Three and a half years since he died, but Christmas feels so hard ..

So very sorry for you, your post has brought me to tears.
So sad when our last memories aren't easy to bear. It's the second Christmas for me and I know there's nothing I can say which will help you. For me it's also the fact that our wedding anniversary is so close to Christmas that prolongs the extra pain. I'll be very glad when the whole holiday period is over and done with but please believe that you're not alone, there are many of us going through the same things - it helps me to think of that and I hope it might be of comfort to you.

My husband died 6 years ago but I had to move from our lovely shared home and it was like losing him over again as somehow while I was in our home he still seemed to be with me in a way, looking at all the things he did and the garden etc. This place has nothing of him of course, it is practically the right thing to have done but I have found it very hard and missed him a lot this year. Have spent the day on my own and my son and family are quite a long way away and they have not been well so again not sensible or practical to visit as we do not want to give each other our bugs etc. I felt more alone when I went out and saw many families out together but know that actually some will be enjoying it all but others will be wishing they could be on their own!1 My great consolation is always music and especially J S Bach, who gives me joy and solace always. If you like his music they have Bach before 7, on radio 3 every morning and however the morning has begun and whatever pain I am in it is always both cheering and calming so maybe you might like to listen to that and know that people will be listening and thinking of you and hoping that things improve for you. It has naturally added to your grief going back to that hospital and hospice, so you are bound to look back to those memories. I try and do a mix of things. sometimes I do sit and have a cry and at other times I feel angry and upset and that is a great time to make some bread as it lets me have something to punch and bash with a good result in the end! Other days I dont want to go outside and see anyone but do try to have even a very short walk to look at the gardens etc. I find nature very calming and also hopeful. It is lovely to see the first signs of snowdrops coming through the ground and to look for any signs of blossoms and leaves on trees. I dont make a set routine but just accept that some days are worse than others and on bad days the music and of course as with the other person I am a great reader and Pride and Prejdudice or for a change Tracey Chevalier Girl with a Pearl Earring or another one of hers which tells about a Quaker girl going to america and the journey and the contact with the quilting world might appeal. I hope you find something to read that takes your mind from your sadness and that the new year will be better for you. Our modern version of contact on here does give you a chance to say whatever you want to and to know that this is your opportunity to write about whatever is concerning you at the moment and that we will all try to help each other if we can. Wishing you peace and calmness in the future and that the better memories of your husband will return .

My feelings of grief and loss are definitely heightened at this time of year and , by choice, I spent Christmas day on my own as that was easier than being around others. My son phoned to say my little grand daughter had a fit in the bath this morning, was rushed in to hospital and has since had another fit. Still waiting on the results of further tests but it may be due to low sodium levels. My son was really poorly on Christmas eve with d and v so it may be the toddler has that. She is being kept in tonight. I wish I could just flick a switch and it would be February (January is a dreadful month as I have my late husband's birthday, the fifth anniversary of his death and the third anniversary of my late Dad's death in the space of three days) and the little one would be happy and healthy.
To all those who are nursing poorly loved ones or are grieving I sent my love.

Same situation, Luckygirl. DH died three years ago in December. He was also in a nursing home, suffering from severe delusions. The funeral was the week before Christmas. Initially, I was relieved at his release from the misery he had endured, so that first Christmas wasn’t so bad, but this year in particular, the memory of all the lovely family Christmases we had in the past have upset me.

Smileless2012

I'm so sorry Luckygirl and hope that at some point your memories of all the wonderful years you spent together will, push these upsetting ones to the back of your mind .

I hope so too Lucky Girl. Try to remember the good times.

Your posts have brought tears to my eyes
Truly we are all on borrowed time
Blessings and comfort to all xxx

I think that all of us who have been widowed or lost a close family member feel very vulnerable at this time of the year. I have been on my own for 27 years but still think of how Christmas used to be instead of now. Thank God for grandchildren, they make Christmas more bearable.
I also do not like New Year, I've never liked it, as I always think of the people who are no longer with us.
I always think in my mind, " This too shall pass" and look forward to everything returning back to normal.
It's strange but this year everything feels different. I start radiotherapy on the 2nd Jan, it's ongoing treatment for stage 4 lung cancer. Ironically, I feel very well at the moment and have no pain.

I am back home after two days of being welcomed, fed and entertained by my very supportive family. I spent Sunday at home alone, reflecting on memories, enjoying music and Carols from Kings, but it was better being amongst my family.

I’ve filled today with dog walks, kitchen tidy/floor cleaned, fire cleaned and set, brunch then came to a stuttering stop where my husband’s absence loomed
I took myself to TK Max in the hope of picking up another rug to cover more of the kitchen floor - huge muddy dog paws. I didn’t find the rug but I’ve lit the fire and I’m catching up with gransnet enjoying a cuppa and a mince pie. This time of year does enhance feelings x

I was very blessed to have a good Christmas with family. Two of my DDs were there with their families, and they have an uncanny knack of sensing how I am feeling (even when I think I am covering it up well) and saying and doing the right things; and the loving hugs from dear GC have seen me through.

Boxing Day we walked up a beautiful hill by us with 360 views - I did not make it to the top, but enjoyed the fresh air and the views from the lower slopes. And many people I know were walking there too, so people to chat to and share greetings.

Yesterday my SIL's family were also with us, with the exception of SIL's father who died a few weeks ago. But we all got through that, and his wife seemed to find moments of enjoyment in having family around her.

It is a shame when Christmas becomes something to be "got through" - but satisfying to do that and to have had moments of enjoyment.

Sending good wishes to all in the same rocky boat - I hope there were pleasures to be had. Thank goodness there will be spring to come - although at this moment we have torrential rain with 49 mph winds - we timed our lovely walk well!

Describing this special time of year as ‘something to be got through’/ survived sounds such a negative. Yet for many of us, it’s a reality yet as well as managing, we have some joy. Those of us blessed with loving sensitive adult children know how fortunate we are. Similarly if we have grandchildren joy and excitement are around us. My 4 year old, later his 7 year old brother both confided quietly, at different times that they used their Christmas wishes to wish Grandad could come home 💙