Daughter at her wits end!

I'd visit my daughter in a heartbeat..I'd gladly pay any fine...

As a homeschooler to my 10yo, now 27, I found doing something fun, physical and practical early in the morning was better. He was then ready to sit and absorb. He taught himself a lot on the computer.

I actually didn't 'do school' or act like a teacher, but joined an unschooling group online, American I think, but very useful in helping me understand that children learn ALL THE TIME, not just between the school hours of Monday-Friday.

I did use a maths tutor (a young man younger than my son studying to be a doctor). My son passed with A*. He went on to college to study computer gaming and passed all his exams, top of the class.

While this was going on he was diagnosed with Crohn's in 2007 and has been quite ill since.

Your SIL spending so much time shut away won't be helping. Could he not take some time out during the day to help out. Most employers are tolerant and allow breaks some even appreciating workers cannot sit all day doing tasks a d even shorten the day as more work seems to be produced when home working. Your DD can go out now as often as she wishes and can drive to places for enjoyment too. If there is any quiet places about she can take the kids to play games run about, have a picnic. The rules have changed as long as social distancing continues.

It would be cruel to confine a young dog with no means of exercising its body. I hope your daughter and son have money and can afford

www.amazon.co.uk/Childrens-Climbing-Sport-4-240-Equipment-Fitness/dp/B082D7KMWD?pf_rd_p=cef74d37-7935-5025-9be0-73601503be7d&pf_rd_r=PYTP75CFAFZ443131JSQ&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-11&pf_rd_t=BROWSE&ref_=s9_apbd_omwf_hd_bw_bUmCnf&tag=gransnetforum-21&pf_rd_i=454779031

It cost less than a sofa.

And is more fun than a sofa.

I think OP should STAY AWAY for now then (if scottish rules are changing soon) and advise her daughter to first- talk to her husband, and try reach an agreement to see if he can take a break in the day, to help take over the kids, either with their learning or just to give them lunch or something so she can have a break- also, quit the habit of letting older child stay up till his parents go to bed- all adults need child free time, and most kids are 'scared & worried' about this - but he obviously has found a way to play on this to stay up late- she must be insistent on this as otherwise he will still want to stay up when he is back at school as well!(trust me I've had this with my youngest- he's now 17& still tries stay up all night!) She can be patient with him & bring bedtime forward bit by bit (half hour earlier every couple of days?) But must be insistent- make him a warm milk or cocoa if he likes it,read him a story, or just a chat to help allay his fears,then tuck him in.keep taking him back & repeating the chat,tuck him back in.tell him its his bedtime.keep doing this till he gets the message- what was he like for settling to sleep before all this?He needs to get back to a bedtime routine.Then your daughter will have time to have a breather- take a long soak, read a book,have an early night,or spend time with her hubby,eat a meal together,unwind,have a chat, etc. It needs to start with the kids- maybe if elder one has more sleep he'll be able to do some studying? And yes,get out in fresh air when you can- even a garden.look at bbc bitesize for learning tips too.

Thank you for all your suggestions. My SIL does help out when he can. He is a great dad. My whole point is that after 9 weeks of being shut in the house and garden, with a walk round the block every day, the children are going stir crazy! They need contact with other children (not through a screen!). Anyway, its a very emotive subject. But all experts say the only way we could be 100% sure of eradicating the virus completely, would be to stay locked in for a year. This is obviously impossible, so we need to work out the best way to live some sort of ‘normal’ life while staying safe.

Sofiasnana. Go to your daughter and grandchildren immediately, don’t delay. You have been isolating, so have they so the health risks are minimal whereas the emotional and mental risks are high and can be alleviated with the human contact (and a mothers love) she is craving at the moment. I lost my only child due mental health issues, nothing and if I were so lucky to be able to make a decision as you have to make today, I wouldn’t hesitate. Best of luck and hugs to you and yours. X

It seems to me that those of us that live alone are coping with isolation much better.
However, I think it’s very clever and very selfish of the husbands/fathers to shut themselves away from the family. OK, they are working, but a ten-minute break wouldn’t hurt, and would help the mothers.

Just use your own judgment in your own particular circumstances and you will do the right thing.The ‘rules’ don’t exist now. We are not schoolchildren. We are capable of assessing our situation and weighting up the risks and making an informed decision

Flu! Really? I can't believe that some folk believe it is flu. But then some folk believe the earth is flat! It is wonderful that we have people more expert that the world's most eminent scientists on here to explain the situation to us!!
As you can tell I am really shocked about the suggested rule breaking going on eg encouraging hugging and the risk that it imposes to the vulnerable. There are people waiting to get cancer treatment but due to the virus are not getting it and in some cases it will be a death sentence and yet people would flout the rules and in turn stop these vital services restarting. As a general comment I would say you have to think of the whole community and not be selfish.
I understand why some people are saying if you haven't been anywhere then you are ok to meet up with others but if you start to do that and show that example then others less isolated from the virus will take the risk and then a resurgence will occur. Please think of everyone and not just yourselves. I would love to see my GC but am sticking to the rules to save lives.

Luck daughter you’ve got.... two kids WITH HER, husband WITH HER, my daughter handed her kids over to her husband ( separated) 11 weeks ago because she’s in ‘sheilded’ ...she has no garden...no balcony ... no nothing! She’s been in her own all that time with just her thoughts about every time she sniffle...coughs....has a headache. ON HER OWN. She’s got a friend who drops off groceries, and passes a few minutes through the window. She da W times children . And your daughter has the gall to say she’s at wits end. I’m at wits end worrying about my daughter... my grandkids who can’t touch their mum...and what her relationship will be with them when she’s finially let out. She CANT go for a walk. All she does is open her window. I’m sorry if it’s harsh .... but she’d bite her own arm off to have physical contact with her kids ...e en just a hug. I have no sympathy left when I hear my daughter crying on the phone.... only for her!

If Dominic Cummings can do it, why can't anyone else do it?

My daughter came around with my lovely GS aged four, just for ten minutes in the garden. You wouldn’t have thought a four year old could get so excited about grandads pots of plants. He just kept saying I remember that now. We socially distanced although I was itching for a cuddle. He went home happy at the end. So I think seeing them all might help. Just my opinion. Take care. X

I can sympathise, DD1 lives just round the corner and has a 14 yr old that is shielding for many medical reasons. She has 4 others and a husband or furlough as well. He is a great help on many levels as doe the 17 yr old but still hard going home schooling 6 yr old twins that are at different levels and a 4 yr old that wants to join in as well as the 14 yr old who has been home schooled from 5 yr old.
She is stressed to hell as well, trying to juggle it all, BUT I work in a hospital so no way could I go and help. I have talked the 3 wee ones over the garden fence but that is as near as I will go. They all just want out for a walk, or to take the younger ones to the fishery to see all the baby animals etc, but cant risk it. Horrible times and I totally agree the mental health and the economy are taking a massive hit that is going to take a number of years to recover from.

I would go for your coffee and a sit in the garden and have that hug if you have not been anywhere in the 7 days before hand to catch it from any one. But even somebody different for both you and your daughter to chat to will be nice.

The younger ones are all quite good now as know what lockdown is and why neither set of grandparents can visit. I stopped dropping stuff off she needed until the wee ones were in bed as the first few weeks they howled and sobbed when I dropped stuff off but would not go in to hug them or play a game, broke my heart to hear them sob.

My others live 200 miles away so I just see them on the screen. But 200 m or 200 miles the outcome is the same.

We are all (apparently) well so had DD and family here yesterday in the garden, no hugs etc until they were leaving when DGD (4) said to DD ‘may I hug Gangan’ DD asked how I felt a about it - OK so we hugged - DGS (soon to be 2) hugged too. We did it with faces over the other’s shoulder. I think it would have distressed DGD too much not to. I surprised my myself with how emotional I was with it

I think, especially since 'cummingsgate' almost the whole of the UK has gone mad! Theres now so many of you, all using some kind of ploy, to flock to see family(& some even saying they'll hug them!) mainly in the guise of 'mental health' much in the same manner that Cummings used his child as an excuse! Im trying to be understanding as i know mental health is as serious as physical health- but how would your mental health be if you passed this virus to your family- or if any of them caught the virus (from anywhere) and died??Exactly..time for a rethink???

yes jailers and teachers x

See?RIGHT THERE- Gwenisgreat1's comment! THAT is why Dominic Cummings needs to go! He's instigated everyone to follow his lead- its like a bloody pandoras box!

My daughter is a mum to three young children. She works three days a week, and her husband works five days at least, he frequently works additional shifts at night or weekend. They are medics, and have suffered having insufficient PPE, particularly at the beginning of this crisis. They work with Covid19 patients some of the time. They were told that their two year old child must attend a nursery as we were no longer allowed to do childcare for them. They were given a choice of three possible nurseries by the LA to choose from. They now have to pay for his childcare. They deliver their six year old twins to school three days a week and then drive to a different area to deliver their two year old to nursery. They frequently work twelve hour shifts, although not at the same time. Her husband works five days, plus extra shifts at weekends or evenings. Two days a week my daughter teaches her twins, looks after a very lively two year old, and juggles housework, laundry, shopping etc.
I think she’d love to be home all week with her children safely in the house, and her husband ensconced safely in an upstairs room working. This pandemic certainly doesn’t disadvantage everyone equally.

As a retired teacher I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to de-stress about teaching children at home. I can imagine your daughter is exhausted by it all and by trying to do her best. I suggest she stops and has a half term break . Let the children have some down time , not necessarily stuck in front of a tv or tablet but give them achievable options which they can agree on. Small chunks of learning work best in this situation. Learn about cooking, cost of food, how to pay bills etc. Nature study, art, photography on phones etc. Joe Wickes workout is a brilliant start to the day. Get the children to produce their own quizzes for their parents so it is a family thing. They will catch up when they return to school. Plus I think dad needs to take time out to do lunch or tea so mum gets an hour to herself for a face pack ??

I think I feel the same as every other granny here. My grandchildren are 9,6,2.5,1,5 and 11 weeks. My daughters are struggling with no granny help (I’m a hands on gran). I’m struggling to wait the required 4 days.

Saggi, I feel for your daughter, and my daughter DOES realise how lucky she is, but that doesnt make her feel any better when she is having a bad day!

In my opinion, it's time to get out and get back to normal. If after 9 weeks of isolation and social distancing we are still seeing new cases then it isn't working. We can't hide in the house forever. Yes, be sensible and try to keep safe but the mental and economic costs are now getting to be insurmountable.

I would go, stay outside with the children, and take something different for them to play with.

Sometimes the health of our families must come first and as long as you are sensible, don’t stop on the drive over, take wipes and sanitizer with you.

We have to balance the risks. This is why I don’t understand what Cummings did wrong! If the health of my family was at risk I would take actions to help them.