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Coronavirus

Daughter at her wits end!

(164 Posts)
Sophiasnana Sun 24-May-20 09:45:56

Is anyone else reaching the end of their lockdown tether? My daughter, isolating with her husband and two children aged 4 and 9, was great at the start of all this. Now, 12 weeks later, I am so worried about her. She started with yoga for the kids and her every morning, set learning times, long daily walks etc. Now, the kids squabble constantly.the eldest refuses to do school work, get fresh air, or do ANYTHING at all. My SIL works very hard from home, locked up in his bedroom/office from 8 to 6 everyday, so my daughter is virtually doing everything alone. I just think the cost to our mental health has been awful.
And before anyone starts going on about what they suffered during the war, I dont think you can compare things. We are living in different times, with different stresses and worries!

Nannan2 Tue 26-May-20 11:37:29

"NO ONE WILL HAVE IT" ?-Really??when WHO have said theres lots of people have it yet they are asymptomatic?? And "Lets keep things in perspective"? - tell that to the relatives of the nearly 37000 who have died from it then!!! Gee whizz what does it take to make you all see sense?? Id love to go see (&hug) all my AC & GC - but I'm NOT DOING. Lockdown should have been earlier, and for longer in the first place- and people definitely should not be copying Cummings lead.angry

Jayne16 Tue 26-May-20 11:41:38

Please stop calling this flu

Nan0 Tue 26-May-20 11:43:57

I have been to my daughters and had my grand kids with me to give her a break..she is working and her child carw arrangement with 4 and 6 yr old had various blips ..she works with covid samples.. I live in an isolated house far from other people so kids not near anyone else.It did them good. We have all been in our bubbles and I think now ffs people can darn well have a break and help their children..

Nannapat1 Tue 26-May-20 11:48:01

Completely understand being at wits end, especially now that in England we ve been told car show rooms can open but no easing of socialising rules yet. If you have done your risk assessment then go ahead with what you feel is right for you and your family. We have.

Nan0 Tue 26-May-20 11:48:45

Yes I have..we have been in our bubbles been no where and therefore it is safe to do so.

sarahellenwhitney Tue 26-May-20 11:52:18

Sophiasnana
No you can't compare corona with WW11.At least with corona as long as you are sensible ( no matter how inconvenient !with your way of life) and following the guidelines you have more chance of waking up in the morning than did the millions who perished in six long years of war.
.

BlackSheep46 Tue 26-May-20 11:54:59

You are so right - poor daughter ! Mine are similar to the extent that they have stopped the influx of school work - they're Mums not teach after all ! They do more 'free learning' via BBC for kids (kids love screen time !) plus more alternative learn as you go learning such as measuring out for cooking, learning about nature on walks and researching what they have seen or if that's too hard then write a tory or a poem or do a drawing. Good luck with it all and do tell her not to stress about school learning. There are so many other benefits. Good luck - open the gin !!

Nan0 Tue 26-May-20 11:57:38

Dealite I am so with you...heartbreaking what happened to you and your daughter..which is why I agree I would and have already rushed to my daughter and my 94 yr old father miles away. This lockdown when we have been in our bubbles it is reasonable to visit our family members in trouble

CatterySlave1 Tue 26-May-20 12:10:55

It’s awful the effects this pandemic is having on the mental health of the world but particularly on children. Unfortunately I don’t think this will go away after lockdown for some either. As part of a local parents disability group, they’ve recently shared this useful resource from the local child psychology service. I hope you and your daughter find some bits helpful. Go and see them in the garden with coats and blankets if need be. Hold off on the hugs today unless masked but enjoy the togetherness. The support is vital.
www.rainbowpcf.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Emotional-wellbeing-support-strategies-for-CYP-resource-FINAL-1.pdf

Tiggersuki Tue 26-May-20 12:22:09

Please folks, THIS IS NOT FLU nor a strain of flu but much worse. We have a flu vaccine that lessens the worst of flu if you still get it( this happened to us in the US 3 years ago where they also prescribe Tamiflu to help), but not yet for coronovirus. Sadly this will not go away and yes we will have to adapt to a new way of behaving in many ways.
This country has handled the situation so very very badly. New Zealand were one of those that got it right early on and much stricter rules than ours. If noone in your locality has the virus the clearly you will not catch it.
Really however much we miss our families we should not be rushing round hugging people just yet....Scotland IS handling this better....we should not be driving miles and breaking lockdown rules despite the Dominic Cummings of this nation.
Children are suffering hugely and as a retired teacher I really do understand and as soon as possible they really do need to be back in classrooms. Even quite young children will understand hand washing and if their contact is limited to 10 to 15 students their risk of catching or spreading is low and outweighed by the gain from being in school.
It is sensible to sit outside in the garden with them if you are close enough not to have to drive far

Jishere Tue 26-May-20 12:22:42

Hi Spohiasnanna
You will get a lot of mixed comments.
I think the best you can do is do your own personal risk assessment.
I mean if you have more or less been in your home and you have no underlining issues and so has your daughter and family the risk of being in the garden with GCs is far less then the risk of going out shopping and some one sneezing in the aisle you are with.
If your daughter is ok with it, why not?

Sawsage2 Tue 26-May-20 12:28:29

Good for you Sophiasnana (not sure about the hugging bit though). Enjoy your day, as I did yesterday with my DD & grandchildren. We all feel a lot better. ?

Jishere Tue 26-May-20 12:31:37

Tiggersuki lots of countries locked down very quickly, like everything this government just pondered over things!
It is too late people have been given an unsaid green light, England stay alert I mean that says it all. When the rest of the country are still using stay home!

Flowerofthewest Tue 26-May-20 12:53:15

Elaine1
Agree totally. This virus is nothing like seasonal flu. It behaves differently...flu and common cold are Corona viruses also. BUT. This is a completely new thing. If it reacted to warmth or cold it wouldn't prevail in difference countries where weather is different to ours.

fuseta Tue 26-May-20 13:15:43

Yes it is so difficult. My daughter has had to work throughout the lockdown, as her company has been deemed as essential, although not key. Her husband is a key worker as he is a gas engineer and my 6 year old GS has been to school as a child of a key worker. The hours of school are 8 until 4.30. However, his proper school begins next Monday and the hours are 9 until 3. Before corona virus he went to the breakfast club before school every morning and then I met him from school at 3 every day. When the schools are back, they are not running the breakfast club and I can see that my daughter desperately needs my help with child care. I have kept to the rules all this time but now it seems that I am going to have to plunge back into childcare. My GS is on the autistic spectrum and we have a fantastic relationship and I can calm him down if he gets het up. My daughters company refuse to change her hours and they work on a shoestring of staff and my SIL had only just started a new job before lockdown and so can't be flexible at this stage. I am under 70 and in good health but it is still a worry.

Juniper1 Tue 26-May-20 13:23:12

Apparently Dominic Cummings thiks if you caan justify it is ok

Tillybelle Tue 26-May-20 13:28:20

Sophiasnana.
I really do sympathise with all mothers of young and school age children during this time. I heard of one recently who, due to his mother's seriously vulnerable health status, is unable to go out at all and they do not have a garden either. That, to me, is like being imprisoned, or under house-arrest.

I wonder if there is any kind of reward system your daughter could introduce to encourage the children to cooperate? Their rebellion is quite natural under the circumstances and I am sure your poor daughter is one of thousands of parents who are at their wits' end. It might help to call a truce and have a day off, then start again with the new incentive scheme in place.

I fully agree about the war. I was born just after it and nobody talked about it much. This is not like the war at all. I also hate this new phrase "the new normal". I find myself screaming inside when I hear it. I think it's one of the most manipulative phrases I have heard. That, plus the way we are addressed as though we are all 5 years old...

Seefah Tue 26-May-20 13:30:32

If everybody has been in quarantine for 14 days and you’re sure no one has it then going there and looking after the grandchildren or having them dropped off to let DD have a break is part of extenuating circumstances I should think!

Jennyluck Tue 26-May-20 13:35:59

My daughter and grandson live with us, he’s only 20 months old. DD is front line NHS, so has been working all along. But grandsons nursery has been closed. He usually goes 2 days a week, and loves it. But now he’s a prisoner at home, and too young to understand. His behaviour has got worse and worse, it’s probably frustration. And I feel at the end of my tether. My daughter works 12 hour shifts, so it’s a really long day. My husband has dementia, and finds it hard to cope with the little ones tantrums.
So I’m piggy in the middle. Oh, roll on normality. ??

jocork Tue 26-May-20 13:44:32

My daughter lives in Scotland and has been working from home since lockdown started. She lives alone and was coping well until the day things were relaxed in England yet were not relaxed in Scotland. We've had lots of Facetime conversations during this time as I too live alone and am working from home, but that day, as soon as I saw her I knew something was very wrong. She was visibly distressed and angry. Thankfully she was a lot better next day and I'm no longer worried about her, but I've not seen her so upset in a long time. I live 400 miles away so going round wasn't an option, but had I been nearer I'd have thought about it. It is so upsetting seeing our nearest and dearest struggling with the isolation and being unable to give any physical comfort.
The goings on with Dominic Cummings seem to be interpreted by some as giving us all permission to break the rules if we think it is neccessary, though I hope most of us won't go to the lengths he did, as we don't want the lockdown to need to be extended any more than it needs to be. We must try to hang in there, but if our loved ones are really struggling we must do what we can to help, as safely as possible. Trust your instincts, but follow the rules if you possibly can. Hmm ... now I'm sounding as confusing as Boris!

Bluecat Tue 26-May-20 13:51:46

Jesus, I don't believe it.

Flu?? Hugs?? Where have you all been these past 3 months??

Thousands dead. Care homes decimated. Front line workers dead. People suffering the misery of being on ventilators, only to die a lonely and frightened death. Families broken hearted. People facing the future with God knows what problems from the damage this virus has done to their organs. Is none of this real any more?

All the sacrifices the country has made - personally, socially, financially. All of it done to get the virus under control and to protect everyone, particularly the vulnerable. Are we going to throw it all away?

We have all got children and grandchildren we long to be with, to hold in our arms. We know they are struggling to cope and our first instinct is to run to their side. It hurts, it really hurts, to be unable to help them. But how much worse would it be if we went to them, caught the virus and died? Or, worse still, if we brought it to them?

Oh, what the hell. The consensus is evidently weakening and we're going to see it break down. Let's all go round to our kids and give them a hug. If we do that, we might as well abandon social distancing and just mingle freely , shedding our viral load as we go. Get ready, hospitals, the second wave of grannies and grandads will be coming in soon to die. (Sorry about killing you in the process.)

I blame Dominic Cummings.

maddyone Tue 26-May-20 14:03:39

Bluecat
The voice of reason, thank goodness at last.

Not sure I agree about DC but that’s a different matter anyway, and not relevant to this. The moaning gets on my nerves, my daughter and her husband have been working with Covid19 patients sometimes, not all the way through though. How much do you all think I’d like to hug my daughter and her children, or indeed my sons and their families. If DCs is getting slated for not even seeing his parents or sister, why do you all think it’s okay for you?
To be honest, I’m just relieved that my daughter and her husband are still alive to take care of our grandchildren. They’re doctors. Get a grip.

jennyvg Tue 26-May-20 14:45:47

To all of you who think Covid 19 is just like a bad case of flu I can assure you it's not, our daughter in law had a mild dose quite near the start of the pandemic, to hear her trying to say a few words to us on the phone on the day she was taken to hospital was heart breaking my son is a key worker they assume that he bought the virus home, they have three children under ten and we live fifty miles away and are elderly, we would have loved to have been able to visit, look after our grandchildren, shop for them and give our son a hug, but we didn't, it was down to their kind neighbours and a local community help group who saw them through it. Thankfully she is now well and back to normal, but if she was asked if she felt she had suffered a bad dose of flu I know her answer would definitely be "no way". Please try to stick to this lockdown for a little while more.

Tillybelle Tue 26-May-20 15:02:39

I am somewhat bemused by the very forceful way some people claim 'this is not the 'flu'. I could neither claim it is or it is not. Neither can many of the Scientists who simply refer to it as being a corona virus, which is a large group of viruses and includes the common cold. One of the biggest challenges of SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes the illness COVID-19, (CV19) is that it’s completely new. Seasonal flu, on the other hand, has been around for a long time, so scientists and doctors know a lot about it, and how to treat it and have preventative measures for it. We have our 'flu injection each year of a vaccine against the flu that has been estimated to be likely to occur that Winter.

As many have said, the 'flu is usually not as bad as CV19 which has proved to be very fast at spreading through the population and very quick to invade a person's body reaching the lungs and even the heart very quickly in some cases.

This is why we are taking it so seriously. Some people have died more quickly than we have been used to seeing e.g. with flu which might become pneumonia, and some people have displayed various symptoms not all others have e. g. diarrhoea. Another phenomenon is that other people seem to have had it and not felt ill. Yet presumably these people have spread it because they did not know they had it.

All this led us to take the drastic action we are doing now: lockdown. But this is hard to reverse. There will probably be some more cases popping up as we come out of this self-imposed isolation where, by its nature, our own immune systems have gone down somewhat. There are too other dreadful effects. Having emptied the hospitals as far as possible to be in readiness for a large influx of CV19 patients, those on waiting lists for other interventions have had to wait. There will be deaths from cancer, heart disease and other illnesses because people were not seen at the appropriate stage for treatment to save them. This has been reported by Consultants brave enough to speak out. They are brave because the NHS Staff have been told that if they discuss any aspect of their working conditions they will be given their notice.

There have been so many terrible things happen during the 12 weeks we have stayed in our homes. For me, I shall find it hard to get over seeing the news items where ambulances were turned away from hospitals because they were taking elderly patients with CV19 to be admitted. The Newscaster said hospitals are refusing admission to elderly people from Care Homes with CV19.

These poor people were returned to their Residential Home to be nursed in ordinary beds, with no special equipment, nothing to aid their breathing, nothing to make them comfortable. The poor Staff, most of whom had no appropriate training, had to care for them as they died, unable to breathe. The Staff had no PPE, or other equipment appropriate for such nursing conditions. Obviously, however well the Staff barrier nursed the sick patients, the disease spread and more and more elderly Residents became very ill and were refused admission to Hospital.

Then, around the second May Bank Holiday, I saw on TV Matt Hancock at the podium declaring that he had given Care Homes "all the support and help they needed right from the start". A Manager of such a Home was watching and said she was "angry" as "this was not true". They were on their own and were looking up how to deal with situations on Google, and they had no PPE. Their Residents died without the right medical support and no medical alleviation for their distressing symptoms. They died without seeing their family.

Qwerty Tue 26-May-20 15:27:09

Catteryslave1

Thanks for the link, there are some useful ideas there. (Sorry I don't know how to highlight your name.) I've forwarded this to my children for our grandchildren. All resources like this help and I'm sending recipe ideas, suggestions and links to resources weekly to try and support them all.