Feeling adrift

As you like knitting why not join a knit and natter group I think most places have them much better than doing it alone for most, and no walking involved.
Just an idea

Gentleshores you have revealed how much you miss your parents. It isn't too late to get some grief counselling. I also lost someone close during Covid and it still makes me cry.

I think you need to to reach out and find some support in your community that will help you get your mojo back.

It may take a lot less than you think, and don't think you are alone. There are so many of us!

One thing that will take you out of yourself and also connect you with your parents is to do your family history. The website which will provide virtually everything you need is Ancestry. Take a free trial and then do a month or a year. Best deal is Premium Membership for a year £69.99. This is well worth the expense. Back in the day we used to travel to London to manually search for this information in dusty old files and it took forever.

You can create a family tree and link all the records you find to the people in the tree. You will always have access to your tree even if you cease paying membership. All you need is curiosity and a determination to find things. This will keep you going for years!

I empathise completely. 50+ years of work and family and then retirement just after covid. Sadly my health deteriorated further ( I had given up work in hopes it would improve) ,bereavement and cost of living crisis came along. At first I did not know who I was. My clothes,eating habits and everything belonged to someone I no longer am.
Luckily for me I found I could no longer afford to spend much. I began to cook and experiment with cheaper meals and found I loved cooking ,even just for one. This led me to an interest in all sorts of things. Where food comes from,climate change, recycling . I have learned to sew in order to repair and remodel old clothes. From being ( I admit it) a bit extravagant, I havev had to become a dab hand at saving. I have no garden but grow herbs and peppers on the windowsill.
I feel calmer ,more content. I meditate,listen to music and read . I find I have learned so much and need far less.
I cannot afford luxurys like holidays but I don't mind.
Family history is a lovely idea. Are there local book clubs or craft groups that are accessible? Hope you find lots of new interests. I am sitting in my room that looks like a jungle with 15 healthy house plants. I used to say I only had to look at a plant for it to wither and die and then I bought a basil plant as I had taken up cooking. I can't stop now, but am running out of windowsill room. Good luck .

Thank you. None of these things had occurred to me and are great ideas. I suppose I've just never got back to normal since the pandemic and the previous normal has changed drastically as less family in my life.

A message from a friend today has spurred me into pushing for more medical help re my knees - I feel I've been fobbed off for a long time but the fact is - GP won't refer me to a specialist (say they can't do that now) which I am still shocked about as pre pandemic you could be referred to a specialist if you asked for it. So I want to get my mobility improved and be able to do more.

Sorry I've just seen the last four messages - not sure how I missed them. Thank you Blue Belle, keepingquiet, Chestnut and That'snotme in the mirror.

Yes I did wonder about further grief counselling. I had some from Cruse at the time which helped but was admitted to hospital with an urgent condition shortly after that and took me 6 months to recover and so it was just a case of day to day survival for a while without time to think or grieve - but I suppose these things are stored away. I thought I was doing ok with that apart from anniversary setbacks. Thank you for saying there are so many of us - and I'm not alone. It feels like it sometimes. You see everyone else just getting on with life as before. Or I do anyway. The fact we live a bit rurally might not help with that. Which is why I want to move. Been trying to persuade OH for 2 years!

The Family History thing - no thank you. I had actually done all that for years. My Mother used to do it as well. Once my Dad died I couldn't face doing any more of it, but it was done anyway.

Thatsnotmeinthe mirror - I can relate to that - I had a similar thing after a divorce many years ago. We certainly have a reasonably frugal lifestyle now but it's slightly different with a young person to support through life living with us as well. Very odd sometimes. We're at retirement age and should be thinking about planning our future and are also thinking about supporting a young person through life and University. That in itself is motivation and nice to be involved with and give guidance (if it's listened to!) but is somewhat time consuming sometimes juggling.

Thatsnotmeinthemirror

I empathise completely. 50+ years of work and family and then retirement just after covid. Sadly my health deteriorated further ( I had given up work in hopes it would improve) ,bereavement and cost of living crisis came along. At first I did not know who I was. My clothes,eating habits and everything belonged to someone I no longer am.
Luckily for me I found I could no longer afford to spend much. I began to cook and experiment with cheaper meals and found I loved cooking ,even just for one. This led me to an interest in all sorts of things. Where food comes from,climate change, recycling . I have learned to sew in order to repair and remodel old clothes. From being ( I admit it) a bit extravagant, I havev had to become a dab hand at saving. I have no garden but grow herbs and peppers on the windowsill.
I feel calmer ,more content. I meditate,listen to music and read . I find I have learned so much and need far less.
I cannot afford luxurys like holidays but I don't mind.
Family history is a lovely idea. Are there local book clubs or craft groups that are accessible? Hope you find lots of new interests. I am sitting in my room that looks like a jungle with 15 healthy house plants. I used to say I only had to look at a plant for it to wither and die and then I bought a basil plant as I had taken up cooking. I can't stop now, but am running out of windowsill room. Good luck .

what a lovely post...

Is there a Move it or Lose exercise class nearby,exercises done to music and can be done sitting or standing or a mixture of both.

I go to one every week, exercises are sesigned to encourage independent lives for the over 55 age group.

They are very friendly.

I had a THR last year and my other hip is problematic, and surprisingly the pain us better managed by the exercises we do.

They change routines fortnightly so boredom dosent set in.

You can google oor look at your local FB page.

Good luck.

Thank you. There are some classes round here but not many - there are people older than me that are much more mobile! So classes seem to be geared towards keeping fitness rather than with disability somehow. I really want knee replacements. I'm not eligible on the NHS - this has caused so many knock on effects and other health issues. I've decided to pay for a private specialist appointment just for advice - and see if that can get me on a waiting list. Can't afford to pay for private surgery.

I suppose I have had a degree of embarrassment/shyness about getting involved in classes with so many medical things going on. As I said previously - it's affected my confidence I think.

Why are you not eligible on the nhs?
I would push for it. Burst into tears.
See another gp.

People of all abilities turn up, people arrive on mobile scooters, and no one is judgemental of anyone elses ability or lack of it.

We have fun which lifts the mood and maybe a few exercises as well.

We have people from an older peoples home,and several come with their carers who also join in

The exercises will be a good support for TKR when it happens because it will strengthen your muscles to support you

Oh believe me I have begged, been in tears and so on = the rejection is horrible and knocks your confidence. It wasn't till I turned up in a wheelchair that I finally got MRI scans. But still told I can't be referred to a specialist. Not sure if it's just our area but the GP's aren't dealing with anything musculoskeletal. They say self refer to physio and physio decide whether you need a referral. Been round the houses for 2 years - second referral to physio after things got worse. It's because it's not arthritis! I don't have any arthritis but have a lot of cartilage damage. No arthritis - no referral.

I understand your frustration and pain waiting lists are long, and self referral to a physio seems to be all that is on offer in my area, I only got my THR because my hip was bone on bone and like you relied on a borrowed mobility scooter.
My second hip was under the physio route but at the moment it is problematic but bearable.

I do so hope that you get some.joy even if you have to go privately a life in constant pain is unbearable and adding to your feeling of being cut adrift which from my own experiences I understand[

Thank you downtoearth. I can't even get on a waiting list! That was the first thing I tried 18 months ago. It's taken this long to get MRI scans and it's had such a negative toll on my physical health being immobile for so long - keep straining other things due to bad posture. At least I will now see a specialist and get some information and advice. No doubt it will mean an operation. But I keep being told they don't do knee replacements for cartilage, only for arthritis. I've been told if you see a specialist for a private appointment, you can't then go on an NHS waiting list. Which is why I've stuck with the NHS route for two and a half years (and got nowhere).

But just imagining being able to go for long walks has motivated me to pay for this private initial appointment.

This thread has helped me get to the bottom of my stasis - thank you. I still need to join something/do something but I suppose I felt in limbo with the mobility issues and all the waiting for things, plus post grief two years ago.

Wishing you well Gentleshores

My advise would be to use your time to try and improve your mobility once you are not so sedentary that opens up a lot more opportunities. Try you tube videos or start small walks or classes. Good luck.

Ask your GP about any in person or online exercise sessions for people with limited mobility. I have been finding various things which help me do exercise at home at a level that I can manage. I often fail to do it but have learned that it always always lifts my mood and energy levels. I also got a referral via the NHS to Slimming World as I am very overweight which makes my joint pain and mobility worse. I have never before been into dieting and losing weight but have now, in my 60s, lost a lot and am still going. It is helping with pain etc but also it has brought me into contact with a very supportive local group of people all having a struggle putting themselves first and looking after their own health. Like you I spent many years bringing up grandchildren. I think one just loses the habit of doing things for yourself and the knowledge, even, of what you want for yourself. I recommend visits, phone calls, emails with old friends or family you may have lost touch with a bit - anyone who likes you for yourself and reminds you of who you are - can be an anchor when feeling adrift. Good luck.

competitions on line? you may win something so all good fun

I too have been crippled with grief over the loss of a sister to a suicide and grandchildren no longer living with us. Don’t underestimate the long term impact of loss and grief - the world has changed, you may feel uncertain of who you are without those people in your life. You have to just hang on to the knowledge that you matter in your own right - and don’t beat yourself up for bad days or see yourself as needing to make ‘progress’. Just keep going and keep trying to do things that make you feel good, whatever works.

Thank you. Yes I did get in contact with an old friend yesterday and it did remind me who I was :-) And also made me realise how much the mobility issues were stopping me being who I was - a bouncy active person. So am pressing forwards with this Consultant's appointment in the hope of getting some help longer term with the mobility.

I'm part of my local Rock Choir. It's great! You don't need to audition or be able to read music. You also don't have to be a great singer! You just need to enjoy singing. It's so uplifting and very sociable. Have made lots of new friends too.

Try a book club....you meet people and it forces you to read. Charity work - if you are good with your own finances, you can be trained to help others. Help with listening to readers in a local school. Offer your services to a local hospital....