Child free and smug

I'd have liked another baby but couldn't afford it. We cut our coat according to our cloth. Not everyone does it would seem!

We had 5 children on a fairly low incomebut we "cut our cloth" too Aveline

Camping and "staying with friends" type holidays, selling produce, old car etc. I think children aren't necessarily as expensive as some think.
...obviously no Public Schools - but plenty of activities.

This thread has made me think of Biglouis. I haven’t seen her posting in months and this is a thread she would have been all over. I hope she is ok although she seems to be gone from GN.

Aveline

I'd have liked another baby but couldn't afford it. We cut our coat according to our cloth. Not everyone does it would seem!

No, we didn't 😁
Our little surprise was (and is) a delight.

Aveline

Am outraged at comments about cats. All our cats have been devoted to us and demonstrated that constantly over the years.
I like dogs too, wouldn't want one but wouldn't denigrate them either. 😾

Oops, sorry!!

Cats always seem to be their own person, iyswim.

Also, I saw a birthday card once which said 'Dogs think they're human, Cats know they're Gods'.

Grannynannywanny

This thread has made me think of Biglouis. I haven’t seen her posting in months and this is a thread she would have been all over. I hope she is ok although she seems to be gone from GN.

I thought of her as well and hope she is ok.

Not every child free couple is childless by choice.

Oops sorry Aveline, I love cats, probably more so than dogs, with or without their foibles. I think the Egyptians knew a thing or two when they deemed them gods, yes definitely that's how I perceive them furry superior beings🐈

Allira

Dogs love you unconditionally 😁 🐶
Cats love themselves. 😾

My cats definitely loved me. The idea that cats aren’t affectionate is nonsense. True, they are rather more independent than dogs, but that’s not a bad thing.

I think with the older generation those without children often didn't choose that. I know we've had the pill since the 60s but when I was younger it was more of a decision to delay children and not so common to decide not to have them.

I had no desire to have children until my late 30s when it was a case of now or never. I had no interest in babies or children ( still don't). But my own were the best thing ever.
I do wonder if the same might be true for others who decide at a young age that they won't have children.

I personally, think it’s still fairly unusual for a woman to never want children.

Kandinsky

I personally, think it’s still fairly unusual for a woman to never want children.

Really? Why? I think it's perfectly understandable. Not everyone is the maternal type. Don't get wrong, I don't for one second regret having my children, but for years I never thought I wanted children and I'm certainly not the type to coo over babies. I can definitely see why people don't want to have children.

I think a lot of people who never wanted children did have them in the past, because contraception was poor, and it was the expected thing. It might partly explain why so many on Gransnet tell of childhoods where they were unloved and neglected. It’s good that women who don’t want children now feel free to say so - but being smug about either having, or not having them is equally odd.

They are babies and children for a very short time. What you are really having is an adult, who with any luck will be a friend.

Yes, exactly Casdon. It's got to be a good thing that we now live in an age when people do have the choice (obviously I'm not talking about people who can't have children, but those who choose not to). We should be celebrating that.

Kandinsky

I personally, think it’s still fairly unusual for a woman to never want children.

I disagree (respectfully).

As women have become more emancipated and their options have increased - not only in the workplace but in education, the Arts, etc - I believe it has become more common for women not to want to have children.

What I would question is the idea that those who say they knew from a very early age - in early childhood - that they didn't want children.

How many children aged in single digits even comprehend parenthood?

I think that is unusual.

I never wanted children. I did like them but felt they would restrict my lifestyle. However, when my marriage broke up and I met another partner I became pregnant and I can honestly say it was the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. I have a wonderful daughter and delightful granddaughter. I believe that everyone has a right to make their own choices but I echo other OPs who say that you can never know what joy children bring unless you have them.

How many children aged in single digits even comprehend parenthood?

Well exactly. I find this pretty unbelievable tbh.

Perhaps not but I think they do display a lack of interest in “parenting play”.

Dolls as babies, looking after younger siblings, that sort of thing bores them.

Whether children who aren’t interested in that pretend parenting role go on to be those who chose not to have children, I have no idea.

It would make an interesting piece of research for somebody.

My eldest daughter was a complete Tomboy. Never played with dolls or did anything particularly ‘girly’ - she was massively into football. which was quite unusual back then ( the 90’s ) I was convinced she was a lesbian - which would have been absolutely fine of course.

She’s now a happily married mother of two children who are her absolute world.
She still loves football though 😀

I've never had the slightest inclination to have children personally. As I put it - "I've come from a line of women who aren't mums - and we'd got to the 1970s by then (my "turn") and so that line stopped". I've been very glad I had the chance to get the Pill and then get sterilised. My only regret is the NHS made me pay for my own sterilisation!!!! (I'd still like a refund for the cost of that from them - and don't understand why I had to pay for MY choice - when people who made the other choice didnt have to pay for theirs!).

Add the fact that - though we really werent told much at all about what pregnancy/childbirth/possible permanent effects on womens bodies was back in that era (WHY not???? - they should have told us all...so we were making fully informed choices) - I managed to pick up enough information to know that all that did not sound like it would be good and I might be left with a permanently damaged body (if only looks-wise).

Certainly I could clearly see that men weren't left with issues from pregnancy and childbirth - and so wondered why women so often are.

I absolutely made the right choice for me. But "note to NHS = can I have back the £2,000-£3,000 in today's money you owe me please for all that?". I still struggle to get my head round the way we were even told to pay a prescription charge for the Pill initially when I started taking it - which they thankfully changed part way through that to making them free.

I still recall asking the doctor I'd had back then for the Pill (that would have 1973 I think) and him belittling me/making out I didn't know what I was asking for and refusing. Thankfully not a problem for long - as within the year I'd moved to Denmark and went to a doctor there and asked for it and that more modern/liberal country gave it to me without batting an eyelash or trying to override my right to decide about that (and I don't recall them charging me for the prescription either). So when I came back to England it was easy to choose another doctor anyway and just say "I'm on Eugynon 50 and I need another prescription for it please" and no eyelids were batted that time (having presented them with that Danish fait accompli) - other than my own eyelashes at being made to pay for it initially.

Yep......I'm primarily someone who thinks with logic (emotions come second) and hence I hadn't got/ever had a boyfriend the first time I asked (ie in England). I just thought "I'm adult age now - and so at some point soon......and better be ready for that".

Lathyrus3

Perhaps not but I think they do display a lack of interest in “parenting play”.

Dolls as babies, looking after younger siblings, that sort of thing bores them.

Whether children who aren’t interested in that pretend parenting role go on to be those who chose not to have children, I have no idea.

It would make an interesting piece of research for somebody.

That was me as a child. No real interest in playing with dolls or anything like that whatsoever. I was an only child, so no siblings either. Horses and books were pretty much the only thing which interested me. As I said earlier in the thread, I love my children and grandchildren to bits, but I would never describe myself as being the 'maternal' type. I never cooed over other people's babies either - I had never even held a baby until I had my daughter.

As I put it - "I've come from a line of women who aren't mums

Sorry, I'm being a bit dense here but I'm
Is it just me?

I don’t know - I had an aunt, and have a friend, who both opted not to have their own children because as older children in their own families, they ended up looking after a number of younger siblings a lot of the time. My aunt was married, but she liked nice things, and the peace of her own home, she was quite open in saying that she knew all about children, and didn’t want them herself - she was a quiet person.

Casdon

I don’t know - I had an aunt, and have a friend, who both opted not to have their own children because as older children in their own families, they ended up looking after a number of younger siblings a lot of the time. My aunt was married, but she liked nice things, and the peace of her own home, she was quite open in saying that she knew all about children, and didn’t want them herself - she was a quiet person.

Worked with somebody who was the eldest in a large family and who never wanted children.

She said, I don’t want to that all over again.

I wonder if negative experiences in early childhood have an impact - demanding siblings, over burdened parents.

Whether being in a nursery from babyhood has an impact on perception of parental roles.

Gosh, it’s a great research topic.