Am I being stingy?

Sarahleigh

I love buying Christmas presents for my own children/grandchildren, they know not to buy me anything not even a card (other than grandchildren’s drawn ones) as I don’t need anything and no I’m not rich, money is tight. My dilemma is that I have a friend 10 years younger than myself, who has 2 teenage children. I am fed up of giving them a present/money, I never receive a thank you and it costs me at least £35 for them and their mother (who I don’t mind buying for) and all I am given is a cheap something (nothing to my taste) that normally goes to charity. Any tips on how to get out of buying for the teenagers, without seeming stingy? It was fine when a selection box and £5 each was acceptable but now that doesn’t buy anything, I wouldn’t mind as much if I received a thank you. Any thoughts? Thank you

It's acceptable to have 'the conversation' about not giving & receiving gifts. It's all over the media & daytime tv programmes etc. I stopped spreading gifts around very many years ago. I do buy very close family but generally only my grandchildren. If I see anything nice present worth in charity shops that's what they get.
I wouldn't buy Teens anything, as lovely as they are, none of them can do the "oh that's lovely" face, so they can coco 😊
Just stop & don't feel guilty about it!

We stopped buying for nephews and nieces a long time ago, it never seemed to be what they wanted so we don’t bother now ..
Our grandchildren get a fixed amount each year and they let us know what they’d like or we’ll put money towards something expensive..they always send thank you cards which considering they are30, 27,20 and 16 is good going ! This year it’s a hall mirror for the eldest,, Liz Earle goodies for granddaughter, electric blanket for the uni lad and money towards trainers for the youngest ! We’re not well off by any means but it’s always great to see they appreciate what we give them .. the other grandparents do similar to us so it’s a win win situation for the grandchildren.. ,

I have stopped exchanging gifts with friends or friends’ children. For the past couple of years, it’s just children / GC. But I do give a bottle of wine for those who have been good to me throughout the year.

You dont have to say I am not buying presents for you and your teens

You simply have to say that because of COL you are only buying for immediate family this year and make that the future plan. The cost of living crisis has given people a golden opportunity to cut down on all the extravaganza and flummery of xmas.

Yes a tub of chocolates is always welcome for families.

I send money to my grandchildren via PayPal, only a little, like £20-£25, enough to acknowledge it is their birthday, but not enough to tell them I can afford it!

I am no good at buying presents nowadays, anyway, because children want different things these days.

Always give teenagers money now.
A simple bank transfer is all that’s needed.

I do that for my two grandsons and they always text to thank me. They always seem to be saving up for something or other, happy all round.

Don't buy them anything. I tried it and the world didn't end. Still friends.

Just give a communal type gift eg box of biscuits, chocs, wine, sparkling non alcohol apple/elderberry fizz. They can all share. Or, nothing. Seems the teenagers aren't interested so don't bother and for your friend just declare no presents please.

Mummysue as others have said.. this might be on the wrong thread, but again I felt for your situation. I’m assuming you have been married many years and you seem to be living on eggshells, which made me initially suggest look for an exit from the situation. How ever I feel you should discuss his behaviour and how it makes you feel, and if it comes down to it, let him know you are considering leaving him as this is no way to live out your senior years. As much as I do not condone his behaviours, sometimes if left unchallenged they become “normal” to your husband and he may consider his methods and behaviours normal, as you are accepting it, perhaps with a sigh or roll of the eyes to keep the peace, but nevertheless not stepping forward and saying it’s “your washing machine/dishwasher” etc, and calmly letting him know he can’t speak to you like that, it’s hurtful and affecting your relationship/marriage. He has to acknowledge how his behaviour is affecting your lives together and either agree to change, or you are leaving… with half of EVERYTHING. I know someone who was in a similar situation and the whole dynamic of their relationship changed because she discussed it, and said she’d had enough. He actually later told her he behaved intolerably because she let him. Have the chat and at least you won’t have regrets and if nothing else, you’ll have got it off your chest. Good luck.

I'm with you on this one. I'm the same don't need or want anything,I do like a card though. I've stopped giving to my friends' grandchildren, who I never see! Buying stuff they didn't need just to keep up appearances! I just gave each a bags of sweets, like Heroes, in with their gran's present. You are not stingy....

This is why I am not a fan of Christmas. It’s all so commercialised. Buying stuff for distant relatives we barely know.