Boarding Schools

Not true Lucca.

We sent our children to public schools (as day pupils) for the education.

Our older children started school in the mid 70s when we were confidently assured by the then local Director of Education that Open Plan Education would be commonplace within the next 5 years which we wanted to avoid. Not sure what happened there.

My siblings and I went to boarding school. My DB went early and was not happy until he was much older. I just went for the 6th form and loved it.
My mother was a working widow who had been a boarder herself and taught in boarding schools. She thought she was doing the absolute best and making sacrifices to send us away to good schools.
None of us have followed suit with our own DC.

My DH weekly boarded while his parents lived abroad. He went to his DGP every weekend. He loved it and you couldn't have wanted for a better human being.

My DB tells me that a number of former teachers at his school are serving prison sentences for child abuse. He was not abused.

When I was at school, we had mixed aged dorms and there were a couple of younger girls who were very unhappy - wetting the bed, crying themselves to sleep etc and I can remember trying to soothe one who thought, perhaps correctly, that her mother and the new partner sent her away as they didn't want to be lumbered with a child.
Not that different from any situation where the parents are failures - just more money.

Lucca

Oh come on Josianne. Parents send their children to public school of snobbery, conscious or unsconscious. The camaraderie you are talking about , is that what we see in the cast of made in Chelsea then ?
There are exceptions obviously and I know of one but by and large it is a class thing.

Well that is certainly not my understanding of most of the parents I know. Other values are important.
For myself included in sending my kids to an independent school ......., although I am a chav inner London comprehensive school educated parent, not a Made in Chelsea.

Not all boarding schools are 'public schools' with all the snobbery attached to those words. DH went to what sounds like quite a progressive boarding school and loved it. It wasn't very academic by the sound of it but there was a huge range of opportunities offered that he'd never otherwise have had the chance to try.
I begged to be sent to boarding school as life at home wasn't great.

Very interesting to read all the posts on here. I too was sent to boarding school at 11 and my two poor wretched brothers at 8! None of us speak much about it now but represented a pretty dire miserable period of our lives. This was in the 60s some of these places were still pretty brutal. Survival in these places depended on being reasonably academic, good at sport, very outgoing/confident you could wing it.

although I am a chav inner London comprehensive school educated parent, not a Made in Chelsea.
? I suddenly have a new view of how I imagine you to look, Josianne!

My mother was a working widow who had been a boarder herself and taught in boarding schools. She thought she was doing the absolute best and making sacrifices to send us away to good schools.
Ditto my MIL as DH was offered a free place.
He didn't enjoy it particularly but he seems to have survived the experience unscathed and appears to be relatively normal ?

Whatever normal is.

Callistemon

^although I am a chav inner London comprehensive school educated parent, not a Made in Chelsea.^
? I suddenly have a new view of how I imagine you to look, Josianne!

Ha ha! But I'd have to swap my Goldie puppy for a pitbull to fit in with that crowd Callistemon!

Oh, that gorgeous puppy certainly does not fit with the image, Josianne
And you need the right Brizzle accent, yeah but no but, yeah

Talking of dogs, my husband now inspects boarding schools and says the best ones are those with a resident dog or two or three. Pets do wonders for the children who are away from home.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202110/medium-624304-0-caterhamschool.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202110/medium-21100-0-jpr-sah-031219bagshot-02.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202110/medium-750444-1-jpr-sah-031219bagshot-03.jpg

Like these schools. Who wouldn't want to sign their child up?

My ex husband was sent to a Catholic boarding school in Sussex at the age of seven and it scarred him for life. He was bullied, and begged his parents to go to a day school. He blamed his mother for making him stay there, resented his sister as she went to a day school so lived at home and I think it’s what turned him into the mysogenist he is.
The catholic element made him very uptight about sex and very narrow minded about a lot if things.
I think girls do better at boarding.

I was a troubled and troublesome teenager and sent to boarding school in desperation by father and step mother with whom I lived. Great move as ethos was Quaker and it helped settle me a bit BUT terrible education - few subjects, no out of class activities. Haven't fogiven them for not accepting that no Maths teacher and no supply while she was ill not ok even for girls. Husband boarded and was badly bullied. Our children stayed home with us!

I went to boarding school from the age of 8 - it was pretty spartan but it made me very resilient - I'm nearly 80 now and have had an extremely happy and lucky life. I hated school, but not just because it was boarding - it was all the petty rules. The plus side was that it taught me how to make friends on my own. My 'home' friends were the ones where my parents knew their parents, but school ones weren't. I've never been to prison but I always felt that it would have been much easier for someone who was at boarding school in the 1950s!

Yes, I did; age 11-18. I don't know anyone who went to BS who hasn't been adversely affected by it, and for many people, the impact is devastating. If you possibly can, I'd recommend the AWESOME Boarding School Survivors workshops, run by Nick Duffel's organisation. www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/events-and-workshops/
Happy to talk further if wanted - PM me for a better communication method. There is also a really useful boarding school survivors FB group.

Parents send their children to public school of snobbery

In the past it was fairly frequently because of work ...not just the forces but also one heck of a lot of children of Missionaries! There were even schools originally set up specifically for the sons/daughters of missionaries.

I have no experience of knowing how boarding school affects children, or affects them as adults. But what I honestly can't understand is why any parents would want to send their children away like that and not have them at home.

I went at 9 and was very very unhappy

I went to a private school that was part boarders and part day pupils. The boarders all seemed very damaged and I always wondered how their later lives went. My home life wasn't that wonderful (severely depressed mother) but I think I would have done even worse as a boarder. The teachers and particularly the school matron seemed to be very cold and appeared to HATE children.

Very interesting to read all the posts on here. I too was sent to boarding school at 11 and my two poor wretched brothers at 8! None of us speak much about it now but represented a pretty dire miserable period of our lives. This was in the 60s some of these places were still pretty brutal. Survival in these places depended on being reasonably academic, good at sport, very outgoing/confident you could wing it.

Sounds familiar allium

Not just boarding schools can affect people for life. Unhappy home life can cause long term problems too.
Just reading about the 330,000 children abused by the clergy in France was shocking. The Magdalen laundries etc etc. Boarding schools are not necessarily the main or even one cause for the list of problems posted earlier

Not just boarding schools can affect people for life. Unhappy home life can cause long term problems too.
Just reading about the 330,000 children abused by the clergy in France was shocking. The Magdalen laundries etc etc. Boarding schools are not necessarily the main or even one cause for the list of problems posted earlier

Survival in these places depended on being reasonably academic, good at sport, very outgoing/confident you could wing it.
There was a recent thread on GN during lockdown where about 75% said exactly the same thing about their memories of state school. I think it is true anywhere in the world. It's j

I dont think having a dog is an example of anything to be honest, lots and lots of day schools have dogs, I go into many many early years settings with pets. So no those photos would not have any impact on my choice of school.

Aveline

Not just boarding schools can affect people for life. Unhappy home life can cause long term problems too.
Just reading about the 330,000 children abused by the clergy in France was shocking. The Magdalen laundries etc etc. Boarding schools are not necessarily the main or even one cause for the list of problems posted earlier

I agree Aveline. How many more times is the Catholic Church going to have to apologise? And what does it actually do to compensate its victims? Isn't it the tax payer who picks up the pieces?