Not included in DS/DIL & GS Christmas bubble

Enjoy a relaxing Christmas Day then why don’t you invite them for a late Christmas meal that’s what I am doing even if it’s mid summer! But not until we have had the vaccine!

Backedintoacorner

Actually- are you for real? You went to see a newborn whilst knowing you were ill before he was supposed to have surgery. No wonder they can’t trust you!

Totally agree Backedintoacorner

Its the same for everyone who has families where the children have relationships or are married - unfortunately this year it just feels worse because of the pandemic. Normally I see my kids on Christmas Day but this year they have other plans, which I have to accept. My DD said she would come over to us on Boxing Day, but this probably wouldn't be a good idea as she works for the NHS and we are self isolating. Last week they had a scare where she works when they were notified that some of the patients they had seen tested positive for the virus. I think that we all need to accept that life at the moment isn't great, and hope that next year will be better.

Any chance of being invited now has gone.
Even if they relented and tweaked arrangements so that you could join them - what's the atmosphere going to be like around the table with two unwelcome guests?
What do you want to happen now that all this resentment over last year's cold has been aired? Do you still want to go? I don't think I would, things would be very awkward - would you still enjoy it?

You and your DH are going to be spending the Day together this year, whether you invite your Mum is up to you, but wouldn't making an enjoyable Christmas for her be a happier use for your energies?

Would you consider asking another couple or single person to join you on Christmas or Boxing Day? Where I live up to three households can get together. Maybe not the Christmas you were anticipating but you will be amazed at how different it will feel to lift the pressure, share the food and have a lovely party time.

How about you suggest they see you on boxing day? Or even new years day, if its allowed?Its only fair you get to see GS too and why should they 'punish' you for having a ruddy cold last year? Its not something you did deliberate is it?- how do they know you gave them it? Could be from anywhere or could be them gave it to you even? Seems very odd to hold a grudge over that nearly a year- she sounds controlling! Not someone id want to spend my xmas day with tbh!.Let them know that youll be happy to choose a different day theres a few isnt there- is it 23- 27th? Just so long as you DO see your grandson.And id also say you had every right to contact other gran- she cant control who you speak to and in any case why was other gran not honest with you? Cant you go too if others in family are not going?up to 3 families isnt it? You dont have to have lunch if thats whats concerning them you could just go for tea or a couple of hours visit? Or how about you visit them xmas eve so you can take gifts? This DinL's out for making trouble (i certainly wouldnt want 1 like her!) So try be amenable- but make sure your son knows you expect to see your GS at some point over xmas.Even if he's got to bring him to see you.&why shouldnt he?!

You weren’t particularly thoughtful when you jeopardised his surgery, you must admit.

Nobody is coming in our house at the moment because we’re sticking to the advice; I suspect that’s just what’s happening when you meet in the garden too- nothing to do with being treated like a leper- it’s just common sense with a baby in the family.

Have a lovely Christmas with your mum and DH (I wish I could see my mum ?), and perhaps ask whether you could meet for a walk somewhere nice after Christmas Day, with a takeaway hot chocolate .

Like many on here I would do whatever it takes to keep everyone smiling and happy in these very difficult times.
We don’t know much about your situation grannylancs. For instance you haven’t said if the adult children live at home with their parents.
If they do live together then that is one household. If they don’t then they are 3 households already and your DS and DIL will be one too many. If they only constitute one household then together they are only 2 households and perhaps you could see them on another day during the holiday?
Think I’ve got that right?

Yes invite your own mum.and tell your son he can bring the baby to see you ALL on boxing day! He doesnt have to stay all day- just a couple of hours id suggest.After all he does want to see his OWN gran too at some point doesnt he??!

We have 5 children between us along with 10 grandchildren so it would get terribly confusing about bubbles etc! We are treating ourselves (it’s our present to each other) to Christmas lunch out! Perhaps you could consider doing something similar? x

PestyOne, not a nice situation to be in and illustrates just how lucky some of us are.
As for the OP's posts. I am nearly speechless! Nearly, not quite. I think you might need to re-learn what Christmas is all about, peace and goodwill to all. Maybe a spell back in kindergarten would also help too so you could learn how to be considerate to other people's needs. You have made your decision to continue to shop and do what you feel you need to do. Now your son and his wife are doing the same. You don't expect to be criticised for your decision, neither should they. You blatantly put your needs first regarding visiting last year when surgery was needed and you are now wanting to do the same this year. At what point do you consider others? It seems to me that a bit of reflection is required and a big apology to you son and his family should be paramount.

I don’t think it’s a sign of being controlling at all, Nannan2; I would’ve been furious, and trust that the OP had her grandson’s best interest at heart would be seriously in doubt.

Sorry to be so blunt, OP.

I am sorry for being blunt however, I think you are out of order with all this pushing and contacting people to try to "make" them spend Xmas with you. Your family have a choice the more you push the more they will draw back. I would be tired of all your pushing and keep completely away. You do not own you family, they live separate lives now they are adults. You say you have never had a Christmas with your GS, how many Christmases has he lived?? Yes exactly. Step back and you will find they will eventually bring you back in to your lives. Your poor son having to deal with all this fro all sides no wonder he fell out with his dad. You owe everyone an apology in my honest opinion.

It is very difficult this year and really rather than start something which will reverberate down the years I should try and give in gracefully. Not easy I know, lots of discussions going on within our family and people disappointed. The plans have been made and if you upset your DIL she will certainly go to her parents next year. It is very unfair but unfortunately the virus doesn't know it is Christmas. I like Bluekitchen192 idea, we will have my brother who is on his own with us over a couple of days anything else will be a bonus but not expected.

We have three children and used to alternate Christmas and New Year with my parents and my in-laws.
One Christmas, when I looked back, I hadn't seen my children open one present as I'd been in the kitchen making everyone cups of tea etc etc.

So the following year I said we weren't inviting anyone, I just wanted Christmas at home with my husband and children.
My parents took great offence, and my Dad said afterwards he did the ironing on Christmas Day as "there was nothing else to do." ?
My husband said more fool him!

I find all of this very sad

I think we over do Christmas anyway,,

but then, we also undo it in that so many of us do not remember the real reason for it, or do we? but just don`t say?

Just give them a call and apologise for seemingly putting them under pressure !! If not this one day can destroy any relationship with your son and his little family ! Its damned difficult but well worth it in The end

At 64 years old I've seen a lot of Christmases , some good , some bad just like everyone else . If it's a higgedly piggedly flexible Christmas what does it matter ? I'm just going with what my family say , I always try to please all . Even if they want Christmas along I'm happy too ! Just have a nice day doing whatever - stay warm , nice tv , nice food , nice , nice , nice !

Ive no idea why some AC all of a sudden 'drop' their own family or friends just because they've got married or begun living with a partner! Its hurtful and annoying- can't they see that to 'swap' their own family/friends for the partners is hurtful to those family/friends who are theirs first and foremost? And that the OH hasn't dropped theirs for them? (Its usually the man who has to do this for the missus) to keep the peace- and its ludicrous!!! Its amazing how many do it and then if it doesn't work out it backfires on them and they find they're alone! I wouldn't go along with it, or expect anyone to do it, but it seems to be a growing trend sadly! ??

Sorry, when you son got married, whether you or he realised it at the time or not, you will find that he will go along with what his wife wishes - that's the way it is !
I can fully understand that you feel that you are missing out on seeing your son and GS this Christmas but there will be others - ones that will mean that your GS will be a lot more aware of just what Christmas is - much more fun!
Please contact your son again and apologise and say that you were just disappointed in not being able to see them and that perhaps you can arrange to skype or something either on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and then make tentative arrangements for next year and meeting up in the spring.
This year, just make arrangements for you, DH and DM .

Nannan2

Yes invite your own mum.and tell your son he can bring the baby to see you ALL on boxing day! He doesnt have to stay all day- just a couple of hours id suggest.After all he does want to see his OWN gran too at some point doesnt he??!

Lots of people don't want to see their parents or grandparents. When my DH's niece was in her teens she told her grandparents that if they continued to tell her what to do she would no longer see them. And she didn't, apart from important family occasions.

My DH's parents would be over 110 if they were still alive. Like many people of that generation they thought that they were owed respect but didn't realise, or think it important, that they respected the younger generations. I sometimes think, reading some of the comments, that members of my generation (70+) are of the same opinion.

Some of you run the risk of alienating your children and grandchildren over something that is not that important.

I just don’t understand. We had the best Christmas when after a few years of our Christmas guests (I always cooked for 10 or so), dying (2) or marrying(2) or moving abroad(5) etc. we found ourselves on our own on Christmas Day. We bought a superb curry takeaway on Christmas Eve and quickly chilled it for next day. On 25th we got up when we felt like it and enjoyed a lovely breakfast before opening presents. We could have a leisurely bath/shower and a delicious lunch which took all of 5 minutes to prepare. We had busy lives in those days with little time for TV so binge watched a Nordic noir box set in the afternoon. What a treat! Salmon salad for tea. We had the tree and the lights and the mince pies and cake so it still felt like Christmas and on Boxing Day cooked a ‘proper’ Christmas dinner for ourselves for the fun of it.
We gathered more guests over the years and visited offspring but this year have decided to remain safe and enjoy a do-what-you-like-Christmas again and don’t feel in any way hard done by. The government hasn’t banned Covid for Christmas, just said that anyone who wants to chance it can and have only done that because there would have been mass disobedience.

Probably we will be ready to push the boat out again in 2021 if I make it that far.

Missingmoomin- I MEANT THE DinL sounds controllong!- not the OP!

*controlling

We are the same situation as my soon and his fiancee are hosting her parents at their house this Christmas.
We have been away that last 2 yeats and had thought that we would see them this year but she, who has to be obeyed, has already made up her mind.
When you have sons and daughter-in-laws you can be left on your own, which we will be this year as we can't go away so we just have to get on with it.