A surfeit of memorial benches

Graveyards and cemeteries are where these memorials should be and very attractivethey are two and there is a lto of social hitory to be learnt from them, but lots of little bits of brass with a name and some anodyne wish left lying around pleasnt places are not.

This putting plates on everything is avery modern hobby. When my father died after being wonderfully looked after in hospital for several months while he died, as a thaank you for that care I bought, or rather paid for a table in a small garden in the courtyard of a new building. I was aked what I wanted written on the plate that would adorn it. I told them I wanted no plate at all. I could not imagine that anyone recovering from illness in the uiet graden of a hospital would want to be surroundd with chairs and tables with dedication plates to those who had died in the hospital.

Is it though? For as long as I can remember, there have been memorial benches with plaques on them. Maybe not as many as there are now, but I can remember even as a small child walking along Princes Street in Edinburgh and reading all the plaques on the benches there.

ViceVersa

Oreo

That’s your super logical side coming out M0nica… lots of people do like the sense of continuity and feeling connection to others through named plaques, benches and even wandering around an English churchyard reading the inscriptions there.

I like that too. I love a wander around a graveyard - especially the old ones - and reading all the inscriptions.
I wonder if memorial benches have become more popular now that more and more people are being cremated rather than buried, so loved ones maybe feel that a bench gives them somewhere to go and remember the deceased as they won't have an actual grave or headstone. I'm not saying that would be my choice, but if that might be one possible reason for the proliferation of benches now.

Yes, good thinking, ViceVersa

That might well be the case.

If you are looking for a way to memorialise someone the British Heart Foundation have a sculpture which you can have a loved one's name engraved on. It is in the Meadowhall Shopping centre near Sheffield. I gave a donation to them for my dad's name to be included and I went to see it when travelling nearby. They provide you with the numbered listing so you can find your details, though it took me a while to locate the correct plate. It seemed a good way to remember him as he died after a heart attack.

Wish there were more benches in remote spots. Sometimes can’t find anywhere to sit that isn’t wet and soggy

My kids have been under instruction for years to never ever buy a bench in my memory.

likewise

One of the reasons I had a memorial bench put beside my Dad’s grave was that Mum wanted to visit every week and she was mid80s when he died. It was a long walk from the car park to the grave and she was exhausted by the time we got up there. Having the bench meant she could sit down and have a leisurely rest and say a prayer or two.

Many other visitors were very elderly too and said they found it very handy and, of course, being local they all remembered my Dad.

When Mum died I replaced the bench and had the headstone inscribed with her name too and the brass plaque on the bench.

Personally, I like reading the plaques on benches, seeing who they are in memory of.

But I also wander around graveyards, reading the inscriptions on them.

My DH thinks it’s morbid, but there are some lovely quotes on many of them.

I also think there’s no place for tacky plastic flowers, ornaments, teddy bears ….

They don’t really have that trend here, probably no one has thought of it. There are not that many benches around really, I can’t actually think of any round here except a couple in local parks. The other extreme I suppose because we could do with a couple more here and there. In the shopping centres they have them ( not memorial ones ) but mostly they want you to go in a cafe and spend money !

We have quite a few non memorial benches in the town and all age groups use them not just oldies. And outside the large supermarket the boxed square surrounds to the several trees are wide enough to sit on and were made as seating. They do have those uncomfortable metal bumps on them to prefent you lying down.

Im sure that some places are oversubscribed but the places we go you can never find one when we need to sit down.
Another first world problem

I love memorial benches. In fact we are just looking into having one in the local Memorial park in a small town where mum lived.

When I sit on a memorial bench where ever it is, I always say " thank you Mrs Smith etc" and I then sit and have a ponder not only about my mum but whoever used to sit there and obviously was their favourite view or place.

In fact where the OP mentions in Whitby, the place is where we scattered some of my mums ashes over the railings into the grass (away from public view). When I visit Whitby I will always tie a bunch of yellow tulips to the railings with string that will eventually disappear and of course remove any cellophane.

At Whitby where all the remembrance benches are there is one Dedicated to Sophie Lancaster, she was the young girl who was savagely beaten to death for dressing like a Goth.

I can see why some don't like to sit on what may be called a shrine especially with flowers adorning them.

To be honest the way my legs are at the moment I'm glad of any bench or wall to sit down.

Is it the benches or the memorial plaques people are objecting to?
Benches “littering up” an area- really?
And does it matter whether there’s a plaque or engraving on it or not?
Many older people (and younger) like to sit on a bench in a park or by the coast, or possibly in a cemetery- think Highgate or Stoke Newington- , share a coffee with a friend, eat a sandwich lunch , admire the view, get their breath back or indeed just sit.
“What is this life if full of care
We have no time to stand (or indeed sit) and stare?”

The thread comes across as grumpy and mean-spirited - which I am sure was not OP’s intention.

I am more than happy to see benches scattered about the environment for people to use and to see memorial plates, but it is a uestion of how many. You can have too much of a good thing. When there are so many benches they stop people who do not want/need to use them from enjoying the amenity they are provided for, then there are too many.

We live opposite the town parish church. There is a foot path from near our house to the High Street the other side of the church yard, probably just over 100metres long. There are 4 benches along the length of the path and a couple have memorial plates. The benches are well used, but no one wantin a sit cannot find a seat. That seems a reasonable distribution of benches, part of the landscape, of use, but not obtrusive.

Were there to be 20 or 30 benches along this passage way, end to end, obstructing the flow of pedestrians and making it difficult to look at the little shops, either side of the path near the top end, that is too many.

The news items in the news media this week have shown just such situations, with many of the beenches decked with flowers, wreaths, teddy bears and photgraphs, that inhibit others from using the benches, then that too, is too much.

What is it with the teddy bears? You see so many when there has been a sad ecent involving children and sometimes not involving children. But the bears cannot be passed on to children afterwards when they have been in the open and possibly rained on. So they will end up in landfill. Together with the cellophane round flowers and the candles and holders.
Decorating a bench must be deterred as it as has been said above stops people using the bench for its purpose..

Let’s not confuse the benches though with the tat some people choose to bedeck them with. I feel strongly about cellophane wrapped flowers, everlasting flowers or anything not biodegradable on graves too.
Teddy bears are definitely several steps too far.
Give them to a children’s ward or hospice “in somebody’s name”

RosiesMawagain

Let’s not confuse the benches though with the tat some people choose to bedeck them with. I feel strongly about cellophane wrapped flowers, everlasting flowers or anything not biodegradable on graves too.
Teddy bears are definitely several steps too far.
Give them to a children’s ward or hospice “in somebody’s name”

Yes, totally agree with that. It's such a waste. As for the benches themselves, I look at the inscriptions and think it's lovely that someone cared about that person so much to do that for them. There's certainly no over-provision of them in this area.

Confusion does not enter into it. The benches, their plates and decoration are one and the same thing. I had never seen decorated benches until the news item that triggered this thread. It must be primarily a northen fashion, but effectively it 'sterilises' the bench and makes any one who uses it appear to not be respecting the person it memorialises.

I think the problem is that now most people are cremated, the memorial facilities ay most crems is uite limited, so people look elsewhere. Most cemeteries and church yards do have places for the interrment and ashes and a stone.

My parents and sister are in a cmetery with an area set aside for cremations and we have a small stone there. Several commemorative stones there are surrounded by flowers and offerings.

There was one stone, uite close to my family grave, which was permanently covered with flowers etc for nearly 30 years. I haven't visited the cemetery for about 10 years now, and the grave could well, still be regularly cared for and wreaths and flowers added. The person whose ashes are interred, was in her 30s when she died.

Confusion does not enter into it. The benches, their plates and decoration are one and the same thing. I had never seen decorated benches until the news item that triggered this thread. It must be primarily a northen fashion, but effectively it 'sterilises' the bench and makes any one who uses it appear to not be respecting the person it memorialises
I disagree with every bit of this.
Yes you are conflating memorial and benches ( there are plenty without dedications and it is nice to be able to sit and admire a view, read or chat to a friend. They are manifestly not « one and the same thing! «
You say you only became aware of this after reading the DM and then go on to complain about Whitby.
There is no disrespect in sitting on a bench remembering someone- that is why the bench is there . The inscription vey often reads “He/she loved this place”
OK you don’t like them but so be it.

With you RosiesMawagain

Today the Daily Telegraph has a long article by William Sitwell on the subject of memorial benches and the way thy are being turned into public shrines. uoting the originak article from Hartlepool faced with 275 memorial benches. South Ayreshire have had reuests for 150 benches in one year, and Dover Council reports that 400 benches have accumulated on Deakl and Walmer seafront.

Now I know Walmer and Deal well as I had close family members living there, whom I visted freuently. I simply cannot imagine where there is room for 400 benches, unless they are end to end with no gaps forming a barrier between the promenade and the sea.

I had a lovely walk along the river and up through the terraced gardens in Richmond Surrey yesterday. There are 100s of benches, but they are not intrusive and are very useful as the gardens are steep leading to the top of Rchmond Hill with the amazing view of the winding Thames.
None were decorated. Because of this thread I spent time reading the brass plaques and carved inscriptions. One which stood out was for an 83 year old woman who was lost in the 2004 Asian Tsunami. The bench beside hers was dedicated to an 83 year old man who also died in 2004. Were they together? What a story that would make.

It was a pleasure to see them and I am sure on a busy summer day they are all well used and appreciated.

What may be the difference was that all the benches were set back against a wall or hedge. None were spread across the grassy river banks or fields leading down to the river.

There are two such benches in the acres of woodland surrounding our caravan site. One is clearly to the memory of a couple who enjoyed the area and the view from that spot, and I also enjoy stopping for a while there and feel I'm sharing the memories of stopping there. I don't feel I'm intruding or shouldn't share the bench.
The second one mentions someone called Oscar, and I'd often wondered who he was. I found out last summer, when a lady with a dog came by, the dog rushed up and was about to sit by or on the bench, clearly out of habit, and the lady told me Oscar was the dog's predecessor and it's somewhere they also paused during their walks, and seemingly she still does with Oscar's duccessor. So now I know!
I like the connection with the past, and have spent various visits to a well known cemetery near us in Bristol (Arnos Vale) which has some fascinating, though quiet, residents and their various memorials.
Not sure about plastic ornaments on graves, but if it's part of someone's grieving process and memories, I don't think it's for me to judge.