I wonder what you would do .......

FoghornLeghorn

A similar thing happened to me. I was a manager in a charity and I was always moaning about the sloppy proofreading of our quarterly magazine as it reflected badly on our professionalism. I offered to proofread it and thereafter there were no spelling or grammar errors and all was well. I may have many faults but one thing I can do is spell. A new CEO then arrived and relieved me of this task informing me that a professional proofreader would be undertaking the task so I just shrugged my shoulders and thought more fool them for paying for something I’d done for free. Call me petty but imagine my joy when the next issue came out and was full of errors. I sweetly relayed these to said CEO who was less than grateful which amused me no end. 😂

Sweet revenge!!

People can be vile and too often they are the ones who seek positions of power and authority over others, one of the reasons I love being retired. I'm my own boss and so are you. Personally I'd just walk away with a smile, if I sent a letter it would wish the choir well and would say nothing about my reasons for leaving because I'd be confident that old friends in the choir and the "jingle telegraph" would be sufficient for anyone who mattered to know why I'd left and people love to gossip. I bet Ms Mountshaft has put the backs up of plenty of people. They always do!
It's really difficult to write a letter of resignation that contains criticism and feedback without it sounding petty and whining. It also gives the Chair the opening to give reasons for her behaviour without you being able to defend yourself. Enjoy your new choir and there will be other ways that you can use your talents without having to deal with unappreciative people. Life is too short to bother about them. Good luck and keep well.

Of course you are right to be hurt.. Where are the other members and why are they not backing you?

I think your treatment has been disgraceful and the choir deserve the person they now have, they must be well suited! It will not be long before they realise just how valuable your contribution has been over the years but, hopefully, by then you will have moved on to new, and happier, pasture! Good luck for the future and every good wish in rising above this sad and hurtful experience.

I have come across this type of person both personally and in my career. They are the ones with the problem and something to prove. Unfortunately there are always repercussions when they trample all over other people's feelings to satisfy their egos. Best ignored and hopefully karma will do the rest.

It's horrible, I understand you are hurt, but to be honest I am surprised that you had ten good years. In my experience of committees there is usually someone, sooner rather than later, who is hungry for petty power and who moves to take control while the others are too apathetic to step in. Try not to take this personally, or to devalue all that you have done. You have done great and this woman is no doubt jealous. Walk away and take your talents elsewhere. (I am on the point of doing similarly from a Committee where I have been a committed Chair, for far less reason than you have. Life is too short.)

"Time heals all wounds" ..

It is terrbily painful when "phishers" move in and take over the known "WHAT WORKS" and create a new order ..

Stay where you are and wait this out.

I believe that this phisher shall evenutally be pushed out and your return will be asked for ..

In the meantime, make a couple of true friendships in both choirs !

This shall prove fruitful in the future.

All our best wishes.

I can relate and empathise with you OP.

I would say maintain your quiet dignity - as best you can.
You probably can’t see it now, but in time this will become easier.
Find it helpful to process by writing it all down (eg in Notes on ipad - can keep updating/amending)
If you wake with intrusive thoughts in the night - listening to BBC Sounds helps me (Archers / short stories).
Could you go out for coffee and cake and a catchup with some of your trusted friends from the original choir?

It’s been a long 10 months of suffering for me after something similar, but the burden is now easing, no one knows the true depth of despair I lived through, but now I can sit quietly in social situations and just listen - and I’m privately uplifted and sometimes pleasantly astonished just by quietly noting what other people are saying among themselves - about the perpetrators (with no input at all from me). I just listen and make a mental note.

I too am being quietly dignified, but I know with certainty that when they eventually approach me for help, they want to talk to me face to face in a social setting, or want to approach me by telephone, or to ask me for something - they will be totally and utterly blanked. I feel some comfort and satisfaction in that knowledge, I hope things feel better for you in time.

It is sad to see how often this happens.

Sorry this has happened to you, I am going through something similar.
If or when you do leave, will she be able to get someone to do the job you have been doing, also a minimal cost?Maybe dont leave but take a step back and watch it unfold.

I was a member of a choir for 9 years. Not any kind of office bearer but did help out at concerts, charity fund raising days, visits to care homes, local shopping areas at Xmas. A relatively new member was elected to the committee and then to me we were being treated like 5 year olds. Shouted at that the member didn't think we were "pulling our weight" eg helping in the kitchen at break time, putting chairs back at the end, loads of little things that seemed to annoy her. I along with another member always cleared and cleaned the kitchen, I helped not only put chairs back but helped stack them, collected any music at the end but this person just shouted out orders every week. I told a committee member tge otger oerson was being very inconsiderate and rude not only in what she was expecting but the way the members were being spoken to. Said she'd mention it. Nextvwerk we were told not to bother bringing in anything for the forthcoming event tombola but we were to donate £10 in cash and Committee would buy the prizes.I didnt go back.

You should feel glad that you're no longer connected to an organisation that allows serious classical music to be degraded by this awful person.
Send best wishes and hopes that your health doesn't suffer more and that singing in the new choir brings you joy.

Go and sing your heart out in the new choir, free of all responsibilities

I always wonder in these cases what the other people on the committee or society say. Surely they know what is going on.

That’s why I never join these women’s groups! Some can be such bitches. Power hungry too! 🙄

Time to move on me thinks. I had an experience vaguely similar to yours only last week. I was going to a group and had been for a few years when a couple of new people joined. Great! The more the merrier is my point of view. I'd helped the group organiser set up a what's app group and organised several theatre trips and had the idea to meet for lunch in the 5th weekday of the month. These are all continuing to go strong. Last year,, just after the government took the decision to remove winter fuel payments from most people of state pension age, I posted a petition on the what's app group if anyone wanted to sign. There were a handful of people who said they didn't need the payment anyway so it should stop. Then one of the newcomers said she thought I should not post anything political on the group and a few others joined her sentiments. I replied saying I know there are people who say they do not need this money, but many do and not having it increases their vulnerability, but I am sorry if I've offended anyone but I do think we shouldn't just be thinking if I'm okay, everyone else is too. Then, a week ago or so, the group organiser posted a petition on the what's app group page about the tax threshold freeze bringing people into a tax bracket even if they are on just a basic pension. I could not resist and I said this appears to be double standards as no has complained of the organiser posting a political post and what you all wanted to be a political free zone. Then, I was cancelled! By the organiser ! She said she'd done it to stop it escalating! I was gobsmacked! Talk about one rule for you and a different one for me. I had to laugh. People are strange sometimes 🤔

Oh Luckygirl you have been treated so shabbily and my heart goes out to you. There are no healing words I can offer but time and space will ease your hurt. All the very best from me going forward. x

I'd have handed the job over to the Expert Designer and left her to get on with making a terrible hash of it. Let The Committee learn what she's like , the hard way.

NO WAY would I have left the choir though. It's YOUR choir. Just enjoy it for the company, the music and singing, no responsibility, free as a bird.

And if eventually, people remark on tacky logo, or errors on the publicity, you just shrug and say

" Oh, frankly it's rather a relief not to be involved any more. It takes far more time and effort than people realise."

Lucky girl, this sort of person is horrid…as my mother would say’they put on good nature , bad won’t stand it!’

I think the time will come when this “lady” will be seen in her true colours. Too late for you Lucky so try to put it behind you and enjoy your new choir without any of the hassle - you deserve it.

It seems to me that this woman is a spiteful bully who has manipulated the committee (who should have supported you instead of behaving like a bunch of sheep).
"What would you do?" you ask.
I would try not to dwell on it, walk away , start over with a new choir without accepting any added responsibilities and look after my health. Good luck and please let us know how things go .

It seems a shame that you feel you should leave the choir and the friendships you’ve made over the years. Be sure you’re not cutting your nose to spite your face and have huge regrets later.
Could you stay and sing with the choir but tell this woman you are no longer able to continue with the publicity as you’re finding it too time consuming and too much now?

There are other members who have been on the receiving end of this woman's bulldozer approach and sadly they too are unhappy.

I was wondering if - and if not why not - the rest of the choir weren't backing you up.

At one time, I offered our conductor to take over secretarial work such as minute-keeping, press work, orders of service, contact lists etc, but she l referred to keep doing it all herself and I never did any of that. A new girl somehow managed to start relieving her of these jobs and she did a better job than I would have done, so I didn't feel usurped at all. Our next conductor was useless at anything administrative so it was good that she was doing the work. That conductor didn't last long and now we have a young girl who knows us all by name and knows what we each are capable of.

For example I was asked to arrange a song for a wedding we recently celebrated.(I am the only one who knows how to do this) The bride was one of our sopranos and both parents are in the choir, both very strong in their respective bass and alto sections. So I had to take into consideration that the men would be seriously depleted and make their part(s) correspondingly simple. In fact, I did the whole song twice as the first version was still too hard for them. This was appreciated and I was profusely thanked. They realised how much time and effort goes into something like that.

The point I am trying to make is that you could use your creativity in another direction if your new choir requires it, once they have accepted you and have learned about your experience and abilities in music.

You are lucky to have a choice of choirs to move to - there isn't much available round my way!

You have been taken for granted in the past, you never mad a big thing about the work it took, so you have been unappreciated.
Nobody cared to do what you did, and along she comes and tells them all that she can do it too, and when you stood down from committee, she made it seem as if you were standing down from it all.
What will happen now is two things, she will be bad/slow to do it all, or she will change the culture and many of the choir will drift away if it does not suit them either.
Do tell any you are still in touch with that their lack of support hurt you, and then tell them how well you are doing in your new choir. Then enjoy your time there and do not look back, you are worth it.

I have been quietly bullied by this person via email behind the scenes ever since she joined a couple of years ago.

In September when a new chair was needed she put herself forward in conjunction with the existing treasurer (her friend), who has now taken up a joint post with her whilst retaining her treasurer hat. When someone on the committee quite reasonably asked that we look into how this might sit with the Charity Commission she was bullied dreadfully. It was disgraceful. It all went through in the absence of any other candidates. It is worrying as the Treasurer wants the chair to be paid - this has never been a part of the deal - we have all always taken things on voluntarily.

The committee is now very new and a couple of people are new members of the choir who are all being manipulated by the dreadful duo. When the dual role was questioned they threatened not to stand, knowing full well that under the rules legally we have to have a chair and that the committee would have to back down. I suspect that they will continue to use this tactic if anything is ever questioned.

This all sounds very Vicar of Dibley and the PCC! - just less amusing.

There are members who know what I have been subjected to and they are furious. But the main body of the choir have no idea and I will not tell any of them as I want them to enjoy their singing untainted by this unpleasantness.

Over the years I have simply got on with my job quietly behind the scenes and never thought that it would result in all this. I thought I was doing people a favour!

I know that I will find it very hard to see this duo strutting around manipulating others and this will make enjoying the singing very hard.

This is the letter that I plan to send .....
Dear Committee,
After a great deal of thought, I have decided to leave XXXX Choral Society. Recent events surrounding the publicity role, and the way in which they were handled, have sadly made it impossible for me to continue to enjoy my involvement as I once did. This has been a very difficult decision: the choir has been an important part of my musical and personal life for many years, and I have greatly valued the friendships and shared music-making along the way.
I want to be clear that this decision is not related to my health, but to changes within the organisation itself.
You will be pleased to know that I am moving on to new choral projects, both for myself to sing, and also organising choral opportunities for the benefit of others.
As I paid my £xxx subscription only two weeks ago, I am sure that a refund, either full or partial, would be appropriate in these circumstances.
I hope that the concert goes well.