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Dark thoughts

(35 Posts)
CorneliaStreet Mon 18-May-20 06:20:14

I really hope life WILL get back to normal soon (and this is going to be our previous normal, not some "new normal") and I know all these measures are for the good but what are your tips to get rid of dark thoughts about how we all are entitled to live like this for a long long time, distancing from each other and never getting coffee out there or watching live theater shows again?
I've limited news and news articles down to zero but I still worry about how our future will look like. I really enjoyed dancing but our dancing club has been closed for almost 3 months already and I'm worrying I'll never go back to dance again... At first we believed it will be over in some 2-3 weeks but now it seems like there will be no end of living like this.
Thanks for reading through all these mourning and I'd greatly appreciate any advice.

grandMattie Mon 18-May-20 06:37:17

I can offer very little.
Count your blessings and “carpe diem”. Live for the day and let tomorrow take care of itself.
Chin up. There IS light at the end of the tunnel.

Beechnut Mon 18-May-20 06:55:19

Not wishing to be gloomy but I think there will always be ‘something’ in our lives whether it be this that effects us all or something personally. So on that note I can only agree with grandMattie.

Hetty58 Mon 18-May-20 07:05:17

I (probably most of us) never thought it would be over in 2-3 weeks. I viewed it as mainly writing off plans for this year (as a very long pause) and planning hopefully for next summer.

Why on Earth do people want to 'get back to normal'? I really can't understand the desire to go back to the exact same ideal conditions for the next pandemic. Shouldn't we learn and adapt for a better future instead?

It's really not that bad. Individually, the danger we face is low. There's no threat of starvation, being bombed or society breaking down. How does it compare to other threats and challenges in your life? Is it the worst thing that's ever happened to you? If so, you've been very fortunate.

Missing 'normal' life, coffee, theatre and dancing sounds so very trivial and self-centred to those who've lost loved ones, those who've been gravely ill. The death toll here in the UK is 34, 636!

Watching no news articles at all is equivalent to sticking your fingers in your ears and singing 'La, la, la' - not at all helpful for your mental health.

Trying to block things out completely just doesn't work. The best approach is to keep updated on the news but limit it to a short time, each day or so, then focus on other things.

Rather than negatively fret over what you can't do, concentrate on all that is still possible and involve yourself in any little projects, hobbies, learning or voluntary opportunities that are available. Don't forget to 'count your blessings' too!

Riverwalk Mon 18-May-20 07:12:39

I think it's a mistake to limit your news to zero - that way you also won't hear good news like the gradual return to work for some sectors, future opening of pubs & cafes with gardens etc.

If I find myself grumbling or with a dark thought I give myself a sharp reminder that we have it very easy compared to people living in war zones, refugee camps, dirt-poor countries, etc.

Remember the Siege of Sarajevo, only in the 90s and on our doorstep in Europe - it lasted for four years and the people suffered so very badly, including being targeted by snipers when standing in food queues.

We will get back to a near normal soon.

Michy Mon 18-May-20 07:13:19

I agree SO SO much if you get a chance to watch Lord Sumptions interview BBC news 24 yesterday it puts all in a nutshell hmm
I've never ever wished time to go so fast
Take Care

CorneliaStreet Mon 18-May-20 07:42:55

Hetty58 how does the fact that some people "have it worse that me" affect my own (or anyone alse's) situation? Oh yes, I miss having coffee and meeting my friends, I miss dancing and dance contests, I miss theaters, I miss my life and so what? Is it really that bad? Don't you miss all those little things you don't have any access to right now? If so, you are a very lucky person and I wish I had this type of attitude, too, but I don't.

CorneliaStreet Mon 18-May-20 07:43:15


CorneliaStreet Mon 18-May-20 07:44:22

Beechnut, grandMattie thank you! I'm trying to do that

CathTheWise Mon 18-May-20 07:49:58

Hetty58, you say that watching no news articles is not helpful for Cornelia's mental health but I actually see where she comes from. I also feel depressed after watching the news so I try to avoid it except for the really informative pieces from respected sources. It's not about sticking your head to the sand because one obviously can't pretend coronavirus didn't happen and didn't change our lives. It's more about trying to save yourself from panicking.

Glorybee Mon 18-May-20 07:55:10

I’m looking forward to people adapting and creating ways forward with new ideas and inventions in response to the situation the world finds itself in. I’m always amazed at how the human mind has been blessed with the ability to innovate and resolve immense problems, and the desire to do so. (Unfortunately my brain will not be scaling theses heights!).

CathTheWise Mon 18-May-20 07:58:03

Cornelia, I understand you and I also hope we will go back to normal soon. You will be attending your dance classes and enjoying coffee with your friends but right now you should take care of your health first and your friends are doing it, too. Riverwalk is right, you better go back to watching at least some news to catch all the positive info. I'd also recommend diving deep into some home routine or hobbies, try to learn new things and distract yourself as much as possible. My DD also struggles through self-isolation but at least she can work remotely which helps her. You can do any freelance if you wish or maybe learn some computer programs just for fun. Here, on Gransnet, was a good thread of useful links, or I would recommend to try stuff by AMS Software, they have lots of entertaining things like collage makers, calendar creators, etc. Stay safe and good luck! Everything will be okay.

BlueBelle Mon 18-May-20 08:00:29

Hetty58 you say missing normal life is self centered I think your post sounds very self centered I m alright Jack good I m glad you are but I feel exactly like cornelias post I expect very little out of life and I m following all rules but it doesn’t stop me longing for thE day when I can give my friends and family a hug and sit in the sun or even watching the rain WITH someone Even just a wander around the shops and although I m realistic to know it isn’t going to happen tomorrow I can still long for it
It really makes me wonder how we all lived through Past pandemics (2 in my case) without this lockdown and without all the constant bombardment of the news

BlueSky Mon 18-May-20 08:01:42

After the first initial shock I'm getting used to it and watching other countries getting back to a new normal with all the extra safety measures, is reassuring. This virus has been an extra burden on top of our usual worries and problems. It's life and it's no good wishing it was like before. As others have said let's take a day at the time and go from there.

Hetty58 Mon 18-May-20 08:09:42

CathTheWise, panicking would be quite an overreaction to the threat, don't you think?

Not watching any news is trying a bit too hard to ignore the situation (although we mostly do ignore, most of the time). The unconscious mind then still works away on the problem, with insufficient reference to reality.

We can then easily overestimate the threat and impact on our own lives.

CorneliaStreet, yes, I do miss the freedom to explore, meet family and friends, do things on the spur of the moment. We all do. It's a temporary inconvenience, though.

Compared to really tough times, though, caring for a terminally ill husband, grieving, bring four small children up all alone - it's a complete breeze.

We are all part of society. I wish I could just ignore all the grief and suffering of others around me (as you seem able to do) and have the self-centred luxury of fretting over such trivial things.

Lucca Mon 18-May-20 08:15:42

I disagree with Hetty. I have totally limited my news intake as far as future projections are concerned Otherwise I become just too unhappy, not having family anywhere near to even social distance visit. No idea at all when I shall ever see DS1 and family again.
I have worked out a modus vivendi of taking one day at a time,(and yes counting my blessings) and now taking advantage of being allowed unlimited exercise. I do plenty of online activities ( can’t do crafting to save my life.) but none of that some days stops the blues being out of control.

CorneliaStreet Mon 18-May-20 08:19:20

BlueBelle thank you!! I agree about the constant news bombardment, it seems like there were no diseases before but my even my mother can't remember any lockdown or that much panic around any of them.
CathTheWise thanks! I do watch news sometimes, I just try to stay away from all these emotional parts of them, you know, those that include hospitals or intervews with the doctors. I know the situation is bad and I don't need another reminder of that. Even though it may seem selfish to some of us.

CorneliaStreet Mon 18-May-20 08:20:29

Lucca yes, exercising is a great help, I agree. I'm glad there are people out there who feel the same and also have these blues.

CathTheWise Mon 18-May-20 08:28:35

Hetty58, it very much depends on the person. For some yes, panicking is overreacting, but don't forget about those whose mental health is fragile. I'm one of those people and I can't stand too much stress, that's why I decided that limiting the news is better for me. I'm not saying it's better for you or for anyone else, it just helps me. I guess, Conrelia is doing the same, she tries to help herself. Being upset about not having an opportunity to enjoy your life like you used to is not selfish, it's completely okay. You talk about caring for a terminally ill husband or bringing four small children up all alone and all these things are difficult, I agree! But not everyone has to do that, not everyone lives like you, or me, or Cornelia and it doesn't mean their problems are anyhow less than ours. People see something as their problem and it's not our business to judge them for that. If you don't consider not attending dance classes as a problem, that doesn't mean other people can't consider it as so.

CathTheWise Mon 18-May-20 08:29:20

Oh, I'm sorry, Cornelia, little typo.

sodapop Mon 18-May-20 08:33:27

I'm sorry you are feeling so down at the moment CorneliaStreet so many people are struggling with low mood/depression at the moment.
Things are moving on little by little, I set myself small targets of things to do when I feel down then when its done I award myself a treat. Take each day as it comes and try not to fret too much about the future, we will deal with that when it happens. Bon courage.

Furret Mon 18-May-20 08:34:39

I’m guessing that, no matter how mentally resilient we are, all of us and going through ups and downs.

Hetty58 Mon 18-May-20 08:36:02

Exercise is definitely a great way to boost mood. I have a very energetic dog that needs long walks and always return feeling very calm and happy. It's quite amazing what a couple of hours walking every day achieves, physically and mentally.

My very elderly friend can't do much walking but still has a wonderful attitude.

She says 'I've already outlived my natural lifespan, so every new day is a bonus to be truly appreciated. I'm alive and not in pain, so that's brilliant!'.

It illustrates that, if you can't change your life, you can always change your attitude to it.

Gingster Mon 18-May-20 08:36:25

We can’t help how we feel Hetty. We are all different and cope with things in different ways. Personally I have enjoyed lockdown and made the most of the peace and stress free way of life. BUT I miss family, friends and all my numerous hobbies I had before lockdown. It’s no good telling someone that they are self centred when they are feeling so down. Not helpful at all.

Furret Mon 18-May-20 08:39:13

‘I’m all right Jack’ - can’t stand that attitude. Very self-centred!