We have many threads on GN from parents whose relationship with their adult children is not happy. Estrangement and abuse feature is a common feature in threads.
As a result I feel we give too little attention to the good things that happen when relations between parents and children work well and that now and again we should be able to express our delight and happiness when in some situation our adult children suddenly do something for us that is beyond the call of duty and I hope that those less fortunate will not grudge us this thread.
Here s my story. We have just sold our holiday home in France. After 33 years, it is now becoming a burden not a pleasure. The sale has gone well, we had planned the move of our belongings from the house in detail and everything was going to plan.
But everything hinged on the Easter week when DH and I would be there doing all the hard work of getting everything ready for transport to the UK, to local sales centres, to the tip. Including disassembling furniture, emptying bookshelves, emptying cupboards, carting stuff about; all physical hard work needing energy and stamina.
Six weeks before Easter, our DD rang us out of the blue to say that she and DS had been talking and they were both going to take a weeks leave at Easter to come to France with us to help us with all the hard work. Our 16 year old DGD was also coming and our DDiL and DGS were in complete agreement with them, although they would be alone in England over the Easter weekend.
And that is what happened - and we were so glad they had come. We had completely underestimated how much heavy physically demanding work was needed. But most of all, what has touched us both is that what they did was entirely done of their own bats from concern about us. We dropped no hints about needing help and from the organisational point of view we were entirely in control. But they saw what we didn't that both of us, but especially DH, hadn't the strength and stamina to do all that was needed.
We are all back home now and I am still overwhelmed by their generousity in giving us so much of their time off from busy jobs.
Now it is your turn to add the experiences you have had when your children have gone well beyond the path of duty to help you.
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In praise of adult children
(93 Posts)What a great idea for a thread! I'm trying to think of specific examples -we have a very good relationship with all our adult children. Hope others contribute and meanwhile I'll give it some thought.
My daughter arrived one day recently after a brief phone call to "see if I'm any use" and she took car loads of boxes of "stuff" away.
I'd been taking photos of things "on their way out" and checking via WhatsApp who (if anyone) in the family wanted them. She took maybe 40 games and jigsaws to distribute to friends and family, (as requested) the huge heaps of books for various family and more books clothing and bedding for the charity shop. She took the "spare" padded footstool/bench which was made by my grandfather (which she says she will recover), a bookcase and a big lamp, golf stuff, cricket stuff, hockey stuff, kitchen stuff, old paint (!) - you name it, she took it away. She drove around for the day dropping stuff off where the items were destined and totally transformed my hallway and dining room.
"Thank you my love! You knew it would take me weeks to do it!" ❤️
I'd been clearing out the top landing area and our adult son's bedroom of the things of which neither he nor we have any further use ahead of new carpet. I'd got an elephantine heap of items "going places" but not yet gone. His room is lovely now and fit for guests at last. Only the chest of drawers now needs his attention next time he's back for a few days.
She came back and had supper with us, then loaded up our own car with the stuff to go to the tip the next day... old wool carpet from 1991 and its underlay.
We are SO grateful.
I do know how lucky we are.
I appreciate all the little things our adult children do for us on a regular basis. So far we have had no need for any major help, but I am reassured that they will all be there for us when the time comes.
Last week I received a message from DS1, asking me to keep a date in 2025 free.
My three children had booked accomodation for all of us to celebrate DH's 75th, my 70th and DIL's 40th, all of which fall within weeks of each other.
I must admit that I burst into tears at their thoughtfulness.
My mum has recently gone into a care home. My two DS arranged to meet up at mums flat and take out the heavy furniture. DH and had done most of it by then but we’re so grateful for the help with the big stuff, they then advertised and sold most of it too. Love them so much.
Just back from sharing a holiday with one of my DDs and family. I was delighted to be invited and they created a wonderful week for me. I do pay my way ... SIL divides up all the expenses and I transfer some money to him afterwards.... I would not want it any other way.
But I deem it a privilege to be asked and welcomed in with such love by them all. It is especially precious now I am on my own. Lucky girl is the right name.
I’m recovering from a shoulder fracture. Honestly never been so incapacitated and in such pain for so long before.
My daughters have always been a joy, even during those teenage years. They stepped up magnificently during the last six months of their dad’s life and in the 18 months since then. My fall left me in all kinds of trouble. They’ve driven me to hospital, to shopping , they’ve been a joy and really stepped in to help in the eight weeks so far. And with smiles love and humour. I’m blessed 💖💙
Lovely thread M0nica. So pleased you got the help when you needed it most. We often underestimate how difficult things are going to be. Hope you’re enjoying your new home.
I have three lovely daughters and seven wonderful grandchildren. Last summer we all met up in Naples for a week. We also included my ex and his wife. We had a great holiday with all the children. I paid my way as others have said but did no shopping, washing up or anything like housework.
My daughter’s really look after my welfare. The year before last I was 70. They plotted and took me t a very tasty afternoon tea, plus great time together. My oldest came over from NZ.
I currently look after my youngest grandchildren aged 9, collecting from school, looking after overnight if needed. My daughter always checks before making any arrangements needing me overnight and the childcare can be moved if needed. My DH is also supportive of me looking after the grandchildren.
Sometimes it’s tiring but I’m so thankful that we are a loving and caring family. My children’s job is to look after their children and mine to look after them and help the and my DH where I can.
I just feel so blessed.
What a happy thread.
We went to Vienna for our 40th wedding anniversary last year, and DS and DDiL had organised with the hotel to have cake and chsmpagne delivered to our room on arrival. A lovely surprise,
We don't need heavy help yet, but DD and SiL always offer.
(I emptied our properties in France on my own not so long ago while DH was working in London. Luckily a friend with a van helped me shift everything into the cellar at our new apartment. I sorted it bit by bit over several weeks, so I don't under-estimate your mammoth task, and am glad you had help M0nica).
We have two daughters. This past year has been challenging (health wise for Himself). Our girls have been stellar. They set up a WhatsApp group - just themselves and their dad. I don’t ask (I don’t have a smartphone through choice) but I can see how much their messaging means to my darling man. It’s nice. For him to have private time I think. He’s strong and pragmatic about his diagnosis but I’ve covertly watched him wipe a tear away occasionally when looking at his phone.
This is the love and legacy we will leave behind. In thi s respect we are blessed.
Urmstongran What a lovely thoughtful idea from your girls. Bet he loves it.
Urmston - our girls set up a new WhatsApp for the three of us. It meant we could share info and talk outside the family whatsap. It’s still in use ‘daddy D’ it’s called x
My children have one, from which I am excluded. Its so that I dont know when they are moaning about me.
They use it when I am in hospital to keep up to date. They think I don't know about it. 🤣
My children have one too Marydoll and when I was taken into hospital (as an emergency) they arranged meals for when I got home and really looked after my husband as I recovered.
Farmor15
What a great idea for a thread! I'm trying to think of specific examples -we have a very good relationship with all our adult children. Hope others contribute and meanwhile I'll give it some thought.
This goes for me too! 
Last Thursday my husband needed medical treatment for a painful and alarming accident. My son came straight away and took him to A&E where they waited for hours. They eventually came home in the early hours and had to go back next morning. Meanwhile I was at home with the family WhatsApp group to keep me going while we waited for news. We have a family joke that we knew that the children would come in handy one day but in truth we are so grateful to know that they will willingly step up if we need help.
Thus far I can only say we are so happy and proud that ours are all successful, happy and thriving. If I say much more it’s too much like boasting when I see a d hear some family dynamics. This the thing with small communities, we all know a fair bit about other’s business.
So I give thanks that life has worked out this way as it’s very often that luck too is involved.
I'm not going to detail anything but yes, ours are wonderful too.
I've been so lucky with my sons. They have done so much for me, especially since living alone. Everything from painting my house to fixing my car, to visiting me regularly. It means so much.
I am truly sorry for parents who don't have this. Nothing hurts as much as being estranged/neglected/forgotten by our own children, I'm sure.
I've been a single mum to my 2 sons since they were small. I'm now 75, live on my own and have not needed help from them at all - yet - thankfully.
What I can praise both of them for is being fully committed to their families: solid, consistent, caring and hard working, both happily married [with their partners for 22+28 years]. They both back their children's activities 100%. They've given me 4 adored grandchildren. I admire them for all this.
Recently though I had a wonderful meal cooked for me by eldest son and grandsons, and gifts from my youngest. A fortnight later on my birthday the youngest invited me for the day with them all, and another lovely roast dinner which he cooked! I felt truly blessed.
This may not sound amazing, but in 50+ years neither have ever forgotten Mother's Day or my birthday. I think that's something and I greatly appreciate it all...although I do NOT expect it nor would I mind if they missed either.
So yes, I can praise my 2 boys and have given thanks for them many, many times over the years.
[First meal was to celebrate Mother's Day...]
My two adult children have been so supportive especially since DH died. My daughter checks in with me most days and recently has taken lots to the tip or charity shops in her car. Her husband often plates up a spare meal for me. My son has less time available but has sorted the garage, invited me for lots of meals which he cooks and is coming to move furniture ready for the decorator.
Yesterday I started a thread about downsizing crockery. Ironically the day after DH died various family members came to the house and my son sorted all the drinks, sandwich lunches etc on a rare assortment of odd plates that are used everyday. The best china could have been used!
Three of the four young adult grandchildren have done their bit too. I love them all to bits and am really grateful.
I am so grateful for all they do
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