grandad not accepting step grandchildren or stepdaughter

Casdon

Why is your ex husband using you as the intermediary with your son? I think I’d tell him that you’re not prepared to take it on, as you disagree with him, and let him sort it out directly with your son.

I agree. It doesn’t sound as if anyone has asked you if you want to be used as a postbox! I’d say I didn’t want to be responsible for passing money and messages between your ex and the extended family! Sounds as if the bad feeling from your ex-husband to your son’s ex-wife needs clearing up - he wants to hurt her feelings but he’s trying to get you to do it! Was he manipulative like this when you were living together? You’re not his wife any more, he should stop trying to control everyone and decide what he wants out of his relationships.

A man sends cheques to his son and his grandson. Does not send any to son's new partner or HER children Has he ever met any of them?

I would be inclined to hand over the cheques quietly with a shrug and raised eyebrows as you should not have been put in this position.

However, I have never been in a situation of this type so just saying.

I am definitely with Mercury queen and tell him to do his own dirty work and refuse to be part of it.He is just trying to be controlling and to put you into an invidious position. Dont let him use you in any way. Either rip up cheque throw it away and tell him to do his own dirty work or send him the cheque back and ditto. Then concentrate on enjoying your own life and being involved in the decent family and ignore this powermad and controlling person.

I would say to your ex hubby I’m your ex not your wife you do your own dirty work. If my ex did that I’d tell him we got a piece of paper saying divorce lol I’m also a grandparent to grandkids and a step grandson my youngest met his partner and her son few years ago they also have own house and a child together. Don’t let your ex hubby spoil what you have got.

Nannashirlz

I would say to your ex hubby I’m your ex not your wife you do your own dirty work. If my ex did that I’d tell him we got a piece of paper saying divorce lol I’m also a grandparent to grandkids and a step grandson my youngest met his partner and her son few years ago they also have own house and a child together. Don’t let your ex hubby spoil what you have got.

I agree with this!

I’ve just read the OP’s post and find it unbelievable that she hasn’t just contacted her ex and told him to send the cheques himself. I would do that in her position. A bit of assertiveness is needed here. He’s her ex!

Why can your ex not pass on the cheque to his son himself. He may not approve of how your son lives, but it is his life and your ex should grow up and accept it.

You don't need to be a part of this at all. I'm sure he knows his son's address or your daughter will, so leave it to them. His thoughts and opinions on the children don't have to be your concern. You have an obvious bond with your Son and his partner and all of the children so treasure that for what it is. Your Son is a grown up and will find his own way of dealing with how he feels about things so just enjoy your Christmas and don't give it another thought.

I acquired 4 more grandchildren from my son’s new partner (he has 3 boys) and they have recently fostered a little girl - they are all very welcome, I send equal amounts for birthdays and christmas to them all, but it does put a strain on my purse. When my eldest GS at uni lost his p/t job I sent him a small amount on the basis that only he and I knew about it. I’d like to be equally supportive of them all but finances just don’t allow

Don't sully yourself by enabling his nasty behaviour Let him do his own dirty work

I would let your son spend the money how he chooses as once a gift is given it is up to the recipient how what they do with it and the giver should never ask either , in my opinion

But it’s not her place to act as postman is it sunglow

I agree with several comments already...........refuse to pass on the cheque, give it back to your ex and tell him to do his own bidding, and go and enjoy Christmas with the family.

You could choose to explain your actions to your son but personally I wouldn't say anything, that way if the two of them have a falling out no one can say "Mum said this or Mum said that".

What an awful man this ex sounds!

MercuryQueen

“I’m not doing your dirty work. If you want to act an ass, don’t be a coward and hide behind me.”

Definitely this!

I wouldn't put myself in the position of messenger as they often get shot at!!
You obviously treat all your step and grandkids equally regardless and that is how it should be.
Enjoy your Christmas and leave your ex-husband to sort out his own gifts.