Spending weekend alone

busybeejay

Can’t believe people putting comments on here that are not supportive.It just makes the situation worse.If you can’t say anything kind then don’t bother saying anything.Barbarax

I’ve noticed an influx of new names on here, not all of them are friendly.

Hi Knittingnovice,
I am getting to this thread rather later than others, and I realize that it’s now Monday and you may well be at work again. I am sorry to hear you felt so lonely. I hope things will improve for you. I can suggest a couple of activities that may perhaps help you. One would be to consider a hobby or activity you can do at home and/or by yourself (possibly even in addition to doing it in a group). The other is journalling: to write down how you feel, your thoughts, your worries, what goes through your mind. Perhaps treat yourself to a nice notebook for this? I find it can really help to offload your concerns onto paper and help you feel freer. All the best!

Try the Silverline Helpline, there people there to chat to if you re feeling lonely

I was married for 20 years and have now been on my own for 20 years and frankly it’s lovely, can do what I want when I want and yes I have friends and family but love my own time….. currently knitting

My second post on this thread, forgot to put, since having a dog I have met so many people. Also my doggie is such great company. I know some people can’t imagine this but really tbey are amazing best friends. If can’t have a dog or afford one, maybe get in touch with a local dog group and offer to dog sit or do walking. That way can pick and chose what dog you have. I’ve had small and large, I now have my first small dog and yes much easier x good luck, I haven’t seen the unhelpful comments on here, but just chose to ignore them, there are lots of good people on here ?

My husband died thirty five years ago and initially I felt lonely but I kept busy renovating my bungalow and then I joined different groups in the village and travelling abroad alone on holidays and visiting relatives abroad until I was eighty two and had to stop because of arthritis. Since the start of the Covid epidemic I have been housebound and see no one apart from a hour a day when my help comes. I have my iPad, books Tv, Puzzle books, getting my meals, etc. Do not have time to feel lonely!

It may be that you are a little depressed. Could you mention it to your doctor. Ignore any negative comments some people can be very self righteous

Saggi

You need to find some inner resources ….read and garnish knowledge….volunteer to visit those folk who are REALLY lonely 24/7…. help the less able …. Work for a charity….watch some decent tv( not easy I know) listen to audible books….join U.3.A……decorate a room….decorate somebody else’s who is disabled maybe….dig a garden …plant a garden….pick litter left by uncaring anglers at riverside …. go into schools and listen to the ‘strugglers’ read…….and for goodness sake stop moaning!

Wow. How bloody rude and cruel Saggi

I’ve never messaged on this group before but I read the threads often ..,
I can’t believe how horrible and judgemental some of the replies to Knittingnovice are !!!
Everyone is different and loneliness can be such a subtle feeling … it may have taken her a lot of courage to write about her feelings and getting those judgemental replies must have felt really rejecting . Everyone’s feelings are valid , just because some people “ get on with it and cope “ doesn’t invalidate another’s feelings and lucky you if you can cope , not everyone can .
I don’t think I’d ever want to post something here that made me feel vulnerable …. Some of the smug , critical replies would just be too much !

A lot of posts on this thread have been deleted by Gransnet which can only mean that there are some real b*tches on this site who take great delight in putting others down with their 'superior, smug' attitudes. You should be ashamed of yourselves if you've had a reply deleted. Grow Up!

I agree with you KnittingNovice 100%. You can be surrounded by people but still feel alone and can be alone for only a day but its the background story that accompanies the loneliness.
Thinking of you (kindly, NOT nastily)

I am a long time widow with just 2 family members. Although living only 6 miles away they are too wrapped up in their own lives to bother with me. I live alone in an isolated area, nearest neighbour about half a mile away. We do have a phone chat once a week to catch up. I am lucky enough to have a friend as my 'emergency'. I have to make a call before 9 a.m. each morning, if I don't the friend rings me. If no answer the friend would contact the Police. As I have animals to care for this lifeline is vital. I don't see anyone to talk to most days and although I am very alone I don't really feel lonely. I am spoiled in that I am surrounded by fields, woodland and mountains and all the wildlife therein.

I actually find the winter months less lonely because everyone seems to have the same idea of staying home, hunkering down and staying cosy. In the Summer everyone is out and about enjoying the good weather (if we have any ?)

Looking at how many people experience loneliness, perhaps there should be a new thread just for those people where they can express their feelings, find ways to cope with the way feel, etc. Perhaps those who have no empathy for the lonely or don't feel they should feel lonely given their circumstances could avoid that thread.

Knitingnovice - go to your GP and access 6 weeks of counselling with a professional under the AIPT service. Here you will be able to talk in absolute confidence about your feelings of loneliness which are real for you but may also be fuelled by emotions that you can work on. Right now you seem to have your health (i.e., ability to mobilise) so while you have that you need to widen your hobbies and friendship groups so that there is more to fall back on in your later years when you might be less able to get out of the house and socialise. Sorry to say this but you have to work on your loneliness with a solution-focused approach.

Just finding this thread. Hope you do take comfort in having had the courage to express a vulnerability online. Sometimes that's all it takes, giving your self the permission to 'feel'. Good luck.

Do not worry we all feel that way at times do you have children, family you could visit call for a chat
If not go out for a walk fresh air helps the mind to feel better in the sunshine ....

Its sad that you feel lonely and very true that loneliness is an emotion felt by many, even if not alone. . Now what to do about it? Have you spoken to your family and friends about this? Maybe arrange a phone call or a visit one evening. I am part of a circle who each take a turn to cook a meal and we meet at each others houses to eat together. Some are couples some not but its been lovely. Nothing too fancy. There is the option of evening activities like choirs, adult education etc. If not Perhaps seek medical advice as feeling lonely can sometimes be a sign that you may be a little depressed and there arè lots of online things too. What ever you decide I do hope it helps.

I feel lonely at times, although living alone doesn't worry me. I've been living abroad for about 45 years, and, since my partner passed away a year ago, I am left with very few friends here, and my son and his family live in the UK. Sometimes I'd give anything to have someone to talk with in the evenings, or next to me at night. I don't and don't even know what I will do with the rest of my life, although at 64 I doubt I have mor than 20 years to worry about. Anyhow, all my friends were older than me, and are passed on too. I have 2 dogs and 2, or 3, cats who are my sanity checks, and I could not be without them frankly. I could not find another partner, and live more or less à hermit's life, which suits me mostly. I do have times when I feel very alone. I can't do anything about it, adapt maybe and do things, hobbies etc. But as I don't need anything who for? I looked after my partner for 4 or 5 years, it was my life, and now, well it takes time to make a new life, lots of time. Good luck

We are certainly all different and many people are lonely even if still working or taking part in different clubs/hobbies. I'm not sure of the age group you are in, but you may be able to access something like silver line befriending service. Do you maybe have colleagues and people who attend some hobby groups with you but you don't really class any of these people as close friends? Connecting with others is one of the things which supports our wellbeing, but connecting probably needs to be more than just being in the company of others. Maybe you could create a WhatsApp group with a few people you share an interest with or do consider as friends. Posting the odd comments to each other can give you a sense of belonging even if you're not physically meeting that day. We kept in touch in our small church group via Whatsapp while we weren't physically meeting through lockdown. We've kept this going and it's great for sharing what's going on in each others ' lives as far as each person feels comfortable with. It makes you feel you're sitting chatting to friends when you're actually on your own. Taking it beyond Whatsapp and into the "real world" , you could maybe start a regular meet up on the day you're most likely to feel lonely ( eg once a month for lunch?). I help to run a Renew Wellbeing session once a week. If there is one near you at a time that suits, you might find it helpful and make new friends there. Here is the link www.renewwellbeing.org.uk/our-centres

I am surprised how nasty some people can be. I am new to Gransnet and I didn't expect this.

I'm very late to this thread and haven't read all through the seven pages but if no-one has mentioned it already may I suggest you see if there is a local u3a ? The one I belong to in south Manchester has over 30 interest groups to choose from - everything from tai chi to art appreciation. It's a great way of making new friends and maybe learning something new at the same time. I do hope you find a way of alleviating your loneliness soon.

Hi Knitting Novice! I strongly recommend volunteering. There are such a lot of volunteers needed in so many areas - charity shops, Age charities, hospital welcomers, food banks etc etc. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it's something you will enjoy, so you stick to it. I do Rhyme Time for pre-schoolers, and role-playing for Police recruit training. Both great fun in totally different ways. You'll meet lovely people who, like you, will be giving up their time to make a difference. I wish you all the best! Go for it! Be brave... xx

Knittingnovice

Gosh I'm lonely. I have hobbies where I see people, but I'm alone tonight and all day tomorrow.

Yes I'll keep busy, get out of house etc
But I feel lonely and I'm existing. I know I'll get through, work is very busy so I need to rest too but I'm lonely.

I feel a bit better writing that but I also feel shame and would never say in real life.

Have you thought of volunteering at a hospital or a local animal rescue....even some charity shops are open on a Sunday......or doing something like 'Be My Eyes' as a volunteer? Personally I love being alone with nothing to do. I do think there are some people commenting who never learned the phrase....'if you have nothing nice to say, keep ya trap shut' but then it's easy to be nasty when you are a faceless username.

A lot of posts on this thread have been deleted by Gransnet which can only mean that there are some real b*tches on this site who take great delight in putting others down with their 'superior, smug' attitudes. You should be ashamed of yourselves if you've had a reply deleted. Grow Up!

Really?
Send me to Specsavers but I could only see two deletions.
Mine was a picture which accidentally revealed my RL name so I asked GNHQ to delete it. Ashamed? Why should I be?
I don’t know what the other one said and can’t remember who it was by, but perhaps you could be less generous with the bitches accusations?
I think the” growing up” advice needs to be directed elsewhere.

If you have no family or relatives it can be lonely. I do have family but at weekends I don't bother them if I can help it. I can sometimes get lonely. I will ask an ex work colleague to meet for coffee or sometimes I find a local Amateur Drama or Musical to go see. Or if you have transport then the same a bit further out. I also advocate for a pet. I have a cat and even though she can't talk she manages to keep me company at times. I hope this is a blip and you can fund something to help at weekends.

I applaud your courage, Knittingnovice! Showing weakness/sensitivity on this site so often invites some attack. I don't understand why - it's a bit like bullying the misfit at school, I suppose. If we could all be a bit kinder to each other, then maybe you wouldn't be lonely. I do understand. I also feel lonely sometimes, even though I have a husband, and a family quite close by. It's about needing support, empathy and maybe a spiritual connection, and these aren't always easy to find. Keep looking, don't be 'needy', keep being nice, join something you're really interested in, and hopefully soon you'll fit in somewhere and feel good.