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Coronavirus Christmas - oops I may have seriously upset SiL!

(156 Posts)
Daftbag1 Mon 28-Dec-20 17:27:27

Xmas eve DH's, DS turned up with Xmas gifts (and that's another story), she's single, late sixties but still working and because we live close, we are her bubble. Anyway, she was due on 25th for lunch so I was a little surprised to see her but tum te tum, she's a bit like that.

Anyway, I made her a cuppa and we sat down for a chat, during which she informed me that before coming to us, she was going to see her neighbours on either side, then one daughter for a mince pie, before going to the other daughter's for present exchanging. I thought she was planning to doorstep them all but as she spoke, it became clearer that she was actually going in to all these places.
I expressed my surprise and concern, as we are a Tier 4 area, and in addition we are meant to be her bubble. At this she laughed saying 'im a poor vulnerable old lady and entitled to my bubble's'! I explained that she could only have one bubble, and that she needed to make a choice. I also pointed out that she would not be able to get to all these places and be back for lunch. 'Oh but you will wait for me'!
I'm afraid at that point, I decided enough was enough, and politely told her that I was withdrawing her invitation for Xmas lunch and that I wasn't prepared to risk having her round and placing us at risk. I also suggested that she might want to take a minute to read the rules.
Sadly, I suspect that she is not alone in continuing to live without any concern about who she is placing at risk. She is an intelligent woman, and yet she behaves in this way. The worst of it all, is that I'm now feeling guilty!

Greendress Tue 29-Dec-20 12:16:39

She is a selfish idiot. I am so sick of ignorant folk thinking the rules don't apply to them. My neighbour had families from Tier 4 and Tier 3 staying with them before Christmas. (We're Tier 3). They then went to relatives for 3 days over Christmas. The arrived home on Boxing day and had several visitors. Yesterday their daughters and children arrived again from Tiers 3 and 4 and are staying for New Year! Apparently people who wipe down their shopping etc are paranoid. I've lived next door to them for 40 years and always regarded them as sensible law abiding people. How wrong can you be.

sandelf Tue 29-Dec-20 12:19:38

Sad and angry - has she not heard of the terrifying way the numbers infected are increasing - yesterday 40 thousand plus NEW cases in one day. I only wish she was very unusual, but from what I hear and see very many people are making the bubbling up to please themselves.

Hithere Tue 29-Dec-20 12:21:10

You did the right thing.

Pearlsaminger Tue 29-Dec-20 12:41:49

You absolutely did the right thing Daftbag1.

My daughter and I have been caring for our elderly neighbour. She also has a home help twice a day for half an hour. She’s been housebound since 2019 and we do everything we can for her. We’ve explained every step of the way about covid and what is expected of us all.

We bubbled with her and no-one else to keep her safe as she has an illness which causes low immunity, so she’s very vulnerable. My daughter also has severe asthma so also vulnerable.

All going smoothly until the beginning of December when she called to say her friend she hadn’t seen for a couple of years had popped round and they’d had a lovely chat for a couple of hours!

I think I had steam pouring from my earholes at the end of the conversation. Told her that we wouldn’t be able to see her for two weeks as she may have picked up Covid from her friend. She wasn’t happy at all and we had tears and tantrums, and even attempts at blackmail. She’s 81.

But I wasn’t going to put my daughter at risk of picking it up because of her stupid actions of allowing her friend (who happened to be passing so it wasn’t even a planned visit!) to go in.

Stand proud, you’re following the processes.

Stay safe

JOJO60 Tue 29-Dec-20 12:49:23

I'm sick of hearing people complaining that their mental health will suffer if they don't keep socialising irrespective of the fact that they are potentially spreading the virus. They don't know the meaning of the word mental health! I'm a retired mental health nurse and have nursed seriously ill patients who truly are mentally ill and their suffering is awful, often keeping them hospitalised for months or even years, through no fault of their own. Mental health has become a popular topic over recent years, and its a good thing there is more awareness. However the majority of the population have much milder forms and they have the means to overcome it. We have social networks via the Internet, Skype, phones, etc etc. We can walk safely outdoors and say hello to our friends and neighbours. Yes we all miss our family, especially grandchildren but we know its not going to be forever. These people who say they have to carry on breaking the rules to protect their 'mental health' should stop being so selfish and think of what spreading the virus is doing to other peoples health ....including killing them.

Nannina Tue 29-Dec-20 12:51:09

Of course you did the right thing and shouldn’t feel at all guilty. People like your relative will be the ones responsible for a hike in the already sky high infection rates with the effects on the over stretched health services

Hithere Tue 29-Dec-20 12:53:42

Jojo60

Yes to all of that!

Add " use your common sense", another pet peeve of mine.
What common sense, the one that you apply to your benefit or for the benefit of the whole society?

cupcake1 Tue 29-Dec-20 13:08:03

You absolutely did the right thing! What a selfish woman she is - and others like her, a couple of which have posted on here!! We are all fed up and feel deprived of close contact with family and friends but I think to much of them to risk their health, DH’s and mine. A friend of ours knows someone who had a test and told her parents it was negative when she hadn’t had the result because she didn’t want to be alone at Christmas. She later tested positive. I don’t think I would ever forgive her.

Namsnanny Tue 29-Dec-20 13:08:20

I dont think you should feel guilty as you have done what you see as the right thing.
She was very selfish to expect to come for lunch and as was said above, it was rude of her to expect you to delay eating until she got there!
I wonder if she felt guilty about her behaviour as she dropped in unexpected to tell you of her plans?
It seems she thought if she unloaded her conscious, you would still feel obliged to have her over.
There is a lot of railroading behaviour going on by some.
Well done you for making your position clear.
You may suffer the consequences in the future though!hmm

MarinaL Tue 29-Dec-20 13:10:16

Well Done Daftbag for standing your ground!! Not an easy thing to do with family.

Llamedos13 Tue 29-Dec-20 13:16:38

Just heard a story yesterday. A family of four drove to their grandparents house 100 kilometres away to deliver gifts. They all trooped inside and an hour later the police turned up,threatened them with a $13,000 fine and ordered the visitors to leave. The family suspect a neighbour reported them.We are in lockdown here in Ontario and if people don’t stick to the rules the fines are harsh.

Agnewe Tue 29-Dec-20 13:20:47

I agree with all that people have said. You did the right thing. She had no right to put you and yours at risk. Sorry but these people who think the rules don't apply to them and happily roll the dice with their health are sady selfish. They may get away with it 99% of the time but it only takes one time and that's it. It's sad bu a, reality and thats why it will go on.

NannyC2 Tue 29-Dec-20 13:27:07

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ReadyMeals Tue 29-Dec-20 13:29:30

From your account she sounded like she was being deliberately stupid to excuse what she knew to be blatant rule-breaking. About time she learnt from you that not everyone is going to admire her little self-indulgences.

Blinko Tue 29-Dec-20 13:30:17

Harmonygranny

Silly old goose of a woman. She was lucky you didn't tell her to get stuffed....

Brilliant!

Violettham Tue 29-Dec-20 13:47:19

Taliyan What are you thinking have you not noticed how many people are ill and dying I cannot believe your thinking

jidshurl Tue 29-Dec-20 13:49:54

Well done.. 100% agree with you. Your SIL is showing total disrespect for you and the others she is "sharing her bubble with" !

Ellie666 Tue 29-Dec-20 14:04:13

you are an utter fool

Lucca Tue 29-Dec-20 14:07:43

NannyC2. I do not believe a word of what you’ve posted. Apart from anything else I have a friend whose husband has Covid ....guess where ? YORK hospital.

You are spreading dangerous nonsense in my opinion

poshpaws Tue 29-Dec-20 14:08:15

Taliya

I think that's quite cruel of ypou. People living alone have really suffered during this Pandemic and being sociable and having social contact is more important in my book but that's just my opinion because I disagree with a lot of what this government has done .

I have to totally disagree with you. I live alone now - because my beloved husband died in May from Covid-19. I'm suffering. But I'm bloody well not going to insist on "social contact and being sociable" whilst possibly causing the death of someone else whose loved ones will grieve forevermore as I will for my man. Yes, the Westminster government has been a total ass about the rules, but the scientists have been quite clear on how dangerous and how easily transmissable this horrendous disease is. If you're out & mixing indiscriminately, I'm sorry but I utterly despise you for your selfishness.

grannysyb Tue 29-Dec-20 14:09:00

Lies being told? My stepdaughter is a consultant in intensive care in east London. She says cases have been rising for several weeks now and is very worried. I would rather believe her than read about conspiracy theories.

Callistemon Tue 29-Dec-20 14:15:13

Absolute lies, nannyc2 as is most of the stuff you post.

A woman wandering around a hospital, including wards, filming, unchallenged?

rockgran Tue 29-Dec-20 14:35:12

Congratulations on having the courage to withdraw the invitation - many would have felt pressured to put up with such behaviour. I'm forever shouting "two meter distance" and I don't care who is offended!

sunrise768 Tue 29-Dec-20 14:37:51

People like her are the very reason we are in Tier 4. You did the right thing.

Flakesdayout Tue 29-Dec-20 14:50:18

Daftbag. You did the right thing. I would have done exactly the same. This virus is almost out of control a lot of it due to people not respecting the guidelines.