I think I’ll be alone this Christmas and can’t help feeling sad

This is why I hate christmas. It brings so much unnecessary misery to anyone who is either lonely or insecure, and as we have seen here, that misery can begin as early as June.

Amicoolyet You don't need to apologise for your feelings of anxiety. Most of the people posting here have had their own fears aired - that's what GN is here for.

I quite understand your feelings because Christmas Day is very special and if you have always spent it with your son, then it's like the end of an era, isn't it?

My son has always spent Christmas with me despite so many times in the past being invited to parties and BBQs - and my urging him to go. He never would.

But now, because I'm the one who has suggested it, he and his partner and her little boy, have had the last few Christmas Days entirely to themselves.
They may come to me on Boxing Day, although in 2018, they came on 24th instead.

I have two main reasons for suggesting they stay home together.
1. I won't always be here and I don't ever want their Christmas Day to be spoiled by thinking Mum is usually here which I know would be the case.

2. I'm lucky enough to see my son regularly, so it really doesn't matter what the date is. It probably matters more to people who only see their families occasionally so Christmas Day become a big family celebration.

I don't have a big family, there are only two of us.

I have often thought I'd like to go away at Christmas to an hotel which puts on a nice Christmas entertainment but unfortunately, 25th December is summer and the most expensive tourist time, so the cost of 2 days in an hotel would buy my groceries for a whole year....no exaggeration.

But so you are not sitting alone and feeling sad, please start planning now to do something really exciting, interesting or even altruistic over Christmas.
Then you won't have 6 months of sadness but a sense of anticipation.
Happy Christmas!

Dear me , it’s June!! Why are you worrying about Christmas Day?? ..... personally I’m happy with whatever my grownup children and grandchildren do on Christmas Day.. we have never got into a routine... do different things every year..... I want my children to do what THEY want and not feel obliged...... could you do some volunteering over Christmas? There’s always help needed....

I would be sad if my son and his wife where separated on Xmas Day,they should be making memories themselves in their own home,your son is married and should whilst considering you he should always put his wife first
You and your sister have the perfect opportunity to start making your own plans for xmas day now and making new memories as your son and his wife will have a child to consider from now on.

I know how you are feeling but it is only a day. Make the day you see your family your Christmas Day.
My younger son now has 3 children & I fully appreciate that it is lovely for them to be together as a family on 'the day' when the children are so excited.
We did the same when ours were young & had the day at our home with just the children( plus I got fed up with my step mother's parents moaning my boys were 'noisy'.- they were actually very well behaved children)
You will still have a lovely time with your family- the date is not really important & at least there should be a half decent film on TV!

I spent a few of the festive periods assisting Crisis at Christmas. Found the time passing all too quickly!

For goodness sake count your blessings. I too should have had a 2 months old baby to cuddle this Christmas and I wouldn't have given a toss whether that was in January or June, but my daughter has miscarried this longed for baby and we are all bereft.

do something for you and your sister and have a very different Christmas you are still seeing them over the Christmas it's just one day x

This struck a chord with me. My Dad died when I was 24 before children, we went to Mams for Xmas day, Then had my daughter an only child at 27 years of age. Every Xmas we went to my Mams for a total of 24 years until my daughter left home, Mam always wanted us to go there. We could never get our own traditions at all had to follow Mams and all my daughter remembers even now is having to go there every year, I vow never to inflict that on her. He needs to follow his own traditions and being a lovely son will probably invite you there,

Amicoolyet, if we allow it we can become accustomed to being alone as Xmas despite all the usual hyperbole about Xmas and despite past habits and preferences.

You should be very pleased for your son, and the fact that he is considering you. Tell.him 'not to worry I have made other arrangements for the day. I am so happy for you, and your happiness will make me happy all day'

Why are you worrying about Christmas already! I do usually spend part of Christmas Day with my local DD and family.but they could easily go and spend the time with muSIL’s family ,in which case I would be totally alone,as widowed for 11 years by then and no sister or other family. I really do not worry about it until nearer the time.
Just think that by then you will have a lovely new grandchild to see before and after Christmas Day itself.

How wonderful that your son his wife and baby will spend this special first Christmas as a family together. You should be happy for them...

What has your sister been doing all these years that you have spent Christmas Day with your son.. Has she been alone. Get together with her whether you see your son and family or not.
By the way, anything could change between now and Christmas.

I agree with Ngaoil. Many people are alone over Christmas but you don't even know if you will be. You've said that he will probably pop in on the day for a short time and you are going to see them over the Christmas period. It will just be a different Christmas and you can plan to do what you want. You are lucky.

The OP doesn't know how well off she is. My DSs and families are 200 miles away; one sister is terminally ill 12000 miles away and another sister is about 350 miles away. OP has a sister in the same street and lots of friends! Her DS is close enough to call round and she will have a GC close at hand if not on Christmas day. Wow! what a lucky woman she is.

I hvave spent the last six Christmas days alone because my family all gather at my sons house 150 miles away and I can no longer travel. They come to see me the day after. Boxing Day. I enjoy watching films and TV and eating special treats and drink by myself.
When my son was living abroad I would go away for Christmas on coach holidays at home or abroad. Everyone was friendly and I was never left alone.
Christmas these days has got to be an expensive time for many who cannot afford it and I know families who get into debt or spend the rest of the year paying for it. It has got commercial.

I am lucky enough to be able to go to DD's as we live fairly close. I usually arrive about 9.30/10.00 & leave about 3.00 just before she's thinking about kicking me out . When DH was alive DM & Step-F used to drive down to us for Christmas & New Year (250 mile journey) until they felt the journey was too much. I hosted a big Family party on Boxing Day until 1st Grandchild arrived (Step-DH's DD & SiL's baby) . When DGS was 18 months old Boxing Day moved to Step-D's.

My DM is 90 & I last spent Christmas with her 7 years ago (she no longer travels far), DH was in Hospital & we went out for Christmas Day Lunch at a local pub, DH & I had done the same the year before.

DH & I spent several Christmas Days on our own after the AC had left home, we would never have expected them to be apart each going to their own Parents

My DM buys special foods for Christmas Day, very expensive but real treats which she enjoys, we make sure we all ring her, I ring before I leave for DD's & when I get home. It wouldn't bother me to stay at home alone but DD & DiL wouldn't allow that, it's lovely seeing DGSs open their presents. Treat Christmas Eve or Boxing Day as your family Christmas, new DG won't care & as they get older they actually love having more than one Christmas Day.

Family life evolves, join your Sister at the pub, volunteer or stay home whatever suits you. This year will start a new tradition which may evolve over time.

Vivonce don't leave again, we're all entitled to opinions, some are sympathetic, some not, some offer excellent advice, reflects real life

Of course change is a bit daunting so it's likely you're apprehensive and a bit sad, even with the baby due. You have been so fortunate that DS and DiL were willing to spend Christmas apart while they had no children, I can hardly believe they were so kind to their families as to do that. So now is your time to be the bigger person and you know when the baby gets here you will do just that. As others have said, embrace the change and plan something that excites you.

I think what they have thought up seems pretty fair and I feel for them not actually having spent any Christmas Days together until now!
When all is said and done, there are another 364 days in the year to see the GC

It's hard the first time one of our children spends Christmas away from us I understand that. But just think it is only one day. An syiu can actually celebrate Christmas on the 24th, 26th or any time you want really. It's lovely for the new little family to spend the day together and I'm sure there will me many other days that you get to spend with your son and new grandchild it's lovely having grandchildren I am sure you will get lots of joy from the new addition to the family.
Meanwhile have a lovely Christmas day with your sister. Maybe go out for a lovely meal and time with your sister rembering childhood Christmases. You might find you have a really lovely time. And 2 celebrations instead of one.
Good luck
Good luck

Look upon it as just a ‘different’ Christmas . I cook for 8 every Christmas ...with no help from husband...a little help from my son in law, who likes to cook. Then usually I end up washing up , my husband says he’s gonna do it but later...later...later. He knows I can’t stand the mess so I do it. I would like to be doing something less and less and less....no getting I early.. no peeling veg...no stuffing turkey...no preparing the house .dont get me wrong I have enjoyed it all...I just think it’s time for a day off!

I find the OP incredibly selfish.

Having seen a variety of such posts on GN I wonder if someone people feel ownership of their children?

Be happy there’s a new addition to the family!

Don’t fret about Christmas Day itself - make your Christmas Day the one when you spend time with your son and his family. Our children all spend Christmas Day at home with their own little families and then we all gather here on Boxing Day. I literally spend Christmas Day itself cooking and cleaning ready for the next day’s celebrations and it works perfectly.