Calling women by a Mrs title ... & commenting on what they wear.

I lived abroad, travelled quite widely and was a professional singer in the Gulbenkian Foundation in Portugal of which I am proud. you only got into that choir by your voice. It did not matter one jot what your name, title, or where you lived. It was you and your voice and the work you put in. But I got sick and tired of endless british people , when I was back in england at some function, who would say "Oh what did your husband do in Portugal" or words to that effect. If i was feeling ratty I would just reply "I have no idea!!" or "what has that got to do with anything?" you never heard them say to my husband oh what did your wife do etc.
It can still be similar. Years later my husband had retired and drove just locally after have done a lot of driving during his working life. I then drove far more miles than he did as I was a volunteer for the ambulance car scheme in rural yorkshire and so did thousands of miles travelling about. We went to look at a possible new car, and having looked round one car I asked the sales man what the mileage was etc and he looked straight at my husband and replied. I asked another question about the engine and the same thing happened. So I said to my husband come on lets go. The salesman looked quite shocked and said is there something else you would like to lookat - still looking at my husband. I said as I am the main driver and you have not had the courtesy to address me or even look at me I would expect the service I would get would match and so will go elsewhere , which we did.. Whatever you like to be called it should be your choice and should be accepted. If i married an out of work office worker, or the managing director of a large company or the king, I am still myself and should not be judged by what or how my family members behaves . I am entitled to be blamed for my mistakes and praised for my good work. I accept that responsibilty and do my best to respect everyone else and treat them in the same way,

I prefer my full name. I've never changed it: happy enough to use Ms on the drop down menus.

Dates from the 70's when it was invented to give an equivalent of "Mr" and thought it was a good idea, but if someone calls me Mrs as in (age?) assumptions I just go with it, doesn't bother me.

I am and always be a Mrs even though my husband died 20 years ago . But always been Mrs them my Christian name followed by my husband's surname.

It's not compulsory to take on Mrs followed by you husbands name when you get married. My daughter is Ms x x the name she was born with.

Spuddy

If my name is Sarah Smith and my hubby is John Smith ... which we're not .... as I'm married and happily took his surname by choice, I have no objection to being called Mrs Smith but what I absolutely HATE and find it extremely sexist and chauvinistic is me being called Mrs John Smith!

No, I'm NOT Mrs John Smith, I'm Mrs Sarah Smith!

This has probably long since gone out of fashion, but I was taught that it would be correct to address a married lady as "Mrs John Smith" and address a widow as "Mrs Sarah Smith"

I’m married but don’t used my OHs surname so I’m not Mrs. Interesting that female judges are always Mrs Justice whatever because it sounded wrong to be called Miss Justice !

I am too Spuddy Mrs. my first name and Mr. S.'s surname.

If my name is Sarah Smith and my hubby is John Smith ... which we're not .... as I'm married and happily took his surname by choice, I have no objection to being called Mrs Smith but what I absolutely HATE and find it extremely sexist and chauvinistic is me being called Mrs John Smith!

No, I'm NOT Mrs John Smith, I'm Mrs Sarah Smith!

Mrs or Mr or is normal if you’re a teacher and I don’t mind. Much better IMO than being addressed by my Christian name by someone I’ve never met.
That had one strange effect though. I spoke to someone on the phone and gave my title and surname.
The follow up was sent to someone called Missy Go.

Ms is my choice on forms. I’m widowed, but my late DH never had to go from being a Mr. to anything else, so I don’t see why I should.
I think Ms. is rather useful as it covers both possibilities, unless you are titled or whatever.

First name of given name is more appropriate than Christian name not everyone is Christian. I am happy to be called Mrs I don’t have a problem with it and I don’t think it’s old fashioned.

I’m very happy to be called Mrs in formal situations. I was called Mrs M for years as a teacher. No problem with it.

I occasionally go to a golf club for lunch (don't play golf, it's just a handy location). On the wall is a list of past presidents and "Lady Captains". Up to 2020, the women were all Mrs.... or Miss.... but the recent ones were just Mary Smith or Joan Bloggs - I assume by their own request. I think many women now prefer it.

I never use a prefix unless specifically required in forms.

MOnica you have brought to mind Michael Foot and the 'Donkey' jacket at the Remembrance Day wreath laying. What a hoo ha that caused.

I have never used my academic achievements in my title, (and there are a few), other than in a job application. I find it unnecessary and slightly boastful.

How very old fashioned.

Its something I earned by my own efforts rather than a label which society has stuck on to me, like Mrs. Mrs would imply I am some man's property. No man has ever owned me or ever will.

JudyBloom

I like the handle 'Mrs' to my name. If a couple are married then they share the same name, it means 'you are one' I don't consider it old fashioned at all, it is respectful.

That’s not how it works though, couples who are married only share the same name if the woman adopts the man’s name, or vice versa. You don’t automatically become a Mrs when you marry.
All of us are free to choose and use whatever name we wish, and in an ideal world people would always use the name and title we have chosen. It’s fine if you want to be called Mrs, it’s also fine if Akshata Murty wants to be known as that rather than Mrs Sunak.

I get annoyed with online forms which require you to give a title but then only give you the choice of Mr, Mrs, Miss or Ms. I was happy to be Mrs for many years but now, due to hard work, it's Dr. The same title now applies to DH, but he doesn't get a choice either. There must be plenty of people whose titles aren't among the basic 4.

I'm quite happy to be addressed by Christian name and surname with no title. But now if cold callers address me as Mrs Septimia I can say "There's no Mrs S here."

That first paragraph could be describing Boris Johnson.

Suddenly politics is all about sartorial elegance?

I like the handle 'Mrs' to my name. If a couple are married then they share the same name, it means 'you are one' I don't consider it old fashioned at all, it is respectful.

As for discussion about clothes. Whether a person makes the right choices of clothing - and I am talking about appropriate as well as style, and men and women, is often a guide to who that person is and the quality of their judgement.

About 40 years ago I went to a meeting with my employer's advertising agency. All the men there, bar one, were in suits, I and my female colleague were also smartly dressed. The exception was the Art Director who was wearing crumpled ripped jeans (not todays fashionablely ripped jeans, just ripped jeans) and a well worn unironed T shirt.

It was so contrived and meant a statemen,t it almost hurt, in fact what his choice of clothes said to us, was not . 'Oh what an achingly cool art Director this company has, he must be good' but 'What on earth possessed this man to think that he is dressed appropriately for this meeting, even if he is the art director, I bet his ideas will be as disastrous.

They were. They ignored all the information he had been given about the purpose of the campaign and who the target audience was, the successful campaign we ran bore no relationship to the art work the agency initially prepared.

Clothes say something about a person, whether they like it or not, whether it is high design, or pick something off the floor and put it on. We cannot get away from that and because women have a far greater choice of styles, unfortunately there is more scope for comment.

If Keir Starmer had turned up at Downing St yesterday in open-toed sandals, with or without socks, gardening trousers, a sctuffy T shirt and a tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows, all the papers and social media, would have forgotten about politics and be talking only about what he was wearing, its inappropriatenes, where the garments were bought originally, how much they cost, and how long he had had them.

I have no problem being called Mrs.
Also, I have never used my academic achievements in my title, (and there are a few), other than in a job application. I find it unnecessary and slightly boastful. I blame that on my background.

I enjoy looking at what other woman are wearing. However, criticising how another woman dresses, does not sit well with me. Each to their own.

Back in 1968 I did everything I could to keep my maiden name after marriage. DH was quite happy about that but the banks and other institutions raised so many legal obstacles, which later turned out to be make-believe, that I gave up.

Now I try to use no nominator at all, but so many of those drop down boxes in online forms give you no choice as they have the little red asterisk of 'compulsory' and te form won't work if they are left blank.

For some reason, I am not sure what, I really dislike 'Ms'. It sounds so contrived.

anonymose

I've just skimmed through another post on here about AR and her trouser suit & was quite amazed that the outgoing PM Rishi Sunaks wife was referred to as Mrs Sunak, also Mrs Angela Raynor & Mrs Victoria Starmer. Others sorry I've missed their names (not familiar with many UK politicians) but is this a thing in 2024.
I've understood from my reading these are all intelligent, employed women & not waiting at home for husbands like a 1950s housewife might have done so why not just call them by their names - AR, VS, AS etc - or is this the mindset of Gransnet?
I accept I haven't used the forum for a long time but discussions about clothing choices & Mrs et als really should have been left generations before us.

Discussions about clothing choices should have been left generations ago? Really?😄
So women aren’t interested in fashion and looking stylish anymore?
As to titles, it’s up to individual posters if they want to say Mrs Sunak or AR or Victoria Starmer or whatever.

Thanks Callistemon, saved me looking it up!

I am another proud Mrs.
I had a very unusual Irish maiden name that was hard for people to spell or pronounce.
I also had awful parents, I have a wonderful husband and am so proud to have his name and of course that of our children.

Good idea, yggdrasil

If a Miss becomes a Mrs upon marriage and the wife of someone who receives a knighthood becomes a Lady, why does the husband of a Dame not have a title?