Another domineering individual

I sympathise heartily with you as I know just such a person.
She is lovely really but can only talk about herself and every minor thing is made into a drama which takes half an hour to tell.
Being a hypochondriac doesn’t help matters as she has a new ailment every week.
I had dropped out of the group when my H couldn’t be left and have been asked many times to go back but I have made it clear I shall not be going.
My friends who do go complain every time saying once again she has dominated the conversation.
The group will break up as more excuses are made for not attending regularly.
Her D is wanting her to move near to where she lives, so are her other friends!!

If the good friend idolises her and the meet-up is in her house then there is nothing you can do but stay away if you don't like her behaviour.

How many of you are there? Could you just meet up with some of the other people separately?

Whenever there is a group of people one will often dominate, if this forum were audible it would be noticed here too.

I doubt that even if the friend who idolises her ever drops a hint, that anything will change.
Can the rest of you quietly meet somewhere else now and then?

A dd has a friend who just never stops talking. She’s a 40s professional in a senior job, and dd is 100% sure that the reason she never has a bloke for more than 5 minutes, is because of the non-stop talking. A blind date once arranged for her said afterwards ‘Never again!’ for that reason.

Dd has tried to drop gentle, and not so gentle hints, but nothing ever changes. Very likely it’s because she doesn’t listen - she is just permanently waiting for the other person to stop, so she can start again.

Exactly what Theexwife said!

If you choose to visit your friend in her home then in my view you have an obligation to be polite. You have no obligation to visit and if the domineering lady makes it boring, then don't go, life's too short etc etc….

Theexwife

If the good friend idolises her and the meet-up is in her house then there is nothing you can do but stay away if you don't like her behaviour.

How many of you are there? Could you just meet up with some of the other people separately?

Whenever there is a group of people one will often dominate, if this forum were audible it would be noticed here too.

Yes, I agree with you. There are five of us and the rest of us do meet separately. I suppose that as we friends get older we sort of meander through our chats whereas she strides which is out of sync with the rest of us. I think I'll carry on with my trance like state as the friend host is a really lovely lady who would be a shame to lose as a friend and indeed offend.

LRavenscroft

I think we've all met that lady in various disguises!

Not sure there's much you can do other than avoid her or put up with her to keep the group friendship going.

If people start to drop out of the group there may come a time when a conversation can be had with your good friend but how that could be navigated would probably have to be a work of art.

It seems like the individual in question has something of a narcissistic personality and goodness only knows how you deal with that. I don't think anyone can just have a quiet word in her ear. Good friends should be able to do that though - if only for the benefit of the person concerned.

I was going to suggest finding another group of friends, but that's easier said than done, and one doesn't want to let go of existing friendships. Not to mention the fact that there might be another one in such a group who is the 'dominant' one!

I used to visit someone who used to talk incessantly, I hardly got a word in edgeways, but she moved away so problem solved. So I know how tiring it is.

A relative of one of my DIL's used to corner me at every family gathering and talk about herself and tell long stories about her life to me. It always took away from the person in the family whose birthday it was and from enjoying grandkids opening Christmas presents etc. I was always polite but I got quite sick of it. So I'd move away and always avoid sitting near her. Lately I have not gone to an event because of her.

OP I would see these people sporadically if it means you can keep in touch and you can cope with it. Or just cut your losses and not go again. Plenty of other things to do.

In my experience this sort of person doesn't ever change because they are oblivious of anyone else's needs.. just have to chat to people who can actually apply listening skills or as you say zone out... she's the loser because I bet you are more interesting..

Our group had a friend like that, slightly older than the rest of us and a self-appointed expert on all things.
One day she commented that I was quiet, and I answered (truthfully!) saying, "Well I'm struggling to get a word in."
It took her aback but nothing changed 🙄

Theexwife

If the good friend idolises her and the meet-up is in her house then there is nothing you can do but stay away if you don't like her behaviour.

How many of you are there? Could you just meet up with some of the other people separately?

Whenever there is a group of people one will often dominate, if this forum were audible it would be noticed here too.

True!

I know that I can talk non-stop, if I am nervous or worked up about something. I try to stop myself when I realise I am doing it, but I do not always realise I am doing it.

I have good friend, who when I start doing this, just says, 'Shut up, Monica, you are jabbering'(my name for it). It is said kindly and with a twinkle and the first two words do not come over as badly as it sounds. I much appreciate it.

M0nica

I know that I can talk non-stop, if I am nervous or worked up about something. I try to stop myself when I realise I am doing it, but I do not always realise I am doing it.

I have good friend, who when I start doing this, just says, 'Shut up, Monica, you are jabbering'(my name for it). It is said kindly and with a twinkle and the first two words do not come over as badly as it sounds. I much appreciate it.

I think that babbling-on when you're stressed - or even enthused - about something is a bit different though MOnica.

The very fact that you are aware of it means you're not oblivious to other people.

I usually jabber-on when there's an awkward moment in a group and everyone goes quiet. Making things much worse.

LRavenscroft

We meet regularly at a good friend's house for drinks and chat and most of us get on with each other apart from one lady who dominates the conversation with her own stories. She is actually not malicious, verbally rude or unhelpful. The major problem is every thread of conversation is taken over by her and she finds it very hard to sit and listen, starting her own conversation with the person next to her if she can't participate in the main conversation in a very loud voice. The unfortunate thing is that she is idolized by the good friend and they hang on her every word. We don't want to fall out with the good friend or be rude guests in her house but it is starting to frustrate the rest of us as witnessed by a flurry of private messages to each other on FB this morning I just sit and listen and go into a sort of trance making agreeing noises but won't go for walks or nights out with the friendship group as this person is such a bore. Of course there are far more important things going on in the world but I just wondered how other Gnetters would deal with this?

Ahhh, you know Sister2.

She is boring, we listen politely to honour our parents wish that we 'never fall out after they pass'. Manageable, difficult sometimes.

On another tack some of us have less to talk about as we get older.
I meet 2 friends once a week and for the last few weeks all they seem to discuss is the problems they are having with workmen and things going wrong in the house.

M0nica

I know that I can talk non-stop, if I am nervous or worked up about something. I try to stop myself when I realise I am doing it, but I do not always realise I am doing it.

I have good friend, who when I start doing this, just says, 'Shut up, Monica, you are jabbering'(my name for it). It is said kindly and with a twinkle and the first two words do not come over as badly as it sounds. I much appreciate it.

Hope you don't mind me saying but I doubt very much that you are boring as your posts are always very interesting and valid so being chatty is very different to describing at length how you took your Christmas tree down and keep returning to it at every next breath. Stay the way you are M0nica.

LRavenscroft Who is going to mind somone saying something nice about them? . Thank you.

Now, about the Christmas tree, it is really difficult................

As Theexwife mentioned, every group seems to feature such a person. And the resolutions all seem to involve great personal loss.

In the book discussion groups I frequent, I adopt the old cliché "this too shall pass". And, sure enough, such offenders do tend to leave the group eventually. In one group we currently have two of them -- one of whom we can count on to berate every author's female characterizations ad nauseum.

Waiting it out, obviously, is not among LRavenscroft's realistic options.

How very sad.

grNadpa

As Theexwife mentioned, every group seems to feature such a person. And the resolutions all seem to involve great personal loss.

In the book discussion groups I frequent, I adopt the old cliché "this too shall pass". And, sure enough, such offenders do tend to leave the group eventually. In one group we currently have two of them -- one of whom we can count on to berate every author's female characterizations ad nauseum.

Waiting it out, obviously, is not among LRavenscroft's realistic options.

How very sad.

I think one of the posters above used the phrase 'zone out' which is what I shall do when she starts again. To be honest one of the other ladies is starting to tackle her when she interrupts so I think we may get a result sooner than expected.

LRavenscroft

grNadpa

As Theexwife mentioned, every group seems to feature such a person. And the resolutions all seem to involve great personal loss.

In the book discussion groups I frequent, I adopt the old cliché "this too shall pass". And, sure enough, such offenders do tend to leave the group eventually. In one group we currently have two of them -- one of whom we can count on to berate every author's female characterizations ad nauseum.

Waiting it out, obviously, is not among LRavenscroft's realistic options.

How very sad.

I think one of the posters above used the phrase 'zone out' which is what I shall do when she starts again. To be honest one of the other ladies is starting to tackle her when she interrupts so I think we may get a result sooner than expected.

To be honest one of the other ladies is starting to tackle her when she interrupts so I think we may get a result sooner than expected.

Brave lady.

Obviously, zoning-out isn't working for her!

I've been in two different groups who had someone who wanted to do all the talking. Neither of them were especially interesting, either. It's very annoying! If it happens again, I may take the suggestions above to just try to meet with others away from them.

I think about when I talk to my sister on the phone. If you only hear my side of the conversation you would think I have a stutter, since I can't even get one whole word out!

I love her dearly, and she lives alone, so I let her go on... and on.

And I have a group of friends that includes one who dominates the conversation, but I think over time we have evolved to allow interruptions in order to be heard. If you were to eavesdrop I'm sure we sound like nattering squirrels, but we have fun and manage to have a conversation. I do have to remember to turn it off (the interrupting) when I am with others.

I'm OK with chatterboxes if they are interesting, can't stand listening to people that talk every time about ailments and hospital appointments, at a coffee morning I used to go to it felt like it was a competition about who had the most appointments, never mind going into detail about waiting times in the clinics, latest symptoms( not that I dont sympathise on the first telling) God I thought I would lose my sanity, it seemed like a couple had a season ticket, totally put me off my scone

Could you interupt and say something like'Jane,you are quiet .How is your granddaughter doing ? ' to someone else in the group ?

If you feel strongly you could tell good friend how you feel and how others in the group are of the same mind. Do you think there is anyone who is willing to have a frank conversation with chatterbox as she sounds a very thick skinned individual.

Unfortunately the only answer might be to meet with other members separately and gradually ease her out of the group.