Anyone dissillusioned with a friend

We needed to hear that Franzipan60. It is NOT about being judgemental, it is about keeping the pressure off the NHS and protecting the vulnerable. GoldenAge makes some extremely important points and what may seem to be an innocent trip has the potential to do untold damage. I live in a small village and haven’t set foot outside for nearly 3 weeks. I’m healthy, but my husband is not! I go on an exercise bike once a day. Village or not , I know of two people who have died.........

Message for your friend

EVERY SINGLE contact you have with another human increases the risk of YOU picking up the virus and passing it on - to others- to your mother who you are trying to help! This is the reason for minimising the number of times you go out for any reason.

How is being non judgemental when we see people acting selfishly going to help put an end to the daily death toll.

I wonder if in the case of her mother it's loneliness and fear. When my stepmother was alive and living on her own she made her eldest son go shopping every day for her, she wrote a list of several items, she couldn't have needed them every day . It meant he had to call to collect the list and then deliver the shopping. She would also call saying she couldn't get the tv to work after he had gone home and he would have to go back. Maybe your friend doesn't want to say no to her mum. It us a difficult time for us all and I think it must be very frightening if you have very elderly relatives to care for.

Slightly OT, but I thought pensions were paid into bank accounts now and no need to go and collect them.

I’m here with my mother during this tough time. My mother is 87 very independent and fit, still drives but she has had two valve replacements,, has sporadic RA attacks and takes warfarin along with numerous other medications including self administered injections. My mother is a woman at risk. But so am I with asthma! I do the shopping,cleaning, taking her to the doctors or other appointments and they are many! Mom is suffering terribly from cabin fever. How do you stop someone going out when they say their short of a certain tablet, would like the paper, can you get me this and that? Her only joy in life before the virus was being able to do her own thing, visit relatives, do the shopping and now she has to stay home. Your friend is coping with this every day! Her additional outings are the lesser of two evils and let’s not beat about the bush here, I bet her mother ‘forgets’ sometimes on purpose? Please don’t let this discolour your relationship, she is doing the best that she can under very trying circumstance, be kind to her and support her, she needs friendly ears right now.

it's like people who say that there is too much traffic on the road - they usually mean that they want others off so that they can drive more easily and quickly!

I am frustrated by my sister's behaviour. She is very kind and caring but does not see to grasp how deadly this virus can be. She has received a letter telling her to shelter at home as she has a heart condition yet she still goes out shopping more than once a week. My nephew has phoned me very upset as he takes her shopping and then she pops out again on the same day for a trivial item she forgot to ask him for. I have had to ring her and point out she is being selfish to worry her children like this, and her other sisters and I by not staying in. She said oh I just needed a newspaper. I told her no you did not, read an online newspaper. Now I have found out she told my niece I rang her to bully her. I was beyond speechless. I don't understand her because she is normally so sensible.

It is dangerous to assume and try to judge when you can't be sure, things are not always as they seem and it is too easy to get hold of the wrong end of the stick.

You know maybe if people didnt have people telling them what to do from all angles, they might stop digging their heels in and might stop doing it.

I know that DH and I have learnt to try not to "advise" our parents at all (in general) because there is something about the adult child/parent dynamic that makes them more determined to do whatever we advise against.

If we bite our tongues instead they tend to come to the conclusion that its a bad idea sooner than if we say we think its a bad idea.

Even if its something that DH and I specialise in professionally, as soon as we try to advise our parents they react as if we're calling them senile

Maybe going out for those trivial things is a declaration of independance against being told what to do by your nephew. And if he stopped the "battle" then doing it might no longer seem so important IYKWIM

Camelotclub Most people now get their pensions paid into banks because the PO was charging the DWP which the banks don't so they were pushing everyone to change. It isn't compulsory though and there are still quite a few people with the PO.
People aren't sometimes aware that there are easy to open bank accounts for people who don't have a lot of identification or a good credit record or they have just always used the Post Office and have one nearby.

Masks ...gloves.... sanitising gel!!! Where the hell are you folks getting this stuff . I’ve been trying for 5 weeks!!

Some people insist on knowing and being right while others are more open to learning and getting it right- The second takes courage, the first conceit-

The pandemic is creating infinite opportunities to learn- Its revealing weaknesses and strengths in governments and relationships- If there ever was a time to find the courage to learn how to speak up, to discover the value and confidence to protect others or even your self, if not now, when?

there will probably come a time when this sort of thing will be taken out of our hands. Maybe a good thing to do would be to bang on to the friend the importance of meticulous hand hygiene, not touching anything unless you have disinfected your hands and not getting close to people, so that if she does go out the risk is reduced, disinfecting doorknobs in and out, bin handles, post.....if the friend can be persuaded to cut down on trips out, maybe at first to once a day, could you promise something that would be fun for both of you, not sure what that is for both of you obviously. Or ask local good neighbours who would not pander to anyone's unreasonable requests. My MIL was like the mother, she would send my ex out multiple times a day for things she had forgotten [pre cv] and his feelings about this were mixed. At once he was annoyed about needing to go out, and didn't want to upset her by saying hed go once a day unless medically necessary, but he also liked the excuse to step away from the situation even if it was just to pop to the shop, basically, he was angry that his freedom to go out for a long walk to places he wanted to, was incompatible with the caring responsibilities. He could have called in respite care, which would have benefited his parents when he was not there, and which they were to a certain extent entitled to and had a reasonable break himself, but some people will not think reasonably sometimes, just to mention that sometimes people have lots of odd reasons behind their unreasonableness

Masks ...gloves.... sanitising gel!!! Where the hell are you folks getting this stuff . I’ve been trying for 5 weeks!!

Sanitising gel, sanitising wipes and detol wipes were all available in my Sainsburys yesterday afternoon.

I bought one.

Didnt see anyone else buy more than one.

Looks like we all have a pal who won't follow the rules.

My friend ( who also thought it was fine to go abroad on holiday, and would have gone if the trip wasn't cancelled) keeps going out and about. She called round at our house twice last week, though she knows we are self isolating. I had to keep her on the doorstep and talk to her from halfway down the hall! My own family don't come round, to keep us safe. My friend then said she was popping round to see another friend. She has no sense of the risk to herself or others.

She has serious health issues, including heart and breathing problems. I keep telling her but it doesn't get through. What can you do?

My youngest DD is still having to work,and i worry for her greatly.but she lives a long way from me,and lives with her dads 'other' family(we divorced yrs ago) her step mum had a 'cold' last wk & has passed it to my daughter,who now thinks its 'just a cold' too and is planning on going bacķ to work tomorrow,without the 7 day- or 14 day? isolation.shes having to help her store stack food shelves,so im worried for her,and also for anyone else working there or food buying! Also as theres has never been the cleanest of houses! She said if its worse she'l ring 111.and ask work too but im not sure theyre giving right advice,as she said they said instore its not a rule to wear gloves as that could mean 'the virus'(if they had it) may sweat out into the gloves from their pores,but surely then the advice should be TO WASH HANDS THOROUGHLY AFTER REMOVING GLOVES! Not just dont bother to wear them!! Its a main supermarket too.And i get impression they are encouraging them to come to work no matter what.(daughters on a zero hours contract still after about 5yrs so i dont know if she'd get paid for time off?)

For your own peace of mind I think you need to step back a bit. Presumably you know what your friend is doing because you are chatting on the phone or via social media? Therefore tell her quite honestly that you don't approve of all her outings and that you are very worried that she is putting herself at risk . Also point out that if she became ill who would look after her mum. But then say although you are happy to talk to her you do not want to hear anything at all about her outings and will only chat about other stuff.

Shes normally a sensible caring girl but seems to be acting as though its just a normal cold& doesnt matter! I think gov't guidlines are fogging what people need to look for- even other DD thinks its only cough& fever to watch for,yet online says early signs CAN be mistaken for winter cold& flu bugs! God help us as NO ONE seems to be getting correct information!!

Well people are going to die because of others stupidity. One of my children, ( as several are Doctors ) works in the Hospital where the first evacuees cane from Wuhan. They told us then that things would get apocalyptic.
We have been self isolating for weeks and have been nowhere.
They said there might be enough ventilators but there will not be enough staff.
He said that Doctors would be triaging cases, and if they had to choose between a chap of 40 with children, or a 60 year old. Well you can guess. They had to triage in Italy. You can imagine the effect on the MH of the NHS staff. I am very frightened for my children and various cousins in the front line.

A friend of mine is telling everyone how she's isolating her and also keeping her mother isolated... her idea of this is taking her mother out shopping only twice a week now and only for an hour! Not advising her mother to stop visiting neighbours who are still going out! And then bringing her to her house cos she's bored even though her husband is still travelling to visit his father 90 miles away! Some people just don't get it.

My oldest son said his cousin(good bit older than him so should know better!) Keeps saying he 'thought he'd have called round to his by now?!- my sons got a family with health issues& a pregnant wife- so no,hes not going anytime soon.why doesnt everyone understand these rules fully?

If there is something you want to say to a friend, I suggest avoiding 'subtly trying to tell her.......' Simply and clearly say what you want to say, while avoiding judgements of her behaviour or suggesting you know best. Focus on facts and speak with respect and be ready to listen. In the end she decides what she does with her life - and it would be a pity to lose a good friendship because you don't like her choices at the moment.

I really think the government need to issue the complete lockdown that other countries have now.And Boris (before he gets more ill) needs to be filmed& put on tv to say so,say why,and ask britain if they want to catch it,like him,or stay healthy?!!

Yes,OP,try be straight with your friend without losing her friendship right now- point out as others have said,whose to see to her mums health& needs if she gets ill? Can she set up an online shop for her mum? ( her age would guarantee priority slot) that she can include all she needs,even baby bio,all in one shop.? Or just go ONCE a week to store for it all at once.?