First Christmas completely alone

As the mother of 2 married sons I've experienced the DiL's family taking priority on Christmas Day for years. So I'm used to the day on my own although one son does pop in for an hour or so.
To be honest I'm past caring. I eat exactly what I would like, when I like, light the log burner and watch everything I want to on TV or go out for a long walk. Generally I pamper myself.
I see one DiL on Christmas Eve as it's her birthday [and hand over all my presents for them], then the other son on Boxing day so that way I also see the [4] grandchildren.
I'm just bemused that they can all feel it's ok as I live on my own and a special day with them would be lovely. But I admit I enjoy the peace now I'm older.
Just to add I would never have seen my own Grandmother or Mother on their own on Christmas Day no matter who I was married to or who was my partner. Different times.

I hope you will enjoy your Christmas Pastel whatever you do to make it easier for you. Just pamper and treat yourself any way you like.

I am on my own too Pastel, as my husband passed in August. This is my first Christmas on my own but I have no children, I have been dreading it but I have decided I will do just what I want to do, stay in my pjs if I want, and have a nice little easy meal cooked in my air fryer and a few glasses of wine, perhaps a baileys. If I feel like having cry I will. I will be coming on here for a chat sometime during the day and raising a glass to all the lovely people who are on their own. Hope you do the same. Take care it will soon be over|

BA69. The first Christmas is always hard and my husband loved Christmas. Raise a glass to him and remember the happy times x

I absolutely empathise Pastel. It’s not just being on your own, many on GN face that or have given in and joined up with more distant family members, feeling like “Granny in the corner” , but it’s the thoughtlessness of your family not to get their act together and make it up to you for their (to me ) selfishness.
Yes it was an “oversight” but one which should not have occurred and I would ignore the well intentioned advice to “find someone you could spend Christmas Day with”.
Perhaps since you lost your DH you have Benn perceived as “having coped” too well, I can identify with not wanting to appear needy after bereavement and I suppose to some people at 7 (me) or 8 years (you) on, it is assumed you are “over it”.
Hmm, there’s no such thing as “over it” though is there?

There’s alone and there’s lonely. I hope all who are in the former category can somehow avoid being also in the second.

been not Benn!

I'm so sorry. I'm in a similar situation, as this year is the first Christmas in my life that I'll have no family to spend it with. (Last parent died three months ago, I'm recently divorced and single, and my sister wants Christmas only with her husband and kids.)

I think the thought is probably worse than the reality. We do put too much on this one day. I was lucky to have a friend to go away with this year, but in the future, I will almost certainly have to face Christmas Day alone. You can always go to church and then wear yourself out with a long walk in the afternoon. It doesn't matter if you're not religious, you will at least be able to see other people, and also lots of people are out walking too. You'll probably feel stronger after getting through it.

Best of luck. Do try not to let it get you down. It IS only one day, after all.

It is just one day, and it's incredibly hyped up.
Ask most people "Did you have a nice Christmas?" and they'll say "Yeah, it was quiet"

bluebird243

As the mother of 2 married sons I've experienced the DiL's family taking priority on Christmas Day for years. So I'm used to the day on my own although one son does pop in for an hour or so.
To be honest I'm past caring. I eat exactly what I would like, when I like, light the log burner and watch everything I want to on TV or go out for a long walk. Generally I pamper myself.
I see one DiL on Christmas Eve as it's her birthday [and hand over all my presents for them], then the other son on Boxing day so that way I also see the [4] grandchildren.
I'm just bemused that they can all feel it's ok as I live on my own and a special day with them would be lovely. But I admit I enjoy the peace now I'm older.
Just to add I would never have seen my own Grandmother or Mother on their own on Christmas Day no matter who I was married to or who was my partner. Different times.

I hope you will enjoy your Christmas Pastel whatever you do to make it easier for you. Just pamper and treat yourself any way you like.

I find this really difficult to understand as I'm sure you do Bluebird.. Have you ever asked why they don't invite you?..

When we had a family christmas we always invited both sets of parents.. It was accepted that we were all family and everybody made the effort to get on.. and they were all grandparents.. I really hope you manage to have a nice day..

Pastel

I am heartened by all the comments and lovely messages but I agree that a Christmas “do” or volunteering on the day is not for me. At the end of the day you go home alone to an empty house so you might as well enjoy home and stay cosy!
I am lucky that I have a dog so we will share Christmas dinner. Thinking about it (or trying not to!!) it was the lack of communication and involvement which hurts the most.

You'll "share" Christmas dinner with your dog? Don't you mean that Doggie will wolf down all the meat unless you keep a gimlet eye fixed firmly on them? 😂 Remember, when it comes to sharing food, dogs are NOT man's best friend!!!

bluebird243

As the mother of 2 married sons I've experienced the DiL's family taking priority on Christmas Day for years. So I'm used to the day on my own although one son does pop in for an hour or so.
To be honest I'm past caring. I eat exactly what I would like, when I like, light the log burner and watch everything I want to on TV or go out for a long walk. Generally I pamper myself.
I see one DiL on Christmas Eve as it's her birthday [and hand over all my presents for them], then the other son on Boxing day so that way I also see the [4] grandchildren.
I'm just bemused that they can all feel it's ok as I live on my own and a special day with them would be lovely. But I admit I enjoy the peace now I'm older.
Just to add I would never have seen my own Grandmother or Mother on their own on Christmas Day no matter who I was married to or who was my partner. Different times.

I hope you will enjoy your Christmas Pastel whatever you do to make it easier for you. Just pamper and treat yourself any way you like.

That's awful, Bluebird. I would also never have seen my parents or in-laws on their own at Christmas, nor any family member. But my sister is happy to leave her immediate family members on their own even in dire circs, like having cancer. I could never. Yes, different times.

I feel really sad for you that your sons have made no thought or consideration for you. I don't know why you could have been invited to join one of them at their in laws really.

Now that you are alone and coming to terms with being a widow do you belong to any groups or have other friends that you see socially? Perhaps if you know any other people who might be alone could you invite some of them to visit you and you could all celebrate Christmas day together?