I have been a member of a choral society for many years - about 10. Seven years ago when they were struggling financially I offered to take on the task of designing all their publicity and programmes (a huge job involving lots of research) and have over those years saved them tens of thousands of pounds in designer fees and using printers who gave us a good deal rather than the designer's mate.
The task was all in my hands and I happily took responsibility for this. Everyone was relieved that they no longer had to worry about this and left it to me.
About a year ago a new woman joined and after a while she began sending me her ideas for the publicity, which were frankly tacky and not in keeping with the sort of music that we perform. At one point she started sending me adaptations of our logo and I had to be quite firm in the end that the logo was how people recognise us and was not for changing. She took the hump about this in a big way.
This new person is very forceful and determined and has weedled her way into the role of chair of the committee. At this year's AGM I stood down from the committee for health reasons but made it very clear that I was happy to continue with the publicity.
Just one week later at the first meeting of the new committee she apparently presented them all with her designs and persuaded them that she should take charge of this going forward.
She then emailed me with a fait accompli.
At no point did she tell me what she was planning even though at my last meeting I had been asked if I was happy to continue and said yes.
I have been deeply hurt by this and have taken the decision to sing elsewhere as the whole experience of singing with this choir has been tainted for me by this business. I feel sad that something so underhand and devious has been done and it will never be the same for me again.
I should say that all the feedback on my designs over the years has been excellent.
I think this person was miffed that I would not do what she wanted over the logo and designs and has sought to get her own way by devious means. She is only chair because under the Charity Commission rules there has to be one - and there was no one else.
Maybe I am just sounding off as I live alone, but how does this sound to everyone? Am I wrong to be hurt by this after so many years of bailing the choir out by taking on this task?
I agree you have done the right thing in finding another choir. Their loss. Put it down to a nasty experience and think, in the way of things, that person will get hers sooner or later !
nanna8
I agree you have done the right thing in finding another choir. Their loss. Put it down to a nasty experience and think, in the way of things, that person will get hers sooner or later !
Well said nanna8
There are other members who have been on the receiving end of this woman's bulldozer approach and sadly they too are unhappy.
I am clear that I need to move on as I need to protect my wellbeing. It is in any event on a knife edge.
Having seen the unfortunate side of human nature my faith has been restored now. I belong to a women's group from here and surrounding villages ... we call ourselves the Spice Girls .... and we have a whatsapp group. Today I was at the coffee morning in the village hall, after a disturbed night in atrial fibrillation, and I suddenly felt very unwell and went to the loo where I had a bit of upset guts and became really unwell dipping in and out of consciousness clinging onto the sink. Luckily I was in the disabled loo and grabbed the alarm string. One of the women appeared and then others, one a retired nurse another a retired doctor .. they looked after me (even wiped my bbum ...), got me to the therapy room and onto the couch. My BP was in my boots and they stayed with me and took wonderful care of me and eventually got me and my car home. One stayed with me for a couple of hours and they offered to be with me on a rota, but I am feeling a bit better now. I know that I can go on the whatsapp and summon help at any time. Truly wonderful.
Glad that not everyone is a b***h. Restores your faith in humanity
Oh my goodness Luckygirl, that was an experience at the coffee morning. How fortunate for you that 2 members were a retired nurse and retired doctor. I do hope you are feeling better now, after a rest. It must be reassuring to know that you belong to a nice group who look out for each other other.
With regard to the choir, I think that you have done the best thing for you by leaving and finding a new one to join. I think you wouldn’t have felt as relaxed as you did if you had stayed given the change in dynamics by the arrival of this new woman who thinks she knows best - the atmosphere would undoubtedly be different. I can well understand why you feel so hurt - it’s the underhand way in which everything has been done that is so upsetting for you. You must feel quite let down by it all. 💐
My partner always said that when he was still working they’d sometimes get a new person in a management role who would change everything for the worst and move on ( they always seemed to move on). And when he did the accounts for the flats where his mum resided no one appreciated what he did until someone else took over and found out what hard work it was and then made a mess of it. I’d like to say try not to be too upset about it Luckygirl and move on. But, unfortunately I’d be feeling exactly the same way.
I am grateful for the support and advice
It's that blasted ruminating which can spoil things.
Glad you met some decent people Lucky
I think the committee should take some of the blame for the way in which you were treated, but this is often the way with a new broom, Sometimes they sweep clean but more frequently they simply stir up the dirt and leave a mess.
Have you written a formal letter of resignation? If you have definitely decided not to return write one saying what a wonderful time you had with the choir and how much you enjoyed the publicity work, and just add that you feel saddened by the way it all ended.
I take it there was no presentation , no vote of thanks before you left?
I have a letter ready and have decided to leave a few days space before sending it via email. The letter is simple and factual.
Luckygirl3
There are other members who have been on the receiving end of this woman's bulldozer approach and sadly they too are unhappy.
I am clear that I need to move on as I need to protect my wellbeing. It is in any event on a knife edge.
Having seen the unfortunate side of human nature my faith has been restored now. I belong to a women's group from here and surrounding villages ... we call ourselves the Spice Girls .... and we have a whatsapp group. Today I was at the coffee morning in the village hall, after a disturbed night in atrial fibrillation, and I suddenly felt very unwell and went to the loo where I had a bit of upset guts and became really unwell dipping in and out of consciousness clinging onto the sink. Luckily I was in the disabled loo and grabbed the alarm string. One of the women appeared and then others, one a retired nurse another a retired doctor .. they looked after me (even wiped my bbum ...), got me to the therapy room and onto the couch. My BP was in my boots and they stayed with me and took wonderful care of me and eventually got me and my car home. One stayed with me for a couple of hours and they offered to be with me on a rota, but I am feeling a bit better now. I know that I can go on the whatsapp and summon help at any time. Truly wonderful.
Oh, Luckygirl3 I am a fellow sufferer of atrial fibrillation. Nasty condition that it is, sneaking up out of the blue. You will know, like me, that stress can be a trigger for Afib so all the more reason to spend your time with the new choir and your What's App group ladies.
I posted earlier on but something in your post was ringing a distant bell in my mind. Then I remembered. In The Good Life, Margot was in a choir and always seemed to be the person arranging after show suppers etc. She also had a bossy boots in charge in the shape of Miss Mountshaft who would spitefully ignore Margot's suggestions for future shows and parts she would like to play just because she could. I don't think we ever saw her on screen but we had the freedom to mentally conjure her up. You and your ticker do not need your 'Miss Mountshaft'. Hoping your episodes are few and far between.
From now on I will call this lady Miss Mountshaft! 
That is so upsetting Luckygirl, especially after you have done so much for the choir.
Given this hurtful behaviour and, I gather, the lack of support from other members, if it were me I would certainly look for another choir to join.
I am not usually spiteful but I feel so cross on your behalf that I hope things don't work out so well from now on.
I remember years ago when I worked in Lancashire a job was being advertised for the solicitors office in which I worked. It was full time and, with a youngish family, I felt that, though I would have liked to apply, with a relatively young family I didn't think it would be a good idea. An applicant came for interview and afterwards the senior partner sang her praises - she was going to re-organise the filing system and work all sorts of wonders. She was appointed and none of these wonderful things happened. In fact she could hardly spell. So .... you never know!
Luckygirl3
There are other members who have been on the receiving end of this woman's bulldozer approach and sadly they too are unhappy.
I am clear that I need to move on as I need to protect my wellbeing. It is in any event on a knife edge.
Having seen the unfortunate side of human nature my faith has been restored now. I belong to a women's group from here and surrounding villages ... we call ourselves the Spice Girls .... and we have a whatsapp group. Today I was at the coffee morning in the village hall, after a disturbed night in atrial fibrillation, and I suddenly felt very unwell and went to the loo where I had a bit of upset guts and became really unwell dipping in and out of consciousness clinging onto the sink. Luckily I was in the disabled loo and grabbed the alarm string. One of the women appeared and then others, one a retired nurse another a retired doctor .. they looked after me (even wiped my bbum ...), got me to the therapy room and onto the couch. My BP was in my boots and they stayed with me and took wonderful care of me and eventually got me and my car home. One stayed with me for a couple of hours and they offered to be with me on a rota, but I am feeling a bit better now. I know that I can go on the whatsapp and summon help at any time. Truly wonderful.
Oh crikey, what a day! How marvellous people are looking out for you.
Have to say I'd be pretty miffed if it'd happened to me & I'd be hoping that some of the other members would be following in my wake and leaving too!
I do think though, protecting your wellbeing here is paramount, and I think that you maybe ought to think twice about sending that letter? It could stir up even more angst and worry and could potentially make you ill - 'Miss Mountshaft' could potentially have more powder in her barrel and you really don't need any more firing at you?
I wish you well in your new choir ...
Walk away with dignity knowing you've done a brilliant job. Which is what you've done. I'd look sideways at the people who voted Miss Mountshaft in too.
Now it's time to absolutely look after yourself and your health, and enjoy the lovely people you have gone on to meet.
I think there is always a day of reckoning: good times are paid for in the end as they inevitably do in some way, all things change and we have to accept and adapt, give thanks and move on...in the same way that this person will see her 'reign' end [maybe sooner than anyone thinks].
Miss Mountshaft is very forceful indeed. I do not blame the other members of the committee ... she will have bulldozed them. She is only in that position cos a chair is needed for the Charity Commission and noone else came forward.
My letter about leaving is very measured and I will send later in the week.
You are definitely not wrong.
I also would feel upset and insulted.
Just move on and do something else which you enjoy.
I really feel for you .
For the second time since volunteering (something that I swore never to do again ) I've also been moved aside for a scheming highly manipulative person .
Last weekend after being called as the group concerned needed me I joined in again .
It was obvious to me that I'm the object of speculation and gossip.
I smiled through it.
My name is already down for Christnas volunteering.
I'll do it but my heart isn't in it anymore .
Next year I'll devote more time to my artwork and writing .
Esmay
I also would feel upset and insulted.
Just move on and do something else which you enjoy.
I really feel for you .
For the second time since volunteering (something that I swore never to do again ) I've also been moved aside for a scheming highly manipulative person .
Last weekend after being called as the group concerned needed me I joined in again .
It was obvious to me that I'm the object of speculation and gossip.
I smiled through it.
My name is already down for Christnas volunteering.
I'll do it but my heart isn't in it anymore .
Next year I'll devote more time to my artwork and writing .
That is a shame. I feel so sad because I have done nothing but work my tripe out for them all and now I seem to have become a villain.
I guess the people who muscle in and destroy something good have their own needs.
I think we've all come across a Miss Mountshaft or two in our lives, Queen Bees driving bulldozers roughshod without regard to anyone else. Unfortunately many people will take the line of least resistance and cave in.
I can understand how you feel, Luckygirl and would definitely be moving on to another choir because I know how much your music means to you.
The Spice Girls sound excellent - do you sing too? 🎶🎵🎶🎵
I belonged to a quiz team with a very similar name years ago!
The trouble with anything design based is that it's arty and as someone else who did publicity for a charity I know how much time and effort doing it well takes.
Being emotionally attached to the choir also makes the work super-important and a work from your heart.
I also have invested hundreds of hours making my work as perfect as possible and in a way that has something of the "look" of the group.
It's too easy to just bung posters etc together quickly- especially now everyone has a design program of some sort on their laptop.
It's disappointing that the artistic effort isn't noticed by many individuals but sadly the truth is that lots of people don't have any sort of "design eye".
I do feel for you. I kept copies of all the work I was really proud of. Nobody can take that away from you. Be proud of your beautiful work and gently draw a line under the volunteering.
I did.
I admit I am free now.
I have been approached by others to do wedding stationery (for example) where it really matters to the couple but they still can't always see the small differences between similar fonts or the balance of text on a page or the weight and glaze of the paper chosen.
Most people don't even seem to realise that paper has a top and bottom.
I loved getting something just right.
I think this is in your heart and can't be taken away.
You will have a special talent for grouping, placing, spacial awareness, use of colour etc and will go on using this, one of your special talents, to make or example, your home and garden satisfying and beautiful.
Take a moment to enjoy arranging your mantlepiece or shelf, your books, your kitchen...
Love your choice of colour in your life.
Just find your joy elsewhere.
Continue being creative - but do it for yourself now.
❤️
...after all you will have more time to do this.
Don't volunteer to do this again elsewhere.
Thinking of you 💐
A similar thing happened to me. I was a manager in a charity and I was always moaning about the sloppy proofreading of our quarterly magazine as it reflected badly on our professionalism. I offered to proofread it and thereafter there were no spelling or grammar errors and all was well. I may have many faults but one thing I can do is spell. A new CEO then arrived and relieved me of this task informing me that a professional proofreader would be undertaking the task so I just shrugged my shoulders and thought more fool them for paying for something I’d done for free. Call me petty but imagine my joy when the next issue came out and was full of errors. I sweetly relayed these to said CEO who was less than grateful which amused me no end. 😂
NotSpaghetti
The trouble with anything design based is that it's arty and as someone else who did publicity for a charity I know how much time and effort doing it well takes.
Being emotionally attached to the choir also makes the work super-important and a work from your heart.
I also have invested hundreds of hours making my work as perfect as possible and in a way that has something of the "look" of the group.
It's too easy to just bung posters etc together quickly- especially now everyone has a design program of some sort on their laptop.
It's disappointing that the artistic effort isn't noticed by many individuals but sadly the truth is that lots of people don't have any sort of "design eye".
I do feel for you. I kept copies of all the work I was really proud of. Nobody can take that away from you. Be proud of your beautiful work and gently draw a line under the volunteering.
I did.
I admit I am free now.
I have been approached by others to do wedding stationery (for example) where it really matters to the couple but they still can't always see the small differences between similar fonts or the balance of text on a page or the weight and glaze of the paper chosen.
Most people don't even seem to realise that paper has a top and bottom.
I loved getting something just right.
I think this is in your heart and can't be taken away.
You will have a special talent for grouping, placing, spacial awareness, use of colour etc and will go on using this, one of your special talents, to make or example, your home and garden satisfying and beautiful.
Take a moment to enjoy arranging your mantlepiece or shelf, your books, your kitchen...
Love your choice of colour in your life.
Just find your joy elsewhere.
Continue being creative - but do it for yourself now.
❤️
...after all you will have more time to do this.
Don't volunteer to do this again elsewhere.
Thinking of you 💐
You have definitely hit the nail on the head. The music we perform consists of inspiring choral works and I have worked hard to make sure the publicity reflects this. A clear "house style" with carefully chosen tasteful images that reflect the music. I used deep bold coloured backgrounds with white writing and white logo, and local people knew that these represented the choral society. Miss Mountshaft has been seduced by a seriously tacky piece of software called Canva that is full of prepared templates that are appropriate to advertising raves, car boot sales etc.
One of the items was so awful that it beggars belief ... we were performing Elgar's Dream of Gerontius which is a very serious spiritual work beloved of many and she proposed an item for the website that was flashy and jokey and and described by my DD as "The Muppets do Gerontius"!!
FoghornLeghorn
A similar thing happened to me. I was a manager in a charity and I was always moaning about the sloppy proofreading of our quarterly magazine as it reflected badly on our professionalism. I offered to proofread it and thereafter there were no spelling or grammar errors and all was well. I may have many faults but one thing I can do is spell. A new CEO then arrived and relieved me of this task informing me that a professional proofreader would be undertaking the task so I just shrugged my shoulders and thought more fool them for paying for something I’d done for free. Call me petty but imagine my joy when the next issue came out and was full of errors. I sweetly relayed these to said CEO who was less than grateful which amused me no end. 😂
Oh dear! I hear your frustration!
Luckygirl3
From now on I will call this lady Miss Mountshaft!
That's the spirit!! 
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