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Comparing how much grandparents spend

(105 Posts)
Cabbie21 Sat 28-Dec-19 21:00:59

My 15 year old grandson is lovely but has some less endearing ways. This year I overheard him openly comparing how much we had spent on him, compared to his other grandparents. Fortunately I did not hear him say anything nasty, just factual.

Neither set of GPS is hard up, but we set lower limits of what we consider reasonable. We have no intention of trying to keep up, but it is a bit embarrassing to see the difference in our gifts.
I hope we are not being mean. Any thoughts for next year?

Sussexborn Sat 28-Dec-19 21:03:43

Stick to your decision. It’s so easy for Christmas to get out of hand.

GagaJo Sat 28-Dec-19 21:09:06

I'd have a word with either him or his parents. My limit of what I'll spend is low. My bloke frequently comments on how little I spend on my daughter, compared to him with his adult children. Whatever. Greedy is an unattractive look.

SirChenjin Sat 28-Dec-19 21:39:59

15 year olds can be notoriously thoughtless and I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it - it was probably, to him, a simple comparison. I’d just have a quiet word with him and say something along the lines of ‘everyone spends different amounts on Christmas presents but every present you get comes with much love and thought’ and leave it at that. Don’t be pressurised into spending more (or less) - spend what feels right to you and what gives you pleasure and his other GPS will do the same.

Daisymae Sat 28-Dec-19 21:56:47

Well he just commented on the facts, can't really see a problem. You seem to choose to spend less so it's inevitable that he will notice.

Cabbie21 Sat 28-Dec-19 21:57:57

The moment has passed. There was no sign of any antagonism towards me, quite the contrary. I am actually wondering if I am being mean and should increase the amount next year.
I will try to find a good time to have a word with his dad.

I know it is all relative, but if anyone feels like saying how much they spend I would be interested. No obligation, of course.

Cabbie21 Sat 28-Dec-19 21:59:52

The other grandparents spent about £170 this year.

GagaJo Sat 28-Dec-19 22:01:45

I've increased my spend on my daughter slightly this year, to £60. I've probably spent about £100 on grandson, but that was extreme. I'd usually spend about the same as I spent on my daughter. I just don't see the need.

M0nica Sat 28-Dec-19 22:56:19

Ignore everything you overhead and do as you always have done.

. It is just he has at the stage where he is starting to see him self - and his parents and close relatives as seperate persons with their own motivations and reasons for their actions in hid immediate life. As a result he looks and compares - occasionally comments out loud.

I can remember going through very similar stage when I was at that age. Asking dispassionate questions looking for answers - and then moving on. None of the questions I asked or answered were judgmental of people, just me starting to understand that people made decisions for reasons and that those reasons could vary and be admirable or not.

Cabbie21 Sun 29-Dec-19 09:26:23

Interesting comments MOnica. I absolutely do not hold anything against DGS for his remarks. I am more concerned that I might be being mean.

GrannySomerset Sun 29-Dec-19 09:30:34

We don’t spend a lot at Christmas on GC - about £40 each. We do spend more on birthdays, especially significant ones. Far too much money leaving the account at Christmas!

Cabbie21 Sun 29-Dec-19 09:36:07

Thanks GrannySomerset. That sounds about right to me.

Luckygirl Sun 29-Dec-19 09:50:23

I normally spend about £50 each on birthday presents; and less than that at Christmas, especially for those little GC who are of an age to just enjoy the gift without assessing its monetary value. One of them had a present under £20.

There is so much over-expenditure at Christmas; and money is tight for me just now with NH fees.

Luckygirl Sun 29-Dec-19 09:51:44

Clicked too soon........
One set of GC get very expensive presents from the the set of GPs. I do not let that bother me and neither, as far as I can tell, do the GC.

Barmeyoldbat Sun 29-Dec-19 10:08:18

I haven't given any present to gc, they have had, or having driving lessons paid for by us. So that is their present for life.

TerryM Sun 29-Dec-19 10:14:34

Grandson received new clothes (he is one ) he received a counting duplo toy and two books.
That is it. He is an only grandchild on both sides.
Parents would like things that are .... meaningful so to speak.
His mother (my Dil) happened to get the most expensive set of Xmas presents because we knew she wanted and we got a great deal on what she wanted.
My son on the other hand got a board game lol

gillybob Sun 29-Dec-19 10:15:57

There is no way we could even begin to compete with my older DGC’s other grandparents and nor would we want to.

They have far more money than we have and if they want to spend some of it on their grandchildren then why not ? The children love showing me what they got but there is no mention of money and I am sure at almost 14,12 and 10 they do understand the cost.

It’s silly to try and compete .

They are them and we are us .

On the other hand my DD’s little girl only has DH and I to buy for her so we may try to spend a little more as she gets older.

DoraMarr Sun 29-Dec-19 10:17:04

We agreed this year on a limit of £20 each, including the grandchildren, who are too young to know how much things cost anyway. I just bought each grandchild one gift, one cost only £9, and they were very happy, and spent around £20 on my adult children and their partners. It made for a very happy and relaxed Christmas. I know my grandchildren’s other grandparents spent far more, but it doesn’t worry me. I take my older grandchildren to puppet theatre and concerts throughout the year, which is as much fun for me as it is for them. I also buy them books and craft materials. Granted, they have no idea how much things cost, and never ask for any toys because they are too young, but I think the precedent has been set now.

crimpedhalo Sun 29-Dec-19 10:17:31

I wrap a present costing around £10-15 and enclose a money card containing £20. My grandchildren like to have money including the nearly 4yo!! I also do this for the parents. I cannot afford to be lavish with hubby and I in our 70's.

crimpedhalo Sun 29-Dec-19 10:19:17

Oh I also do this at birthdays too. Teenagers do like to have money which is why we started this money/present idea.

TerriBull Sun 29-Dec-19 10:25:12

I coped out this year, I hate trawling round toy shops, I sent a text to my gc's mother, son's ex partner, to ask if she could give me suggestions, she sent me two links to a couple of toys and I just ordered them on line and picked them up at collection point. Gd's was nearly £90 shock grandson's about £50 and we bought him something else to even things out. My husband spent similar amounts on his grown up gc, one as a present and the other two with money.

I imagine the other side spent more, that's their way, none of my business, I don't wish to compete, our grandparenting styles are different, but over the years we have bought much to the table in the way of deposits for flats etc.

Lesley60 Sun 29-Dec-19 10:26:11

I spend about £75 on each of them I have 7 and they range from 25 down to 15 months hope that helps

TerriBull Sun 29-Dec-19 10:26:41

coped out copped out

busyb Sun 29-Dec-19 10:29:52

As the other grandparents of 2 of my DGC are well off I decided years ago not to compete. I spend around £40 each for Xmas but I am lucky that my DD lets me know exactly what they want and they were both thrilled with my Christmas presents again this year. Plus I always treat them to days out when they stay. The other grandparents live near them, dont bother to see them but send presents around £150 each, sometimes too old or not things DGC are interested in. For me it's not a competition I just can't afford any more so let the other grandparents spoil them.

SirChenjin Sun 29-Dec-19 10:29:53

My dad gives the DCs aged 22, 20 and 12) £50 each, MiL spends £300 on each. Both are lovely amounts - it’s what each can afford and choose to spend, and the DC are incredibly grateful.