Spending weekend alone

And I. Hate. Sundays too! I always have!

My late mother hated Sundays.
We would meet up on Saturdays but my husband would not have her in our company on Sundays. She could be difficult and demanding, but as an only child I miss her greatly.
I am older now, and thinking of the future when I or my husband will be left on our own, hoping family will phone.
These thoughts are just to tell the OP you are not alone with lonely thoughts but as others have said, the world will not come to find you, you need to find a new relationship or more friends while you are still younger and fit. Please keep in touch with us all. ?

Lyng17

I can't get my head around some of the unkind attitudes on here. I am amazed that those making thoughtless comments have any company themselves if that's how they treat others.

I agree. And internet comments when you’re sat at home on your own can really hurt.

Sorry Knittingnovice, I live alone and have recently caught a virus which has caused labyrinthitis, a severe balance problem. I've had it a month now and sometimes can't drive, it's the loneliest and most vulnerable I've ever felt, even though my son is only an hour and a bit away. I don't have a friend nearby I could ring, both of my best friends are 350 miles away. In a dire emergency I could try a neighbour, but they weren't much cop when my roof blew off last year.

We just have to be our own best friend and be kind to ourselves. Spend your 'lone' time doing nice things for you, even as basic as doing a menu plan and shopping list, go to the market to shop for lovely fruit and veg, spoil yourself a bit. Sundays here there is a large market and it has a nice community feel, I often go just to be amongst people. Next time you know you won't be seeing anyone on Sunday, plan a walk and a coffee at the end of it, even a piece of cake. I take my dog to the beach every day, and once a month go to the local art gallery with him. Since I was widowed I've never been invited to Sunday lunch - I think I miss the family sunday lunch mayhem the most. Take care.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to post comments. I feel supported by people who know how I feel, but sad at the same time as its not a pleasant feeling.

I'm an introvert so like my own company, but I don't always want to be alone.

I remember ester rantzen she has plenty of people to do things with, but nobody to do nothing with which is lonely. I relate to that.

There are so many comments on here it's hard to reply to them all, but the time of year is a factor I think, possibly low mood which posters have said.

I think also possibly my childhood plays a role somehow.

Thank you

I felt alone when i was in a 18 year relationship.
I have friends who are always saying how unhappy they are because their hubby/partner are out again. Or they've had a row I'd rather be on my own then a drama in the house

I'm not poo pooing your feelings
Like someone said on here, its about getting out. Maybe join gym or classes. I've lived alone for 7 years but been on my own for 35 years. Had few dates/ boyfriends but nothing too serious

Where do you live?
I'm always happy to meet for coffee but i live in London

Try have nice day tomorrow?
Maybe good book, take you away from your thoughts

The "nobody to do nothing with" quote is a good one Knittingnovice. My husband died 3 years ago and although he wasn't very talkative and we often hardly spoke in the evenings I do miss his presence. Going out and seeing friends is fine but the house is sometimes very empty in the evenings without him messing around with his computer in the background.

Not sure if you guys have heard of an app called
Next Door. Its great for the local area. Tells you about events going on Also, if you need DIY or selling stuff.
I found coffee morning near me.
Give it a go, might help you meet local people.

Eve

Everyone is different, and some people enjoy being alone whilst others hate it. There's no right and wrong, and it's good that Knittingnovice has been able to get her feelings off her chest.

What are you like with Zoom, KN? If you are comfortable with it, you could have a look on Eventbrite and see what is available that matches your interests. There are usually classes, but also performances and other pastimes on there. Classes might be best, as you get a chance to talk to other people and they to you. I have made friends that way, as I 'Zoomed' a lot during lockdowns. At one point I was doing two classes a day, which kept me busy and filled my need to be sociable.

If you are near a city, the city library might have group events on, too.

I'm lucky enough to have been a member of a nice friendly gym for 20 years. Sunday is a very nice relaxed day there (cafe, natters, you get to know people).

I happen to go to Quakers on a Sunday so
Sundays as such are better days, but thats not for everyone.

I've always wanted to live near a sort of idealised cafe/bar where you could be a "regular" and time any day. Perhaps that only happens on TV though...

I hope you feel better now Knittingnovice
I lost my DH to cancer nearly 2 years ago and it was only then, when I was alone that I noticed how many people I know who live alone.
If they manage, I can manage
I have found much support on these threads.
I keep busy during the day but it's in the evening I find it harder.
I'm already in bed. Partly to keep warm but also for the comfort of a good book, chatting on here or listening to the radio.
It's been a busy day and tomorrow I will take DMiL to church and later go to a get together at the art club which I have attended for years.
I may go to the cinema in the evening - or not.
Always good to have options.

Where else but by coming in here, from the comfort of home (yes Grammaretto plus electric blanket) can I get such a variety of company on different topics and dip in and out (and look like I'm dragged through a hedge backwards as mum used to say and it not matter...)

I am a bit bemused. I love having time at home on my own and always have. DH had a job that had him constantly travelling the world, so I have had a lifetime of being on my own, first, with small children, then a gap when those small children when they were teenagers and were intelligent company then they went to university etc and I was completely alone when DH was away. The longest he has been away is three months, and I can honestly say I have never once felt lonely.

I think, more than anything it is a question of your own personality, whether you are the knd of person who needs other people presence to confirm you exist, or whether like me and many others, you are sufficient unto yourself.

But that’s why I was surprised to find myself overwhelmed by loneliness because I am someone that has always happily done things on my own and don’t really like social occasions. Maybe it was because everyone seemed to leave at once, my husband left me for someone else and my youngest child went to uni.

I was in the same position as M0nica. OH worked overseas for weeks at a time, often out of contact totally. I was left with three children to look after. For the last ten years of his working life he lived abroad, first in Egypt and then Albania. I would visit him in my holidays and he had time off in the UK. It worked for us.

MayBee70, that is a very different situation from just being alone briefly but knowing people will be coming back.

I would call what you described a 'existential loneliness' and every reason for causing feelings of aloneness. My time on my own is merely transitional and the more enjoyable because I know that DH. or the children are returning.

I too was often alone when my DH worked away or went on business trips. I quite enjoyed it but the difference is that I knew that he would come back.
I think really being alone is when it is permanent and I can understand how KnittingNovice feels.
Unless you have truly been alone Monica you cannot appreciate what it is like.

I’m not lonely, but I remember the feeling very well.
As a young unmarried mum, living away from all of my friends, I was extremely lonely. I would have been so grateful for any human contact.
I used to walk miles just in the hope of meeting someone I might have a chat with.
Eventually struck up a friendship with a girl I met at baby clinic, we had absolutely nothing in common, but it didn’t matter.
I don’t have anything constructive to say, but I do understand what you’re feeling.

I think there is a,l big difference between choosing to spend time alone, and coming to realise it is no longer a choice, but a constant state of being.

For goodness sake, be kind posters. The poor OP must be feeling worse than she did before she posted. I can understand how you feel, OP. I'm lucky enough to have my DH with me but even I feel lonely sometimes if he is elsewhere. The weekends are by far the worst, too. One always imagines 'everyone else' is out having fun one way or another, even if they're not. There are some good suggestions on here but I'm wondering if your problem is that you only have work friends? Do you have neighbours? Could you organise some sort of get together? Perhaps a coffee morning for charity or something similar? Then on subsequent lonely weekends you could give one of them a call and see if they would like to pop round for a glass of wine. You might find someone local who shares your interests. What about weekend walking groups? If you have a local FB page have a look on that. Something will turn up. Good luck!

I can understand how you feel. I can feel quite happy on my own but I still have Mr B so I am never alone for long. However if he wasn’t around I would be totally alone, who could I ask to come to the hospital with me if I had sedation, family all working long hours,I have nobody in an emergency, That’s what would make me feel lonely. I hope you can find away around your feelings and wish you luck

Barmey - yes, me too. I sympathise.

I am on my own all the time since being widowed but I tend to hop from one project or activity to another and so I ring the changes, otherwise boredom would creep in.

I do have an active mind and I like to ring the changes eg sewing makes me think, tidying the kitchen makes it nice, reading refreshes my brain. A cycle ride gets me into the fresh air. A walk to the local shops and back has me saying good morning to almost everyone and some people are glad of that when they stop and chat

I don`t think about loneliness so I am not lonely. Being self contained is key, being busy, even tidying a drawer while listening to the radio. Feelgood factors help, to know that you have done something postive with your day

Hi op,
Sorry you’re feeling lonely.
I hope this doesn’t sound flippant, but have you considered getting a pet? I know a cat or dog will never take the place of a loved one, but just having someone else to buy food for, think about, take for a walk, can really help.
All the best x

Barmeyoldbat

I can understand how you feel. I can feel quite happy on my own but I still have Mr B so I am never alone for long. However if he wasn’t around I would be totally alone, who could I ask to come to the hospital with me if I had sedation, family all working long hours,I have nobody in an emergency, That’s what would make me feel lonely. I hope you can find away around your feelings and wish you luck

Yes I'd have no one for the hospital thing, if it were vv - v serious of course DS or DiL would come but with 4 kids one very disabled both jobs 2.75 hours away and dear sister 7 hours away it would be emergency only re family, till a Quaker contact or two or sister who is a doc and could come would visit. I need to firm up those" nearly friends" known for long time but not to be able to call on each other for things like bringing stuff in and so on.