Calling women by a Mrs title ... & commenting on what they wear.

I think first names are referred to as "given names" these days.
I have a biblical Jewish first name, so it isn't a Christian name!

Yes, as I said upthread, being asked for a christian name is irritating, as I am agnostic. I don't bother to correct people, as I don't think they say it to make a point - it's what we were taught at school.

Rosie51

I’m always bemused by the idea that taking the surname of a man you’ve chosen to marry is somehow ‘diminishing’ but using the surname of a man you didn’t choose (even if he is your father) is somehow ‘empowering’ I’m not precious about surnames or titles as long as how I’m addressed whether in person or written is respectful.

Good point😃
I used to be a Mrs but after divorce reverted to Ms and my family name( maiden name) which I still use.
It should be first name not Christian name.

I don’t use my married name, it was easier to keep my previous married name, it’s what I’d been known as for a good few years. No problem with Mrs, I prefer just first name and second and don’t consider it over familiar.
Mrs is better than Missus anyway!

Yes I agree about given name rather than Christian name, I used it up thread in reference to my husband who would loosely describe himself as Christian. I can see that's not always appropriate in different contexts given our multi faith and often secular society. Old habits die hard it is a hangover from school days.

Living in France I find even my neighbours call me Madame
which is friendly but not over intrusive. I still have a registered
business and all that is in my Maiden name, not by preference its just how its done here.
Recently I had an email from an Estate Agents in England
which only used my Christian name and said 'How are you?'
Far too unprofessional for my liking.

I’m divorced. I use Miss if I have to use a title. I’ve had some legal dealings recently and they addressed me as Mrs. I asked them not to and they then addressed me by my first name, which I much prefer!

I still use my married name although widowed. I worked all through my marriage and never felt inferior in any way being aMrs, I was proud to be his wife but also of my career. I think these day perhaps things will change but do think it makes everything much easier for all the family to share the same name. Even when I divorced my first husband I kept the same surname as my children until they had left school and I had remarried, just a matter of choice.

My mother would have been very offended if anyone had written to her without using her husband's name. After she was widowed she was happy to use her own. I'm quite happy to be Mrs, I was married for nearly 50 years so Ms or Miss would just seem odd. It only gets used for official stuff as everyone I know calls me by my name. My daughter only uses her Dr title at work or for official business, otherwise she is just Mrs.

Germanshepherdsmum

When ordering something online and being given a choice including Dr, Lady, etc I am always very tempted - but haven’t succumbed so far!

Oh, I have! I really dislike being forced to use a prefix so, when pushed, I use whatever takes my fancy. On various retailers' databases, I am down as Rev, Lady, Prof, and Dame Scribbles Hisname.

I married in 1972 and was keen to keep my own name but, as Monica said above, banks, DWP, tax inspectors and my then employer all made difficulties and I gave in and became Hisname because there were other battles to fight at the time.

I'm still fighting against 'Mrs' and, four-plus years after the death of my husband, am wondering whether to revert to my own family name - not out of any disrespect to OH who I loved dearly but because that's who I am.

Scribbles The 'real' me is still M0nica birthname. and if I find myself a widow, I intend to revert to my birthname. My DDiL has kept her name. Marrying at a much older age than we did, she had an established career where she was known to many peopel and also has a part time career as a folk singer under her birth name, why should she change? far more trouble than its worth.

I am not sure about the practice of women using their maiden name (often their father's surname) in front of their husband's surname. In the case of me and DH it would not have worked and would have looked comical. I suppose it works with some name pairings and it sounds posh, so why not?

I've been very happy to be MRS Paddy for 49 years ,never felt it an burden or been slighted by being MRS .Why would I .I love my OH dearly and have always been delighted that hes a part of my life.We've built our life together being "mrs" doesn't devalue that in any way

When my mother was alive and had to go into hospital, the staff addressed her by her Christian name. She insisted on being called Mrs instead.

I like being a Mrs.

If I like whoever I'm contacting then I'm Mrs J Vamps (my initial)

But if I want to be formal e.g. with the cowboy builder who still hasn't made my mam's roof watertight then I'm Mrs C Vamps (my husband's initial).

I`ve been a widow for nearly 8 years now, but I still like to be called Mrs Whatever, would hate to be a Ms!

Do they still actually use ‘ ms’ ? I just never hear or see it these days. It sounds funny, anyway, doesn’t roll off the tongue easily.

Why should a woman declare her martial status to the world, it's no one else's business. Men don't do that. I increasingly use Ms. or first name and surname. My first name is unisex and my correspondence often comes through my letter box addressed to Mr! What really grates on me is a close family member always send me a birthday card addressed to Mrs G ......... My DHs name begins with G! now that annoys me. It's one thing taking his first name I don't want to adopt his first name too !!!!

Scribbles I feel exactly he same .

When I divorced I reverted to my maiden name and Ms. No-one has queried it as different from my childrens names and my children couldn't care less. My pupils at school were ok about the change and only one or two asked why.
Commenting on clothing in a negative way is just rude.

Why should a woman declare her martial status to the world, it's no one else's business.

Oh, I don't know, it could come in useful sometimes, Scribbles, especially when someone annoys you
🥋

It is all quite ludicrous imo, -this used to irritate the hell out of me though - eg Jane Smith (Mrs) …..why?
Why was it important for others to know, In say, an office memo about who should wash the coffee cups or tidy up the kitchen this week or indeed any subject you care to mention.

Ok, it was a from a time when historically, marriage conferred “higher” status on the women.
It is a relic.

I think Ms is particularly useful if when writing to a woman and you don't know whether she is a Mrs or Miss.

It's entirely up to the individual as to how they wished to be addressed, I do put Mrs if asked, but completely respect others desire to put Ms.

As far as taking husband's surname, you're only replacing a patriarchal name with another, it might be my husband's name who I adore, but it was his father's name who I didn't particularly like. Also if you're intrigued in genealogy our maiden names carry our own unique history. I'm not particularly interested in my husband's family roots, mine are far more interesting and emanate from different parts of the world. His of course are interesting to our children but not to me, I associate those too much with his father who was an utter xenophobe.

I’ve been a Ms since 1978 when I left an unhappy marriage, ditched his last name and resumed the name I’d had for most of my life till then. Yes, my father’s last name. I seriously thought about using mum’s family name, which I like a lot but decided I’d rather just be ‘me’
Very happy 2nd marriage in 1983, my husband assumed I’d keep my name, as had most of our friends.
Very happy 40 years together, not least because he absolutely got issues around equality . 💙

Tuaim

When my mother was alive and had to go into hospital, the staff addressed her by her Christian name. She insisted on being called Mrs instead.

When I worked in a hospice one of my colleagues always used a patient’s first name, insisting it was friendlier. I would always ask how a person wanted to be addressed, but she thought she knew better.
My son took his wife’s name when they married, because he thought married people should have the same name, and she wanted to keep her name, which, incidentally, is much more exotic than ours!
Also, it seems ‘Mx’ is now an option in some instances, for the non-binary/ gender fluid people.