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Are you a private person?

(57 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Tue 16-Jul-24 11:25:40

I'm usually quite open about family and life in general. I was surprised recently to hear that a friend from one of my classes has a sister who lives near me. She has never mentioned this and usually only talks about the tennis or football.
If that were me I would have named my sister and asked have you met her?
I suppose we are all different.

Wyllow3 Tue 16-Jul-24 11:28:25

Maybe they don't get on.

Ali23 Tue 16-Jul-24 11:29:10

Yes I’m very private, waiting until I know someone very well before opening up.
I’m more of a listener at the beginning of a friendship and especially when I’m in a large group.

kircubbin2000 Tue 16-Jul-24 11:34:34

Probably wise. I was tempted to join the ladies at my new class for coffee afterwards but I think I will wait to be invited.

biglouis Tue 16-Jul-24 11:39:30

Being "private" does not necessarily mean reluctance to speak about family or interests.

I may speak freely of family, interests, hobbies and so on. In fact my grandmother said I could "sell ice to the Eskimos". Ive always been good at selling and the "chat" comes easily to me.

I am deeply private in the sense that I do not reveal my inner self to anyone. Not even my closest friends or relations. What they see is a facade. I desire solitude and prefer my own company to that of another person. In fact the idea of spending a protracted time living intimately with someone else fills me with horror. While I do invite guests from time to time and enjoy their company for an hour or so, I am always glad when they get up to leave.

There is an old saying "Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest."

crazyH Tue 16-Jul-24 11:42:10

kircubbin - I am an open book. No point in hiding anything.

Cossy Tue 16-Jul-24 11:43:12

I’m quite open about virtually all aspects of my life, if relevant or if asked.

I love company, but also, at times, relish solitude.

I don’t mind my own company and would happily holiday alone, but I’m also lucky to have a large family and a few very good, close friends.

kircubbin2000 Tue 16-Jul-24 11:48:11

Big louis I think a lot of us are like that. Even when family come to stay I'm relieved when they leave. I have some friends whose narrow views mean I keep quiet as I don't like arguments.My best friend has completely different political views.

LauraNorderr Tue 16-Jul-24 11:59:24

I would say that I’m quite open if I’m asked about myself. I find that I know an awful lot about others but they know very little about me because most are so busy talking about themselves and rarely show an interest in others.
The exception to the rule are the people I’ve befriended on gransnet. The nature of social media is that you are able to read about others and then tell something about yourself without interruption.
So people I have never met know more about me than people I’ve known for years.

Whiff Tue 16-Jul-24 12:02:58

I am open about my life experiences as I know me being a chatterbox has helped others and they have helped me. But the only person who knew the real me and me him was husband but since he died 20 years no ones knows the real me . We where eachothers other halves and together we made a whole. I became half a person the moment he took his last breath. And still only half but learn to cope with that . But at times even now grief overwhelms me. Like yesterday it came out of the blue. So had a cry and got on with things.

We all keep part of ourselves private and only share that with that one special person who completes us. But that's the way it should be but that's just how I feel others may disagree. But we are all different and that's what makes so interesting and challenging. And we are never to old to learn new things and meet new people.

Tuaim Tue 16-Jul-24 12:24:45

I tend to be a listener. Most of my friends are octogenarians and they all have a lot to tell about their lives and time past. Many of them have led some very interesting lives or have a very sanguine approach to each day.

MatildaMay Tue 16-Jul-24 12:30:00

I would have asked her the name of her sister and where she lived.

I don't call it being nosey I call it being interested.

Doodledog Tue 16-Jul-24 13:12:39

I dislike being cross questioned, but will tell most people most things in relaxed conversation - I have nothing to hide, but feel uncomfortable when talking to gossips or nosy parkers.

I'm not sure I understand why you would wait to be asked to go to coffee, kircubbin. Is there someone 'in charge', whose role it is to invite people? That's unusual in a class situation - it's probably more likely that people have just got together and decided to go. If you don't include yourself, people will often assume it's because you don't want to be part of it.

TerriBull Tue 16-Jul-24 13:16:37

I think we have to allow people to be themselves as to how much personal information they would want to share, some family dynamics are difficult and that woman may not, for whatever reason wish to discuss a family member. My feelings are, never probe, you never know what can of worms could be opened. Take the cue from her, people talk if they want to share a problem, not everyone does though.

kircubbin2000 Tue 16-Jul-24 14:05:49

Doodledog. It's 30 people at a keep fit class. They looked like a small set of friends so I will wait another week to see what's going on. The other class I go to 5 of us are friends and I think a stranger joining us would seem odd.

kircubbin2000 Tue 16-Jul-24 14:09:35

Talking about probing one acquaintance is unbelievably nosey. She interrupted a conversation I was having at my daughters wedding to ask how my mother was related to another guest and what was the history of his family!

Norah Tue 16-Jul-24 14:11:35

I'm very private.

I've no need to give my opinions (other than to my husband).

Joseann Tue 16-Jul-24 14:13:39

In real life, I think I am quite reserved. People often say, "I never you were/did ......"

Esmay Tue 16-Jul-24 14:15:33

I'm very open , chatty and friendly , but there are some aspects of my life which are too painful to talk about .
Recently , one of my friends has begun to ask me about it even though she can see that her questions are causing me distress .
My closest friends are aware of some things , but never ask me about it .
I'm tired of hearing about her illnesses , allergies and phobias and , having realised that she tells me many lies -I don't want to be friends with her anymore .

kircubbin2000 Tue 16-Jul-24 14:21:08

Nasty if it's done on purpose. I have a new friend and I have accidently mentioned things eg the plot of a novel which I immediately realised were triggering.Also I recommended a TV documentary not realising it might upset her.

BlueBelle Tue 16-Jul-24 14:23:36

I m an open book wear my heart on my sleeve and all the rest of that stuff I have no secrets normally What you see is what you get

JaneJudge Tue 16-Jul-24 14:24:12

I think I tell people too much and leave myself too open

JaneJudge Tue 16-Jul-24 14:25:08

Oh Esmay thanks please look after yourself x

HowVeryDareYou2 Tue 16-Jul-24 14:51:29

I'm very much an open book.

MatildaMay Tue 16-Jul-24 15:00:12

Doodledog

I dislike being cross questioned, but will tell most people most things in relaxed conversation - I have nothing to hide, but feel uncomfortable when talking to gossips or nosy parkers.

I'm not sure I understand why you would wait to be asked to go to coffee, kircubbin. Is there someone 'in charge', whose role it is to invite people? That's unusual in a class situation - it's probably more likely that people have just got together and decided to go. If you don't include yourself, people will often assume it's because you don't want to be part of it.

If the lady did not want to be asked her sister's name then why would she bring it up in the first place especially when her sister lives near the person she was speaking to.