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Coronavirus Christmas - oops I may have seriously upset SiL!

(156 Posts)
Daftbag1 Mon 28-Dec-20 17:27:27

Xmas eve DH's, DS turned up with Xmas gifts (and that's another story), she's single, late sixties but still working and because we live close, we are her bubble. Anyway, she was due on 25th for lunch so I was a little surprised to see her but tum te tum, she's a bit like that.

Anyway, I made her a cuppa and we sat down for a chat, during which she informed me that before coming to us, she was going to see her neighbours on either side, then one daughter for a mince pie, before going to the other daughter's for present exchanging. I thought she was planning to doorstep them all but as she spoke, it became clearer that she was actually going in to all these places.
I expressed my surprise and concern, as we are a Tier 4 area, and in addition we are meant to be her bubble. At this she laughed saying 'im a poor vulnerable old lady and entitled to my bubble's'! I explained that she could only have one bubble, and that she needed to make a choice. I also pointed out that she would not be able to get to all these places and be back for lunch. 'Oh but you will wait for me'!
I'm afraid at that point, I decided enough was enough, and politely told her that I was withdrawing her invitation for Xmas lunch and that I wasn't prepared to risk having her round and placing us at risk. I also suggested that she might want to take a minute to read the rules.
Sadly, I suspect that she is not alone in continuing to live without any concern about who she is placing at risk. She is an intelligent woman, and yet she behaves in this way. The worst of it all, is that I'm now feeling guilty!

Damdee Tue 29-Dec-20 10:49:30

I feel what Sazzl has said is fairly sensible. Even if everyone followed the rules the virus would still spread due to the number of people who have to work outside their own home to keep the country running. A complete and utter lockdown is impossible.

readalot Tue 29-Dec-20 10:54:55

You did the right thing. She was putting you and others in your family at risk and also herself. I think she is being very selfish.

Phloembundle Tue 29-Dec-20 10:55:34

How utterly selfish of her. Did she spare a single thought for the health of all the people was visiting? Er, no.

harrigran Tue 29-Dec-20 11:00:00

You were right to withdraw your invitation Daftbag, your SIL displayed a most unattractive trait. The one good thing is that she told you in advance and didn't deliver it as a parting shot on Christmas day.
My sister is mixing with lots of different people but her excuse is she only sees them one or two at a time.
Day before yesterday she had a friend come to her home then they both took a taxi to another friend's home where they ate and drank and chatted for several hours.
When I pointed out that it isn't really sensible she said that their infection rate was nowhere near as bad B and C, cities in Germany and a fraction of the infection in the UK. confused

jaylucy Tue 29-Dec-20 11:00:24

It has amazed me all the way through of the number of people that have totally disregarded the rules as if they are immortal !
I have often seen that they are usually those that should be shielding but have just decided that no one else matters apart from the fact that they want to carry on as if nothing has been happening !
Sadly at the moment we have to put ourselves first, so please do not feel guilty. Hopefully in time your SiL will see that.

Sarell10 Tue 29-Dec-20 11:06:02

You were totally right. I had to say no thankyou to one invite and explain no playdates to another family.
But this lady was majorly taking the p

Ellet Tue 29-Dec-20 11:06:50

I am so heartened to read all these replies to Daftbag1. I thought I was in the minority being paranoid and sticking to the rules. I too have been laughed at for refusing invitations and visits from friends, they persist in messaging re coffees or lunches. I now just reply with ‘roll on the vaccines’.

EmilyHarburn Tue 29-Dec-20 11:08:26

Daftbag1 you did the right thing. You withdrew your invitation. You should stop feeling guilty and be glad you were brave enough to speak up. It just needs the first person in the chain, at her first visit place, to advise in a day or two that they are coronavirus positive and everyone in the chain will be affected and possibly one or two will die.

Grandmadougal Tue 29-Dec-20 11:10:44

Well done, hard though it is you did the right thing, no need to feel guilty. We saw none of our family over Christmas as they are all key workers and they didn’t want to risk us catching it from them. They take risks at every shift and I worry for them so much and it’s people like your SIL who ultimately make their lives so much more difficult and increase the risks to everyone.

Say safe.

Harmonygranny Tue 29-Dec-20 11:12:07

Silly old goose of a woman. She was lucky you didn't tell her to get stuffed....

Lucretzia Tue 29-Dec-20 11:15:25

Don't feel guilty. You did the right thing.

I have a silly friend who is wandering about all over the place. She doesn't follow the news and is completely ignorant of what's going on.

She left a Tier 2 area to go to London, Tier 4, to get her daughter home for Christmas. She won't wear a mask. She's a blithering idiot.

She's not coming to my house any time soon.

Maggie68 Tue 29-Dec-20 11:19:59

Honestly, some people just don’t get it! Thavirus doesn’t take a day off just because it’s Xmas or new year, just take a look at the news! I swear some people just don’t watch the news because they say it’s depressing! Sure it is but we have to keep ourselves informed and up to date with reality. To be furnished with information gives us the facts so that we can make sensible decisions. I think the government should show more suffering on the COVID wards to the public ! THAT WOULD RAM IT HOME!

hilz Tue 29-Dec-20 11:20:37

Please dont feel guilty. I hope she reflects on what you said. We all must assume we have a virus that can be caught from us despite our social circumstances and protect those around us. Wash hands, wear our masks correctly,Yes indoors if needs be and,Keep our distance, . Yes its really hard not having the same relationships we did, no house visits and only socialising outdoors. But we are here..many have lost their life or are suffering long term effects. If we respect anything in this world respect that the virus can survive unless we stop giving it a chance to do so and then we can all have a better time of things in the

tickingbird Tue 29-Dec-20 11:22:28

You did the right thing. Don’t be embarrassed or feel guilty. It’s very inconsiderate, not to say foolish, of your SIL to behave like this. Sadly, I see all my neighbours with various visitors coming and going and I’m in Tier 3 probably about to move into Tier 4.

4allweknow Tue 29-Dec-20 11:26:57

You were brave and correct in your decision. Others invokved in all your SiLs "bubbles" should do the same. Totally irresponsible. Is she aware she could be fined?

Nanananana1 Tue 29-Dec-20 11:31:51

Regardless of what you, Taliya, think of the way the government is handling the situation (personally think it is appalling but..) I do wish people would stop trying to bend the rules to suit their own wants (not even needs) and listen to the scientists. Go to the WHO website for impartial REAL information and follow the sensible guidelines. Stay at home, don't spread the virus. It's not difficult in all but the most serious cases of mental illness or elderly people not able to care for themselves perhaps. Yes it is miserable, yes it's boring but unless people stop thinking they can 'get away with it' the virus will be here for years. You did the right thing, you offered, you withdrew, totally understandable and within your rights to take care of yourself, your husband and the rest of us. A warm and heartfelt Thank You to everyone who has had to make these sacrifices

Annaram1 Tue 29-Dec-20 11:40:44

You were absolutely in the right Daft. I hope you SIL will get a bit of lunch at one of t he other places she is going to, to stop you feeling guilty.

fluttERBY123 Tue 29-Dec-20 11:51:16

Eh? What? Surely thread should be How my sil upset me?!!? Scandalous!

silverdragon Tue 29-Dec-20 11:56:57


I think that's quite cruel of ypou. People living alone have really suffered during this Pandemic and being sociable and having social contact is more important in my book but that's just my opinion because I disagree with a lot of what this government has done .

Having social contact which could kill or cause long-term health effects is no justification.

The SIL is tweaking the rules to suit her. No wonder we're not clearing the virus out of society. The figures at the end of the first lockdown were so positive, and I really thought people had taken note. But no, parties, gatherings, holidays, going into more than household's house, etc, etc.

I don't agree with what a lot of the government's done BUT there's no reason that some of the public acting like idiots.

Daftbag1 - you can see from the majority of responses that many feel you did exactly the right thing. Perhaps others will feel confident to do similar if the situation arises.

nipsmum Tue 29-Dec-20 12:00:00

Some people may not agree with government rules, that is their right. Its not my job to police this but agree or not you have to follow rules for everyone's benefit. Don't let other people infect you if you can help it. At least those of us who live alone can form 1 bubble, but we must take the consequences if we break the rules.

Torbroud Tue 29-Dec-20 12:03:34

She's wrong, not you, you say she is an intelligent woman, before she's acting like that, she's not that intelligent.

supergabs1960 Tue 29-Dec-20 12:12:41

Well done you Daftbag1 xx

silverdragon Tue 29-Dec-20 12:13:02

I would love to go and see my boyfriend - I've seen him once since March. He lives alone, I'm with my elderly parents (92 & 89). His bubble is with his brother & family who live nearer.

Someone said to me, why don't you go? No one will know.

I wouldn't do that because that's how the virus spreads. The more contacts you have the more likely you are to pick up & spread. Yes, people need to go to work, but 'social' gatherings without care & precautions are what's keeping this thing going.

It's my birthday next week. For 30 years I've always spent it with Peter, or at least a week with him in January. This time I won't. So many of us are making small/major sacrifices, but it's all in vain as long as some of us are blindly selfish.

Kamiso Tue 29-Dec-20 12:14:00

Well done for speaking up! Harder to do with in laws than our own relatives somehow.

I hope her neighbours are aware of how many others she is visiting. It’s been an eye opener to see how irresponsible and selfish some people can be.

I wonder how many friendships/relationships will be permanently damaged as it may be difficult to ignore the sheer ignorance of people we once trusted.

montymops Tue 29-Dec-20 12:14:06

I am torn by these various opinions - the rules changed very suddenly and dramatically. We were given loads of presents by other members of the family to distribute to children and grandchildren. We distributed them - staying outside- Neither of us has been out much apart from usual shopping , doctors , chemists and golf when allowed. We have also had Covid in March/April. Took me a while to recover but I did. It was caught on a routine visit to a hospital in late February when the virus was rampant round here but no one was aware of it. Therefore we and several other members of the family are not part of any statistics - there were no tests - therefore I am very sceptical about the hype and the graphs that are repeatedly shown us. It was clearly very much worse in March/April than is represented. Don’t ask me why but I now feel safer. I use a mask and take all the required precautions. We are both described as CEV by Matt! We receive countless messages telling us we are vulnerable- I am slightly fed up with this- it is honestly just words and does nothing to help. I have to agree with the lone voice on this conversation That the handling of the situation has not been terribly efficient and judging by those letters we receive - patronising and lacking in wisdom and action. It isn’t really fair I suppose to criticise because it is an extraordinary problem- who could have done better? But I do think most of the cabinet could do with a spell in the army and also consider consulting with some of those much older and wiser people who have seen so much more in their lives and who they describe continually and with as much exaggeration as possible - vulnerable. Or in our case - clinically extremely vulnerable. Yes - hype it up - why wouldn’t you - ground breaking - world class - sorry but I am sick of it.