Inviting friend we don't know

Personally I think you are all, those “miffed”, are being pathetic and petty ! Good opportunity to meet a new friend and it’s a hotel, anyone can book in !!

To be honest I feel that she should have asked the rest of you if that would be ok to invite her along. I used to meet up with 3 old school friends and we would talk non stop about our school days and growing up etc. another person would find that really boring I would think

If the group member wants to go away with her friend, she should do so on another occasion. She can’t mix the two, it with work.

I feel quite sorry for the unknown lady. She might be an absolute gem for all you know. If she does turn up, please do all you can to make her welcome. Imagine, it might be you in this position one day and think how you'd feel if you got even the slightest clue that there was resentment about your presence. Be kind - she might be a New Best Mate.

The friend who did the inviting was wrong to have not checked with ALL the rest of the party and her friend was silly to accept the invitation as she's going to feel very left out. The inviter friend will get her cumupance as she'll have to entertain her!

Maybe you don’t know her but your friend does and you don’t know what this poor woman as gone through, maybe there is a reason why she has asked her. and the wanting to stop in hotel is just something she saying because you don’t need to know the real reason. You might surprise yourself you might actually like her. I’d say more the merrier. If covid should have taught you anything is life is too short for tossing your dummy out the pram.

Jess20

Changes the dynamic, I'd also be miffed. Should have checked first, or made arrangements for a different time.

Absolutely agree with this. If the lady is lonely and wants some new friends it would have been better to maybe introduce her on an evening out first to see how everyone got on.

Do you think your old pal has invited her random friend to split the hotel room bill?
Times are hard at the moment.
Just a thought. xx

Why does your friend from the group not go on another occasion with her friend and stay at the hotel. Think the group are perfectly entitled to be miffed. Or you can all take a friend!

I feel sorry for the stranger who has been invited. She will feel so out of it. I'm surprised she agreed to come.

However nice the stranger may be, they are not part of the reason you are meeting up. Unless all ‘members’ are asked, and agree, surely this would become a different expectation - the group dynamic would be altered.

I wouldn't be put out at all. Look forward to meeting someone new and the input she will put into the group. Seems very clicky to not want to have someone new in the friendship group.

This has happened in my book group and it has really changed the group dynamic.
Someone wanted to bring a partner and then others wanted to bring a partner / spouse / visiting relative.
It just becomes a different event, but I don't enjoy it in the same way.

Patsyfagan

Just trying to think of ways to save gas and electricity. Do I really need to change my bedding once a week ??

You might want to put this on Electricity You’ll find that on the Other Subjects heading.

It would have been better if you'd all had the chance to meet the newcomer for a quick meal or something first. You might have got on really well and been happy to mutually invite her along for the weekend. But a weekend is a long time to spend with someone who isn't your type.

I haven't read all the replies yet so someone else may have thought the same as me (i.e. slightly outside the box). Does the lady who is bringing the friend really feel a part of the group? Is she sidelined in the meet ups? Are you all equally interested in each other? I'm asking because I was in a group of old schoolfriends who met up once a decade. At school, I was a part of the group but was accepted reluctantly by some. They came from very well to do (rich) families and I, having lost my dad just before starting at that school, was in second hand clothes and shoes. I never felt adequate and some of the group made it known that they felt the same. I was the group patsy (and every group has one). I suffered through the reunions until I hit 40 and then just said no thanks. My self esteem took a knock every time. Could this lady be feeling that way, perhaps, and needs an ally?
I could be way off beam with that idea, but food for thought?

I think I would be a bit miffed too, it could potentially spoil the whole dynamics. Can I suggest that you suggest this new lady joins the rest of you for the Group for a coffee a couple of times so that you can all get to know her, you might be surprised by her personality and could all have a great time together.

I belong to a small group of friends . We have met regularly for 25 years and have seen one another through good and bad times. We know things about each other that we might not want shared with others. I would be upset if, on one of our meet ups, someone brought a friend along . I understand how you are feeling Bewitched.

I thought the same as Ilovedragonflies, you may not have noticed that this friend is getting left out. Maybe she is bringing someone she can chat to. Personally I wouldn’t be indignant before the event, I’d wait and see how it went. Hope you all have a lovely time.

Aargh! It's a mistake usually! I did this on a trip to Paris for weekend in 1991 with a works boozy trip I took a friend who wanted to go, problem was she contacted some bloke she knew in Paris and when I went back to our room shared with company accountant (3share) she came to the door draped in a towel looking all seductive (cringe) and said "come back I'm busy" yikes!!! Never been so shamed embarrassed fuming, murderous!! Needless to say we had to go down to the bar in tiny backstreet hotel drink a coffee for an hour until chummy came down and buggered off! Never spoke to her for journey home dropped her at her house(with long term boyfriend) never spoke to her again EVER! saw her in our local little country remote pub in 2003 with yet another bloke she gushed all over us sent me a Christmas card with photos of her with old boyfriend now hubby and 2 sons.....what a slag! They'll show you up! They always do they're not in your circle of trust!!!

Your friend should of consulted the rest of the party before asking her friend to go, maybe the 'new' lady thinks you all agreed to it and are happy for her to go. If I was invited to go away with a well established group of mates I think I would decline.

mrsgreenfingers56

I wouldn't be put out at all. Look forward to meeting someone new and the input she will put into the group. Seems very clicky to not want to have someone new in the friendship group.

That's not cliquey.thats old trusted friends not wanting to suddenly become free for all with an unknown quantity. Strange you jump to see the nasty side?

mrsgreenfingers56

I wouldn't be put out at all. Look forward to meeting someone new and the input she will put into the group. Seems very clicky to not want to have someone new in the friendship group.

We are a clique. What's wrong with that? It's not as if we're in the office going around as an exclusive group and shunning other people.
Clique isn't always a negative word.

And of course if she comes we're not going to be giving her dirty look, or ignoring her or saying "shh here she comes*. We're not 12.

Just remember if you had no one else to go with and didn't want to go alone, what YOU would feel like being asked not to go as everyone else was 'friends' ! bit mean spirited ...remember, a stranger is just a friend you do not know ...........

Oh just go with the flow and enjoy! Life is too short.