Feeling really low

You are not alone as you can see from all the replies. I'm also sad and worry that we might not see our son again. He is in Australia sheltering at home because he has a suppressed immune system. He is working from home which is lucky but his wife's job has ended. They both work at an airport which is all but shut down. My husband is here sheltering and his letter from the NHS suggests he stay at home until the first week of June. He now has a really nasty water infection so his temper is rather short. Will we ever be able to fly to Australia again? Will our son ever afford to come and see us? Probably not. These are the things I get down about BUT the sun is shining, the garden is calling and our Asda order will be delivered on Friday so really all is good with the world and I need to put these worries to one side and get on with it. I hope you are feeling brighter today, but please know you are not alone.

This is my first time here,and have been feeling exactly as you describe,but it's great to know i am not alone in feeling like this.I live alone,since losing my dear husband,and am finding it really tough not being able to meet up with children,grandchild, and friends,but thank goodness for Zoom and Skype,and talks on the telephone! Hope i can find a few new friends here too.

I really appreciate all these wise words. Just to know others are out there especially those on their own helps a lot x

I’m glad it’s not just me! I’m feeling that my life has been changed for ever by this virus. I’m four years into a new relationship after being widowed nine years ago. We were having such a lovely time. Meals out, weekends away, holidays etc. We should be grateful that, being retired we have a guaranteed income and really feel for those with reduced incomes or finding themselves redundant.
I’m struggling with motivation to do anything and just want my lovely life back!

This is my first time here,and my post doesn't seem to have come up,so going to try again.Just wanted to say i have been feeling all the same feelings you all have,and it's great to know that i'm not alone in feeling like this.I'm so sick of my own company.My dear husband passed away some time ago,and i live alone,so greatly miss meeting up with family and friends,but very grateful for Zoom and Skype ,and talks on the telephone,and hopefully i can make some new friends here.

Just reading some lovely positive posts which have inspired me.Love the timetable idea Grammargrandma and you both reading to each other, that's precious time together and beats constantly watching tv in the evening.
Nan79 you are inspirational with your positive attitude and sewing for the NHS. I'm going to invest in a sewing machine, if you have any patterns or tips as I've been watching the sewing bee and can't wait to give it ok??

I have accepted the situation. I think this helps. I rarely have contact with anyone....not even my children. They have their own lives. I sit and sew...last throws of a 7 year project.. hand pieced patchwork quilt. The river birds visit and bring their young. Life is ok. I have accepted how it is. Remember that there are others much worse off than you. If I died tonight I have no idea how long it would be before I was found...

Do you need HRT?

I totally emphathise with what you say about the younger generations having time to put this in perspective as something that they 'lived through'. My mum and dad are 92 ad 94 respectively, both in poor health and, after all they have lived through, that this should be their lives for the time they have left is heartbreaking. It is exactly this that makes me very tearful at times as we have missed what will very likely be the last Mother's Day, birthdays and - coming up - Father's Day. I would have given anything to have been able to share those times and make precious memories before they are gone but the reality is that I can't even go and see them and hug them while they are still here. In a horrible way I have almost started to grieve their loss already, I miss them so much. They, however, are coping really well and being very stoical so I need to 'man up' and accept this is life at the moment for all of us to deal with in our own ways. Strange times indeed but take heart from the fact that we are all in it together. I wish you well xx

Farawaynanny, I'm in a fairly new relationship too, married last summer. Just waiting to hear on Friday if hubby gets made redundant at 58....worried but absolutely nothing we can do. Life certainly has it's ups and downs, just got to keep on keeping on and stay hopeful for the future for everyone. Sending a hug to anyone that needs one today ?

Hi - have you changed your diet recently - introduced any new foods or drinks? This sounds simplistic, but it is the case that some foods can cause allergies, which in turn can bring low moods. Also sensitivity to outdoors - 'hay fever, tree fever' can trigger this. I've experienced this myself, & as a therapist, I have helped others to identify it. Best wishes.

I too am begining to have more down days. I should be more positive, I have a lovely home and garden, enough money to pay the bills and eat good food. Even me and the husband are getting along better, but I to get upset that we cannot replace these lost days. Met my daughter at a local garden centre yesterday and it felt like a bit of normality even though we were social distancing but when it came to say goodbye it was horrible not being able to give her a kiss and a hug. Think that's why I am down today plus a friend of my husband is seriously ill in hospital with sepsis now after doing really well recovering from a stroke. The poor man is only 40.
Life goes on,the sun is shining and the grass needs mowing and I need to lift my spirits. It will get better. It may not be the same for a very long time to come and at 66 I feel like I have to make the most of it and look forward but it's hard.

I think we’re all feeling low some days, but although I live on my own and my family is in total lockdown for health reasons, I still feel that I have more than many people. Just imagine being in a flat high up with young children.
I lift my spirits with a good book and a cup of tea, and the birdsong is glorious at the moment.

I think you are grieving for the loss of so many things. And while your feelings are valid, but that is all they are: feelings. When I was widowed, advice from a friend in the medical profession was to eat sensibly, to walk outdoors every day, to record and explore my feelings and fears in a journal, and not to drink alcohol. I found two books by Stephanie Dowdrick very helpful: 'Choosing Happiness' and 'Creative Journal Writing'. What is it counsellors say? 'When you can't change your circumstances, you may be able to change the way you react to them.' Something like that. And Shakespeare: 'There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.' One day at a time... that was meant to be a bunch of flowers.

The week before last I had a terrible shock in the form of a message sent me. The result has been a series of messages and emails all very distressing.
I feel such empathy for you Lizbethann55 and everybody struggling with depression. There is no logic to depression. I would try not to find reasons for feeling depressed although the unnatural way we are having to live at the moment is clearly a factor. I have not spoken to anybody for over a week now. Last night I knocked a tumbler full of milk to the floor and had this terrible reaction. I felt that I suddenly could understand the man whom I found who had killed himself some years ago. I had a terrible few minutes when I just did not want to even try to carry on. I felt that I could easily do what he had done. But I have my little rescued dogs and they need me and thank God I came back to my senses. Today I know I need to battle on yet again.

Please Lizbethann55 try to take each moment as it comes and try if you can not to look too far ahead and not to try to find reasons for your painful drop in mood. If you can, go outdoors and see if you can hear the birds singing. I find this so comforting. Also forget any diet and treat yourself to whatever you can, chocolate if you have it... I did not gather if your DH understands your depression, some people simply can't and say things like "But you have so much..." Unfortunately having comparably better circumstances than others can only add to depression sometimes, by making you feel guilty about your low mood. Depression is completely random. It hits people from all backgrounds and circumstances. Sometimes it has an obvious trigger or underlying cause, often not. So don't try and agonise about what caused it. Rather concentrate on the things that are good in life, flowers, sunshine, music, birdsong... You may find that you can't even enjoy these, but do keep exposing yourself to what is good and lovely none the less. Exercise has been proved to lessen depression too, so do go for a walk or take exercise as best suits you.

I do have hobbies but for reasons beyond my control am unable to do them. I would encourage you to do something creative if you can. Painting, sewing, knitting, gardening etc. all take your mind off yourself and direct your attention outwards to something constructive and worthwhile. Try this as much as you can.

Wishing you all the best. I really do know what it's like, as do thousands of others. You will feel better, you really will. ??? Love from Elle x ((hug))

Theoddbird I understand. Although I have neighbours, I do not know how long it would be before they noticed I wasn't in the garden. Perhaps my milkman might wonder why the milk is not collected, but he has proved himself to be incredibly dim.....

I have good days and bad days. Recently retired and planned on being abroad for a few months. Now both wondering if we might as well still be at work but hopefully we will be able to travel in July. Don’t think this can stay the same for much longer.

Buffybee you say we are all in the same boat but we aren’t, in the same storm but everyone’s situation is different.

Hard I know but let’s try and stay positive - there’s a rainbow ? after the storm.

The first few weeks I was very depressed. It was explained to me then that I was actually in mourning.....mourning for the life I should be leading.

My first year in this flat at the seaside, and so many visits from friends and family had been planned with much excitement. Obviously, all cancelled now.

It is not so much the loneliness, as the feeling of just marking time - and as I will very shortly be 79 years old, really do not want to waste whatever time I do have left.

Finally, I had to accept that this was my new way of life - like it or not. I watch very little of the news, just maybe once a day for about 10=15 minutes. Apart from that any television I watch, is pure escapism. That is obviously different for each of us. For me I love sci-fi - and with my humax have lots recorded. Also, find good very funny films or programmes can help. On Sunday spent the afternoon watching Paint your Wagon - nobody can feel depressed if watching that!!!

In my darker moments it is the dread for the future which really worries me. Do not think anyone who has lived through this year will forget it - due to the effect it is going to have on their lives. I actually worry that more lives will eventually be lost due to the hardships that are going to caused by loss of jobs, homes, break up of families, mental and physical health problems, than are down to this virus.

Must say I am much more scared of the after-effects than of the virus itself.

But, as has been said, the sun is shining - at least this is occurring in summer months - although do wonder what the winter is going to be like.

I use zoom etc for meet-ups from some of my U3A groups. Did not like it when we had a family one, somehow (for me) it emphasised how different everything was - so prefer just to talk to them all by phone once a week.

Jigsaws, knitting, Tv, Radio keep me occupied each day. Still go out to do a weekly supermarket shop (gives both me and the car a run out and change of scenery), also get out most days for s short trundle round on my mobility scooter.

Looking forward to when those visits to me can take place - hopefully, in 2021.

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

I think that's why we love Captain Tom so much, because he is so optimistic. I keep repeating his words that the sun will shine on us again and the clouds will go away - this from someone who has survived WW2 and cancer as wells the loss of his wife. Truly inspirational!

Knowing others are worse off and being told you are lucky doesn't help and adds guilt which only makes you feel worse. It doesn't lessen our own feelings.
This is true for any time and not just during the present crisis.
You are not alone Lisbethann. I too feel like this. My husband is very solitary and not any company really. I might as well be alone.
He's out painting the fence and I am struggling to get out of bed. Keeping me company would be a good idea and might cheer me up. But he rarely does that.
I hope you feel better soon

Alexa I think that when the present stands still the past looms larger !

BUT these young people who are living for 20 40 years will have a massive debt that is incurring now with all the hand outs and the country will not be the affluent place we have been privileged to live in. They will have to work longer before retiring on a smaller pension. I doubt if they will feel jolly enough to laugh at locking Granny up. Granny "never had it so good"!!

alexa, I so agree with you. You can find yourself chewing over in your mind all sorts of things you wish you'd done differently! we must keep our minds focused on the here and now! MIndfulness is the way to go! In the moment!

Dear Lizbethann55 life will get better it will just take time. I took early retirement last year and laughter my head off as my husband asked me if I regretted doing it, hes still working. What retirement was my answer. The first 3 months was helping family out with baby sitting duties as each 4 grandsons had chickenpox and all parents work, thank goodness they had it one after the other and not all at once. Then the 6 year old had a stroke due to chickenpox virus, hes recovered, but we still have to watch him and his brother had 3 visits to hospital with asthma. Then workmen in as we gutted the house, it was all due for update, this lasted until the week before christmas and was the longest time of my life. At the same time hubby became I'll and due to winter pressures in hospital kept having his surgery put back, but he was off for nearly 6 months. Just as I thought retirement can start isolation began. All my wonderful plans for the start of retirement were absolutely scuppered. Have a look st the University of the Third Age, things to get you out of the house. Local library and fitness hub have lots of things to do too. Well once this isolation is over I'm praying my retirement can begin. Good luck. Xxx

Oh dear, well although there are some optimistic cheerful posts here there are also a lot which would make anyone feel even worse. I am sorry for all grans feeling low, depressed, and fearful. I do hope this is only temporary feeling. All I can say is, we as a country are not alone. All other countries have covid 19, and no doubt their populations feel exactly the same as we do. I look at RT and Aljazeera on TV to get a different slant on things. Just be glad you live in the UK where you still get free healthcare, supermarkets are still open, lots of people are all too willing to help others, and be glad you don't live in the USA and have to put up with a rather mad president, and have to try to pay for your health care....
To make myself feel better I am learning the guitar on line (having been given a guitar about 20 years ago by my lovely husband RIP) and also Spanish. I intend to travel to a Spanish speaking country after all this is over and I will be able to understand everything they say and maybe even try out the language. My grandson's wife who is 25, Whatsapps me from their home in Berlin to tell me how keen she is on embroidery and sends me photos of her beautiful work. As an embroiderer myself I can appreciate her work, and she mine. Now that is a relaxing and enjoyable creative hobby you can enjoy at any time and in any setting, and to see a little picture coming to life under your needle is so uplifting! Be positive, one day things will be back to normal.