Should I say don’t come ?

ceejay I was so sorry to see that you had been upset by one of the replies. I also thought it was not very helpful.

You sound like a very nice person who is not at all demanding of your family's time and attention - which is not always the case with some older people.

I understand that you are worried your son will be missing out on a much more lavish Christmas Day with his girlfriend. But it is only one day and one year - you have been kind enough not to pressurise him regarding past Christmases - and it may well be that he wants to spend the day with you. As Jaxjacky says, perhaps you can buy in some little luxury foods, rather than trying to do it all yourself.

Maybe it came over as unkind but I can't for the life of me see why women get themselves all worked up about this. It's the end of summer, not December. It's more of less dark on the 25th all day and the stress in families can be problematic.

Sincerely hope OP finds a way through this and can spend some nice time with family.

petra

ceejayjay
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brilliant

StripeyGran

Maybe it came over as unkind but I can't for the life of me see why women get themselves all worked up about this. It's the end of summer, not December. It's more of less dark on the 25th all day and the stress in families can be problematic.

Sincerely hope OP finds a way through this and can spend some nice time with family.

The emotional baggage that comes with Christmas is jaw-dropping especially as for the vast majority it is no longer a Christian festival.
In our family it’s always been a variant of Christmas- family, New Year-friends . The AC try to alternate years with their in-laws and with me (just me since DH died)
There’s always Boxing Day, Christmas Eve, the weekends before or after Christmas for those of us who cannot split ourselves down the middle. There’s such a thing as compromise too.
One of our best Christmases was held on Jan 6 as DH was in hospital over Christmas so we postponed our family get together until he was home. That was the year I sent NO cards, did NO decs and we had venison instead of turkey, it was brilliant- also no stress.

PS OP - it’s not a competition to give your son the best Christmas. He will come because he loves you, not (no offence!) for your coking, lavish entertainment or anything else.

Oh my word

It's one day,that's all and so much angst goes on because of it.. Christmas I believe is for children,the excitement of Santa etc..as adults we should be able to rise above the who's going where malarkey,my mum god love her, used to do the being taken to one house or another,she always said she'd rather have stayed at home but felt obliged..I've done all the big family dinners,stressing myself out over it all,if your son wants to come over for dinner without his gf accept it,but don't put pressure on yourself

I would tell him to go with his gf.
We all want our children however old they are to enjoy life.

I would take enjoyment in knowing my son is happy.

You’ll see him another time. Make Christmas good for you.

Ceejayjay - being divorced and on our own, makes things hard around Christmas, Birthdays Ex. I dread these special occasions I’ve had to put up with it for the past 25 years. All of us live in the same town - nice in one way but ……

You have been very accepting other Christmases about your son going to his partner's family. This year he says he is coming to you. It's a bit disappointing that his partner isn't coming as well but I accept his offer to come to you this year and make it as memorable as possible. Maybe go out for lunch somewhere. I know this is expensive but it would be fun to push the boat out as it isn't likely to happen very often. Or you could make things ready for yourself by buying in Christmas from M and S. Don't complain about the partner not coming, keep the time together light and fun. Hopefully the partner will still join you for New Year. If you tell him not to come he could think ... mum's not bothered about me coming when it does seem you would like to have his company. Hope you find a happy solution Christmas van be a very emotive time 💐

Echo Bright and Breezy. Have your son, don't worry about your cooking, he is used to it. Try to get a walk in and make it just a nice easy day.
I over worry and just want them to be happy, but he would not have offered to come if he didn't want to. I don't think much of his partners attitude though. It seems her way or no way. That's selfish. However he would never know I thought that.

Ceejayjay has mentioned in another thread that she suffers from agrophobia and anxiety so going out for lunch is a no no.

I would enjoy the day with your son. He clearly wants to spend it with you. Aas other's have suggested, if you feel your cooking isn't up to much, then get in goodies from M&S or somewhere. As there's only two of you, that's easier and you won't have loads of leftovers, especially if he's not vegan. Remember that there's no such thing as a 'better' Christmas, just different ways of spending the day. I'd get it sorted with him now, write it on the calendar then enjoy the autumn.

Us being vegetarian I actually found it easier to let the children go elsewhere for Xmas themselves as I don't really even want the smell of turkey in the house. They used to come just before or just after Xmas instead. Now I do have my daughter on alternate Xmas but book them into hotel where they have their Xmas dinner. What I'm saying is unless you feel really upset not to share Xmas day with your son , it might work out better to just let them do her family but perhaps suggest they fit you into a couple of days in the following week before NYE. I dunno if it's just a case of age but in a way not having to do anything at Xmas works well for me. Might be different if I was on my own...

My daughter and I are both chronically ill and can't necessarily do things on a specific day or do very much on any day, so we believe in Christmas week or Christmas month rather than Christmas Day. Tell your son it would make you happy for him to go to Wales for Christmas Day but that you would like to see him and possibly his girlfriend too at some point over the season. And then just plan something nice, some treat or treats for that time that you would both or all like that wouldn't be too demanding for you. It doesn't have to be anything very ambitious at all. Small simple things mean a lot if they come with love and affection. It is the latter that really matters in a family.

It is one day in the year. Accept that.

stripey gran was trying to be helpful and i agree with what she said

Sorry post is confusing or maybe it's just me????

This is why I dread Christmas. Going away this year to avoid the happy family posts. I don't have that & it stings that me EDS & EDD do, without me.

Sorry, EDS and EDD??

Sorry if someone else has already suggested this, but what about you going to your son’s place for a weekend / Christmas Day (be it the actual day or another day in lieu) instead of him with or without his girlfriend coming to you? It’s quite a normal scenerio as parents of adult children get older. I for one really appreciate relinquishing the Christmas catering baton now I’ve got older

I would just tell your son what you have written here. You obviously want the very best for him and so maybe it is best if he goes with gf to Wales. Perhaps you could suggest they come to see you maybe a few days before Christmas and you could arrange to go out for a meal and hand over Christmas presents then.
I do also think the gf is being very selfish not accepting the fact that she's part of a couple and compromises have to be made especially at times like this.
Hope this soon gets sorted so that you're not left fretting over it until the day itself.

ReadyMeals

Us being vegetarian I actually found it easier to let the children go elsewhere for Xmas themselves as I don't really even want the smell of turkey in the house. They used to come just before or just after Xmas instead. Now I do have my daughter on alternate Xmas but book them into hotel where they have their Xmas dinner. What I'm saying is unless you feel really upset not to share Xmas day with your son , it might work out better to just let them do her family but perhaps suggest they fit you into a couple of days in the following week before NYE. I dunno if it's just a case of age but in a way not having to do anything at Xmas works well for me. Might be different if I was on my own...

.

Fancy not wanting your family in your home because of the house might smell of turkey!!!

Beyond belief.
.

i am happy to have christmas on my own as i am not really into christmas, i tell my son each year to go to his sister in laws with his family as they have 4 kids and my son has one and they love all being together, my daughter in law only has her dad left and he goes to, they are all happy for me to join them, and my mum wanted me to come to her as she is on her own, but at 62 i feel that i can do what i prefer, might seem selfish to some people but my son and his family being happy is important to me, i am not close to my mum, i am the only adult child that still talks to her. please do what you think is right for you and your son.

You say in your heart of hearts that he would rather be with the gf,so abide by that and invite them to come another time.Do you get on with the gf? Perhaps send little gifts for Christmas.