Feeling anxious about husband being misunderstood in the world now controlled by the wokeness police,!!

I don’t often agree with you Volver, but I think your previous post is spot on. 👏👏

FannyCornforth

Cognitive issues or not, I still can’t see the problem with darling per se
It’s how it is intended, surely?
Any word can be used offensively if it’s intended, eg with the wrong emphasis, cadence, body language etc

I agree Fanny.

It never fails to surprise me, regarding the lack of empathy from some posters on GN.

Calendargirl

I don’t often agree with you Volver, but I think your previous post is spot on. 👏👏

👍

I have no cognitive difficulties... in my little town we don't have much wokeness thankfully, we still greet each other with, luv, petal, my word is morning flower !! Male or female, nobody bats an eyelid.

Looks can be much much sleezier than an elderly man calling me darling
Just let’s lighten up the world is becoming a miserable tight lipped pearl clutching overly Victorian place call me darling, duck, love, hun whatever you like as long as you smile and talk to me
Take no notice Sankev your husband sounds a nice man only be concerned if he starts acting inappropriately if he’s just doing what he’s always done don’t give it a second thought

Good grief, some on here would have a hard time living where I do where everyone is "pet".
People are so easily offended these days 🤨

I loved it when we lived in Newcastle and everyone was “pet”.
It always came across as warm and genuine.

Funny story
When I was first married my husband used to call me ‘pet’ we had a group of US friends, who all called me Pet too as they thought that was my name 😂😂😂

I think I should issue a health warning to the very thin-skinned minority on here whose civil rights appear to be so threatened by an elderly man referring to them as "darling"... Visit my home territory of Tyneside, and regardless of age, gender, or anything else, Geordies are likely to address you as "pet". Do I sense further outrage? Get over yourself...

FannyCornforth

Cognitive issues or not, I still can’t see the problem with darling per se
It’s how it is intended, surely?
Any word can be used offensively if it’s intended, eg with the wrong emphasis, cadence, body language etc

I agree. In my home town, the usual term is "duck". Men and women use it.

I call just about everyone, including DH pet. Should I desist in case I offend anyone?

Calling someone darling is offensive?
Very much a nono?
Oh dear.

Duck was my Nans greeting too Fanny she was from Leicestershire I d give a lot to hear her say ‘come here me duck’ again

In fairness it seems only one or two people on here are into this stiff collar, take offence at everything, mode
Poor them what a narrow dull place their world must be

He sounds like a lovely man OP and the problem lies with those who would take offence and not with your DH.
Darling, love, my dear , hen, ducks etc have long been accepted as friendly and in no way offensive. Especially among the older generation.
As for asking how many men would use similar expression
Would a man say darling to another guy
Well yes, how often do we hear “Mate”, “Bro”, from one end of the social scale to “my dear chap” (very “Yes Minister) at the other.
Don’t apologise for him, there is no need and I would find that demeaning. Be glad he is friendly and affectionate - goodness knows there are enough Victor Meldrews in the world, we don’t need more!

Yes here too HVDY I really don’t mind being called duck. In my time I have been darling, luv, hen, pet, the only one I don’t like is dear as it makes me feel old.

I have a friend, however, who gets really upset about it and will say ‘ I am not your darling’.
Personally I don’t see the problem.

Context is everything in these situations. There's a big difference between an elderly man saying this in an innocuous way and someone being very leering or patronising when using the term. As FC said, it all depends on how it is intended. I wouldn't have been offended in the situation outlined by the OP, but I have been in the past when called 'darling' or similar when it was clearly patronising, condescending or worse.

You cannot ask someone who has cognitive problems to understand the nuances of polite and acceptable language anymore than you can with someone with learning disabilities or a very young child. They do not have the mental capacity to understand - or, for the cognitively impaired, the ability to remember if they have been told before.

The poster who thinks that the person concerned should just 'cease and desist' clearly has no experience of being with people who are cognitively impaired, no matter what the cause.

I looked after an elderly relative, who when fully rational was the soul of courtesy and lived in a world where senstivity to other people was essential, but when she declined into dementia, she started using language, acceptable in her youth but not acceptable now, while still being, in every other way, her courteous self. But her carers were trained to care for people with dementia, and would always reassure me, as I apologised for her, that they understood what was happeneing and did not take offence at her occasionally inappropiate language

Being called darling seems very mild (although it may embarrass sankev) compared to the goings on around here. Most of us do take age into account and won't take offence.

Two local elderly gents, both married, with maybe the start of dementia, maybe MH problems - or just badly behaved -will grab, touch inappropriately or try to kiss any woman who doesn't make a swift escape - all done with very lewd comments. Were they always like this - surely not? It's like 'Last of the Summer wine' on speed.

Then there's a younger chap with complex disabilities who sometimes wanders from his parental home - completely stark naked. Therefore, it's best to wear running shoes and be hyper aware of who's about!

I dont particularly like being called darling, however I am not so self obsessed as to not understand that people with certain types of disability and health conditions may say and do things considered 'inappropriate'. I always find it interesting where those with disabilities and in particular those who arent neurotypical feature in identity politics. The answer is they rarely feature in terms of empathy, and adaptations within society.

I hope your comment wasn't aimed at me Monica, when I asked should I desist? I was talking about myself and would people be offended at my use of pet.

My mother had Alzheimer's and my father vascular dementia, both could behave inappropriately at times. My mother had always been a prude, but I was horrified at some of the comments she would make to family and nursing staff.
Therefore I fully understand how difficult can be.

I’m happy to be called Pet, Darling, Madam etc

What I don’t like is the obligatory ‘Have a nice/lovely day’ said to me in most shops now. I regularly explain to assistants that for people of my age having a nice day could be impossible for those who may be experiencing illness for themselves or family members, hospital visits, bereavement, loneliness etc

A friend of mine always call me sweets, which is a bit weird but I’m used to it! She is the same to everyone. Another friend - female - calls everyone darling. Why are some people getting their knickers in such a knot? Surely a lot of this is due to regional differences?

I’m in Canada, and I honestly can’t remember ‘darling’ or ‘love’ being used casually, among strangers. ‘Hon’ seems to be the term I’ve heard, but interestingly, it’s exclusively women who use it. Or ‘dear’. But again, I can only remember women using it as a casual term.

Personally, if a stranger called me darling or love, I’d kindly ask them not to, if it were going to be a potentially ongoing thing. Ex: if it was someone in a store, I’d probably ignore it. If it was somebody id be bumping into on the regular (at a kid activity or something) I’d ask that they please didn’t.

Here in South Wales you might be called “chicks”.

BlueBelle

Duck was my Nans greeting too Fanny she was from Leicestershire I d give a lot to hear her say ‘come here me duck’ again

In fairness it seems only one or two people on here are into this stiff collar, take offence at everything, mode
Poor them what a narrow dull place their world must be

Oh Yes! I lived in Leicester for 16 years and everyone said “me duck”. Hubby is a Leicester lad and we often mess about and call each other “duck”.

My friend’s husband is from Lincs and always calls women “Duckie”.

In this part of the country just about every shop assistant says “thank you darlin’”. Nobody is the slightest bit offended.