I’m being made to feel stupid for sticking to the rules, anyone else?

TenaciousB. If these co called ‘friends’ were made to visit a ward full of Covid patients fighting to breathe, let alone the ones who are dying, they might just come to their senses. Stick to your guns and carry on doing what you are doing.
And if you lose those friendships then it could be said they were of little value anyway.

I have never lived my life by other people's standards in anything.I have always looked at the facts objectively and set out my course of behaviour therefrom.
I think you should have confidence in yourself and do the same

You are doing the right thing, integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching, your friends are putting lives at stake.

Please don't feel stupid TenaciouB. It's your 'friends' who are the stupid ones. It's because of idiots like them that we are in this situation.

I'm the same, I am in my mid 50s and being so careful and doing all I can to stay safe. The last 2 days I've spoke to a couple I know who are both 70yrs old who have gone to the shops, for a look round, just to get out of the house. Most shops are closed in N.I, but they drive for miles just to find a shop open. Unbelievable! I live alone and at times could climb the walls, but I don't even want to go out for milk in case I catch it. Another friend lives with his 85yr old mother and he's going out to friends houses. I can't believe how inconsiderate they all are and they make fun of me for being so silly and paranoid. Think I can who the actual idiots are. These are the type of people who are taking up the beds in hospitals out of pure selfishness and denying others of operations they have probably needed for years.

Blossoming

Had a few people who’ve been a bit miffed that we’ve refused invitations. Their feelings are not my responsibility but I’m damned if I’ll let them put me in danger.

Absolutely what Blossoming says.

My much beloved husband died in May of Covid, which he caught while in hospital for an unrelated illness, and I can't describe the grief I feel. You stick to your guns OP and let your stupid friends make their own irresponsible decisions. Personally, if they were behaving like that with me, I'd drop them for making some new REAL friends once we're back to normal. If we ever are.

Grandy56

I will try to keep this brief but I have been so very hurt by a similar situation that has been going on since May and would really welcome your feed back.
I live in a very sociable road and have always got together sociably with many couples of a similar age in the street .
Just before VE Day my next door neighbour and friend of 30 years sent an email to everyone for a garden party .
We were at the time still in lock down. I rang her up to express my concern privately .
She was horrified and cross with me saying she meant everyone should celebrate in their own gardens . However on the day she put chairs bunting etc out and everyone congregated on her front lawn spilling out onto the street.
We didn’t attend but raised a glass to them all from our front door .
A little later in the summer, when we were allowed to meet in our gardens my DH and I invited a couple round who had been in strict lock down since March . They were very nervous about coming .
My house shares a footpath with the neighbour to our back gardens and all day leading up to my friends arrival , it had been busy with children, grandchildren and neighbours visiting my neighbour . I asked my neighbour if they could possibly not use the path for five minutes while my friends arrived and used it to enter our back garden . She agreed and then dead on the agreed time , they used the path to wheel a lawnmower along it for no apparent reason.
I again spoke to her privately about this but she was angry and emailed me that night saying that she had emailed everyone the road and that they were all shocked with my behaviour .
Since that day we have had very little contact from anyone .
On New Year’s Day ( we are tier 4 ) 20 neighbours had a gathering in the road to celebrate . We of course were not invited ( not that we would have gone but it would have been so nice to be included. These people were all once our friends )
I know this is late in the thread but please reply to me . I am so down .

Please don't feel down. (So much easier to say than to do!). These so called friends turn out to really just be neighbours you were well acquainted with. Real friends would not behave as they have done, they would have reassured you that they understood where you were coming from, and stayed in touch by phone, not excluded you. Also the one who used the path at the exact time you'd politely requested they didn't use it was being actively aggressive by doing so, and by emailing others in the street about you was being just a plain, nasty, schoolkid bully. I get the impression from your post that you've lived a long time where you are: however would it be feasible for you to think about moving away to a different area now that the antagonism of your neighbours has arisen? If you don't want to move, I'd recommend when it's safe to do so, that you try to find some true friends by joining groups/volunteering. There's the University of the Third Age ( www.u3a.org.uk/ ) for example, you might find a new world opening up to you! Best Wishes, and stay safe.

Het hem. Integrity is doing the right thing when everyone is watching. And not agreeing with you.

AJKW

Yes one or two. My patience is wearing thin as its clear that the more contact there is the more the virus spreads. I am just avoiding people who want to take risks and pointing out that the rates wont stay low if everyone buries their heads in the sand. Most of the uk has high and increasing rates. Do what you feel is right.

Dooncaha. So sorry.

Thank you TenaciousB for starting this thread. It's good to read other people's experiences and know you're not the only one being ridiculed. You must go on doing the right thing whilst saying as little as possible.
I don't see the point in giving ourselves the bother of explaining or questioning other people's response to rules/guidance. It would only lead to arguments. I do feel that some relationships will never be the same again.

Teacheranne I wash packaging and also empty veg, fruit and fresh bread into new packaging. I don't actually wash food.

Grany56 I can only echo what Georgia said. I think you may find some of your neighbours are more understanding than next door has led you to believe, but its very sad to feel isolated.

Thanks for helpful comments re washing.

we have to do what we think is right,not what other people think.We'd all like to get back to normal,but we can't,so we have to be careful

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I'm in Tier 4 now but because of health issues, I've been classified as clinically extremely vulnerable (their words, not mine). I spent 6 months in lockdown from March to August - emerging a couple of days before my birthday. My partner and I (we don't live together) both got Covid about 4 weeks ago - where from, we have no idea. We're always very careful when we go into any supermarket and we'd only go out once a week to get the shopping. He was supposed to have a pacemaker fitted this coming Tuesday but he got a text today from the hospital saying he's still positive. He now has to isolate for 10 days, as do I because I saw him only a couple of days ago. A few months ago, I personally didn't know anyone with the virus; now I know at least a dozen people - some of whom are neighbours. And I also know one person who has sadly died. This message is to say keep following the rules - your friends are stupid and selfish and they should be ashamed of themselves for treating you with so little concern. Keep well and safe.

I think people like you are the reason why the no’s are low in your area.

No, Tenacious B, you are not stupid. You are the only sensible, intelligent, caring one.

We scaredy-cats, hiding away, are the heroes; saving our friends, the NHS and the world.

I have experienced a bit of it myself, being told to 'live my life'. But there's no great rush. I will go out socialising when this is all over.

Meanwhile I really am living my life. I am quite enjoying not having to keep tidy in case anyone calls, having a lie-in, not having to get dressed up for a night out. I can talk to my friends and family on the phone, or on Skype. I can see the grandchildren on Skype, which is normal for me as they live in Australia. I am doing classes on zoom, and spending time on my hobbies, crafts, reading and studying. I can go for walks and take photos. I have time to sort out all those drawers and cupboards etc.

The only thing I am missing is travel abroad.

You and I will still be here to live our lives. I just hope they are.

On a local Facebook page I said 'well it's your funeral' in response to posts that dismissed the virus. It caused a big backlash and I was told I was threatening people. I stand by my comment, everyone has the right to do as they want but personally I'm staying safe.

TenaciousB - these people are NOT friends. No matter what the situation, nor how worried you might be that they won't be there when this is all over, friends who try to make you feel stupid are not worth having. It's called gaslighting - making you feel your opinion is worthless. Of course if you live in the countryside and you can walk your dog at a social distance away from another friend doing the same thing, you might feel more comfortable and assess the risk differently but from what you say you're not in that situation so do what you know instinctively is right for you and don't be bullied - in fact it always pays to call bullies out and if you really do want to keep these people as friends then just say that you feel they're ganging up on you and you never expected that from them.

in my experience it is the elderly that is the problem - ignoring socil distance, facemasks around the chin and not on the face or mouth, sitting on bus seats which specificially state DO NOT USE etc etc. if the youngsters see such behaviour then it is easy to understand why they copy it. that is why your so called friends are ignoring the rules - the wrong age group!

GoldenAge

TenaciousB - these people are NOT friends. No matter what the situation, nor how worried you might be that they won't be there when this is all over, friends who try to make you feel stupid are not worth having. It's called gaslighting - making you feel your opinion is worthless. Of course if you live in the countryside and you can walk your dog at a social distance away from another friend doing the same thing, you might feel more comfortable and assess the risk differently but from what you say you're not in that situation so do what you know instinctively is right for you and don't be bullied - in fact it always pays to call bullies out and if you really do want to keep these people as friends then just say that you feel they're ganging up on you and you never expected that from them.

GoldenAge, your comment regarding ridiculing those who are cautious as being a form of gaslighting is very astute. In a sense, it is a bit like the drinkers in a pub who used to tell people who refused further drinks because they were driving that they should lighten up, one or two more won’t do any harm etc, as though they were just killjoys. Now we all understand the risks

I too live in a low area, and as far as I'm aware family and friends are sticking to the rules. There are loads of sensible people out there believe it or not!! You are right, stick to you guns, hopefully if we all do we'll be on the right road to reach an end to this awful time.

Most of our friends are being cautious and sticking to the rules but some (and some neighbours) are pushing the rules and making excuses for doing so.
I can't agree with those of you who are saying that we each need to do what is right for us. In a pandemic, it needs to be a collective responsibility to do what is right. We all know what is required - social distancing, staying home as much as possible and washing hands. We have seriously poor leadership in this country at the moment but there can be few people who don't know what they should be doing. It is people and their poor behaviour who are spreading the virus and costing lives.
I understand that it's difficult with friends. I refuse to support them by what I say to them though.

I live in a small and very supportive village. I think most people are sticking to the rules and certainly wouldn’t brag about it if they weren’t or accuse others of being cowards! It’s not about just protecting ourselves , it really is about trying to keep the pressure off our medical services. I wonder if all the people being so cavalier about the rules would be willing to sign waivers to say they won’t avail themselves of hospital beds if they should fall ill.........

Yes, one particular ‘friend’ seems to delight in sending me Whats App messages badgering me to go out and have fun! She has ignored all the rules since the very first lockdown last March. It amazes me how she has stayed well! She has always said she never catches a cold so there is no way she will catch Covid! She is eighty-three years old and thinks that at seventy-two I’m being stupid. I have not fallen out with her – but it has come close on more than one occasion.

TenaciousB

I live in an area where our Covid 19 cases are low but I’m still sticking to the rules so that it doesn’t change however my circle of friends think that the risk is overrated and that I’m being over the top by doing this ( and I’m talking about older people too!) it is really making me angry but I’m biting my tongue as I know one day this will be over and I don’t want to lose my friendships. It is getting very hard to do this though. Is anyone else in the same situation?

You are doing a brilliant job, we need more people like you and don't let anyone tell you any different.