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Tonight I lost it and just wept ....

(106 Posts)
cupcake1 Tue 12-May-20 20:39:38

I’ve always had an optimistic outlook and ‘stiff upper lip’ but tonight watching the news I burst into tears. The news was no better or worse than before but I think it was a mixture of emotion and fear for the future. I am beyond furious that primary school children will be allowed back to school next month, key workers children being the exception. My dear GD who is taking GCSE’s next year should be amongst the first to return. I know this virus will eventually pass although not for the foreseeable future, but at what cost? Already the number of deaths are staggering, how many more lives will be lost? I miss the closeness and interaction with family and friends and ‘normality’ of life. I think the recent easing of lockdown has panicked me somewhat and I’m scared of the inevitable rise in cases. Sorry, I feel completely out of control at the moment and that is not like me at all! sad

ineedamum Tue 12-May-20 20:45:02

Please don't be too hard on yourself. The world changed overnight and will be a while before things go back to the way they were, if at all.

These are huge changes without the hugs and kisses of loved ones, which always helps with stress, but we can't do.

The death toll is horrendous and you are also grieving.

Please be kind to yourself.

Callistemon Tue 12-May-20 20:59:02

I think it was hearing about the British Transport worker who died after contracting the virus after someone spat in her face that really upset me this evening.
I feel tearful and angry thinking about it.

I hope they catch whoever was responsible and they are charged and imprisoned.

Marydoll Tue 12-May-20 21:02:44

Callistemon, I hadn't heard that news. No wonder you are so upset. I hope they find the person who did it.
Man's inhumanity to man!.?

rafichagran Tue 12-May-20 21:16:21

I was upset and horrified about the transport worker who died and was spat on.
I hope they catch the perpretator, and he/she gets time to think about their actions, in prison.

cupcake1 Tue 12-May-20 21:31:30

Thank you ineedamun flowers
I too could not believe that anyone could spit on that poor worker and her colleague knowing they had coronavirus, and for them to ultimately die through it. The scum that did this should be locked up and the key thrown away angry

Charleygirl5 Tue 12-May-20 22:07:47

A few people have been spat on and the perpetrators think it a joke saying they have or have not had Covid 19. This is not always true and we do not know if that was the reason she contracted Covid 19. She did have respiratory problems and did tell her bosses who insisted she move out of the office on to the concourse to work so could have picked it up there because social distancing was a joke. Very sad for her family.

notanan2 Tue 12-May-20 22:10:41

You wouldnt be "normal" if this never overwhelmed you flowers

Bathsheba Tue 12-May-20 22:16:20

Heavens Callistemon I hadn't heard that news either. Dear God, how can anyone be so evil... I can't even find the words to express my shock at this.

It's little wonder you're having a bit of a wobble cupcake, with hideous things like this happening in the world. I think we all have days like this - most of the time I just get on with it, and then out of the blue it overwhelms me and knocks me flat. But I do get up again, put the smile back on, and tell myself we will get through this one day. And I've no doubt you do too. Chin up, tomorrow's another day flowers

growstuff Tue 12-May-20 22:17:15

cupcake I didn't watch the news, but if it's any consolation (and I'm not sure it is), you're not alone. I haven't left my house for weeks, which doesn't bother me that much because I spend hours every day on various forms of social network communicating with people. I've managed to arrange all the deliveries I need. I think I've been very rational about it all.

HOWEVER, one day last week I had a melt down. I'm not really sure what triggered it. I guess I was angry and just felt so helpless. None of us has really experienced anything like this before.

I share your anger about schools. I'm a former teacher and I'm still in contact with many teachers. I know how genuinely worried they are and how hard they're working to do their best. They think the latest announcement is totally bonkers. I agree with you that the year groups which should have been first to return are those who will be sitting exams next year - Year 10 and 12. Current Year 11 and 13 are already in meltdown. The glibness with which teachers are expected to deal with the youngest pupils is just astounding. It's absolutely nothing to do with education, but part of the "getting people back to work" agenda. Nobody gives a thought to the safety of school staff, the pupils and the families they could be infecting. It doesn't help that they get so much negative press. It makes me very angry.

You have every right to be angry. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel like that. Go and punch a pillow or something or cry until you run out of tears and know you'll come out of it. You sound like a positive person, so you'll make your own agenda for the future. Be safe and come back if you want to offload again! flowers

growstuff Tue 12-May-20 22:18:37

That's truly horrendous Callistemon. I really don't understand the mentality of some people.

Callistemon Tue 12-May-20 22:24:04

There are family we should have visited early in the year, but I was ill, then the weather was terrible and we just kept saying "we'll go when the weather is better".
The weather is better now

EllanVannin Tue 12-May-20 22:28:01

I saw that about the spitting and the first thing I could think of was shooting such offenders.

Well tonights news is that somewhere in the world, anyone caught flouting/ breaking the law will be shot. Manila.

ginny Tue 12-May-20 22:33:40

If the mountain seems too big today
then climb a hill instead.
if the morning brings you sadness
It's ok to stay in bed.
If the day ahead weighs heavy
and your plans feel like a curse,
there's no shame in re-arranging,
don't make yourself feel worse.
If a shower stings like needles
and a bath feels like you'll drown,
if you haven't washed your hair for days,
don't throw away your crown.
A day is not a lifetime
a rest is not defeat,
don't think of it as failure,
just a quiet, kind retreat.
It's ok to take a moment
from an anxious, fractured mind,
the world will not stop turning
while you get re-aligned.
The mountain will still be there
when you want to try again,
you can climb it in your own time,
just love yourself til then.

by Laura Ding-Edward

harrigran Tue 12-May-20 22:35:00

I have had a lot of messages and phone calls today but when I received a video from DD I broke down and sobbed.
It is my birthday and she sang and played the piano for me, a Queen number that was very emotional.
DD lives in Brussels and we have no idea when we will see each other again.

Luckygirl Tue 12-May-20 22:50:14

I think we all have days when it feels overwhelming. We have no choice but to just carry on somehow.

Better day for you tomorrow I hope. x

MayBee70 Tue 12-May-20 23:19:33

I had a meltdown last night. Even though they’re coping with it very well I started thinking of all the things my grandchildren should be doing now and wondering how long (if ever) it might be before they can live a normal life again. Also my SIL may now have to return to work which means he could, potentially be bringing the virus back with him when he comes home so, apart from the danger to him, DD and the children it means that any relaxing of the rules still means that I would have to totally avoid them.

Sussexborn Tue 12-May-20 23:21:31

This period of time is certainly bringing out the worst and best in humanity. Fortunately more often the best than the worst.

You’re far from the only one to have a wobble now and then.

Eloethan Wed 13-May-20 01:06:46

cupcake Probably a lot of people are experiencing a mixture of emotions at the moment. Sometimes I feel I'm coping OK but at other times I feel depressed and tearful. Like many other people, I miss seeing our grandchildren and meeting up with friends but try to keep myself busy with various interests - or even housework! If you are not at risk healthwise, I would recommend going out for a long walk. The belief now is that there is very little risk of contracting the virus in the open air and it is good to get some fresh air and exercise.

Although I haven't cut myself off from the news, I do think it's important not to watch too much news. I have also tried to find TV programmes and items on you tube that make me laugh, just to lighten the atmosphere a bit.

I think it is natural to have good days and bad days but I hope expressing your feelings on here and reading other people's comments will help you to overcome some of your fears. Very best wishes to you.

ginny I liked the poem. Thank you.

Nortsat Wed 13-May-20 07:01:34

Yes, it’s a very trying time.

We are normally an easy going household but recently my partner spoke sharply to me (about something in the dishwasher!) and I really lost my temper. This is highly unusual for us.
We calmed down and sorted it out, but I am sure it was exacerbated by all the awful news and the deaths. I try to limit myself to one news programme per day, otherwise it feels like there is no escape.

Furret Wed 13-May-20 07:26:15

Yes, it’s such a difficult time. It doesn’t help when decisions, such as the return to school policy, is driven by politics rather than health concerns. For instance your granddaughter - the reason that secondary pupils are not returning to school is because most are old enough to look after themselves at home so their parents can return to the workforce. And yet these are the ones who are most able to understand and maintain social distancing.

Clearly the most difficult group and the one most likely to need close contact with teachers and fellow pupils are little reception children, followed by Y1. And the plan is to have all primary pupils return to school. Why? Because they obviously cannot be left at home alone.

Young children traditionally are great carriers and transmitters of germs, as we all know from bugs passed on by our own grandchildren. With this particular virus it is likely that they are also asymptotic transmitters. However there are a small minority who have developed worrying inflammatory responses such as those found in Kawasaki Disease and there have been fatalities.

So young children do not get a free pass on this virus.

I can see their potential to spread the virus between school mates, teachers and other school staff and taking it home withn them. My hope lies with parents who are wary of a premature opening of schools and HTs and professional bodies bringing some much needed common sense to the issue.

Txquiltz Wed 13-May-20 07:32:58

Thank you Ginny

Nansnet Wed 13-May-20 07:46:23

cupcake1, I think most of us feel the same. We are angry about the situation we are in, and feel worried about the future. Many of us (myself included) have lost family/friends, due to this dreadful virus, but I do still try to stay positive, and think about plans, and family gatherings when this is eventually behind us.

I am, by nature, quite an emotional person, so I'm trying my hardest to look forward to better times, and not dwell too much on all the bad news, otherwise I'd go crazy! Living overseas, we've not seen any of our family since December, and with their respective lockdowns, and our quarantine restrictions, we have no idea when we'll see them again.

No matter who your are, or where you live, try to take comfort in the fact that we really all are in this together. And, hopefully, in the not too distant future, if we are all sensible, we'll come out of it being more thoughtful, caring, and kinder to each

cupcake1 Wed 13-May-20 08:08:45

Thank you all for your wisdom and kind words and of course putting things into perspective. I am sure we all have these moments and me screaming at the TV and bursting into tears was perhaps the outlet of pent up frustrations I needed. Today is a new day so I will give thanks my husband, family, friends and I are all well and wish the same to you and yours. Keep safe everyone and thank you again for taking the time to reply. flowersflowers

hapgran Wed 13-May-20 09:52:07

Yes- I had a meltdown on Monday evening. I felt as if I had been able to cope in my little box but when the lid was lifted a tiny bit by the new guidelines I finally peeped out and realised the enormity of it all and what a long road we have ahead of us...
Lovely poem ginny.