It’s nothing to do with me!

Not me (I take British reserve to the extreme) ) but my DH. He’s tried to help elderly unknown people more than once not always with the desired results!

My DD helped a young woman who had collapsed in the road. She stayed with her until the ambulance arrived. The girl's boyfriend said she had some infection.

A week later my DD had 'some infection' which made her quite ill. A good deed never goes unpunished!

Tell me about it!

I once helped a neighbour fill in her DLA form and then got lumbered with doing all kinds of things for her, despite the fact that she had a big lump of a son living at home. Its amazing how men can get out of things by being "not good at that". Fortunately she downsized to the other side of the city.

Now I dont do neighbouring and keep myself to myself. My NDN is a whinger par excellence and if I see her on my ring doorbell I just ignore it. I have become an expert in not hearing or seeing things (not wearing my hearing aid or having the right glasses handy) and making it as difficult as possible for people to contact me unless they are close friends of family. Then they can go bother someone else.

Ive never reported a thread on any forum. I despise snitches.

I had to finish a friendship with a woman who had huge problems, she would come round, unload, ask for advice and then tell me that I was talking nonsense, I was idiotic, and generally abuse me!
She was obviously very angry and worried, but my well meant advice wasn’t what she wanted to hear.
I gave up and have enjoyed a more relaxed peaceful way of life ever since!

I keep out of other folks business. It can be a minefield offering advice abc helping people.

I have been a good neighbour but won't go out of my way as I used to anymore.
I won't chase around after people either now I have done it for long enough. I don't send cards to people who don't send them to us anymore.
I think you reach a stage in life and think it's always me so not anymore.

i used to do far too much, sometimes silly things.
there was a priest who used to ask/tell me to drive his cassock to another church, as it was heavy.
he was in his 30s, six foot two, and it couldn't have been too heavy to wear, but to carry a mile, it was.
he also used to assume that i would drive him anywhere, and tell people he was coming, before asking me.
i found this difficult. i felt snookered as i didn't want to let down these other people.
he even declined another lift one time to a distant meeting, saying oh i have my chauffeur.
that really annoyed me, he hadn't asked me if i was going to that meeting.
one day he said he had invited another preacher.
i said nothing.
i knew he wanted me to jump to offer to bring them. he went on, that she had a child... difficult to travel etc.
i still said nothing.
he went on, trying to prompt the expected offer.
i then said, well i can't say i'll bring her because i have no intention of bringing her.
he almost tripped over.
and i enjoyed that delicious moment of being the worm that turned. and nearly tripped him up.

I'm fond of the phrase "Not my circus, not my monkeys"

I use it more and more. ?

I frequently say "That's a shame" and move on.

Well done Wellbeck

Stress is when your gut says ‘no and’ your mouth says ‘Id love to’

Don’t get stressed, just say ‘oh dear’ and walk away.

PS that little bit of wisdom took me nearly 50 years to accomplish.

You’re welcome.

I was for years the family fixer and struggled to say no. If I suggested anything and it didn't work out, I was given the responsibility of fixing it. I have learned to keep silent now and don't offer advice except to my daughter and only if she asks for it. Finally learning to step back is very liberating!

It’s taken 72 years but finally I’ve realised a few things.
A committed hypochondriac will never be well so best ignored once sympathy runs out.
A committed attention seeker will be ever thus so, again, best ignored.
An unkind person will never understand kindness.
Sticking up for the underdog results in the top dog attacking the defender.
Best to stay out of it.

Sticking up for the underdog results in the top dog attacking the defender
Best to stay out of it.

Good advice.
I've done that several times and still keep getting myself into trouble when I do!

I will repeat that mantra daily ?

A good deed never goes unpunished
too true AGAA4
As long as you remember that when you are about to launch in and make an offer.

I have just said yes, yet again to someone I vowed I would distance myself from as she is a taker. If you behave like a doormat , you get treated like one. Ah well! I have gone into this eyes wide open.

Can't help myself I like volunteering and would die of terminal boredom if I didn't pitch in to community stuff. Some of its very good and sometimes you have a bad experience. Swings and roundabouts.

Sometimes (often I think actually) people don't want advice or other help, but just to be heard/listened to/understood. Sometimes they need more. The only thing i want on my gravestone is 'She was kind.' I would never walk past someone in need of help. Recently I fell and broke my hip on a London street. I was absolutely overwhelmed by people's kindness; my daughters were both with me but so many passers by stopped to offer help, water, a cushion for my head, a blanket or coat to cover me. One kind man refused to accept that there wasn't an available ambulance and managed to get one to come.
I'm not criticising anyone else on this thread; I'm just going to keep on being kind whenever I can.

Oh no, I don't get involved with neighbours. Learnt my lesson the hard way there. Keep myself to myself. Im happy to say hello, chat over the fence etc. Good fences make good neighbours.

If I can help I will, as long as it is clearly needed, but I do not help people unless there is no one else.

I don't get involved with my neighbours either, though happy for a chat when we meet, usually on 'bins' day. Good terms all round and hoping to keep it that way.

choughdancer I think that's a good point - often people just want to talk something through to get it clear in their own heads. I do a good line of non-committal 'uh huh's' for a first listen, and then an 'appointment' if it looks as though we're going to go round the same block again I'm afraid.

If it's clear there's something I can can do of practical help then I'm only too glad to pitch in.

Our next door neighbour is 93. She lost her husband about 15 years ago. He had been ill for years and they never went anywhere. A couple over the road took her under their wing, taking her on holidays, involving her with their families (she has no children). She loved it, was grateful and treated them to short breaks, meals etc.
She is somewhat immobile now and they look after her. Lovely. They are now in their 70s. They take her to hospital appointments, get her shopping, arranged for a cleaner etc. However they complain and talk about her constantly, saying she is a moaner (she isn't), ungrateful (she isn't), how they've got enough to do with their own children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.
The woman even implied to me that she 'wished she would go. 'All sorts of horrible things. She thinks they are her friends.
A couple of weeks ago she needed a small job doing and the couple were out. My husband did the job and when the woman from the couple found out she went mad, saying that she would never help her again and that we could do it all. My neighbour was in floods of tears. I won't offer to help again.

I've no choice but to be involved with my neighbour (when it suits her, of course)
God knows I've tried to steer clear...

I tried to help several months ago. But it went round in circles. One problem after another, and the cup was always half empty instead of half full. I walked away, after it affected my sleep patterns. Too old for rescuing people now.

Kate1949, that's horrible. i'd doubt the motives of that couple. sounds like they honed in on her in expectations of being rewarded, she is older, no children...
hence their anger at anyone else getting involved.
they ascribe to others their own motives.