Anyone else struggling after returning to the UK?

Fleurpepper I used the words I used to say what I wanted to say.
Sometimes we need encouragement to look at a positive course of action. OP has recognised this is a “grass is greener” situation. As we all know from our life experience it rarely is and if we are lucky enough to reach our late 70’s hankering after something is pointless.
Carpe diem

Yes, agreed. There are just 'ways and ways'. As said, it was not you who said 'No-one wants clingy, needy parents and grandparents,' - so apologies.

But 'big girl pants' did sound rather patronising.

I lived in the u.s.a many years ago for 3 years. I loved everything about it and hated haveing to return to the u.k. But many people tell me that America isn’t the same these days and that is true of everywhere. Things change,systems change,governments change etc etc so no surprise your return ‘home’ hasn’t worked out. Go back to Dorset if that’s what you really want. Yes it’s an upheaval but if your health is good then it’s doable. Better than liveing in a part of the country that just exacerbates your longing for that far off land you can’t return to. As for moveing to be near family, each case is different!!

Fleurpepper

although to be fair, it was Callistemon who said

''No-one wants clingy, needy parents and grandparents,''

Isn't that true though?

A warning to all of us!

You can keep digging, Fleurpepper but I didn't say CountessFosco was ^needy or clingy*.

It was just advice that we should not rely on our children and grandchildren for our fulfilment, our happiness and our social lives.
I'm sure CountessFosco knows that and, now everything is opening up again, she and her husband will be able to seek social activities where they've moved to and feel more settled.

Fleurpepper

I truly feel for you and totally understand.

Are you a returned ex-pat, Fleurpepper?

If so, from experience, what advice would you give CountessFosco?

It is true- but it is totally wrong to assume this is the case here! Very unfair.

Returning to the UK at the moment must be not only disconcerting, but seriously worrying. OP mentionned concerns with healthcare and specialist language, but at least in France they would have go quick and excellent healthcare. Coming back to the UK where it is almost impossible to get a face to face appointment, and with massive waiting lists and so few staff and terrible facilities- is not for the fainthearted!

There are problems in France and the rest of Europe, but no-where is on its knees as the UK is currently, and the laughing stock of the world. Expats/immigrants I know all say, pound is tanking and things are getting touch, but we are not going back, at any cost. Can't say I blame them.

No, I am not, so it is best I don't share my advice, as it is too late for that.

I think it might be a case of considering an individual's make up and temperament on this issue. If you are the type who settles easily and happily, (yes, I know Pollyanna here), wherever that might be, then I see no problem returning to the UK anytime. Without giving a list, there are many things which might actually suit you better here. Things are done differently, that's just how it is. In my opinion the trick is to put the problems into perspective in the bigger picture, and not to get hung up on what is better or worse.

We've not returned from abroad, but we have just returned to our home town after several years living elsewhere. Despite really trying, joining things, volunteering etc, we just couldn't settle and were lonely and unhappy.

We'd not realised/admitted how unhappy we had been until we'd moved. I think we'd 'put on our big pants' and soldiered on getting more and more miserable but denying the truth. The state of the world bothered me horribly but I think it was amplified by the fact that I was living out my days in a place where I didn't feel at home Also, as we were isolated from the local community, so didn't share the day to day joys of life, just the misery reported daily on the news.

The reality of living here is better than we thought it would be.
The greatest shock to me is just how happy we are after returning to the place we love.

I'd go as far as to say we were subdued and perhaps depressed living in a place that didn't touch our hearts. I feel 10 years younger and buzzing with life after only 5 weeks in our new home. We could have stayed forever - whether that's 1 year or 30. I'm so glad we didn't.

Before we committed to the move home we visited many times, often for days at a time, until we were sure we were doing the right thing. Perhaps you could try that?

It was hard work, expense and upheaval but heavens it was worth it.

Countess Fosco I think you have been very brave to go back.
I've been in France a long time and every trip back to England
becomes more and more 'difficult' and 'uncomfortable' for me.
Things have changed. I wish you luck in settling back in.

Another ‘Pollyanna’ here Joseanne! I count my blessings and make the best of what I have in life.

I think as we age, we ‘lose’ many things. Friends. Maybe life partners. Good health. Money maybe. But we have to accept that ‘nothing stays the same’. So we must do our best to adapt to different circumstances on our journey through this life.

Also to factor in, some people are glass half full while others are more negative in their outlook - the glass is half empty.

I can understand sadness and regrets by the OP. A yearning to go back to ‘how things were’. But as many of you have already said, possibly some things will have changed anyway and what was once possible is no longer. Acceptance of a situation brings peace of mind I have found. It draws a line in the sand.

On a positive note OP perhaps extended holidays in your favourite places might be possible and if so, bring you some happiness and times to look forward to?

I hope you find peace of mind and maybe some compromises going forward. It’s horrible to feel unsettled over big issues. I’ve been there.

I wish you well.

I really understand how you feel. It takes several years to settle into a country plus the fact you have moved since you arrived back.
I think you should do as NotSpaghetti suggested and decide whether another move will give you peace of mind.

F. We might have petrol next week but there is still a mustard shortage

There are problems in France and the rest of Europe, but no-where is on its knees as the UK is currently, and the laughing stock of the world. Expats/immigrants I know all say, pound is tanking and things are getting touch, but we are not going back, at any cost. Can't say I blame them

Oh dear - here we go again, knocking everything about the UK.
Nowhere is on its knees like the UK
This is an all-too familiar song.
There are other countries with governmental problems- Italy has had them for decades. Corruption at high levels is endemic.
So is life in France hunky-dory? Where did I read about the difficulties of getting petrol? If everything is so perfect how did Marine Le Pen attract so much support?
Quoting Reuters
PARIS, June 19 (Reuters) - France's far-right scored a historic success in legislative elections on Sunday increasing its number of lawmakers almost tenfold and cementing the party's rise from fringe status to the mainstream opposition
Since taking the helm of the party in 2011, leader Marine Le Pen has sought to rid the National Front - now called the National Rally (RN) - of the anti-Semitic image it acquired under the nearly 40-year leadership of her father, ex-paratrooper Jean-Marie Le Pen
According to a Human Rights Watch report dated 2022, , Germany has its fair share of problems too.
Right-wing extremism, antisemitism, and racism appeared to be on the rise. Media freedom, which deteriorated during the Covid-19 pandemic, was further affected by new surveillance laws. Following the Taliban takeover in Afghanistan, Germany halted repatriations of Afghans, but largely failed to evacuate at-risk Afghans in time. A new law obligates large companies to address human rights risks in their direct supply chains. Germany apologized for the 1904-1908 genocide in Namibia
My point is that there is good and bad everywhere (and don’t get me started on anti-abortion legislation or racism in post- Trump America)
The laughing stock of the world?
Well thanks a bunch.Yes, I recognise that times are hard, but it is not exclusively in the UK and for somebody to use this opportunity to again rubbish our country in this way makes my blood boil.
Deep down I suspect it is OP’s disappointment with her family which has set her on this train of thought.
And that is very sad, not alas uncommon, but nothing to do with the economic situation, Liz Truss or (even) Boris Johnson.

The reality of living here is better than we thought it would be.
The greatest shock to me is just how happy we are after returning to the place we love.

I'm really glad it has worked out for you, RichmondPark.
DH always says "Never go back" but I'm not sure that he's right.

Who cares about mustard? But yes, an effective Health Service is definitely a big pro.

And I'm afraid the current situation in the UK is not matched elsewhere at the moment- and the UK IS the laughing stock- whether you wish to believe it, or not.

Again, making assumptions about the OP, which is totally unfair.

Fleurpepper

Who cares about mustard? But yes, an effective Health Service is definitely a big pro.

And I'm afraid the current situation in the UK is not matched elsewhere at the moment- and the UK IS the laughing stock- whether you wish to believe it, or not.

Again, making assumptions about the OP, which is totally unfair.

So are you advising the OP to return to Belgium, France or Switzerland if the UK is such a dreadful place to live, then?

Her DH thinks it is too late at their age, too much upheaval.

I do know how expensive it is to move, fine if you are able to downsize or move somewhere where property is cheaper but it costs £tens of thousands.

No I am not. It is a very tough one. My advice is irrelevant, as that boat has sailed...

To move back is very difficult, but to move back in the current political circumstances, is much much tougher- especially as healthcare was a major factor in the decision- perhaps with rose tinted glasses about the NHS.

All I am asking is for assumptions not to be made, and for a bit more empathy, understanding and support for the way she is feeling. Simple enough.

Plenty of support, advice and suggestions on here.

Wow Fleurpepper The mustard was supposed to have been a joke.

MawtheMerrier
Well said.
And now the eu countries are fighting amongst themselves because they can’t agree on a price cap on gas.

It is not uncommon to move back to home country and be disappointed

Isnt this the same dil that you mentioned in the past?
I hope your son is facilitating visits with us kids

I remember visiting some cousins who had moved "home" to England after a lifetime in India.
Their house in Sutton (outskirts of London) was cold and damp and he didn't get out of bed. She was wrapped in coats and they seemed so sad.
I only saw them once and my mother told me that they returned to India as it just was too cold. depressing and expensive in the UK
This was back in 1960.

mokryna

Wow Fleurpepper The mustard was supposed to have been a joke.

I got it mokryna!

I think it is ok to criticise the incompetency of our government and the stupidity of certain decisions, but once we start getting bitter and making unfavourable comparisons with other countries it is tantamount to suggesting that all our people are rotten too, and that just isn't so. Wasn't it Churchill who said he never went round unnecessarily finding fault with his own country in public?

inflation is sky rocketing in other countries. eg Holland is 14.1%