Child free and smug

Galaxy

I am deeply wary of people who speak about how wonderful their lives and choices are.

Hear, hear!

... especially those who crow about it on Instagram.

I'm not sure, but I rather feel those who have maximum contentment usually don't feel the need to advertise their good fortune to 'followers' and other random people.

The fact these 'journalists' feel the need to snipe at breeders would indicate an antagonism that (though I'm no psychiatrist) probably runs through their veins and spills over into their 'perfect' lives.

Maybe a breeder's offspring will one day care for said journalists at the end of their perfect lives.

It is funny how different we all are, the last thing I would ever want is my children caring for me, that is just not what I want for them.

Galaxy

It is funny how different we all are, the last thing I would ever want is my children caring for me, that is just not what I want for them.

Same, especially having been through it all with my own mother and in-laws.

I have two married daughters, four grandchildren and I recently was blessed with a gorgeous great grandchild. My family is so precious to me. We all live within 10 miles of each other but do not live in each other’s pockets. We arrange regular meet-ups, mainly by one of us deciding to have a meal or barbecue and inviting the others. Or a daughter and husband will visit. My granddaughter and I are very close and she visits often, now with the baby. There is no expectation from me as to visits and I think this is the reason they come often. There is no pressure and no moaning if they haven’t been for a while. I understand they have busy lives with taxing jobs (some including shift work) so nothing is set in stone. I am very happy with how much I see of them and it leaves me plenty of time for my own interests.
Life is good!

I know how lucky I was to have my two children to keep me going when my husband died young, but I can’t speak for others. Life, and happiness is fragile, and the smug are just the ones who haven’t had any of life’s crap thrown at them yet.

I certainly don't want my children or grandchildren to care for me in my old age but I certainly want them to be around. I'd feel so lonely if they weren't. I see the residents eyes light up when families arrive at the care home where I volunteer.

I have one child and am very happy ...but I could not conceive a second and everybody in the school gate was doing what today's mums do: have them one after the other immediately ....some women were asking me why I don't have second. Like really? My body did not produce one or my husband's fertility ended or whatever.

Also scratching my ovaries for IVF was not anything that I would ever do. So ?

There are really infertile women out there who are suffering and want children. I wonder were these women in that position once and decided instead getting to reality humbly, instead let's all turn and hate on the breeders. That is bullying not having the virtue of being oh, so happy child free

I am childless rather than childfree, but I am certainly not smug. I think I am in for a very sad and lonely old age. I envy those with a loving family. I will have literally nobody.

Strawberriesandpears

I am childless rather than childfree, but I am certainly not smug. I think I am in for a very sad and lonely old age. I envy those with a loving family. I will have literally nobody.

Srawberries there is no guarantee our children will be fulfilling our needs when we age. Sometimes a close friend can do more and mean more.
My own DD hasn’t had children. Not a deliberate choice just not the right man or time. I know she has very close friends so I hope for the best💐

@hollysteers Thank you. I do hope to have close friends. I think I am pretty good at making friends, and I know how to be a good friend to others too, I think.

Aveline

I certainly don't want my children or grandchildren to care for me in my old age but I certainly want them to be around. I'd feel so lonely if they weren't. I see the residents eyes light up when families arrive at the care home where I volunteer.

So the people without children are in a care home being looked after by paid staff.

And the people with children are in the care home being looked after by paid staff - and maybe have a visit from family

Doesn’t seem that different to me. Except the ones without children can afford a much nicer care home😬

Lathyrus3, That’s a strange way of looking at it!

A very strange way of looking at it. There's something about having family that know you, have shared memories of other family members, people, places, events. It's very sad when people seem to be completely alone in the world in their old age. Not everyone has good skills at making friends. I'm glad that Strawberriesandpears has.

Yes agree totally with the posters who are wary of those who parrot their perfect lives. I think it’s unusual to know for sure that you don’t want children at an early age. I thought I didn’t want them for a long time and then woke up one morning at the age 40 and panicked. I knew it was now or never and got my skates on. I was rewarded with my daughter (very lucky) and hate to think I nearly missed out.

Ive never met anyone child free you talks about people as breeders, they wouldn't be my type of person.
No one knows why anyone is child free, may not be by choice.
I never bring the subject up and don't talk continuously about mine.

Just because you are childless doesn't mean you will have a lonely old age. Many single childless people are part of wider families who love and ssupport them. I became the official carer for childless family members on both sides of my family. They were aunts and uncles who did not choose childlessness. They had been loving and kind to me when I was young and when they needed help I provided it.

As i said DD is childless and lives alone but she has a niece and nephew for whom she was the magic aunt who could make and do things for them that nobody else could, and now they are themselves almost grown up, their faces still light-up when she appears..

No one can see into the future, but I think it is unlikely that she will have a lonely unloved old age. She does, also, have a brother.

You can lead a perfectly happy & fulfilling life without children.
Having children doesn’t always equal happiness, ( just look on the estrangement board, ) & certainly doesn’t guarantee they’ll be ‘looking after you’ in old age. I personally wouldn’t want my children becoming my carers, ( if it ever came to that ) that’s the last thing I’d want, for me & them.
I’m really glad I have children - but had it not been possible, or I just didn’t want children, I’m sure my life would have been just as happy. Just happy in a different way.

Sadly for me, I am an only child, so no nieces or nephews either. I really will be totally alone in the world.

I am glad that women have the choice, at least women in Britain do.

When I married in 1969 it was very much expected that babies would follow and they did. That was one of the reasons for getting married - as illegitimacy was still a stigma. Living together outside marriage was living in sin

The journalist who called us Breeders was provocative to use language like that but I suppose it grabs headlines.

Now there's a stigma in having more than 2 children, with the 2 child cap on child benefits.

Too much interference in the lives of others!

I think that often what life throws at us means that we do not have much choice in the matter. People who desperately want children can't always have them and people who don't want children get pregnant.

I know this is stating the obvious but I feel we like to think we have more control over our lives than is in fact the case.

I’d have been very unhappy if I hadn’t had children, and find it difficult to imagine anyone feels differently, but one of my sons has no children and seems completely happy about it. He certainly has fewer worries than the one who has children.

I have never expected my children to look after me, and I encouraged them to live elsewhere. But at least they are interested!

Magenta8

I think that often what life throws at us means that we do not have much choice in the matter. People who desperately want children can't always have them and people who don't want children get pregnant.

I know this is stating the obvious but I feel we like to think we have more control over our lives than is in fact the case.

This is very true. I would have had a child had the opportunity presented itself. Those who have children in this life, could easily find that they too missed out too in another.

How people define themselves on Instagram can come across as smug, led by umpteen famous faces who go to some lengths to showcase their homes, children etc etc. in a kind of "look what we've got here the perfect life" showing only the best bits of course! I agree with Galaxy up thread I'm deeply sceptical of all of that. Something to be said in favour of the Clooneys imo who apparently wisely shun that conspicuous form of showing off.

Do I think child free people are smug? absolutely not! Intstagram aside, it's really none of anyone else's business whether people opt to have children or not, sometimes of course it hasn't been possible for them, whatever the reason, why judge, it's a perfectly reasonable and understandable choice

I'm well on the journalists side on this.

I'm 60, and never married or had kids by choice. I was 6 when I decided I'd never have kids and even if I ever married I'd STILL NOT have kids. It would have to be a 100% child-free life.

I don't like kids, never did and never will. As a child myself I hated having to be forced into interacting with other kids at school, home etc. ''But you need friends'' was constantly thrown at me as I sat there reading and playing with animals. No, I don't need friends, I need animal friends!

My attitude has always been ''it's MY body and life, not yours and I alone decide what to do with it so shove off!''

Animals/pets have always been my babies and always will be, not humans.

No, hollysteers, I'm not the slightest bit smug, I just chose to run my body and life how I see fit, not as others demand and dictate.

The ''but who will look after you're when you're old?'' question, which I find condescending and patronizing is a load of rubbish. You could literally have 1000 kids and there's absolutely no guarantee that ANY of them will be there for the parents in old age, all 1000 might just abandon you.

I've always been and always will be a a very proud and honoured pet mum.

I find the entire thing of pregnancy, birthing etc. to be utterly sickening and having all those pregnancy appointments, being prodded and poked and questioned, then there's what I'd have to do to produce them.....absolutely NOT. Then all the school/kids/teacher things ...no.

I'll love animals far more than I'll ever love screaming gummy kids.

Crossstitchfan

Lathyrus3, That’s a strange way of looking at it!

Do you know, I’m really getting quite upset by the way crossstitchfan keeps hounding me across threads with snide personal comments and jibes.

I’ve no idea why. Whether it’s just a general dislike or whether I’ve done something specific to upset her personally.

I expect be disagreed with, because I do see things differently but this last dig, although it’s actually quite mild this time, really makes me see how social media can be so destructive.