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My daughter has died

(66 Posts)
Tigerpaws57 Sat 27-Jan-24 20:53:45

And I just don't know how to cope. She struggled with her mental health for so many years, from her early teens, and I tried to support her in every possible way I could, but it wasn't enough. She took her own life a year ago. Her health problems devastated our family but her death has completely destroyed us all. We all loved her so very much. Now I just don't know who I am or what to do. I know I need to still be Mum to my other children. I know I need to get on with my life in the real world get out there, relate to other people etc but I just can't imagine ever being normal again. I'm just posting here to be a bit anonymous and ask if anyone could give me some motivation or advice?

lixy Sun 28-Jan-24 10:08:41

So sorry to hear of your daughter's distress and death. The guilt, questions and self-doubt that follow a suicide compound the already overwhelming grief - I do know from personal experience. But you will gradually come to terms with yourself - give yourself permission to be kind to yourself and time will help. Take care. flowers

Patsy70 Sun 28-Jan-24 10:09:19

So desperately sorry Tigerpaws. It is a parent’s worst nightmare. I hope you gain some comfort from grans’ words and support here. Look after yourself and take one day at a time. 💐

Esmay Sun 28-Jan-24 12:47:48

I'm so sorry to read this . It must be excruciating .
I'm sure that you did your very best to help her .
And now the pain of grief ...
Sending you my condolences and prayers .

TwiceAsNice Sun 28-Jan-24 12:58:36

I have not lost a child to suicide but have lost a child many years ago. It gets easier with a lot of time ,you don’t get over it, your life grows around your grief, the grief stays the same.

SOBS is a good support or CRUSE does bereavement counselling in your own home . I am a therapist and worked for them for many years.

Please be kind to yourself losing a child is like losing a piece of yourself, it is like no other bereavement

Tigerpaws57 Sun 28-Jan-24 13:20:51

Thank you all so much for your kind messages. They mean so much to me. The kindness of strangers. Despite her struggles, my beautiful girl made many warm connections during her life and the support of her many friends in the early days was so comforting to me. But (naturally and thankfully) their lives have all moved on, whilst for me, the shock, horror, pain, guilt, regrets and sadness seem to get worse and worse. The loss of hope and optimism is so hard to cope with. I miss her so very much. Seeing the devastation her death has caused my other young adult children, and how bravely they are trying to cope, is breaking my heart. I know I need to find a way forward for myself and my family and I will contact some of the organisations that have been suggested when I find some energy. Thank you all again.

Purplepixie Sun 28-Jan-24 13:26:42

So very very sorry. Love and hugs. flowers

paris123 Sun 28-Jan-24 14:09:29

I'm so really sorry to read about your loss. Sending (( hugs)). Is there any way you could reach out to get some support from Bereavement Group. A year is such a short time to heal but l think you might be ready to reach out now to others who could really know what you are going through. Isolation is so hard to cope with when grieving, but their are people out there who really want to help. Make that phone call tomorrow, they really want to help. x

Nannashirlz Sun 28-Jan-24 14:54:03

Condolences for your loss my auntie son did the same thing also due to his mental health he had it for years. She had her 2 older daughters to lean on but he was her only son and her baby 7 months after he died she popped a jar of pills I was 16 at the time. Please talk to someone or join a group of other parents that have gone through it themselves.

Chocolatelovinggran Sun 28-Jan-24 15:06:58

Oh Tigerspaw I am so sorry to hear of your tragedy. All I can offer is a repeat of the wisdom of others in that it is very early days and that you need to accept that it will take time for you to learn to live with it, even if you can never adjust completely. Be kind to yourself in the meantime. Sending you warmest wishes.

sodapop Sun 28-Jan-24 15:21:29

I'm so very sorry Tigerpaws I hope you and your family find the support and strength you need to move forward. flowers

M0nica Mon 29-Jan-24 20:16:11

Did anyone listen to James Doran on Desert island diacs yesterday.

His mother died of cancer when he was 16. He was obviously struggling after her death, when his father sat him down and told him, that he was not to see himself defined by his mothers death.

'He was trying to say that you can live a fulfilled, positive and happy life still, now that doesn't lessen the impact of losing mum or anything but I guess it was just dad giving us the okay to see happiness in our future.'

Perhaps this advice is too soon for Tigerpaws, but later youwill understand it.

MissAdventure Mon 29-Jan-24 20:23:53

Have you thought of joining a "compassionate friends" group, tigerpaws?

They are specifically for bereaved parents, and everyone there understands the devastation.

El73 Mon 29-Jan-24 22:49:08

First of all, I'm so sorry and you have my sincere condolences.
Secondly, you could be writing about my life. My daughter left us in September last year after years of mental health problems. I don't have the answers, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. X

Tricia2 Tue 30-Jan-24 02:24:47

I am so sad that you are going through this. I want to give you a big, warm hug. My only suggestion is to join a bereavement group for survivors, maybe through a doctor or hospital, church or survivors group. It helps so much to share your grief with people who have been through the same thing, knowing they understand your feelings and loss.
Bless you.

Tigerpaws57 Tue 30-Jan-24 10:27:30

Again, thank you for your responses. Your support has touched me deeply. I send my love to those who have also experienced the tragedy of loosing a beloved child in this way. There is no hierarchy to grief, but this is definitely the worst pain I have ever endured and my heart goes out to any other family experiencing the same. Perhaps a time will come where we won't feel the constant torment of being without our beloved children and can try to focus on the privilege of having them in our lives, if even for such a short time. I really hope so anyway.