Calling women by a Mrs title ... & commenting on what they wear.

I like being a Mrs.

If I like whoever I'm contacting then I'm Mrs J Vamps (my initial)

But if I want to be formal e.g. with the cowboy builder who still hasn't made my mam's roof watertight then I'm Mrs C Vamps (my husband's initial).

When my mother was alive and had to go into hospital, the staff addressed her by her Christian name. She insisted on being called Mrs instead.

I've been very happy to be MRS Paddy for 49 years ,never felt it an burden or been slighted by being MRS .Why would I .I love my OH dearly and have always been delighted that hes a part of my life.We've built our life together being "mrs" doesn't devalue that in any way

I am not sure about the practice of women using their maiden name (often their father's surname) in front of their husband's surname. In the case of me and DH it would not have worked and would have looked comical. I suppose it works with some name pairings and it sounds posh, so why not?

Scribbles The 'real' me is still M0nica birthname. and if I find myself a widow, I intend to revert to my birthname. My DDiL has kept her name. Marrying at a much older age than we did, she had an established career where she was known to many peopel and also has a part time career as a folk singer under her birth name, why should she change? far more trouble than its worth.

Germanshepherdsmum

When ordering something online and being given a choice including Dr, Lady, etc I am always very tempted - but haven’t succumbed so far!

Oh, I have! I really dislike being forced to use a prefix so, when pushed, I use whatever takes my fancy. On various retailers' databases, I am down as Rev, Lady, Prof, and Dame Scribbles Hisname.

I married in 1972 and was keen to keep my own name but, as Monica said above, banks, DWP, tax inspectors and my then employer all made difficulties and I gave in and became Hisname because there were other battles to fight at the time.

I'm still fighting against 'Mrs' and, four-plus years after the death of my husband, am wondering whether to revert to my own family name - not out of any disrespect to OH who I loved dearly but because that's who I am.

My mother would have been very offended if anyone had written to her without using her husband's name. After she was widowed she was happy to use her own. I'm quite happy to be Mrs, I was married for nearly 50 years so Ms or Miss would just seem odd. It only gets used for official stuff as everyone I know calls me by my name. My daughter only uses her Dr title at work or for official business, otherwise she is just Mrs.

I still use my married name although widowed. I worked all through my marriage and never felt inferior in any way being aMrs, I was proud to be his wife but also of my career. I think these day perhaps things will change but do think it makes everything much easier for all the family to share the same name. Even when I divorced my first husband I kept the same surname as my children until they had left school and I had remarried, just a matter of choice.

I’m divorced. I use Miss if I have to use a title. I’ve had some legal dealings recently and they addressed me as Mrs. I asked them not to and they then addressed me by my first name, which I much prefer!

Living in France I find even my neighbours call me Madame
which is friendly but not over intrusive. I still have a registered
business and all that is in my Maiden name, not by preference its just how its done here.
Recently I had an email from an Estate Agents in England
which only used my Christian name and said 'How are you?'
Far too unprofessional for my liking.

Yes I agree about given name rather than Christian name, I used it up thread in reference to my husband who would loosely describe himself as Christian. I can see that's not always appropriate in different contexts given our multi faith and often secular society. Old habits die hard it is a hangover from school days.

I don’t use my married name, it was easier to keep my previous married name, it’s what I’d been known as for a good few years. No problem with Mrs, I prefer just first name and second and don’t consider it over familiar.
Mrs is better than Missus anyway!

Rosie51

I’m always bemused by the idea that taking the surname of a man you’ve chosen to marry is somehow ‘diminishing’ but using the surname of a man you didn’t choose (even if he is your father) is somehow ‘empowering’ I’m not precious about surnames or titles as long as how I’m addressed whether in person or written is respectful.

Good point😃
I used to be a Mrs but after divorce reverted to Ms and my family name( maiden name) which I still use.
It should be first name not Christian name.

Yes, as I said upthread, being asked for a christian name is irritating, as I am agnostic. I don't bother to correct people, as I don't think they say it to make a point - it's what we were taught at school.

I think first names are referred to as "given names" these days.
I have a biblical Jewish first name, so it isn't a Christian name!

I never liked Mrs and always used Ms until I received my doctorate. And being Jewish, I’ve never had a ‘Christian’ name.

Visgir1

I just use the handle Mrs as a friendly title when referring to my chums but it's hardly used these days?
My DiL is American she is still known by her "maiden" name, only the school refers to her as Mrs it's easier.

I in fact do have a historical title but I don't use it.

Oooh do tell!

I’m always bemused by the idea that taking the surname of a man you’ve chosen to marry is somehow ‘diminishing’ but using the surname of a man you didn’t choose (even if he is your father) is somehow ‘empowering’ I’m not precious about surnames or titles as long as how I’m addressed whether in person or written is respectful.

I believe it’s technically correct to address a married woman using her husband’s Christian name until she is widowed or divorced but I wouldn’t dream of doing it. However I have a friend who has always done it - I can’t retaliate because she’s divorced. How many of us consult etiquette books before addressing an envelope?

I have a friend who addresses envelopes for birthday cards to me, "Mrs John Smith" not my actual name, but I find it absolutely bizarre that she thinks I want to be known by my husband's Christian name, although I would add that in the card she doesn't actually write happy birthday John thankfully.

I completely understand why women keep their family name these days, in some respects I wish I had, but mine was foreign and it was so often mispronounced at school I was glad to surrender it. The Ms thing came in when I was at work, I think it's entirely appropriate, why should women have to denote their marital status when men don't, in any case it can be unknown as to whether the female addressee is married or not, no such quandary with a "Mr" so imo in that respect Ms is very useful. I often wonder how our female counterparts in continental Europe get around that there are very clear definitions in the Latin based languages, Madame/Madamoiselle, Signora/Signorina, Senora/Senorita. I'm quite sure many don't want their status as to whether they are married or not, to be so transparent.

I know it's a thing now, but I still find it somewhat odd, when any old Tom, Dick or Harry, corporations both big and small write addressing us by our first name as if they're some well acquainted mate.

😊

Urmstongran

Casdon

Akshata Murty is not by her choice referred to as Mrs Sunak at all as far as I’m aware, she uses her maiden name. Victoria Starmer is Lady Starmer officially, but I highly doubt she would use either that or Mrs Starmer in work, it’s much more likely to be Victoria Starmer. I think using Mrs is shorthand if you don’t know or can’t spell somebody’s Christian name, but it’s not in common use in everyday working life these days.

Why do we persist (some of us) is saying “Christian” names? It’s outdated and just wrong nowadays surely - as if a person has an unpronounceable (to us) first name - which is the term that should be used- then in many cases they might well not be. … er, “Christian “!

Fair point Urmstongran, it’s just what is common parlance, but you’re right.

I too always use Mrs.
I had a friend who when asked ,once , about her partner ( she had been married 45years) said .”I don’t have one. I don’t dance.”

Casdon

Akshata Murty is not by her choice referred to as Mrs Sunak at all as far as I’m aware, she uses her maiden name. Victoria Starmer is Lady Starmer officially, but I highly doubt she would use either that or Mrs Starmer in work, it’s much more likely to be Victoria Starmer. I think using Mrs is shorthand if you don’t know or can’t spell somebody’s Christian name, but it’s not in common use in everyday working life these days.

Why do we persist (some of us) is saying “Christian” names? It’s outdated and just wrong nowadays surely - as if a person has an unpronounceable (to us) first name - which is the term that should be used- then in many cases they might well not be. … er, “Christian “!

Well said MOnica and others I am a Mrs and proud of it. Ms is androgynous nonsense. I really get offended when random organisations address me as such. (I usually tell them so)!!!