoiler on such a special day.