90 year old unwilling to meet after self isolating

Thank you ladies, I appreciate your various opinions.
I have no wish to make my mother socialise - she was never comfortable in company and can be rude and difficult at the best of times.
May7 is has hit the nail on the head - she won't have an alarm, has no internet, no contact with anyone but me, and has been unpleasant to neighbours.
Because she has had many falls over the years, has very high BP, plus angina, my main concern is that she falls, has no means of getting help, and can't answer my calls.
I was hoping that, by getting her to at least meet me, she might adjust to being out and about a little.
I shall just have to wait - if there comes a time when I've phoned a few times to no answer, then the police will have to be contacted. It takes 5 hours to get there, so that seems like the best option.
Thanks anyway.

All the best missunderstood. Hope it all works out

All the best. I wish you and your mum good luck and happiness. ?

Same here

No-where does Missunderstood talking about forcing her mother to meet, or putting pressure.

No, she doesn't. But if I were her mum (in the situation last summer) I'd feel pressured by my loving relative phoning to say that she's not far away with the car and wants me to come out for a run.
Presumably Mum had already said that she didn't want to do anything of the sort but misunderstood thought she'd give it a go anyway.
There's no mention of suggesting a socially distanced garden visit, or even a wave from the window. Both of those are things that Mum might have been happy with, to pacify misunderstood. So it doesn't seem as if misunderstood is trying to see things from her Mum's point of view.

(Any of the 'cajoling' or subtle edging up the path, suggested by some posters, would have me backing into the house and slamming the door.)

Cross post with you misunderstood. All the best.

Thank you for the extra clarification missunderstood. I am racking my brain to think who you could contact to get help. It seems to me that, at the very least your mother could do with an alarm system but, at the end of the day, if she is still competent she will have the last say - in fact, she will anyway if a system is put in. She may not use it.

That said, I think you need help. You are shouldering quite a burden of anxiety for your mother. When we needed help for my mother - who because of dementia and a strong streak of independence thought she could still look after herself - I contacted the council. I know they are all pulled out at the moment but most councils have a team helping people who are having to isolate at home. You could explain what you do for your mum, but how far away you are and that she hasn't anyone close nearby who could just see if she is okay. They may be able to arrange something - even if it is just a volunteer knocking every so often it would be a start to her having some contact. If she tells them to go away they will understand and it should not stop them from repeating the attempt just to get a reply from her.

I don't know if this is possible in her area but I think it if you managed to make contact with someone in her council it would start the ball rolling. Thankfully my mother never sent me away and, although many things became my fault, that was her anxiety more than anything else. But she would be sharp with the carers and send them away if she saw fit. However, as they say, old age is not for wimps and these ladies are made of stern stuff that keeps them going whatever the odds are against them.

Take care. We often need help in order to help if you see what I mean.

My sympathy lies with the daughter in this case. Such a worry especially at such a great distance. It’s a very difficult situation. It’s not about forcing her mother to do anything she doesn’t want to do but about checking on her welfare. All the pressures and anxieties of the pandemic may have made her antisocial behaviour so much worse. Many people have been affected and it takes time to feel more confident again. In this case, given the mother’s age and isolated way of living it’s important to check up on her. If this means waving from the window it’s a start.
As for those who no longer wish to keep their house tidy for visitors or dress up .... where have your standards gone?