When things break down...

Maw…cyberhug. Much more comfortable than a real one from a stranger.
You know you are a strong woman, so you know that this is one of life’s troughs. Ups and downs all the way. It’s miserable but you can do it. Perhaps instead of get over it, reward yourself for managing alone….

I am a coper and go to person for everyone elses problems,form filling,ringing people,sorting budgets etc,but I get tired.

I had to give my car up last,it was old and failing,and not able to get another as couldnt afford it.

Awaiting a hip replacement I am virually housebound as pain is increasing.

Taxis are almost non existant in our rural town,or doing school contracts.

I hobbled into town,it took me 40minutes to do a 10 minute walk,I then had to get back,and found I coudnt,I just stood there in tears overwhelmed and in pain,it took even longer to drag my self home.

I have just turned 70 and sometimes just dont have the energy to sort my problems out,other peoples are easier

I sometimes think I’m a bit OCD or ADHD because if something in my life isn’t working ( eg my catchup tv not working at the moment) I seem to focus on that one thing to the exclusion of everything else. It just takes over my whole mind even though there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s usually technical stuff that’s a problem as I get so frustrated that I don’t know how to fix it.

Riverwalk

Maw you need to ditch the car, sell up, and get yerself back to London!

Great public transport and everything on your doorstep, including lots of green space for the hound

Having seen what the daughters got for their respective houses (2 up, 2 down Victorian terraces) - and then spent on their moves to doer-uppers, I couldn’t buy a rabbit hutch and Rosie would not fit into one!
You’ve got a point though, I do know people who managed to achieve enough selling up in the Home Counties to buy eg a flat somewhere like the Barbican. Public transport, lots to do in the way of exhibitions, museums etc but I fear that ship has sailed!

I get really angry if anything goes wrong with my downstairs computer as I am running a business. Fortunately I have another identical one upstairs which is networked so I have to troll upstairs. My nephew built my two desktops so he is usually able to sort them out unless one "needs a part".

I have a problem with the TV box and the moment (although there are ways to work around it) so Im waiting for him to come and have a look at it.

MayBee70

Callistemon21

Whitewavemark2

My Virgin box isn’t working, but I’m being told by Virgin that it is the tv, I’m 90% certain that it is the box and not tv - need our son to have a look as we simply don’t have enough technical knowledge - grrr!

Have you gone into settings on both TV and the box (ours is Humax) and reconnected to the Wifi by putting in the pin number?

It didn't work when I just did it on the TV, I had to re-set both, although I've no idea why it had disconnected itself.

The tv guy told me that if TalkTalk can’t provide a wi fi tv box I need to get a Humax. But I need to change my email log in number. It’s so long since I joined Talk Talk I’ve no idea what the old number is. They say that everything should work with the router they’re sending. If I have a Humax does that mean I don’t have to pay TalkTalk for catchup tv? It all seemed quite straight forward when he was telling me what to do but now I’m confused again. I know that I can change my iPad to the new router but do I have to do anything with the computer ( which I still don’t know how to work properly!).

Sorry, * Maybee*, I'm confused now. 😁

If I have a Humax does that mean I don’t have to pay TalkTalk for catchup tv?
But yes, you buy it, a one-off payment, price varies but it's about £200. You can record and watch catch up.

I think 🙂

DS set it up in the first place, it disconnected the other day for some reason but I managed to connect back through settings on the Humax remote control.

What confuses me is that I thought the tv box was Wi-Fi. Every night my ipad stops working and I have to ‘turn everything off and turn it back on again’. Which seems to work! I think, basically, my whole house needs rewiring ! Which is a bit extreme! At least the engineer got the tv in the kitchen working again; haven’t had an tv there for years.And I have one solitary aerial cable that can now go into recycling as it’s definitely shot it!

We told virgin to do one over the last price increase.
Had an aerial fitted and free view box fitted. That deals with the terrestrial tv. One off payment, £120.
Got a 2 year contract with 3. First 6 months £10 per month then £20 per month thereafter.
That supplies all the internet we need and my Prime, Amazon, Disney +

Oh for the days when there was just BBC and ITV….my brain hurts with it all.

Very helpful thread. You people understand.
And modern technology brings us all to our knees at times.

My very efficient lady plumber has been and gone, my problem is solved.
New tap and waste pipe both of which were leaking .
She is going to send me an estimate for a new over the bath electric shower, going to cost more than I had thought but it needs it so will probably go ahead.

I no longer have a car myself and since my H was ill no access to one but fortunately taxis are very good here so for the number of times I go out I am sorted thank goodness.

Thank you for bringing this up Maw, as I feel the same way and thought it was just me being a wimp!
It doesn't help very much, but a couple of days ago I saw on Pinterest a sign which said "In a year from now, will this matter?", and I thought I ought to print it out and put it on a wall somewhere, and read it when I am getting into a flap about things!

Maw - it’s part of getting older to feel more anxious about things we wouldn’t have worried about in the past. I’ve found since D died, that my confidence has dropped, my ability to fret about ‘stuff’ increased.
I’m aware our family home is more time consuming and expensive to run than when we were two. I don’t want to add moving into early bereavement. In addition, this ordinary/extended semi has been our home for over 30 years. I hope to stay here for the rest of my life . The last 12 months slammed home the best laid plans can change in a second
So maw, walk Rosie, eat well, enjoy a glass of wine in the evening and nurture yourself x

Maw and Margaretin... me too! it is being alone for me, though I am quite old also

and family all too busy, and friends, same, alone and elderly.

Margaretin, I see that quote often, it really does not help me any.

I am so glad I am not alone in this.
As I have said on another thread, the next thing to go wrong was the outer “skin” of glass in my en suite fanlight window shattering for no apparent reason, yesterday. Presumably a bird but with no corpse underneath on the path, just broken glass, somehow it must have survived. Fortunately the inner layer of glass is undamaged or it might have been a bit chilly in the shower!
This time I knew who to phone ( Cloudy2Clear - other firms are available) and a nice man is coming to measure up for a new pane early next week. Because I am dealing with it, I feel less vulnerable.
Need to give my head a shake though!

I think as we get older we are less able in all sorts of small as well as bigger ways. For me it's a vulnerable feeling and knowing that I can't control my environment in the ways that I used to can make me feel unsettled. I do breathing exercises and talk myself through these things. I also call my friends if it's not resolving.

My car represents my independence and freedom even if I am not actually using it and if it's not working I too can feel edgy.

But I do take a look at the bigger picture as well and count my blessings and that can give me perspective again.

Have a collective hug from all of us here... you have been heard and understood.

My reply would be the same as Germansheperdsmum. It’s the uncertainty that stresses you and the way I deal with it is how important the issue is. If there’s nothing you can do about it then just carry on and things will work out.

I’m so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed! I understand though.

Aging, losing a life partner, changes in circumstances beyond our control- all challenge our sense of independence and deplete our emotional reserve.

When faced with a day or situation that is driving me to tears ( no pun intended!)I find some small thing to do I can control and enjoy. I walk, work in a creative project or even iron clothes (immediate satisfaction).

Hoping your car is quickly returned to you in tip top shape!

I panic when things go wrong but I try to quote my sensible younger daughter “ and do panic mother, it really helps”
It makes me smile ,wryly ,but a smile releases tension.

Glad it’s not just me! I’ve gone from a confident, competent person who was a Senior Nurse to a wussy 69 yr old. I’ve decided it’s the feeling of being out of control. Luckily I have my pragmatic husband to bring me down to earth

This is just lovely 🥰

That response was to Norah’s post, didn’t include the original, not sure why as I pressed reply.

I completely empathise with what Maw and others living on their own are saying. But only a minor part of it is to do with being female.
I've been on my own for more than 20 years, and, as Scribbles says, part of the problem is ageing, both physically and emotionally. I didn't really think about it for a long time.
But now, as a problem arises, I call it another mountain to climb. Some are fairly minor - exploding light bulb , for example, hands on clock not working and I now have to remember to ask someone at the supermarket, once I've paid for everything, if they could loosen any bottle tops. My arthritic hands battle with screw tops and those evil tops ( often on bleach bottles) that have to be squeezed with two fingers whilst the rest are twisting the top. Impossible - and I cannot find any gadget that does the job.

Meanwhile I have a towering 70 or 80 foot conifer which needs to be reduced by half and have been putting it off for ages, partly to do with money but mainly because the task of finding a tree surgeon that I can trust, at a reasonable price ,seems a definite Mount Everest to me. I've spent hours on the internet, researching what I must look for in a tree surgeon, what questions to ask etc etc. Then I have to search for local ones and decide who to ask to give me a quote. I'm in the throes of the latter now, and just feel its a really difficult decision to make on one's own. I have this horrible vision of an enormous trunk crashing into my neighbour's garden, or onto my flat roof extension etc etc!! ( and yes, I've made sure that I've checked if they have Public Liability Insurance).
Like you, Maw, I've been close to tears - of frustration and anger mostly - quite a few times. I then have to gird my loins, tell myself I'm safe, in my own home, and with enough to eat , unlike many people, especially those survivors of the recent earthquake, who have NOTHING!

I think this is really something that comes with age, and also being alone. I used to be so competent, and dealt with most domestic things myself even though my husband was there. Just having him there to share the responsibility made things less of a worry. Now that I'm on my own and older I don't feel able to cope physically when things go wrong, and this results in a panic. Don't know the answer really, but things usually sort themselves out in the end.