Adult children don't seem to get old age!

I find 2 of my 4 children seem to understand that I'm no longer as spry as I used to be. They are the ones I see less often who live further away. The 2 that live closer don't notice changes so easily.

Doodledog
You obviously get it

I didn't tell my adult children when I had a cancer scare, until I had the all clear. When I said I hadn't wanted to worry them, my son told me off and said he was 42, not a child, and would have wanted to support me. Of course he was quite right. I looked after all 4 of our parents in their old age, although mine were independent until their mi eighties. I am only 69, and fit and well, but it's good to know they want to help when necessary.
I suppose what I am saying is you need to give them the chance to step up by explaining things to them.

petra

Doodledog
You obviously ^get it^

Indeed. Doodledog does 'get it' and expresses 'it' well.

But all this advice assumes that your AC live within reach of your home and have no issues of their own. Our younger DD is 200 miles away, the elder "only" 30 but she has two pre-teens and severe fibromyalgiaand and cannot risk driving this far (apart from having a full-time job as chief breadwinner). Her DH has elderly parents nearby who are very demanding (even though physically quite well) and unreasonably will not pay for help despite having lived all their lives in the area and have an army of close friends and relatives. His DM is a driver but says she doesn't like driving, so won't do any!

We also live in a rural area devoid of odd-jobbers, cleaners, gardeners etc even at sky-high prices and long waits. So we struggle on alone, except it is now mostly me as DH is becoming more disabled with peripheral neuropathy at nearly 79.

Talking to our DDs garners lots of sympathy and understanding but they simply aren't able to help. They only visit use a couple of times a year so don't see how we are day-to-day.

I have no idea what we will do when it all gets worse (which it is doing almost daily).

Hi

Trying to understand the issues, what boomeranged back temporarily means, living back with you ?

Please.......don't join things, I've tried endlessly and got nowhere, as for the AC., my Daughter is 60 and she really does'nt get me at all, my Son is better, at least he does'nt talk to me as if I were about 5. We have to be so strong to be on our own, but please, do not join things. The life is sucked put of you. All the best.

•lafergar* I know you must be in great pain but you say you're approaching 70 which must mean you're in your 60s. To me, at nearly 86, this means late middle age! No wonder your AC don't get it, especially as you say you're independent and "talk the talk" whatever that means". Just stop bottling everything up and tell them how you feel - as everyone on here is advising you to. You are obviously coming across to them as competent and coping - and still young! Time to let your guard down if that's what you want. Your AC aren't mindreaders ....

Why post then? I am olderthan you and I have a bomerang daughter (37) divorced, hone, now out on her own again. I've had 2 heart attacks,stroke due to procedure,arthritis and diabetic! I count myself lucky that I lead a pretty full life,including watching my 3 year old non verbal autistic grandaughter. It's not easy getting old and in my head I'm still 20! My daughters help when needed. Life is too short and I will not give in to age..70 at end of year.. Talk to your kids..

lafergar, you need to explain it to them in a way they will understand, no need to go into the whys and hows, just explain WHAT you have difficulty with now. My DH's health (and mobility) has been steadily declining for years, but your children won't notice the subtle changes unless you tell them. My DH has always taken great pleasure in gardening, but now just half an hour mowing is way too much for him, so we had to adapt, to make it easier to manage, and to find an alternative way of doing things, for example, our grandson does the heavy digging when the ground has compacted, then I do the weeding, then DH can plant new things, or just potter around pruning etc. Our grandson also does the mowing for us, once it was explained to him how it takes days for us to recover from such exertion.

What is a boomerang AC? Please explain.

Lafergar
I can see why your children are struggling to understand, so am I. Are you saying you are getting old approaching 70? That’s really not old nowadays. Are you in constant pain that is making you feel older than you are? Have you spoken to your GP and your children about this? People can’t mind read and mostly you have to help yourself in the first place. Talk to your children and tell them how you feel.

Norah

What is a boomerang AC? Please explain.

A boomerang keeps coming back.

Returning to live at home periodically.

Allira

Norah

What is a boomerang AC? Please explain.

A boomerang keeps coming back.

Returning to live at home periodically.

Thank you. Now I understand. All of ours returned for a bit, after graduation, awaiting jobs or weddings. One after death of her husband.

I'm just too busy to get old...I'll just drop one day and everyone will think I was fine the day before...and wonder what happened...?

I think that is what all of us want keepingquiet - sadly it is not working out that way for me nor for many on this site. I am petering out slowly, painfully and miserably. It is not something over which I have any choice. Would that I had.

I'm with you there. I'm nearly 70, have many autoimmune conditions and I get tired. I have 2 grandchildren that I adore but I sure can't do what I used to. However I've always been pretty active but, now all I seem to do is care for others. There doesn't seem to be much fun in life. I usually just long to be home alone....partly to escape others needs.

Oh, don't we all wish that, Luckygirl? But it may well not work like that for many of us. We might THINK we are invincible cos our minds are still A1, but it is a fact that our bodies are wearing out, however fit we try to keep ourselves. Accidents can happen, viruses come along, cancer is more prevalent, and then old age comes along and bites you on the bum!

But yes, OP, talk to your family of course, but research ways in which you can make life easier for yourself with equipment and aids. Number one for me would be a walk-in-shower and a second handrail on the stairs.

I think sometime the responses on here may seem harsh but in general they are meant to either help or ask for a more complete picture of the problem.
Like others have said if you keep your ills, pain and problems to yourself then how can your child be expected to know how you really feel? I know that I had no idea how it felt to be old until I reached that stage myself and don't expect my children to feel differently. If having your child living with you is causing you problems then you need to sit down and explain this to them and you may be very pleasantly surprised about the help you get in return.

lafergar

Some interesting ideas. How can anybody "get anything" they haven't lived? By being empathetic.

By taking time, by having some imagination and care.

As I explained rosie I am severely hampered by chronic pain caused by medical negligence. I prefer not to bother AC with this.

This is so contradictive, you don't want to bother your AC but you want them to show you care, how can they when they do not know what your situation is really like!!!

For anyone interested, here's a link to the bathtub conversion we had done last year. Costing less than £500 it has revolutionised our lives. The firm did it in a few hours, about a week after we enquired. No plumbing work needed, new shower screen (old one was broken) and a wall handrail.

convertabath.co.uk/

Madmeg I hadnt heard of that company and didnt know such a bath conversion was possible. Very interesting. Thanks for posting the link

How interesting these replies are . At 50 I had a functional stroke. I get exactly what you are saying op .
You want a bit of help without asking for it . You want to go out but need a bit of extra support, you may need to do the jobs your AC suggested but with chronic pain I doubt you have the energy to tackle these alone . You maybe would like a little help maybe doing it over a chat and a cuppa.
Chronic pain is tiring and often depressive ( not you have depression but gives you low mood from frustration etc)
Ultimately though people do not understand the subliminal message unless you shove it in their faces and say I need this, that, the other, support, nice calm outings in company I trust, then I’m afraid my experience is nothing gets better.
If they offer advice, answer how do “we” move forward/approach that then ?
What should we do to get the ball rolling to help me then?
My other advice is try to be be upbeat if you go out , show an interest in them ( you probably won’t get it back). Be grateful. Because the young have no space for rudeness stubbornness or perceived ungratefulness.

Hope this helps .

Boomerang is a daft term for AC who return home. It is becoming common as rental properites are sold off and people can't afford to buy.

Gosh, there are some incredibly rude and unpleasant replies here. But also some very helpful and kind ones, Thanks

lafergar I do hope I haven't come across as rude or unpleasant because I would never want that, but, my lovely, to me you ARE still young. Please don't waste the many years you still have by being stoic & not talking/telling your AC how you feel. They will probably be horrified to know how you really feel & be more empathetic than you think. Please give it a try.

Because the young have no space for rudeness stubbornness or perceived ungratefulness

Me neither?