First Christmas completely alone

Could you offer to help at a community Xmas day event?
I did it one year for a homelessness charity.
There are other things arranged by salvation army and also some pubs.
It's a way of avoiding being alone or being the poor relation at someone else's house.
Try to do something anything completely different. Keep occupied.
I wish you the very best. Take care.

Pastel I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I have been on my own for around the same time and I have no family at all.

I treat it like a normal day, but I have nice food and a bottle of wine for when I dine. I do what I want, and if I see something on TV that interests me at 10 a.m., I will watch it.

A friend who lives about 300 miles away usually rings, she is in a similar position.

It is just another day and will soon be over.

Which part of the country do you live?

I'm not in the same situation as my dh is still with me, but we have felt abandoned in favour of in-laws on quite a few family occasions. It's been difficult, to say the least.
I particularly felt pushed out as if we did not matter and even only invited last minute to make the numbers up.
My advice buy things or make things you love have your home cosy put some silly films on. It's what I would do if on my own and of course there is always here. There are lots of grans nans and I'm sure grandads here on their own who will love to chat about their day with you.
The tears are natural don't worry about them they will dry up and the day might surprise you. Make the best of it in the comfort of your own home best wishes to you ✨️

I live in a small village in Southern England

Pastel - I am so very sorry for you. Children sometimes are extremely thoughtless. Did you spend the last 8 chritmases with one of them? I know lots of families who go away for Xmas. Perhaps the respective in-laws have paid for these trips and which I’m sure your sons would have gladly accepted, without giving it a second thought. But they could have told you about it. I am on my own as well and recently was not invited to attend my GCs Xmas concerts. I know they were allowed 3 tickets. So ds.i.l ‘s mother was invited. I have 2 ds.i.l. and neither of them asked me.
My issue is nothing compared to yours. I would hate being alone on Xmas Day. Do you think one of your neighbours will invite you if they knew you were going to be on your own? I know my neighbours would . Try to cheer up and treat yourself

I’m so sorry to read this, Pastel. I know what it’s like to have to rebuild your life. With me it wasn’t bereavement but divorce and with it I lost the only family I had apart from our children and most of our shared friends when my husband left us. I’m wondering if, like me, your children look on you as very strong and independent and don’t really understand that a lot of it is a facade? I’m sure that lots of us will be popping in and out of gransnet over Christmas so if you want to chat there will be people around x

Yes, also widowed, I have had a few Christmas days on my own when AC were abroad or unable to visit/host. On one occasion I decided to go for a long walk and planned a nice meal for later. So after breakfast I took a long walk in the beautiful Peak District. I sat on a wall to eat sandwiches and a young woman came along and asked to join me. We had an interesting chat and continued on our way.
Once home, I enjoyed a hot bath, a G'n'T and a big Christmas dinner.
Another year I went away (HF Holidays) and another time I invited a couple of friends whose AC were busy working. So I suggest you plan a special day for yourself .

I hope you find it not too hard after all Pastel.
I have been a widow for 4 years now and either DD or DS have had me over for the day until this year when I rashly decided to host.
I am now rather dreading it but as I am determined to downsize this coming year I thought it would be the last chance to have Christmas in the family home.
I fear it will just be too full of sad memories for us all! Not forgetting the work involved.

Definitely come on to gransnet and try not to be too sad.

Oh Pastel that’s thoughtless and very mean not to talk it over with you which hurts more because it’s not your choice and you had no say or preparation for it and that’s shixxy of both of them to be honest

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either of them going away but to not make any contribution or even thought to your Christmas is nasty So I can only presume they don’t communicate much with each other.

I can imagine how you feel and send a 🤗

Sorry to hear of your situation Pastels. Like others, I think you should find a way to give yourself a special day. Plan some nice food, buy yourself something, perhaps a little extravagant for the day and remind yourself of all the people panicking about seeing family they don't like, worrying about family relationships, exhausted and worried about money.
Last year, we didn't see any of our three on Christmas day. My husband had just started radiotherapy and slept until 9am. I was up at 7 am with the cat feeling upset and remembering all those Christmas mornings of shreiks and laughter and children thundering about since dawn. I felt really sad and I suddenly thought of my own childhood and my Irish mother and so I found some Irish radio and listened to the early morning programme filled with familiar accents and the warmth and kindness of Irish people and I felt so comforted. So feel sad but it's just a day and it will pass.
I'm sure someone will correct me but I move between thinking younger people are incredibly busy and stressed and also thinking that they are a selfish generation more interested in themselves than others. They have pretty good lives despite how much whingeing they do and they will have their turn at being ignored.
I wish you a very good Christmas, Pastel and I hope it turns out better than you can imagine at the moment.

I am not alone now but have been in the past. I have always acknowledged that my AC, both married with children, are 'their own family unit' and I have never assumed they would invite me.
When I did live alone I would volunteer a shift swap and cover Christmas Day for a colleague, after I retired I would volunteer at a local care home or hospital - there's always someone who never gets a visitor and the staff are always grateful for extra hands to help or just to chat to lonely patients.
Now I have a live-in partner we much prefer to be on our own. We visit the AC's and GC just before the 25th to exchange presents and we talk on the phone after the children have opened presents.
The rest of the day is spent either watching TV together or in our respective craft space. It is only ONE day after all.

I seems to me that it’s not so much the fact you will be alone on the day that bothers you, more that the family haven’t considered that, and discussed it with you.

So I understand how you feel.

As others have said, because you come across as not being ‘needy’, they have been rather thoughtless and cavalier in how they have approached it all.

It is only one day though. Try and make the most of doing and eating just what you want to do.

I don’t think it’s being alone that pastel is upset about but that she wasn’t considered at all
I m sure if they d talked it over and said ‘mum this year we ve been invited to xs family for Christmas’ Pastel would have had an opportunity to be prepared and make her own plans and arrangements but to suddenly find everyone will be away without a thought is hurtful
I hope you can do something that ll get you through it Pastel
Do come on GN if not, there ll be others around for a chat for sure Try to find a positive out of a negative x

I wonder when this pressure to have a " family Christmas" started?

It's such an odd time of year.
Not everybody is having a great time.

I agree with the above. What other Wednesday of the year would we all get stressed about cooking an elaborate roast meal and feeling cross because our children are somewhere else.? Take away the religious meaning of Xmas and it's just another day out of 365. The media bombard us with tables laden with food, what you should be doing this year for a special table setting, articles on how to handle difficult relatives you have to invite but don't want to be with. I feel for the OP because her children sound thoughtless and yes, I think a lot of the younger generation are selfish too. As others have said, plan a day for yourself where you can eat some lovely food, stay in your pyjamas if you want to and watch programmes you have recorded or treat yourself to a box set, feet up in front of the fire. It's 24 hours to get through after which many many families will face the new year heavily in debt and wonder why they did it. There will be people out there struggling with illness, the death of loved ones and all the other tragedies that we see across this world. Stay calm, have a peaceful day and look forward to the Spring.

That’s tough Pastel. Do you have a friend or neighbour who is also going to be on their own on C. Day? Could you get together and share a meal and some Christmas cheer? Ask around.

I have a feeling that maybe your sons haven’t realised you will be completely on your own. I would let it be known that since you are on your own this year you are considering other options so you are not alone.

look forward to the Spring

Oh Yes please!

Christmas can be such a difficult time. Sorry that you were not told about your children’s plans Pastel. I do hope you can arrange something so that you don’t feel so alone. Volunteering with a local charity maybe? Is there someone you know who will also be on their own? You could arrange to spend the day together. A lovely long walk, if the weather is kind, where you might get to chat with others? People are generally in a good frame of mind at Christmas and willing to start up a conversation. There is another thread on Chat, inviting others who are on their own to comment. 💐

Sorry Pastel it’s on the Christmas thread.

Pastel, There’s another thread on GN that I’ve just spotted. It might be a way of having some company over Christmas - even if it is just virtual.

Here’s the link:

www.gransnet.com/forums/chat/1343441--Feeling-Lonely-Let-s-Chat-and-Support-Each-Other

That’s a good idea Squiffy.
I’m sorry you are sad not to have been told about your son’s alternative arrangements.
My son usually does what his wife arranges. Sometimes it includes us, sometimes not.
Nevertheless it was thoughtless of them not to let you know.

Many years ago when faced with a similar predicament I joined a tour group for a seasonal trip to Paris. Best decision I ever made. I remember it fondly even after all these years.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way Pastel, it was thoughtless of them not to let you know. Maybe each thought you’d be with the other? There will be people chatting on GN on Christmas Day so I hope you’ll join them and not feel so alone. But do get yourself some nice food (and drink!), put your feet up and watch exactly what you want on the telly!

It’s not being considered that hurts. I know wives usually put their own mother first but surely the couple could give a thought to mom. I think its selfish but you cant alter it.
If I were to have the day in my own I would make the best of it.
Try not to think why as it won’t solve anything and just make you sad. I would have a meal that I know I will enjoy, eat what I fancy and have all the TV programmes on which I like.. Just one day. Come on here and talk to those in same position on here. Its a hard day for a lot of people.